Kelso Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Hey there - I just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and hope you've all had wonderful time during the holidays. There are about 2,5 months since my ex and I broke up. Although I'd been with few girls before, this is the first one I really loved and cared for. However recently there were things in the relationship that I wasn't all that happy about. Kind of signs that she was on her way out. Things that I wasn't happy about was that we couldn't get really close. We weren't able to spend a lot of nights at her place, because her sister would get angry. She was probably jelous of her sister for having a BF. Another example is a music festival that took place in the city. She decided to go with one days notice, with her sister and didn't asked me if I wanted to go. I didn't wanna, but she didn't know and didn't bother to ask. You all know that stuff like that makes you really angry in a relationship. Anyway, I was getting tired of this constant competition of attention from her sister. I told my GF that we needed to talk and I told her all that stuff. We agreed to try to work on that, but two weeks later I went to her place and we ended the relationship. It was a mutual ending and no bad things were said. I felt devastated for the first week, and I decided to try to get her back and started the NC thing. I could resist the contact for a month, then I called her and we had a chat for a about 15 minutes. Then I went back into NC, but now I realised that I was fooling myself, and inside I didn't want her back. So the second NC was for me to heal. I was doing good until about 2 weeks ago. Then I started to think about her again and I decided to send her a Merry X-mas text message. Just being polite. I got a nice reply and since that she has been in my head. I keep thinking about if we'll ever be back together. I know that if I'd go back into that relationship (if it was only up to me), then I would just have to start the competition with her sister all over again. I probably would just be delaying my pain or something like that, and I much rather would just get her out of my system now. It just bothers me how much I think of a girl, when it probably was a good thing to end the relationship. I can feel that it is holding me back in contacting other girls. I've been seeing this girl for about 2-3 weeks now and she's really beautiful and nice girl. However, I can't think of her in that really romantic way because my ex takes all the space in my heart. An ex that I don't want back. Do you have any advices for me how I can get the girl I don't want back out of my system. I guess this is all because she was my first real love. But it's frustrating not to be able to feel any butterflies with this new girl - only because of an old flame that wasn't all that great
bubbalump Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 hey, well maybe you aren't getting the "butterflies" because the new girl doesn't really do it for you. And also 2.5 months isnt really that long to fall out of love. Sure shes beautiful and nice, but maybe the chemistry just isnt there. Have fun now , dont press it. Its great that your dating again, and having fun. Don't force it with the new woman, take it for what it is. Of course contact with the ex will bring up old feelings, but they will pass. Good luck.
Author Kelso Posted December 27, 2006 Author Posted December 27, 2006 I'm getting soooo tired of this... Went out for beers with the guys last night. Then I saw this girl wearing the exact same dress that my ex wore on a special date we had. What happened - yes, she popped into my head and I started thinking of her. It ruined my night out with the guys - I felt depressed and the guys could tell. When I went home, I ended up walking by the place she lives. Don't know why - was drunk. Nothing to see really - really glad that everythink was dark, probably would have said hello if I'd seen any lights...pheww... I went home, wrote a letter to myself that I was gonna read the day after, sober. It was all about her and how I should call her and meet with her. Today, I wanna call her, but of course I'm not gonna. Why am I having such a hard time getting over this stuff with a girl that I don't want to be with in the future. I'm young and I have a lot to explore. It just kills me to have to play this tape over and over in my mind and not being able to press STOP.
CaliGuy Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Kelso, you have to forgive her in order to let go. You have to remember that you should not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Why would you want to waste your time and energy on things you can not control? Letting go is hard but it starts with first loving and respecting yourself. You know that you deserve better. You know it. Someone better for you will come along. There are far too many people in this world for you to NOT meet someone better for you. We always want the ones who got away but frankly, if they can walk away from you like that they did not deserve your love. Nobody who appreciates your love and affection would leave you. Love and respect yourself first. Until you do you will not be able to love and respect others.
Author Kelso Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 It's so true that you've said Cali. I know it deep inside that I don't want this relationship, but still I think about her a lot. I guess that's called loneliness - and instead of seeing some new people I hang around thinking about the past, that won't repeat itself. Sometimes I just get so mad at me for starting thinking about her - it makes no sense thinking about something that you don't want back in this sad way However I'm just full of guilt right now. I sit at work, thinking about my ex, that I only went out with for 7 months, when my dad calls me and told me that my cousins mom passed away this morning. That's not all, because this same cousin of mine lost his daughter earlier this year. She was two years old and died in sleep - with no reason known. I'm so mad at myself right now for wandering around my office and thinking about my ex, that I dated for 7 months, and don't want back ... when I hear about this cousin of mine. He must be going through hell and back. So mad so mad
CaliGuy Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 It's so true that you've said Cali. I know it deep inside that I don't want this relationship, but still I think about her a lot. I guess that's called loneliness - and instead of seeing some new people I hang around thinking about the past, that won't repeat itself. Sometimes I just get so mad at me for starting thinking about her - it makes no sense thinking about something that you don't want back in this sad way However I'm just full of guilt right now. I sit at work, thinking about my ex, that I only went out with for 7 months, when my dad calls me and told me that my cousins mom passed away this morning. That's not all, because this same cousin of mine lost his daughter earlier this year. She was two years old and died in sleep - with no reason known. I'm so mad at myself right now for wandering around my office and thinking about my ex, that I dated for 7 months, and don't want back ... when I hear about this cousin of mine. He must be going through hell and back. So mad so mad Here's a trick I used to get my ex off my mind. Write down a list of all her NEGATIVE qualities. Keep the list handy and when you start to think of her "fondly", whip out the list and remind yourself why she isn't perfect. Have three things handy in your mind that you like to think about. I mean whatever your passions are. Whenever you start to think about the ex, switch quickly to thinking about them. I used to think about racing, playing golf, the NFL, some HOT chick I used to boink or whatever. It really helped get my mind off her. I went from not eating and being depressed to gaining 10lbs of muscle and being much happier in a short period of time. I went from thinking about her all the time to rarely thinking about it. It took some time and some self-discipline but you can do it if you really put your mind to it.
doublem316 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I think what we must never lose sight of is the fact that the healing process after a break up does not carry a time limit - everyone gets over people in their own way in their own time. Thinking about your ex is quite natural - me and my ex girlfriend of two years split up last year. In the summer, she met someone and I was devestated - but it gave me the shove i needed to realise that i was not truly happy in the relationship, especially towards the end. Six months on I still think about her pretty much every day, but i dont worry or get anrgy anymore - she was a big part of my life for so long and i think its natural to still think about her often. But I feel 100% better than I did six months ago - progress is progress, and it does get easier with time.
JCD Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I agree and also you might meet someone new that is much better suited for you. So there is hope. I think when we are alone we tend to dwell on our ex's so it would benefit us to be with friends and be around people.
Author Kelso Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 Hey there everyone - I'm feeling really bad today and I really need to went. I'm lying home in bed with the flu and I haven't done anything else whole day but lying here and surfed the net. Me being an ******* went and visitied my ex's and her friend's blog. It had some photos from the newyears and I saw they've been hanging out with a bang they were starting to meet when we were back together. I hated some guys in this band - and accused my ex of being seeing one of them while we were back together. I could just feel a knot tying up in my stomach to see them all back again. I don't know - but it is a kind of jelousy - because they get to hang out with her but I don't...and all of them are *******s. Then I went the usual MySpace check. Starting with my MySpace tracker. First thing I see that my ex has been checking out my MySpace. She does that once a week - which is about as often as I check hers (altohugh I know I shouldn't be doing that). Well ... next thing ... I checked hers only to find out that I'm still no. 2 on her MySpace although I haven't spoken to her for 2 months. She has rearranged most of the people there. She hasn't called me once since they day we broke up. I gave her few phonecalls the first week after we broke up. Then nothing for a month. And I sent her a text on Christmas Day wishing her a Merry Christmas and I did get a nice response. And now I'm lying in bed...2,5 months after breakup feeling like a car wreck ... Damn I want to call her... Damn I want to try harder... Damn I want to hold her and kiss her... But she said she thinks she doesn't love me anymore... And I definetly don't want and don't deserve a person who thinks she doesn't love me. Just venting
ae4e Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Whenever I start thinking about my ex I get SO depressed. It is about 3 months after the break-up, and I have my days when I am so happy and energetic and loving life...but then I take a nose dive into depression after seeing my ex again...I am forced to see her around at school, which hurts like hell. And on her myspace, yeah I check it...she had a picture of me on her pictures for the longest time....but then today she removed it, and I cannot explain how that ruined my day and killed my charisma and spirit. I don't want her back because she was so mean to me, changed so quickly, not in looks, but in her personality...it shocked me actually. And her new b/f is hideous, not only to me, but a few others I have talked too....I wonder why she left me for that? Why do girls go to someone uglier for? PLEASE HOW in the WORLD can I get over her? I need help bad?!
Author Kelso Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 I see what you mean with this "WHO!!" thing Cali I've tried it today ... everytime she pops into my mind....I just say WHO...and immediately concentrate on thinking about something else. At least when I do WHO ... I don't dwell at thoughts about her. I also use the technique to allow myself to think about her in the evenings. It's now evening where I live and I just sat down at my new school. Lot of hot girls around and I can't wait to get to know all this people That's when I logged into my MySpace checker. A visit from her yesterday and two times this day. Instead of making my heart take a spin ... I just try to laugh....obviously she misses something if she keeps checking the site. And that someone ... is not gonna call her
CaliGuy Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Kelso, Keep saying "WHO?!" and stop checking myspace. Checking myspace is pretty much the same as breaking contact. Doesn't matter if she is checking up on you. She isn't contacting you or begging for a second chance. Until that happens, if ever, nothing else matters. (All apologies to Metallica).
Author Kelso Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Well...I'm not checking her MySpace ... just my tracker. I must admit though...that I installed the checker in order to see if she visits...and now I know...she visits... So it's maybe a time to uninstall... But I will be whoing all day long tomorrow....That's for sure...Who-ing and concentrating on other taughts immediately will help... I should get back to the books
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