dgiirl Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 to me, teaching is leaving and then waiting for the outcome. If they make honest changes that last, then stay. If the pattern repeats ever again, it's over. You have to be very firm and make sure the other person knows you mean business. You might have to be thought of as "bitchy" or uptight. I've been thought of it often. But people know exactly what I'll put up with and wont put up with and they never do it again. If they do, they are out of my life. My exh was the first time I ever let someone chip away at my self esteem. And only because I didnt realize what was happening. I couldnt see it. I will be a lot less tolerant next time around.
nicki Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 It's that he didn't put any EFFORT into pleasing you. People in relationships need to put in the EFFORT. NO effort means he's lazy and doesn't care enough to try to keep you. I just broke up with my boyfriend for the same reason. He no longer made an effort....and that reminded me of my ex husband's abusive crap. I warned my boyfriend, tried to fix things by explaining what I needed from him. Then I waited. He didn't pick up the ball and run with it. He continued to act lazy and take me for granted. So I broke up with him. I simply no longer have the time to deal with someone who is not an equal partner. It hurts, but like everyone is saying, you really do deserve better. Maybe he was "better" at one time, but he isn't now. And "now" is what you have to deal with. I waited around for years for my exhusband to return to the great guy he was at the beginning. He never did, and I wasted valuable time. I'd hate to see you do that when you have so much to offer. Anyway, what effort does it take to pick out a heartfelt card and buy you a small, but meaningful gift? The fact that he didn't says volumes about his lack of character and caring.
nicki Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Sorry for the double post. Just wanted to add that the ex boyfriend bought me a very expensive piece of jewelry for xmas, AFTER we had broken up. It didn't even matter. It was too late. I no longer wanted to work on things. It seems it was always about when he felt things, not me. Do you feel that way, too, Typical? So, it's not the gift. It's feeling valued when you need to feel valued. It's someone wanting to please you, to show you that you mean something to them. It's about timing and about someone doing something simply because it makes YOU feel loved, even if the other person doesn't feel like doing it (but I think someone in love with you would feel like doing anything to make you happy!)
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