magicsrowdy Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 K, so I have never posted on one of these before, but I just broke up with my bf on christmas no less and everyone is busy with family, I feel so alone! A little about me, I am a nurse, got a head on my shoulders, outgoing, and friends with everyone. Met my bf 4 months ago and we hit it off right away. We have fun together, walking, talking, just being together. I have never been married, no kids, though was in a 2 year emotional abusive relationship 9 months ago and so tend to be sensitive and defensive. He on the other hand just got out of his 2nd marriage 9 months ago and has 3 kids. I love kids and his kids and I get along really well, in fact I was surprised how well they took to me, though I tend to get along with children well and want my own as well. As for why his relationships didnt work, he has grown up a lot from them and that is an entire other story, but neither were good, first left him for another man and the second, well its just bad. I love to talk and can go on and on. He is quiet and has a hard time sharing feelings. However, we had gotten to a point he was really opening up. He is fighting for custody of his kids (he is such a good dad!) and is way stressed right now. I have been there for him unconditonally however I just flunked a class I was taking and trying really hard in, my best friend moved away, and my bf who I had come to rely on for emotional support had to work out of town for 2 weeks. He as suppose to come home today, christmas and I worked a 12 hour shift but was so excited he would be home. When I got home there was no message and he leaves messages everymorning. Anyway when he finally called me I was grumpy, tired and feeling unloved he couldnt think to call me to just let me know he wasn't here yet. He told me he couldn't handle this right now cause of the stress of everything else and I poped off cause of everything there was no time for me and I as tired of being the one giving all the time, he said whatever he could never make me happy, which pissed me off and I said fine have a great life and hung up. Later he texted me and said he was sorry, he loved me, and he was sorry it ended but it was a good ride. I didnt have much to say back and so he asked if I had nothing to respond. I just said what could I say, I couldn't be the only one fighting for the relationship. It sucked, life was hard but I felt I had been there for him and continued to be so and the one day I asked him to be there for me he gave up. He didn't respond. Him and I have had this conversation before, he doesnt want to drag me in his mess so he bottles it up, I want him to share so I can be there for him. He is not trusting, his exs killed what he had. Anyway, he says he doesnt want it to be over, but he hates always disapointing me and he is afraid to be hurt again. I feel it is a cop out and get frustrated...only demanding more from him. I am so confused. I know he has to give if it is to work, and though I think we were meant for each other, I know I will survive if it doesn't work out. I just am so alone right now, he was my best friend and I cant talk to him about this and yet I want to with all my heart. Sometimes I feel talking about it all makes him feel like he has to do something which puts pressure on him and only makes things worse. Why are relationships so hard?!! I dont want it to be over, but I feel I have to stand my ground. Maybe it is foolish pride but if he can't put his stuff aside sometimes for me will it ever work? Another issue I wrestle with is I have to share him with his kids. I feel they should be first in his life, and they are. But the selfish part of me hates sharing and sometimes it is sooooo hard! When we are all together it is fine. But he travels a lot for work and his kids are in one town and I in another so instead of getting to see him every day off I have to share them with the kids which is hard. Though he does make a great effort of calling and chatting with me and if my schedule was more open I could go up there and we could all be together, which I do sometimes and it is absolutly wonderful! It just sucks having to work sometimes. Sorry to go on and on, I just miss him sooooo much. He was suppose to be here tonight!!!
D-Lish Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Well, you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting a fulfilling relationship. It's completely reasonable for you to want to be number one. Especially if you are putting your all into the relationship and don't feel like you are getting back what you are putting into it. The last two relationships I have taken a back seat to other priorities. With my ex husband, it was his job. His job took him on long contracts in different countries and we were apart for weeks at a time. With my most recent ex, I took a back seat to his obsession with motorcycles. I'm not talking about a healthy hobby...I'm talking about an all out obsession. Something I have learned from this is that I really want to be number one for a change. I really deserve to be with someone who knows how to balance their life in a way that makes me feel special and important. I'm telling you all this because I can understand where you are coming from- at least the part about not feeling like a priority. If you choose to remain with a guy involved a custody battle, and a complicated work schedule... you'll inevitably get pushed to the side for the most part. I don't envy your position- you love this person, and I'm sure he loves you too. I just want you to know that it's okay to want more for yourself. Unfortunately, that means having to make a choice. And it's not an easy choice. His situation isn't going to change anytime soon. So if you stay with him, you'll have to come to terms with the realization that you might have to compromise your needs often if you want to stay with him. Maybe it's a matter of both of you taking a little space from one another and revisiting your situation down the road a bit. maybe the timing is off right now. But you shouldn't have to continuously compromise your needs to the point where it makes you feel resentful. I hope things work out for you, D
Trialbyfire Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Stand your ground ladies. I would say the same no matter what gender you are. Relationships are give and take. If one person takes too much, they bleed you dry.
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