BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Well, we're on speaking terms again. I'm conflicted. Part of me feels relief because I was so tired of carrying around all that hate. The other part of me is afraid. I know he's afraid too. I can tell he's scared he will misstep and 'poof' I'll be gone again. When I wasn't speaking to him, he was on my mind constantly, and I was miserable because I had created an enemy in my life - and all the negative energy that went with it. So now I guess the question remains whether I can keep him as a small part of my life and enjoy the friendship without internalizing it and getting pissed off and behaving like a brat all over again. I guess we'll all just have to stay tuned...
bonehead Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Well, we're on speaking terms again. I'm conflicted. Part of me feels relief because I was so tired of carrying around all that hate. The other part of me is afraid. I know he's afraid too. I can tell he's scared he will misstep and 'poof' I'll be gone again. When I wasn't speaking to him, he was on my mind constantly, and I was miserable because I had created an enemy in my life - and all the negative energy that went with it. So now I guess the question remains whether I can keep him as a small part of my life and enjoy the friendship without internalizing it and getting pissed off and behaving like a brat all over again. I guess we'll all just have to stay tuned... BTDT, Just make your boundries well know to BOTH YOU AND HIM!
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Good luck... I know we maintained superficial, friendly, sporadic contact for more than a year. Yet as soon as we 'really' started talking, friendship was not enough. And now we know we can't try that again. And I will not allow the other to happen either - it just wasn't enough. Just my experience...
whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 If you can be "Just" friends with him and not care what he thinks or feels then yeah, try a friendship with him. It is what it is...But, I think you're still very much into him and you're setting yourself up for more heartache, confusion and pain.
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 If you can be "Just" friends with him and not care what he thinks or feels then yeah, try a friendship with him. being just friends is highly unlikely It is what it is...But, I think you're still very much into him and you're setting yourself up for more heartache, confusion and pain. agreed
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 It's all just so exhausting. He said he reached out to me because he knew I was hurting and he wanted to help me. Said that he's the kind of friend that will drop everything to help a friend. We started to go back and forth a little bit and he said "I know we have a lot to get through and we don't have to do it all right now." Actually, he first broke NC minutes before we got the email about my boss. He sent me a note saying he had small gifts for all the assistants, would I accept one, that he overheard me when I gave his cookies away. What is there to get through? He said he misses me and all my goofy stories and he misses being able to tell me what weird things his family has been up to. All the same stuff I miss too. Why should this be so difficult? Why can I not maintain the good part of our friendship and forget the other stuff?
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 ...But, I think you're still very much into him and you're setting yourself up for more heartache, confusion and pain. You got me there...that's what I'm afraid of too.
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 He said he reached out to me because he knew I was hurting and he wanted to help me. ha hah ah ha what a load of krap....in reality he wants to keep on hurting you
GreenEyedLady Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Good luck BTDT...you can always try it and if it doesn't work, then don't talk anymore...see how it goes, if you want...
burning 4 revenge Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Why should this be so difficult? Why can I not maintain the good part of our friendship and forget the other stuff? Because you can't be friends with people you're in love with
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Because you can't be friends with people you're in love with what do we do on "slippery slopes" B4R??? We slide downhill, don't we?
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 ha hah ah ha what a load of krap....in reality he wants to keep on hurting you I hope you're wrong. Why would anybody want to do that?
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 what do we do on "slippery slopes" B4R??? We slide downhill, don't we? Ugh. I know you're right. <banging my head on my desk...>
burning 4 revenge Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 what do we do on "slippery slopes" B4R??? We slide downhill, don't we? yes, we slide downhill and the fall becomes faster and faster and when we reach the bottom our heads crack open and blood goes everywhere...
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 yes, we slide downhill and the fall becomes faster and faster and when we reach the bottom our heads crack open and blood goes everywhere... yes, very much like a bizarre montey python sketch
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 yes, very much like a bizarre montey python sketch It's just a flesh wound... GEL...thanks. We'll see how long I last before I blow up again. Anybody want to place bets?
GreenEyedLady Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 My bets always on you BTDT...YOU'RE pretty formidable...
bonehead Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Set your boundries NOW. Set boundries for yourself. You have to KNOW that you will not take it to far.
whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 It's all just so exhausting. He said he reached out to me because he knew I was hurting and he wanted to help me. Said that he's the kind of friend that will drop everything to help a friend. We started to go back and forth a little bit and he said "I know we have a lot to get through and we don't have to do it all right now." He, unfortunately for you, has used this opportunity to become close to you again. He knows you're very upset about your boss's death and knows you "need" comforting. So, he's 'there' just waiting...Plus, he also knows he's caused you pain and boom! He's there trying to fix things, but the situation itself hasn't really changed....... What is there to get through? He said he misses me and all my goofy stories and he misses being able to tell me what weird things his family has been up to. All the same stuff I miss too. His ego being fed. That is what he misses. And ofcourse I'm sure he misses you and the friendship...But all it does is cause pain all around!! Real true friendships are not supposed to hurt or cause alot of drama. Why should this be so difficult? Why can I not maintain the good part of our friendship and forget the other stuff? Because it's just how life goes. Maybe in a year or two you can be friends with him, but if he continues to be in your life, and you stay emotionally attached to him you'll NEVER get over him and allow your heart to be given to another man. I hope that makes sense to you.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 My bets always on you BTDT...YOU'RE pretty formidable... Thanks sweetie...he has said many times that he's afraid of me. Damn well he should be!
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 He, unfortunately for you, has used this opportunity to become close to you again. He knows you're very upset about your boss's death and knows you "need" comforting. So, he's 'there' just waiting...Plus, he also knows he's caused you pain and boom! He's there trying to fix things, but the situation itself hasn't really changed....... His ego being fed. That is what he misses. And ofcourse I'm sure he misses you and the friendship...But all it does is cause pain all around!! Real true friendships are not supposed to hurt or cause alot of drama. Because it's just how life goes. Maybe in a year or two you can be friends with him, but if he continues to be in your life, and you stay emotionally attached to him you'll NEVER get over him and allow your heart to be given to another man. I hope that makes sense to you. It makes perfect sense...I know everything you've said is true. And I do very much want to keep my heart open and available for someone who deserves it!
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 ..he has said many times that he's afraid of me. ha ha ha this guy's smooth...he could probably teach me a few tricks
whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I hope you're wrong. Why would anybody want to do that? Ego, ego and more ego. He is only thinking of himself and what is best for himself. And that is why he'll hurt you because you let him have control and power over you and this situation. GO back to NC. NOW. Tell him thanks but no thanks. That you have lots of support and WOMEN friends you can turn to due to the death of your boss. You may not want to hear this, but he is completely taking advantage of the situation and making it turn into something that HE can benefit from.
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 It's just a flesh wound... GEL...thanks. We'll see how long I last before I blow up again. Anybody want to place bets? Just take care of you...with all that has happened in the past little while with your boss and the holidays, you need to take care of you. And maybe his support is what you need...and maybe you'll blow up again because that is what you'll need to do.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 Set your boundries NOW. Set boundries for yourself. You have to KNOW that you will not take it to far. Thanks. That shouldn't be too hard this time around. I know I can't assume anything, but if I'm that important to him, he's not going to do anything stupid and risk me disappearing altogether. My self-preservation instinct is stronger now than it used to be. So I got THAT going for me at least.
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