rosebud6712 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Hi everyone. Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!! It has been a while since I've been on. I've come to realize that the only thing that is helping me cope with my recent breakup is keeping myself very busy, and the holiday's are definitely doing that I've been trying very hard to push something out of my head, but i'm having trouble and it is because, I got a call from the ex, and honestly I don't know how to take it? Prior to this call, he wanted nothing to do with me, and I was the one persuing him, until I realized that I am not able to force him to be where he needs to be in order to hold a relationship with me (he is 8 years younger) I needed to be the adult so I've left him alone. The last time we held a conversation has been over a month ago, and that was him telling me to "not care" about him anymore. We have been broken up for 3 going on 4 months. Ok, so back to my "call". I was out with friends on saturday night. About 2:30am, I check my phone, and had a missed call, and it was his number, this was so surprising to me, due to prior circumstances. He left a v/m and it was about a minute and a half long......starting off saying, how he is sorry for everything that has happened between us, and he sees now how people have to hit rock bottom in order to start climbing back up (meaning himself) that's another long story in itself, but to make it short and simple, he made some bad decisions and put himself in a bad spot, so anyways he then mentions how he is thinking about last year, and how things were so good and how we had our apt. and xmas was wonderful, then he says, I miss you, 2x's and proceeds to tell me he hopes my holidays are good, and my family is well, and hangs up. Now, I haven't called him back, I've thought about it, but everytime I pick up the phone, I put it back down, something is saying it's the wrong thing to do, and that's my mind, but then my heart, well, my heart is messing with me right now. Do I call him back? For what? I don't believe I would get anything out of it, but then I ask myself......should I take the little bit of hope I have left and call? I'm silly for thinking that there is anything left, but I have to be honest, there is something that is still telling me that all it is is the wrong time, that he'll grow up and we can be happy again.....??? Am I thinking too much? I can't help but wonder.............. WHY did he call if he wanted nothing to do with me?????? Anyones input would be highly appreciated right now. Ahhhhhhhh I think I am going to pour myself a glass of wine.....
overseas2004 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Did you ever think that the fact that he called you at 2:30 am is a really bad sign? That it may have been a booty call. Take my advice. When they want to come back they make up. It doesnt matter if you dont call back. Oh and by the way, he told you what he wanted on the phone, so you dont need to agonize over it again and again. He was thinking of you and wanted to reminisce (not sure I spelled that right but you get the gist). Anyway, dont call back. He is bad news.
theplastickid Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 argh give him a call back you only live once
asnath Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 no................dont call back, i know it might be difficult to hold it, you can resist it, you are not going to allow yourself to jump like that, you appear to be more mature and you can calculate and weighy this one, he wants to talk let him call you...! BIG UP 4 NOT CALLING.
Bittersweet603 Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 No, don't call him! He sounds all too much like my recent ex (we've broken up many times and he would do the same thing, call after 3 or 4 months around a holiday cause he was lonely) Men ALWAYS will be sweet and loving when they want something, but that is not his true colors, it is just a facade to get what he wants at this moment. I hope you didn't call him, it sounds like he is just as messed up as my ex and they will do the calling bit and whatnot at early hours in the morning because that is the lonliest "thinking" time they have. Too bad, so sad for him..you broke up for a reason, don't let him weasel his way back and have more heartache.
gfto Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 You got drunk-dialed. Delete the voice mail, smile, and forget about it.
spring123 Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Rosebud, Haha we're in exactly the same situation and I live in NYC too maybe we should meet up to compare notes! My ex boyfriend is much younger than me, we were really happy together (unprecedent chemistry and compatibility intellectually, physically and emotionally). But he broke up with me, like 3 times in the past year, but would ALWAYS call me and get back together with me, and the his only reason for breakup was "he doesn't want a relationship", although he was very happy with me. He made me do a lot of relationship things with him, it was a happy, stable and inspiring time together, until he do this breakup thing. The last time, I finally told him please do not ever contact me again. When he did, I called him and told him not do that again. Anyway, I'm still so not over him. I think about him a lot, miss him so much, and miss his smiley face. I cry when I think of him (and I'm a mature and smart businesswoman!). I play his voicemail to listen to his voice . I want to pick up the phone to ask him to see a movie, how he's doing, but I am not doing any of that. Tried and tested, he's not ready for relationship, he's just going to break up with me again. And I deserve so much more. So please do not call you ex back. I agree that "you only live once". But if you guys already broke up so many times, chances are it's going to be the same this time around. If he really has grown up and wants to be with you for real, for the love, respect and committment you deserve, he'll have to show it. He has the phone, he'll call you again if he really meant what he said in his VM. Do not do anything on your end now. I was very understanding of my ex-bf and gave us chances again and again, but it just does not work. Now I'm so heartbroken, but still hopelessly miss him ( my anger to him only can last a week, tops. Haha!) , and I just can't be with any other guys although they want to be with me. Anyway, how young is your ex, if you don't mind me asking? If he's 27, 28, then there're chances that he might be capable of having a real loving relationship. Mine was too young
Author rosebud6712 Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 hi spring 123...thank you so much for responding, it's actully comforting to know that someone else is going through what i'm going through. to answer your question he is only 22 years old. very very young!!!! i have no choice but to move on, because at this time, he can't provide what i need nor what i deserve, and by the sounds of it, you are doing the same!! and you need to stay strong, even though it sux and it's very hard. everything happens for a reason right? well i took my own advice among others, and i DID NOT call him back. surprise surprise, he leaves a v/m message on christmas day at my job, got that message on tuesday, he's sweet as pie..etc..etc..but i'm so used to this repetitious behavior of his, that i still DID NOT call back, well...............apparently he was waiting for my call, cuz as of wed. afternoon, he leaves me another v/m at work, now i didn't get this until thursday morning,(yesterday)....he proceeds to tell me how much he hates me, and how much i have ruined his life, and he actually said he wanted to come find me and hurt me?????? now he's not a fighter in that sense, so i didn't make a big deal out of his v/m....he's immature and upset. but he told me to rot in hell, and this threating v/m was left at work. when i left work, i decided to call him, to make him aware, NEVER to call me again, and NEVER leave messages on my work phone.......he has caller id, i didn't block my number, guess what he did? he totally picked up the phone, and hung it right up on me...as if he was saying again..... f*#k you!!! i just laughed, and that's the end of it, NEVER again, will i call him, and after his disturbing v/m...i've realized that there isn't even hope for a friendship!!! i keep saying men suck, but i am cutting short all the good men that are really out there, instead i should be saying BOYS suck!!! haha it's been a rough breakup, but you know what? i'm content and know I deserve better, he's the one that has to live with himself, not me.
Author rosebud6712 Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 hi bittersweet....i didn't call him! and if you look at what i wrote spring 123, you'll see that my ex, was very upset about this. he told me to let him go and not care, so when i do so, that's what i get, nasty messages left on my work phone. just goes to show his age and immaturity! he once again proved me right.
spring123 Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 rosebud, I posted a reply to you a while ago but somehow it did not get published, maybe hit the wrong button or system problem. Anyway, how are things going on your end? I had a conversation w my ex a few days ago - apparently while I was still mourning for our lost "love" - i thought it was love - my ex already moved on. Hmm, that really did it for me. Now I'm so over him, it's magic. And first time in my life, i have the desire to look for a relationship that may lead to a family. This, sort of also changed a little how I filter the potential mates. That's my new year resolution! I used to be so career-focused, and like thrill and excitement of love. Now it's like "been there done that", I'm ready to find a home for my heart. How about you? Spring
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