ever hopeful Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 SBT, i am in the same situation as you. It doesn't get any easier. Every day you fall more and more in love with him. I can't walk away from him either. I start to gain a little strength, find a little courage somewhere, and then he does something that makes me swoon and i'm back to square one. I have more hope now than i originally did, as he is starting to do things out of character. He's pushing her farther and farther away, and drawing me in closer than ever before. But this is my situation, and i'm still not sure where it's going to end up. I know how hard it is to walk away. By 4 months, we had already said our "i love you's". I don't know what to say exactly, as i know how difficult this is. Take care of yourself, and guard your heart as much as possible. still here - your situation is much like mine. Knew my MM for a few years socially before it turned into something more. Been more than a year now and just gets stronger. I left my H few months ago, not for MM but because it was the right thing to do. But I would never ask him to leave as that has to be his choice although he knows I am here for him. I just cannot walk away although sometimes i feel I should. I have no idea where it will end but nothing in life is guaranteed and at the moment he fulfills my life in so many ways and makes me so happy, most of the time. If that changes then I may have to try to walk away but for now I just enjoy us being such a big part of each others lives.
sadbuttrue Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 thank you sh, i can not be the one to walk away either. i am afraid now because people are starting to talk and i think he is becoming worried that his W will find out. when it comes down to it, he is going to let me go and choose her as he has already made it clear that he is not going to willingly leave her. this is devastating to me, and i feel so selfish and know she will be hurt too, but why should i feel like my feelings are less important? i guess it is the OW persona to always feel second best
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 but why should i feel like my feelings are less important? Because unfortunately he said vows to his wife infront of family and friends. He's married ... Obviously not 100% committed to his marriage, but he's still married. If you know the outcome, you know he's going to pick his wife over you, and end it - Consider being the strong one and end it first. I think deep inside you're alot stronger than you think... i guess it is the OW persona to always feel second best It's a role OW/OM have to accept if they choose to have an affair with a married person. To come second.
Buttaflyy Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Dear OP, If your feelings ARE important, then protect them. Get out now while you can spare yourself alot more pain that is to come for sure. You are only responsible for you and your part in this as of now. Take control of the situation and take control of your own actions. Don't let him dictate how you will be treated. Don't put yourself on the back burner for anyone. If you can not be in an open relationship with anyone, then it's not a relationship worth starting (continuing). You're stepping into this with zero expectations of gaining anything from it so I ask you, what's the point in continuing?
sadbuttrue Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 i know now wwiu what the OW persona is, but i didnt really understand it in the beginning, this is my first time--oh and definitely last-- to feel this way.
frannie Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 thank you sh, i can not be the one to walk away either. i am afraid now because people are starting to talk and i think he is becoming worried that his W will find out. when it comes down to it, he is going to let me go and choose her as he has already made it clear that he is not going to willingly leave her. this is devastating to me, and i feel so selfish and know she will be hurt too, but why should i feel like my feelings are less important? i guess it is the OW persona to always feel second best Well you're feelings aren't less important than anyone elses, and you need to make choices that reflect that fact. You can get yourself out of this situation now if you want to. If you choose not to, then you're not doing yourself any justice at all. Why is that..? I don't know, maybe you need to look into that as part of moving on and healing from this? It isn't necessarily part of the OW persona to always feel second best. Despite what we're always being told, being involved with a married person doesn't make you any more likely to be one type of person over another.
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