Guest Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I hope you will take the time to help me out here, I need advice to stop my suffering. Broke up with my b/f of 2 years 15 days ago, due to arguments and disagreements, we were fighting like every 4 to 5 days, I was totally depress because of the type of relationship I was having, well I told him that is was time to breakup because I could no longer live like this, he was very upset and said ok. The very next day, came back and beg to go back that he would make every effort to change and things would be different this time, I said no to him because this is our 3rd breakup, and 6 months ago he said the same thing, and in about 3 months into the relationship we were back on the same old boat, now he has ask me back every single day by calling me and showing up at my door, he finally stop doing this about 5 days ago when I told him the decision is made. He said he feels bad and will not date anyone for a long time and was very upset. Today I found he is listed on a dating web site, and is open to meet new people, I know is him because his email is listed with all his discriptions. I know is no longer my business, but the questions is, Is it normal for someone to move on that quickly? it makes me wonder what kind of person did I really have? Thanks in advance
mav100 Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 My .02 cents may sound harsh, so I apologize beforehand. However, I feel I must be honest. You broke up with him, correct? If you do not want to be in the relationship anymore, then you should not be concerned about what he is doing. You should be concerned about yourself, and healing yourself if you are sure you made the right decision. He's attempting to move on. That's what people do after a break up. He isn't doing anything that is strange or out of the ordinary. If it hurts you that he is attempting to move on, perhaps you made a hasty decision. I'd spend some time thinking about that - if it was hasty, perhaps you should look at your relationship as a whole and see if the good outweighed the bad. Remember, all couples argue and/or fight with each other. That is just part of being in a relationship. No one gets along 100% of the time. Don't worry about him - worry about you and what YOU want. If it continues to lead you away from him, looking back or keeping tabs on him will only keep you from achieving your goal of moving on. If you find you want him back and that things weren't that bad, then call him and tell him. However, only you can answer those questions, and those answers will most likely take some time.
theplastickid Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 It is clear you made the wrong decision here. Showing up at your door every day!! Take him back, allow him the chance to change.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 He is attempting to move on by filling the emptiness of losing you. You can't blame him for this, it's typical human behaviour. I do however think it's not good for anyone to jump right back into another relationship, it is an attempt to overshadow issues with self. It does not mean he loves you any less, he is not going to wait around for you to keep changing your mind. Cheers!
theplastickid Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Take him back if you feel its right to because if you dont you will loose him for good. Maybe even to someone else!
stanchain Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Ok so you broke up with him and you are mad he is moving on? That confuses me... I mean.. if you dont want him what is the harm in him looking for happiness. Now I will tell you from my own experiences (me and my ex of 2 1/2 years broke up a month ago) he is not over you. but he is in pain and looking for a way to deal with it. At least he gave you 10 days... within a week my ex ways dating. But really all I can tell you is that you cant have your cake and eat it too. If you do not want him.. then he has the right to move on
Guest Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 My .02 cents may sound harsh, so I apologize beforehand. However, I feel I must be honest. You broke up with him, correct? If you do not want to be in the relationship anymore, then you should not be concerned about what he is doing. You should be concerned about yourself, and healing yourself if you are sure you made the right decision. He's attempting to move on. That's what people do after a break up. He isn't doing anything that is strange or out of the ordinary. If it hurts you that he is attempting to move on, perhaps you made a hasty decision. I'd spend some time thinking about that - if it was hasty, perhaps you should look at your relationship as a whole and see if the good outweighed the bad. Remember, all couples argue and/or fight with each other. That is just part of being in a relationship. No one gets along 100% of the time. Don't worry about him - worry about you and what YOU want. If it continues to lead you away from him, looking back or keeping tabs on him will only keep you from achieving your goal of moving on. If you find you want him back and that things weren't that bad, then call him and tell him. However, only you can answer those questions, and those answers will most likely take some time. Thank you very much for taking the time to answer, you are right, I need to worry about myself, I have to admit I do love him, and I would love to go back, but I feel he is like a drug, you need it but it harms you, when I think of all the bad times, and his short temper, makes me wonder if I could live this way, my life was very depressing with him because of the obsessive jealousy he has, I was not allow to go to the gym, because of jealousy, and I was very nervous to go out clubing with him because I knew there was always fights, if someone looked at me, or he always said I looked at guys, and it was not true, he acted as if he knew me more than I knew my self. So his jealousy was the main reason for all the fights, and after every fight he would come back with apologies, and we would continue this cycle every week.
mav100 Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Then it sounds like he is a pretty toxic guy for you. Let him move on - do whatever it is he feels he has to. Pay no attention to what he is doing. It will only hurt you more. With your relationship being like that, and his attitude being the way that it was, it sounds like you made the right decision in breaking it off. No one deserves to be treated like that. You will be much better off without him, and sooner or later someone will come along that will show you the respect that you deserve. There are a few things that should never be done during a relationship. Controlling someone or running their life for them would be one of them. A relationship is supposed to be about mutual respect and understanding, as well as trust. It sounds like he showed none of those qualities to you, and in my opinion, isn't worth your time. Spend some time healing, spend some time by yourself to get over him. Once you have healed properly, get back out there on the dating scene again and find yourself a man that will show you the respect, understanding and trust that you deserve. Stay strong.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I know is no longer my business, but the questions is, Is it normal for someone to move on that quickly? it makes me wonder what kind of person did I really have? Ok, I do not agree with the above posters. Yes, he wants to move on, but what kind of men would want to jump into another relationship so soon - after declaring his undying love for you??? You are right to question his motives - and character! My take is, a person who throws themselves into a rebound relationship is a coward - they cannot be alone, they cannot live alone, they cannot think by themselves. They are needy and insecure. You are right to have dumped him.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 but I feel he is like a drug, you need it but it harms you, when I think of all the bad times, and his short temper, makes me wonder if I could live this way, my life was very depressing with him because of the obsessive jealousy he has Dear Guest, Please do not look back - Just go! He is not going to change and he will only cause more heartaches in the future. This is one bug you can let go!
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Ok so you broke up with him and you are mad he is moving on? That confuses me... I mean.. if you dont want him what is the harm in him looking for happiness. Now I will tell you from my own experiences (me and my ex of 2 1/2 years broke up a month ago) he is not over you. but he is in pain and looking for a way to deal with it. At least he gave you 10 days... within a week my ex ways dating. But really all I can tell you is that you cant have your cake and eat it too. If you do not want him.. then he has the right to move on Thanks to all, one more note, I know it sounds selfish on my side, but the web site he listed on is a sex site, not really a date site, the reason I looked there is because he told me about it, and I was upset about him looking in there, but I did get over it at that time because he was only curious. So he is looking for sex not a relationship, so that is what has bother me, and makes me wonder who he really is?
theplastickid Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Do not contact him for a couple of weeks and trust me! He will change! Have faith in the man you love, even if he dosn't you are still a good person for turning the other cheek.
phat_mike Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Do you feel used and easily replaced? I do, same kind of thing happened to me but it turns out my ex was moving on while we were together - she was cheating.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Today I found he is listed on a dating web site, and is open to meet new people, I know is him because his email is listed with all his discriptions. Just curious, but how did you see his profile unless you were looking at a dating web site ? Mr. Lucky
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Do you feel used and easily replaced? I do, same kind of thing happened to me but it turns out my ex was moving on while we were together - she was cheating. my 2 cents - the best way to find out what you both want and to avoid endless days of worry and wondering is to simply talk with each other - be honest, put everything on table - remember the past is just that - the past, and it would never be something that blocks you from a future. personally, there is nothing from a past that would stop me from making a decision about my future. when u think about it, if one allows something from our past, to determine our future, then u are living in the past. what matters is the NOW, honest communication and what both have or are doing to correct the hurt and mistakes from the past. i am doing that right now - we have both told each other what we need to move forward and that's the proof right there - if both do that, then the future is full of promise. remember, love is a prize. when u kiss each others worried eyes, and let the pain be released, and let the other inside so your beauty [to you first] is not hard earned, then i don't have to tell u what will happen - smiles.
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Ok, I do not agree with the above posters. Yes, he wants to move on, but what kind of men would want to jump into another relationship so soon - after declaring his undying love for you??? You are right to question his motives - and character! My take is, a person who throws themselves into a rebound relationship is a coward - they cannot be alone, they cannot live alone, they cannot think by themselves. They are needy and insecure. You are right to have dumped him. Thanks To ALL, I think it is time for me move on, it is a toxic relationship, and it is not first time we break up, so it is clear, the web site he is listed on is a sex web site that he looked at before when we were together, I was upset at the time because he looked at it using my computer, but I did get over it then. That is my main reason for being upset now, how can you go on and look for sex or a relationship after declaring he was madly in love with me. For what ever reasons, I don't know, I will take your advice and move on, I want to thank everyone of you for helping me, I wish you all the best in life and good karma to you.
Touche Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 He's moving on and I think that's a GOOD thing. You're done with him so why do you even care? I was with my ex-husband on and off for nine years total. But when it was finally over it was over. I met my (now) husband THREE days after I left the ex. I see nothing wrong with it at all. He's to be ADMIRED for accepting YOUR decision and moving on. Maybe now he'll stop bugging you....or maybe that's not what you really want?
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