Inca Posted July 27, 2002 Posted July 27, 2002 My ex boyfriend who I was with for over a year, won't stop calling me at work. In fact, he's trying to get a job AT my work, but I don't think they'll hire him because they know of our relationship and that it ended. He doesn't call a lot, but when he does, it just messes my day up. I've moved on and am in a good relationship, but he keeps trying to be friends. And when he's drunk, I'll get messages from him about how he still loves me, and I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, blah blah blah. It just makes me think about him more, and it hurts, and I'm afraid I'll get feelings for him again, but the only thing that is keeping me from him, is the memories of all the bad that was in our relationship. Then I look at how wonderful my current relationship is, and I'm thankful I'm out. I just don't know what to do, because I still love and care for my ex, but I can't be with him because he was so bad for me. Is this normal for me to still love and care for him so much?
Tony T Posted July 27, 2002 Posted July 27, 2002 You need to get over your ex. The fact that he keeps calling you indicates a high level of insanity on his part. Men who are sane and considerate and respectful of others don't harass ex girlfriends, particularly at work. Tell fellow employees and the switchboard operator or receptionist at your workplace not to put calls from him through to you. If possible, have your company's management send him a letter notifying him that his calls for you are not permitted and warning that if he continues he will be reported to legal authorities. You don't need a guy in your life who is insane. You also don't need a guy in your life who keeps describing his ex and keeps allowing you to make major physical modifications to your appearance so you'll remind him of her. That stinks so bad. (See my answer to your other post)
Bill Posted July 27, 2002 Posted July 27, 2002 Tell him to go away! If he didn't treat you right, then he needs to be shown the door. You need to make it clear to him that nothing will ever come of his rantings. Also, remember, you can't see the bad in a relationship until you are no longer with the person. Don't fall back for this guy and lose what you have now. ... But, now I'm thinking about your other post about the guy you have now. This isn't good both ways you look at it. One accepts you for who you are, but has treated you bad in the past. One does not accept you for who you are, but treats you well.
velvet Posted July 28, 2002 Posted July 28, 2002 Have you told him to stop calling? If you haven't said anything to him of that nature he may believe that its OK for him to call and do those things. You need to be firm with him. Let him realize that he pushed you to move on to a better man. That there is nothing he can do to make things right with you and to learn from his mistakes. If that does not work, than you have to get very blunt and tell he is psycho. If that doesn't make him turn around and go than call the proper authorities
Author Inca Posted July 28, 2002 Author Posted July 28, 2002 I've told him that talking to him makes things harder. He also knows that I have someone else. And he told me that he doesn't understand why I'm different, that he's friends with all of his other ex's. It's just harder because I think about how much I cared for him before and it just makes me sad. And the bad part is, I have a direct line whose number can't be changed, and we don't have caller ID, so I never know who is calling. I could tell him to stop, but it might make it worse, he might try to COME to my work to force me to talk to him. He is kinda psycho, every time I tried to break up with him in the past, he wouldn't let me, and I know that may not make sense, but I mean, really, I couldn't. I've actually moved from where I was when we dated, and I hide my car so he won't find me. And I've asked the receptionist and the people at work to not let him get through to me if he calls or stops by. He just says he can't not have me in his life because I was the best thing that ever happened to him. But, that sounds like a personal problem to me, it's not my problem.
velvet Posted July 29, 2002 Posted July 29, 2002 Tell him thats his own personal problem and you cannot do anything about it. You don't want him in your life. Period. Stop letting him do this to you. You are just as much at fault as him because your not calling the shots. Your letting him walk all over you and control you. If this is out of your hands like it looks to me. You cant do anything but contact help. Call his family, call his boss, call the police and fill out reports about his harassing behavior. If you cant get through to him verbally you have to take action. He may become dangerous to you the more you let him play his games. He is not thinking about you. He is an fantasy world that he believes is reality. He thinks he can have you after its over. Its clearly over, please take care of this for his and your own sake. You don't want to be in danger, you don't want him to loose touch of reality for to long.
Kat Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 Simple, He rings and says "Hello..." hang up! Don't let him get any further, do not say "stop calling me" that just allows him a come back. JUST HANG UP! Don't let him back in, no matter on what level. You say it yourself, you have a great partner now, and you have the bad memories. Why are you still bothering?? Sounds to me as if you want this guy back. No offense but you left for a reaosn, remember that everytime he calls, and you start to feel for him again. Don't give him any reason to call you. Don't say "It is hard for me to talk to you.." it just makes him play on sympathy. Cold turkey. He turns up ask him to leave, I am sure your work mates will stand up for you and if not call the police. Don't be afraid of hurting this guy. Let him be, cut the ties and move on and let him do the same thing. I speak from experience!
CityGyrl Posted December 10, 2002 Posted December 10, 2002 This guy is definitely a nut case. Like the others have said, you have to be firm in your convictions. Don't go around the mulberry bush explaining to him why it's not a good idea to call you. He should know why by now or else he wouldn't be calling. Plain and simple, he screwed up. Don't allow him to play on your emotions or make you feel guilty for leaving him. That's his problem, not yours. He calls, you let Mr. Click do the answering. He comes by your job, you have your co-workers have him escorted off the property or have them call the police. Do not confront him by yourself or think that you can talk to him sanely. The more you talk with him than the more he feels that there is some type of hope. Keep it short and brief. Or if he continues to show up at your home, you call the police. If the situation gets too serious, than you get a restraining order. Desperate people do desperate things. And you can not take this situation lightly because it's no telling what this man might do in an act of desperation. He might reason that if he can't have you than no one will. How many stories have we heard of just that scenario? Be careful
kat316 Posted January 4, 2003 Posted January 4, 2003 I like to reply to your post because I am sort of on the other end. The one that has called and the one that has been called psyco. You obviously have to be careful with a person like that like the other posts suggests since you never know what another peron is capable of doing, but I can tell you why I was calling, trying and getting rejected in return. I think I simply needed (and still do) to understand what happened and why it did. I like to know what I did wrong as well as not taking the total blame myself. It always takes two to tangle. When the ex on the other end of the phone does everything in their power not to make this process possible by just ignoring you, it provokes all sorts of feelings inside, like anger of being rejected, and "can go over board". Therefor you got to be careful. I can however relate to the psyco because everyone needs to be validated, heard and understood. The misconception of this might be that the psyco want to get back together again, if you resolve your issues, in theory that should be possible, but if you already moved on and are happy in your new situation then that would not be a possibility. However you could also learn something about yourself, what did you do to end up in a situation like this? Mixed signals, seeing someone for a reason or your own capabilities of loving another person in the right way. Kat
kat316 Posted January 4, 2003 Posted January 4, 2003 byt the way..it is easy to say someone is a nutcase... he might need help to come to terms with himself, but he has reasons too as well as everyone else. kat
Tracy1970 Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 what about your boyfriends ex calling all the time and he says that she's just a friend, she calls and leaves messages on his cell she never calls the house only his cell so she can leave her stupid little messages there, so I cant hear I just have a feeling he's still in love with her but he tells me all the time that he loves me and I really do love him how can I stop her from calling him all the time, she's knows that were together, I wish I knew her last name so I could send her a little e-mail or give her a call, but I guess that would be childish on my part...does anyone have any advice for me? I'm just really hurt. my boyfriend don't think I should be mad about her calling, But I'm sure if I had ex boyfriend calling me he would be hurt as well and wondering WTF..am I right? It's like I got all these mixed up emotions going through my mind... but more so I am very hurt because you just don't pick up a phone and call your ex, it just dont make any sense to me.. Any Advice?
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