FrozenSmile Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 My name is Tyson, Excuse the poor grammar, I'm writing in thought. I'm a 22 year old guy from canada and i'm here because i feel i need to share my story. I have always been the type of guy who craved a serious relationship. Even in highschool i was not interested in quantity but more so quality, in the relationships i got into. This obviously was before its time and caused me much heartache as the girls i was dating all wanted to "Party". I hold no grudge in fact i acknowledge and respect ones desire to take the path in life where there are less leashes. Ones journey may vary. and all that jazz. I like to go out and have a good time at pubs, But the need to aquire many meaningless connections with random girls never struck me as appealing. Therefore i remained cautious in the partners i chose and connections i made. This however was a precaution that fell short. You see i can't read minds, So nasty breakups and cold realities hit me like a ton of bricks. So you have alittle backstory and it will only further complicate my present situation that has my heart in my throat. I met this wonderful girl about 8 months ago. She was dating a friend of mine and It was a blessing in disguise. You see I was able to sit and talk with this girl about everything. I wasn't trying to read her mind and size her up like i did the other girls. My microscope was put away and i was using my eyes. She broke up with my friend a few months later and me and jessica became closer. I fell in love with her. Jessica and i have been seeing each other for only 5 months but the 5 months have seemed like eternity. All the time i had spent the last years in pain have been banked in my favor. The world has halted. Sadly, The beautiful scene jessica and my love had created has developed a unsuspected and unforgiving storm. Jessica sat down with me last night and told me she had Lupus. I know what lupus is, I understand it's course, i know it very well. My aunt had lupus and passed away from a Liver infection not too long ago. She was diagnosed with lupus only 3 years before that. She was 34. I am so scared. I understand Lupus varies greatly from person to person and it's not rare in these times to live a long happy life. But in my eyes it's a ticking timebomb that is too close for any comfort. I am more angry than anything right now to be completely honest. I have never done any wrong to anybody. Those who know me would say i'm too humble for my own good. I come from a wealthy family, I have had chances to take the easy way out but I never did. I went to school, had two part time jobs, and a full time summer job to pay for school and i'm still making student loan payments to this day! I have Always felt the need to earn my way. Nothing has ever been given to me. I have sacrificed and i have paid more than the fair price for the life i have today. What right does anybody have to say i don't deserve this girl in my life forever. none. It really takes all the faith out of every single thing when something that is so cruel and unwarranted happens. My tone and words do not in any way imply that in any circumstance anybody deserves bad things to happen to them. Just at this point, that is my thought process. I'm not completely myself. I stood in the doorway of our bedroom and watched her sleep this morning. I feel it's my fault she has lupus because sometimes i feel i don't deserve her. Nothing matters today, I dropped her off at her parents and made an excuse to come back alittle later. I Couldn't stop crying and ended up punching my windshield so hard it's cracked. It felt good to have something break other than my heart. If i lose jessica, The stock market of my life will crash. Worthless treasures will be all i see. I needed to get this out there, I don't expect anything from you people. I don't expect a cure. Sometimes, It's just good to know someone knows your story. I love jessica and I will find a cure for lupus.
shiver Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 hi i just wrote you a long reply but my laptop blacked out and i lost everything. But the gist of the story is for you to stop seeing her as dead already, it is not for you to predict the future. God has allowed for love to enter both your lives, love her which you seem to be doing very well so far. Thank God that its you that has been chosen to help her through this and ask for strength coz you're only human. She loves you and will pick up on your pain and hurt because she will blame herself for your melancholy, that will compromise her health more. Happiness, love and laughter make good healing balms for both of you. Love her....remember she's alive...just love her. Life is in general too short to be sad all the time, u wasting hapinesses time. God bless, ill be praying for the both of you. Shiver
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 merry christmas everyone, i was reading his post and i thought i would add my 2 cents - it sounds like u both have a wonderful connection and love for each other and even though u have expressed how much u love this person, by letting any negativity or melancholy, enter the situation u are unknowingly having that over-ride everything else. sure, we all go thru ups and downs, but u have the choice of where and when to have that released - and in this relationship is not the place - take it out when u go to the gym. what u want to give and show her is unconditional love and proof that her illness has no impact on your future together - so, love her to bits and pieces and reassure her that you are strong enuff to be her man. best wishes
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