Tormented Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Well guys...it's Christmas today. And I know that for many of us here, it's a bitter-sweet holiday. On one hand, we're enjoying the company of family and friends, and on the other we are missing our exes and wondering if they are missing us as well. My family flew up to be with my son and I for Christmas and I am so grateful for the comfort of their love. And I have come to realize that I have spent FAR too much time wallowing in sorrow and self-pity over the breakup with my ex. I am quite blessed that I have family and friends who love me, as I'm certain many of you do, and acknowledge that things could be worse. I COULD be alone with nobody to care about me - there are many unfortunate souls in the world where this is the case. So, while I've been focusing on the loss of a man I *thought* was my life mate, I have completely ignored all the positives in my life. I have a good job to afford me a decent living. I have my health to allow me the freedom to live as I wish. I reside in the beauty of the mountains, surrounded by breath-taking scenery. I have a beautiful son and loving family to enrich my life. And little by little, the pain of my breakup lessens and eventually, will be gone forever. I will always remember him, the times we shared...both the good and the bad...but the difference is, I will be able to recall these moments MINUS the pain. And then - I will be free to love again. Love hurts, but love also heals. And it will find its way to us all again. Merry Christmas to my "loveshack" family. ~T~
Rooster_DAR Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Well guys...it's Christmas today. And I know that for many of us here, it's a bitter-sweet holiday. On one hand, we're enjoying the company of family and friends, and on the other we are missing our exes and wondering if they are missing us as well. My family flew up to be with my son and I for Christmas and I am so grateful for the comfort of their love. And I have come to realize that I have spent FAR too much time wallowing in sorrow and self-pity over the breakup with my ex. I am quite blessed that I have family and friends who love me, as I'm certain many of you do, and acknowledge that things could be worse. I COULD be alone with nobody to care about me - there are many unfortunate souls in the world where this is the case. So, while I've been focusing on the loss of a man I *thought* was my life mate, I have completely ignored all the positives in my life. I have a good job to afford me a decent living. I have my health to allow me the freedom to live as I wish. I reside in the beauty of the mountains, surrounded by breath-taking scenery. I have a beautiful son and loving family to enrich my life. And little by little, the pain of my breakup lessens and eventually, will be gone forever. I will always remember him, the times we shared...both the good and the bad...but the difference is, I will be able to recall these moments MINUS the pain. And then - I will be free to love again. Love hurts, but love also heals. And it will find its way to us all again. Merry Christmas to my "loveshack" family. ~T~ Nice! Sounds like you are in a good postion for a prosperous future. I sat these holidays out with the goal of being alone on purpose. I want to be secure enough in myself that I don't feel a constant need to have someon around, sort of a self soul therapy. Anyway, I am looking forward to a new year, and it will be a time to let go of the pain and move on to new adventures. BTW...What state do you live in? You mentioned mountains and scenery.
Author Tormented Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 Nice! Sounds like you are in a good postion for a prosperous future. Yeah, but it took me quite awhile to get to this point. Such a stubborn heart I have! I sat these holidays out with the goal of being alone on purpose. I want to be secure enough in myself that I don't feel a constant need to have someon around, sort of a self soul therapy. Very wise choice, Rooster. They say we must first love ourselves, be content with ourselves before we can offer true love to others. And I fully believe that. Anyway, I am looking forward to a new year, and it will be a time to let go of the pain and move on to new adventures. Amen to that, Rooster! I'm right there with ya. I don't know...guess after 4 months of moping around in self-pity I've grown tired of it. So tired of feeling sad, depressed, angry, and bitter. Enough! Life is NOT over and it's time I start living it again. Starting with smiling back at men who smile at me instead of looking away. Like you said...time for new adventures! BTW...What state do you live in? You mentioned mountains and scenery. I live in Northern California, in the high Sierra's. It's absolutely gorgeous up here. I love being in nature...love hiking and white water rafting in the Feather River. I love the wild critters that live here. I even had a bear who wondered up to our house and decided to hang out for awhile. He sat next to me on our deck and would sometimes follow me while I was outside doing chores. My family and friends thought I was nuts for allowing this bear to hang around! lol... I hope you find a sense of joy and peace this Christmas day, Rooster...even if you did choose to spend it alone. But you know what? I bet it will be the last one you'll ever spend alone again! Cheers, my friend.... ~T~
uksteve Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 It's been a really nice day with friends and family and I'm having a short break before heading out again to see more people! I went out last night a little late with a few friends but luckily my sleepyness did not spoil the day. I was thinking of my very recent ex as we had planned up until we broke up on Friday to spend Xmas together, but it's starting to sink in now and I'm moving on. Going out with friends the past few nights has also helped! NC seems to help a lot! And I definately dont miss the troublesome inlaws!!
mav100 Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Glad to hear everyone is holding up pretty well all in all. I'm trying to hold myself together as well. Almost 3 weeks of N/C, and I don't intend to break it today. I do have the urge to call or text to say Merry Christmas, but I'm fighting it with everything I have. Happy Holidays to you all.
Author Tormented Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 That's the spirit, Steve! I'm glad you had a good time last night, and it sounds like you're having a good day. Keep it up and you'll be over your heartache before you know it. She'll be but a faint dream while you spend time with a new love. One that WON'T break your heart! I heard a saying not long ago that rings true.... "The man/woman worth crying over is the one who WON'T make you cry." So true! Cheers... ~T~
Rooster_DAR Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I live in Northern California, in the high Sierra's. It's absolutely gorgeous up here. I love being in nature...love hiking and white water rafting in the Feather River. I love the wild critters that live here. I even had a bear who wondered up to our house and decided to hang out for awhile. He sat next to me on our deck and would sometimes follow me while I was outside doing chores. My family and friends thought I was nuts for allowing this bear to hang around! lol... I hope you find a sense of joy and peace this Christmas day, Rooster...even if you did choose to spend it alone. But you know what? I bet it will be the last one you'll ever spend alone again! Cheers, my friend.... ~T~ No kidding! My brother lives there in "Grass Valley". He was living a little further up in the Sierra's closer to Tahoe, but they moved just downhill a little. I was up there the year before last visiting him and his wife, yes it's beautiful up there. I used to live in northern California as well, Santa Cruz and Santa Clara. I just got off the phone with my brother and I am planning on going up there in May for about a week. Small world!
Author Tormented Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 Hang in there, Mav. I know how hard this is for you, especially on a special day like this. But if you can make it through Christmas without breaking N/C, then you can find the strength to stand your ground throughout this painful time in your life. And as time goes on, it WILL get easier. Believe me, it WILL. I am on month 4 of my breakup and feel as though I have been through hell and back. It's as though I have been living my life like a robot....going through the motions, doing what I have to do to get by and nothing else. Like I've been wandering through a thick fog, blind to everything else BUT my pain and anger. And as much as that sucks, I think it's necessary if we hope to truly move on. If we don't grieve the breakup properly, then we carry that baggage into our next relationship...not good if we TRULY want love back into our lives someday. It's been a HORRIBLE 4 months for me, but you know...I honestly see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I think the worse is over, the storm is passing and the sun is beginning to break through. And I feel a sense of relief....and freedom! ~T~
moman Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Tormented, Glad you are doing well. Reading your story a couple months ago almost broke my heart. Rooster - good idea and glad the solo flying thing is working out for you As for me, today is exceptionally lonely but only in the sense that my family is 1200 miles away and most of my friends are gone or with their family. In all honesty, I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow just to start a routine again. When I woke up I was miserable about having to spend today alone and not be with the girl that I want to see but I know she has her own problems to solve right now and I am strong and confident and will make it! The best thing I am looking forward to is picking up my buddy from the airport in a couple hours, gives me a reason to get out of the house. Merry christmas all.....hope this is my last one alone. Last year I was glad to be alone but this year I"m just not sure.
Author Tormented Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 No kidding! My brother lives there in "Grass Valley". He was living a little further up in the Sierra's closer to Tahoe, but they moved just downhill a little. I was up there the year before last visiting him and his wife, yes it's beautiful up there. I used to live in northern California as well, Santa Cruz and Santa Clara. I just got off the phone with my brother and I am planning on going up there in May for about a week. Small world! I know exactly where Grass Valley is. Beautiful country. I live in Plumas County, close to Quincy. Basically, this county is one BIG forest! lol... Tahoe is gorgeous but I can't blame your brother for moving downhill. They can get as much as 20 feet of snow in Tahoe! Here in Plumas, we can get a fairly large dumping as well, but no where near that! Hey...when you come out in May let me know. Could show you some beautiful sights up here! ~T~
Author Tormented Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 Moman...if being alone THIS Christmas is something you must do to properly heal from your heartache, then it's well worth it in exchange for the MANY future Christmas' you'll spend with a new love who will bring you joy. This is something I've told myself, and I honestly believe it. I admire you for acknowledging that her issues/problems belong to HER - not you - and it is something SHE must deal with. Who knows? Perhaps she'll deal with those issues and find that she misses you. If not, then a new love will find her way into your life and will appreciate the man that you are. Merry Christmas, Moman. ~T~
freckles73 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 The happy happy joy joy of Christmas passes some people by. Some of us don't have any family and our friends are busy with their families. Some of us are sitting home alone watching crappy TV, surfing the net and eating Chinese. Some of us drove around today looking at all the beautifully decorated homes with Christmas trees and families sitting around the table, and feeling very cold on the outside looking in. Some of us have not had the pleasure of giving or opening one effing gift. Woohoo.
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 The happy happy joy joy of Christmas passes some people by. Some of us don't have any family and our friends are busy with their families. Some of us are sitting home alone watching crappy TV, surfing the net and eating Chinese. Some of us drove around today looking at all the beautifully decorated homes with Christmas trees and families sitting around the table, and feeling very cold on the outside looking in. Some of us have not had the pleasure of giving or opening one effing gift. Woohoo. wow F73, thats depressing! hope next year is better...
luvtoto Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 The happy happy joy joy of Christmas passes some people by. Some of us don't have any family and our friends are busy with their families. Some of us are sitting home alone watching crappy TV, surfing the net and eating Chinese. Some of us drove around today looking at all the beautifully decorated homes with Christmas trees and families sitting around the table, and feeling very cold on the outside looking in. Some of us have not had the pleasure of giving or opening one effing gift. Woohoo. It was tough getting into the Christmas spirit this year. With all that's been going on and the fact that I only had one Christmas present to open this year. But on Christmas Eve Day, my elderly neighbor, said that her Social Security check was late, and she asked to borrow some money. I could tell she was desperate. She asked for just $3.00 to buy her medicine. I gave her $20. That's all she would take, and I could hear the relief in her voice. It felt reeeallly good give! That simple little deed made me Christmas!~
jusified Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 HI guys, Very alone this xmas and holidays but feeling good. Doing some renovation and stuff to keep my self busy and cooking etc. Hope everyone is holding up well and if your not just b*tch on LS But sincerely hope everyone is having a good time in the holidays.
freckles73 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 God bless you, luvtoto! Seriously, that makes me just want to cry. You definitely found the real meaning of Christmas and what Christ teaches us. The real measure of a society and its people is how it takes care of its most vulnerable. I knew someone like your neighbor once, and she had a ton of pride...I didn't blame her for that. And when I had the means to do it, I kind of became her secret santa....leaving her cash gifts that she couldn't refuse or return. Anyway, I am having a little pity party. Been having quite a few of those lately. It's been a really rough year. I'm praying that next year will improve some, if not a lot --- and I wish the same for all of you!
stanchain Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Hey F73... i feel your pain.. i have sat around the house all day doing nothing but reading post on here.. .and the more that I read the more I realized that there was not only no hope of reconcilation... but that NC doesnt work either. Once it is over it is over. But if you want icing on the cake NC... my ex's new "friend"( wont say it is man..oh wait he is 17 so he is a boy) lives a couple blocks away from me so when i ran to the store I had to see her SUV (which i just put $5,000 down for her to get..before we broke up) sitting out front. So as I sit and move out of our apartment... she is laying in the arms of some boy.
jusified Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Hi Dude, shes not worth it. Seriously, would you actually want someone like that back??? (even if you do now I assure you in time you won;t feel the same way). Luvtoto, good on you. I bet the old lady is going to buy some "drugs" now to give her xmas spirit a little high.... (jokes) I also like to give on a daily basis, but i guess its not the same giving you do on xmas.... hahha Lets all have a joke and laugh, let the negative flow out of our system and accept the positive into our lives. Someone once said "a true winner never gives up hope, when all the bad things happen he would not give up, he knows that all the good things are just around the corner". So dont lose hope and be positive, the good things are just around the corner.
Jubilee Kate Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 No white X-mas in Tejas, no snuggling in front of the fire, but I didn't spend the day pining either so all in all it was a pretty good day. I really wasn't looking forward to Christmas this year, but then I stopped to look around and saw all the people who do love and care about me, and it made things feel ok. Made me feel I'll be ok and get through this. I am making myself a promise that 2007 will be the year of me - being good to myself and regaining my sense of self.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 No white X-mas in Tejas, no snuggling in front of the fire, but I didn't spend the day pining either so all in all it was a pretty good day. I really wasn't looking forward to Christmas this year, but then I stopped to look around and saw all the people who do love and care about me, and it made things feel ok. Made me feel I'll be ok and get through this. I am making myself a promise that 2007 will be the year of me - being good to myself and regaining my sense of self. I'm in the same boat, I did the same things today. You are in Texas? What part?
Jubilee Kate Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I'm in the same boat, I did the same things today. You are in Texas? What part?Big D, been here for ages.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Big D, been here for ages. Nice! I'm in San Antonio. Go spurs!
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Go spurs! the spurs aren't welcome in detroit
freckles73 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I'm unemployed and broke. So my family didn't get me any gifts because I told them I couldn't afford to get them anything. Nice, huh? I guess you have to have money to play Christmas. No money, no Christmas.
luvtoto Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 God bless you, luvtoto! Seriously, that makes me just want to cry. You definitely found the real meaning of Christmas and what Christ teaches us. The real measure of a society and its people is how it takes care of its most vulnerable. I knew someone like your neighbor once, and she had a ton of pride...I didn't blame her for that. And when I had the means to do it, I kind of became her secret santa....leaving her cash gifts that she couldn't refuse or return. Anyway, I am having a little pity party. Been having quite a few of those lately. It's been a really rough year. I'm praying that next year will improve some, if not a lot --- and I wish the same for all of you! Guess a person always need to remember that there are people out there that have it way worse. Two weeks before Christmas last year, my recently bought car engine blew, and I fell on the ice. Broke some teeth & gashed my chin pretty good. No health insurance either. With all the doctor bills and car bills...towing, etc.. money was tight. I came home one night after work to a couple boxes full of wrapped presents waiting by my door for myself and my two kids. Let's just say there are some very caring people in this world. Someday, I will figure out how to pay it forward. Also, if I don't stay positive...life will eat me aallliiiiiive!!!
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