SeeD Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I just feel so broken in every way... I really need everyone's advice to pull through... I found out today that she has a boyfriend from one of her best frens...I have long braced myself for this fact by looking at her blog and her msn nick. Still I was in total disbelief...I just broke down immediately..i quickly ended the conversation with her fren..I really feel lost...betrayed... She and I are classmates for 2 years. We didnt know each other in the 1st year as i was very withdrawn in class. Den we happen to meet in an online game called maplestory. At first, we develop a friendship, a normal fren-fren relationship. Though we hardly speak in real life, we do communicate to a moderate extent in maplestory. Still, we kept our distance becuz we are jus frens. As time drags on, our msn conversations got more and more frequent and longer. Soon we were best buddies, chattin every night til 1 a.m before sleeping cuz we have school tommorrow. At first, i didnt wan to get too personal with her cus i still like a girl from 9 years ago when i was in primany school. I was happy to keep our relationship at a best frens level. Im just glad that someone cared so much about me and is willing to share with me about life. Soon we started smsing each other a lot. Everyday after school we will wish each other a safe trip home. Then 1 day, she accidentally called me 'dear' in one of our msn conversations.. we thought it was quite cute so we started to use words like darling and honey to call each other... When our maths teacher was leaving for another school, I decided to get our teacher flowers to thank her for teaching us. That day after school, She(the classmate i was mentioning abt) stayed behind so that we can search the neighbourhood for shops selling flowers. We ran in the pouring rain together and she didnt complain abt it..Nor did she mind staying back to help me. I was really touched by her. Maybe that was the point i fell for her... From that day on, she always stayed back in class to study for the mid year exams with me..Even though we didnt really studied and jus ended up listening to music, i really felt blessed and happy. Sometimes she even ask me to go for breakfast with her. The days leading to my chinese o levels was probably the most memorable. She volunteered to coach me in my weak command of the chinese language. We would go to the library and study for the O'levels. we bought each other food and drinks while we are at it..Sometimes we walk each other to the bus-stops... I thought of confessing my love to her but i was afraid this wud affect her O'levels and also i was afraid that she might break our friendship bond. So i kept quiet all this while. After the Chinese O' levels, She changed completely. She just all of a sudden became cold to me.. And ever since that day, our relationship only worsen. I didnt know why and my attempts to probe only resulted in me being frustrated and upset. Then one day, she told me that she no longer understands me and out of anger, i replied that i no longer understand her..Ever since that day 5 months ago, we have never speak to each other verbally. In school, we avoid each other. She quitted maplestory in the process too. One day she sms me and said"What is wrong with you?" I told her why i am upset becuz i love her alot. Thinking that this will be the end, i told her to delay her reply until at least after the Prelims. 2 weeks after the prelims, i still recieved no reply. And all this while, i torment myself everyday and ask myself why everything have ended this way. And almost everyday, i would secretly cry in my room. My frens ask if im okay but i could not bring myself to tell them my problems. Everyday in school was a torture becuz she wud be just sitting right across the classroom and i wud start to think of the times we had together. I started to get pissed at teachers and my frens..and cursed everyone for my ill fortune. It was truely a low point for me. For the Prelims, i could not find the spirit to study and went into the exam halls. It was through some incredible fortune that i scraped through. Fustrated with life and everybody, i made a fatal mistake. I blogged abt all my feelings and blame her for all my pain and sufferings. Even though i did not put her name on the post, the damage was done. Needless to say, we became worse then strangers..From that day til today, i have never smiled again..my mistake ringing in my mind all the time..and the ghost of my memories haunting me even in my dreams. Once i dreamt we were holding hands and walking in school in perfect bliss and harmony... Yesterday i found out the painful truth that she have blocked me in msn. For someone to do that, i must be really hated by her..and today..a second blow to my broken heart. She said she wasnt ready for a relationship and here she is, with a boyfren. The heartbreaking part is she never told me this and chose to run away from me everytime i tried to patch things up... I really wished i was still asleep so that all this wud not be true...Anyway, thank you for hearing my calls. It wud be great if you could provide me with emotional relief..
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