ScottDS Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Well, Hi all and Happy Holidays...whew hoo I'm new here and here is my situation. I'm 38 years old and grew up with my parents being married for 50 years. I've always dreamed about that, being married to my best friend for 50+ years. WOW! Where here I am on my 3rd marriage and in the middle of a separation. Now the first two marriages were short, very short. The first women I married, we had a child together (which was planned) and 4 months into that marriage (during the pregnancy) she left me for no real reason but to say she was sorry and she was still in love with her high school sweet heart. OK, I gave up parental rights after she skipped town and broke the divorce contract and remarried in another state. I didn't have money back then for the blood sucking lawyer at the time. So that's why I gave up my rights. This happened at Christmas '90. Next women I married was my high school friend who was at my first wedding and we kinda always thought we would hook up. Well we did in '96 and that marriage lasted 5 months! The reason she left was because I was going into renal failure and was going to have to go on dialysis soon. Here mom told her that she was going to be nothing but a nurse, mother and a maid to me when this happened. So she left me and can you think of when? Yeap, Christmas Eve '96 she left me. Now the women I currently going through a separation with now, I meet in '98 and we dated for sometime and then got married in '99. I then had to really go on dialysis and eventually had a transplant. Having been on a ton of meds prior to her, I was told I would have trouble having kids. this was fine with me because I didn't want to put another child thorugh what I put my now 16 yr. old out there somewhere, though. So I told her this. She wanted kids and I said lets see how our relationship goes. Sure enough it was going great. Up until my Dad died in 10/03 and then my Mom 1/05 and my wife and I took care of them both (with Hospice) up until they passed, my Dad in his house and my Mom in our house. Not to mention I agreed to have a child and us going through IVF and losing one and a couple of attempts without success until we got one and our son 11/04. My Mom did get to see him, but she wasn't with it to know much anyways. So here we are... I fiqured, Wow this women really does love me, by standing by my side and helping me take care of both parents. That is why I agreed to have a baby. So with that and my wife on fertility meds, POW, April of this year we have our 2nd little boy (totally unexpected, but loved very much!) My wife went through a severe post partum and she told me back then she wanted a seperation. BUT... she stayed with me up until this past Dec. 2nd and only because she felt sorry for me, because I don't have any family anymore (literally). So, she left me and moved into her Aunts house. My wife has told me several times now that she "cares about me" and isn't in love with me anymore". Why, you ask. Because I have co-dependency problems. Just like an alcholic, I need someone to be there for me most if not all the time. I miss my parents greatly, where my wife still has both her parents and grand-parents also. My wife and our two boys are my whole life and now they are gone and during what time? The holidays! I see them and her a couple times a week and we still go to a marriage counselor. But I have NO idea on how to survive on my own, especially now with no family! I've started going to church and reading books on how to better myself. But I was just wondering if anyone else out there has or is going though what I have and if you have any pointers on how to break myself from this "self sabatoge". Please HELP anyone!!
lasan Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I have been married twice, once that ended in divorce. ( he was a cheater) and one that ended because my spouse died. I don't have any real advice for you, but I can empathize with how you feel a bit. I hope you find some peace and that someone comes along and gives you some real advice.
Dad_of_3 Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 My quick opinion, and its just that. I fyou already recognise that its 'Self-Sabortage' and from the sounds of things as well, 'Self-Worth' issues. You need some professional help. I was in kinda your same boat, alot IC has helped alot to identify factors in my past, present and to limit them for the future. Yea, It hurts like hell when the one you love walks out the door. Whether your fault or not. I ask you, "Whats your Self-Worth?" As for surviving on your own. Sorry but are you talking emotionally or practically there? Either way it really shouldnt matter, but it would help yo clarify. As for family, I'm sorry to hear of your loss. But those you choose out in life, and bring close to your heart are your family. Thats just how I see it. Those you 'choose' to assimilate closer than anyone. Post back and let us know how you are going
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