notmakingsense Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I broke up with her about 4 weeks ago. Told her that her commitment phobic behavior was too much for me and it was time to call it quits. She called today, and I let it go to voice-mail. It was just a nice, light, "Merry Christmas" message. I know I shouldn't have, but I called her back, and left her an equally light message back (I didn't leave a door open to talking/meeting). (weird side note: when I called from my cell, her cellular carrier claimed that her phone was out of range or off, but when I called from my home phone, it rang through to VM -- does this mean she blocked my cell?) I haven't changed my mind about our prospects, but I did want to tell you folks out there that this contact has set me back at least a few weeks now in terms of my feelings/emotions. So, if you have the willpower, don't do what I did and stick to NC.
D-Lish Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 It's just a relapse, and it will pass. I have those every once and a while, but with each relapse, the recovery seems to get quicker. Relapses are bound to happen. A commitment phobe is also prone to coming back... so be on guard for that. Enjoy the holidays, D
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Hey...I am one of those types of persons. I too contacted my Ex-husband....knowing he was in a commitment...but what the hell. Secretly "we" do this to see if the spark ingnites in the other person. It was his birthday coming soon and I often have thought about him in the last 8 years of our separation/divorce(2002). I hung up the first time when I heard his voice. I freaked out!!!! I dialed again, from my cell of course, no name on display. He answers and says with an offensive voice, "what's up"? I nearly choked. Afraid to speak, then blurted out "oh nothing". So I told him Iwas calling to wish him a Happy B-day. He said "thanks" with a smile. At that point I knew the 'date' must not be there! Yahoo. Maybe some courage for me. I have a lot of guilt about how our relationship was and how the marriage dissolve out of immature decisions. Anyhow, he did all of the talking. I was taken aback when he asked how my son is. Backing up.....I was a young mom when I met him, working and going to college. So my Son knew and has memories of *him* being the only father in his life. He only kept in contact with my son for less than a yr. He just sorta dropped out. No calls, no contact. So for most of this boy's yrs of growing he only had Momma to raise him. He misses the male role model to this day, which he is now 19. Anyhow the Ex asked if I could send him a picture of the son? I stumpled on this one...didn't quite give him a yes or no. He did however, with a small on his face, say he often thinks of me, only the good times. With that my hope was high! As I have been missing him for a long while. But then also tells me he was married now, about his words "about a yr or so ago. I said oh, then I go blank. I wished him well. He said the same. The confusion that I have created for myself is enormous! I've remained single for a little better than 1.5 yrs. And very proud of that! If Ive been wronged hard....I jump back to the fire....but have learned many huge lessons in the past. So this time around is great! Other than the need to contact my EX!!!!???? What I want to know is, why did he want to tell me all about his things(toys) he has, what and who is in his life....he just spilled lots in a short time.?? How come he did that? Most of our mutal friends that I still have relationships with don't know about this and not sure how they would feel if they did know. So I need some thought or guys opinion as to WTF just took place? Thanks TL
Guest Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 When ex's contact you - ignore them! Calling back and trying to decipher the meaning of their calls, emails, voicemails, etc., shows you're still hoping to get back together. Best thing to do is to keep the ball in your court at all times and continue with no contact. Everyone forgets all the bad reasons why the breakup happened in the first place....... Stick to healthy relationships that don't involve all this game playing. Stick to no contact. Trust me - I learned the hard way.
Author notmakingsense Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 Thanks Guest -- I'm learning the hard way also! I'm doing much better these days -- she called again a few weeks ago, then a few e-mails and I turned down a meeting invitation. It is starting to get to the point where the calls don't set me back so much any more -- but I agree with you -- the healing would have been SO much faster If just simply ignored the calls!
SurferGirlTx Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Guest is SMART!!!! I totally agree with his/her post 100% - I mean, look at how many relationships work after one or two major breakups - very few...... After a breakup everyone remembers only the good things, it's scary being single and finding someone new - so the safest bet is to run back to the ex thinking "Maybe it wasn't so bad". You're delusional and just want that safety net back. Things are great -you reconcile, go thru a honeymoon period then a few weeks WHAM - all the resentments come back and someone does something once again to piss the other one off - then you're back in hell. When you see red flags in a relationship, you have a major breakup, you're miserable more with that person - force yourself to get over them and move on! It's like overcoming an addiction and the only way you survive is sheer willpower but in the end you'll thank yourself. How many people look back at ex's and bad relationships and say "What was I thinking - that person was such a waste of my time!!"........ My last relationship was on and off for several years and I cried many tears......now when I look at his photo I just shudder and say "GROSS!!!".
Author notmakingsense Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 Guest is SMART!!!! I totally agree with his/her post 100% - I mean, look at how many relationships work after one or two major breakups - very few...... After a breakup everyone remembers only the good things, it's scary being single and finding someone new - so the safest bet is to run back to the ex thinking "Maybe it wasn't so bad". You're delusional and just want that safety net back. Things are great -you reconcile, go thru a honeymoon period then a few weeks WHAM - all the resentments come back and someone does something once again to piss the other one off - then you're back in hell. When you see red flags in a relationship, you have a major breakup, you're miserable more with that person - force yourself to get over them and move on! It's like overcoming an addiction and the only way you survive is sheer willpower but in the end you'll thank yourself. How many people look back at ex's and bad relationships and say "What was I thinking - that person was such a waste of my time!!"........ My last relationship was on and off for several years and I cried many tears......now when I look at his photo I just shudder and say "GROSS!!!". Yes, yes, yes!!! It is completely like an addiction! And those of us that repeatedly make the mistake should treat it as such. 12-step program anyone?
D-Lish Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 this is part of the 12 step program I suppose- the venting/questioning!
Recommended Posts