Rooster_DAR Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Stay away from anthing that has to do with her, it's poison to you. No drunk calls, no drivebuys, and no internet searches including mypace. BTW...I think MySpace so lame and immature. D'oh!
Author cecil brown Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 I'm not a fan of myspace either, but to each their own. As for her, I'm going to do my best to kill all thoughts of her. It will be tough, but I need to take back my sanity. She is driving me insane.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I'm not a fan of myspace either, but to each their own. As for her, I'm going to do my best to kill all thoughts of her. It will be tough, but I need to take back my sanity. She is driving me insane. Well I just got through the hardest part of it all, the holidays. These are the times we are the weakest, probably due to all the memories shared around this time. I manned up, did not even come close to contacting my EX. As a matter of fact, I was really suprised about how happy I was to be alone on Xmas eve, and today. Regards,
Author cecil brown Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 she ended up sending me a Hallmark e-card wishing me a Merry X-Mas and she called me twice. (first time I didn't answer). When she called again, I was asleep and she woke me up, so I don't remember everything I said We did talk about possibly meeting up this weekend, but we'll see if she follows through and calls. If not, oh well. I have actually started to get angry at her for all her BS, and it's helping me cope better, lol. When I think negatively abut her, I start to think positively about myself. Go figure. Hope everyone had a good x-mas.
notmakingsense Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Cecil, just remember my advice from early in this thread. Make sure that you don't get in to any serious conversations about your relationship with her. (In fact, if she tries to bring it up, try coming back with a witty-but-evasive tease). Don't always available when she calls/wants to meet. Be mysterious and have other things to do. The only way that things will work between you two is if she starts to put more of herself into the relationship, so give her that chance to take the lead for a while by doing the things above. I can tell my the nature of your last post that receiving the calls and card has given you a boost. Don't let your guard down just yet. There is plenty of time for that in the future.
Author cecil brown Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 I definitely need to keep my guard up. She can be a tricky one. I'm just going to try to keep a level head, and we'll see what happens.
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 It sucks that things are up in the air. In some ways it would be better off knowing things are over, so at least you have the opportunity to move on. tsk, tsk, that bloody myspace is a bad place! Hopefully she calls and wants a get together this weekend. At some point you will get frustrated with her inability to make a decision and walk away. I hate the "push-pull...come here-go away" routine. It leaves the other person so confused, and it's really unfair. Seriously- the best way to deal with this is to live every day as if you aren't getting back together- that way there are no expectations involved, and if nothing happens- you won't feel so crushed. On the other hand, if something does happen- you'll feel pleasantly surprised. x-mas is done... now there is only new years to deal with. D
Author cecil brown Posted December 27, 2006 Author Posted December 27, 2006 The saga continues... Received an e-mail from her today. She said she misses me but she's still sounds very confused. Also, I'm not sure she misses me for the right reasons. I think she's lonely right now (her friends are away on vacation), so maybe I'm her fall back option. But it sounds like we will meet this weekend, so I don't know what to expect. Actually, you are right D. I need to not have any expectations, and just take things as they come.
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 No expectations = no disappointments Did you reply to the e-mail? I would wait a good amount of time before doing so, and keep it short, friendly, yet generic. I understand that she is confused, and yes, probably lonley. But you're contributing to the confusion if you stay front and center...even though she provokes you to do this. Remember- it's the absence that will force a decision. If she's confused, but you're still available to her when she needs you, it's just going to soothe her need to reach out to what's familiar. Why does she need to make a decision about your relationship if she knows how available you are at the moment? Maybe it's time to start playing it a bit aloof with her. She's breaking up with you, yet she's leaning on you for comfort. You should make it known to her that it's unfair for her to do that. I wouldn't do that with words as much as I would with actions. Start pulling away. That will have more impact than her knowing you're ready and willing to get back together.
Author cecil brown Posted December 27, 2006 Author Posted December 27, 2006 I did reply, but I kept it light. She mentioned that she's had time alone to think, and she misses me and still has feelings for me. However, she didn't mention anything about wanting to try again and she also mentioned that maybe her talking to me again wasn't a good idea. (her confusion sets in yet again). I kept my composure and told her I understand. I also said that if she had some free time this weekend, maybe we can get together and grab a bite to eat. I didn't mention anything about the relationship. She sounded agreeable to that, and she said she'd talk to me soon. I spent all night laying in bed thinking about it, and the truth is, I still want to be w/ her. Some suckers never learn. Now watch her totally blow me off this weekend. Lol, that would be just my luck.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Now watch her totally blow me off this weekend. Lol, that would be just my luck. This would not suprise me a bit. So far here is what I think happens when these women breakup for whatever reasons they have. They simply feel guilty, and they are missing the comfort of you being around. One could argue that they put you in friends territory, or they don't love you romantically, but I think it depends on the situation. If she is seeing someone, it's obviously going to confuse her and thus confuse you with mixed messages because she loves your, but is getting high on the affair (affairs overpower everything in their life). If she really is not seeing someone, then there is a good chance that she is just not in love with you anymore and that's when we get put into friends territory. To me the latter seems more painful due to the fact that they don't love you romatically anymore, but that's just me. Cheers!
Author cecil brown Posted December 28, 2006 Author Posted December 28, 2006 Makes sense Rooster... Guess I'll play it safe and go NC again and see if she calls.
Author cecil brown Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 I'm really starting to have mixed feelings about meeting up with her this weekend. I'm so anxious, nervous, and excited at the same time. Even though she says she still has feelings/misses me, I'm starting to feel that she just wants to be friends. I can't do the friends thing, and I don't know how I should deal with it. I know everyone says play it cool, let her come to you, but honestly, that scenario stresses me out. I can't sit here much longer and play this waiting game with her. I want her back, but I want my sanity back too. How can I move on, when she continues to contact me, but doesn't want to get back together right now (those were her words)? I would like to just sit her down, explain my feelings to her, and tell her that unless she wants a real relationship, then she shouldn't contact me anymore. If she doesn't want to be with me, then she should just leave me alone. Opinons?
notmakingsense Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I'm really starting to have mixed feelings about meeting up with her this weekend. I'm so anxious, nervous, and excited at the same time. Even though she says she still has feelings/misses me, I'm starting to feel that she just wants to be friends. I can't do the friends thing, and I don't know how I should deal with it. I know everyone says play it cool, let her come to you, but honestly, that scenario stresses me out. I can't sit here much longer and play this waiting game with her. I want her back, but I want my sanity back too. How can I move on, when she continues to contact me, but doesn't want to get back together right now (those were her words)? I would like to just sit her down, explain my feelings to her, and tell her that unless she wants a real relationship, then she shouldn't contact me anymore. If she doesn't want to be with me, then she should just leave me alone. Opinons? It would be better to have the discussion face to face, but If you feel that messed up, and can't come across as on top of your emotions and ready to move on, then I wouldn't go through with the meeting. Because, when you do have the meeting, it is very important (for your self-esteem) that you come across as calm, light, and well on your way to moving on without her. If you decide that NC is safer for you, just write her a short note saying that something came up this weekend, and you apologize for having to write it in a note, but tell her in the note that it would be best if you two had some time without contact to figure out what is best for you. Just nice and short -- no need to elaborate on anything, and please (in face or in e-mail), don't go on and on about how you love her/miss her -- it is important that you come across as making good progress towards moving on.
Author cecil brown Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 Provided she doesn't flake out on me, I'm going to meet her face to face. I just can't decide what exactly to say. What if she comes over and we have a good time? Do I say anything or just go back to NC? Like I said, I would like to have her back, but her indecisiveness is killing me. I really do need to try to move on for my own health and well being, but it's very hard when she puts herself back in the picture. I wouldn't mind it if she was working towards a solution w/ me, but I just can't figure out her deal. Why come around if you don't want to fix it? It doesn't seem that hard to me. If you care for someone, you try to work things out. UGH!!! Sorry for the rant, I need a beer, lol...
notmakingsense Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 You've already typed above what you should say to her: "I would like to just sit her down, explain my feelings to her, and tell her that unless she wants a real relationship, then she shouldn't contact me anymore. If she doesn't want to be with me, then she should just leave me alone." Personally, I would meet her in a public place, not at your place. I would keep the meeting short, and not drag the conversation out in a way that attempts to force her in to a decision that moment. The focus is to come to a resulution before moving forward, not on having a good time for the moment. That said, you should come across as light hearted -- with things to do and other options to explore. Less words is better.
oyster Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 You've already typed above what you should say to her: "I would like to just sit her down, explain my feelings to her, and tell her that unless she wants a real relationship, then she shouldn't contact me anymore. If she doesn't want to be with me, then she should just leave me alone." Personally, I would meet her in a public place, not at your place. I would keep the meeting short, and not drag the conversation out in a way that attempts to force her in to a decision that moment. The focus is to come to a resulution before moving forward, not on having a good time for the moment. That said, you should come across as light hearted -- with things to do and other options to explore. Less words is better. thanks, I am in a similar situation, I will consider this approach.
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