"love of your life" is still an old flame, and not the person you're currently with?

[orangehose]

Hi,

Not sure which would be the correct forum for this question...

 

I'm wondering if there are people who are in long-term or committed relationships with someone while feeling that a past love was the better or greater love of their life.

 

I used to not really believe in this sort of thing - I believed in a more fluid concept of love, that basically you love the one you're with. However, I recently ended my first relationship partly because even after a year, it seemed like my boyfriend still preferred his previous girlfriend to me (he has had several relationships, but his previous one seems to have been the most important to him).

 

This leads me to believe that sometimes chemistry between certain people is better than it is between others, so that a person can claim to love their current SO while actually objectively preferring a previous or other person.

 

Also, I've anecdotally heard of people who get married to someone while actually pining for another love. I really didn't think it still happened to people these days - I mean, I obviously know that people cheat or fall in love with other people AFTER marriage, but I didn't think that they actually go into marriages feeling that another person is their 'true love' or whatever...

 

Anyone have comments here?

[norajane]

Sure, people get into new relationships all the time while they're still not over their exes! And yes, some people do have more of an emotional impact on us than others. I can look back and tell you which of my past boyfriends were more compelling to me and which were less compelling.

 

None of that means that those feelings remain so fresh that a new relationship cannot surpass them, especially over time and experiences with each other. Love (not "in love") develops slowly over time and gets more powerful.

[Curmudgeon]

Just one comment. Entering into a relationship with one person while still emotionally attached to another is emotional infidelity and unfair to the one you're with. You're robbing them of a part of your heart that should belong to them alone.

[Rooster_DAR]

Just one comment. Entering into a relationship with one person while still emotionally attached to another is emotional infidelity and unfair to the one you're with. You're robbing them of a part of your heart that should belong to them alone.

 

Exactly!!! I could not agree more. I have had people (and fellow LS's) tell me to go out and find somone, or someone may come along soon, but If I have not moved on emotionally I am creating yet another problem (vicious cycle). I think it's common for people to jump from one R to another, and I would almost bet cheating and affairs would be cut down if people only took the time to heal and get to know themselves and dealt with past issues.

 

Excellent!

[Guest]

This concept of "love of your life" is very true and real. My ex and I have to maintain contact, and through all the turmoil, conflicts, and now a great friendship since our breakup..I'm convinced that I'll never be over him and will always compare other relationships to our relationship. He had a way (and still does) of motivating me to be a better person. And the sad part is that I think he feels the same way.

 

Sometimes, I think a person can come into your life and turn it upside down- and in a great way. You don't forget that--no matter what happens. That's very hard to get over. That great love.