guin_girl Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 I don't know what thread this belongs in... it covers dating, breaking up and a separated man... I'm struggling with a separated man, who I was dating until earlier this month for several weeks. He's already filed for divorce and the mediation is in January. However, he asked that we scale back to friends at the beginning of December because he's still trying to get over his broken heart. Now here it is on Christmas Eve and we have plans for the night, at his request to continue on with them, but I have not heard from him for the last couple of days. He has never gone more than a day without contact since day one, even as just friends. The last call, he updated me on the process of the divorce and we firmed up some plans for after the holiday. I haven't called him, as I have let him do all of the contact when he wanted to scale back, in an effort to protect myself from becoming too attached. For those men fresh out of marriage, is it normal to hibernate and turn away and wallow in self pity. He's pretty emotional and has been watching sad movies that remind him of her. If I do get blown off for tonight... which I know there is still time and I probably will give a "what's the plan" call, should I take this personally and break off all contact (we have tickets to one of the bowl games on New Years) or try to take it in stride that it's normal for a separated man at the holiday?
uksteve Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Two things to say on this... It sounds like this guy needs time and space on his own to get over his feelings for what must have been a traumatic period. I wouldnt hold out hope for seeing the guy if he hasnt called - it sounds harsh but if he wanted to just be friends it does not sound like a good thing. I dated a woman for a while who had recently seperated and to be honest it was just bad news. I think people need time and space after a big life event like a broken marriage. If you dont hear from him I would just put him out of your mind and change your plans. If you're worried, just call him but if you can't rely on him for important time forget about the guy! I just had to change my plans last minute for xmas and new year - why dont you ask a friend if they want to go to the game or if everyone has plans and you cant tag along, go yourself! It seems like you have your head on your shoulders and have a sensible outlook on relationships. Just do what feels right for you and dont worry about xmas and new year - better a couple of lost fun nights than weeks, months or longer of what may be a difficult relationship. Hope that helps somewhat!
ninga317 Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 i would call him, with an upbeat attitude, to just reconfirm his plans to come over. if he says that he won't be coming over, then just be very understanding and don't take it personally. this is a very hard time for him. just wish him a merry christmas and let him contact you after that. he needs compassion right now, and if he feels it from you, it might draw him closer to you. have a wonderful christmas!
notmakingsense Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Divorce/Separation is a very emotional time for those going through it. Add the holidays to the mix, and I'm sure this man is suffering some real lows right now. I would not forgive him just blowing you off completely, but I would get prepared for him to cancel plans. If you care for him a lot, I would be very patient -- to the tune of months, before you can expect him to truly give his heart over to you. He is obviously not over his ex.... If you are not ready for the ups and downs that are about to happen, I would continue to protect yourself and keep things at the friendship/platonic level with him for some time.
Author guin_girl Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 Contact has been made... plans are still on... thanks for all of your support.
overseas2004 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I am just curious what you are doing with someone who has feelings for someone else. Doesnt that make you feel like yesterday's trash?
Author guin_girl Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 I am just curious what you are doing with someone who has feelings for someone else. Doesnt that make you feel like yesterday's trash? wow, you must be a bitter person... I understand how it is to have your heartbroken and to need to heal... I also know that the heart has the capacity to love more than one person... Either that or we would all be stuck loving that one WRONG person for life and never getting a second chance. He needs a friend, and I do too... My healing heart is just a little further along than his right now.
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