Why is a guy "less of a man" for accepting money from a female?

[cutegirl]

I'm a female btw. I've read in some threads here on Loveshack people saying things like "If he was a REAL man he wouldn't ask for a high ticket item from his girlfriend." or "A REAL man doesn't let his girlfriend support him", etc...

 

I find that statement by itself a bit sexist to be honest. I feel that women and men are equal. I certainly don't expect a man to pay for my dinner, I can pay for my own. If women and men truly are equal, then why does it make a man LESS of a man if he accepts money from a woman? I also don't believe in typical gender roles btw.

 

For example, I earn more than my bf. And he HAS asked me for expensive things before, for example over 1k to help him buy a car. Plus $700 for some equipment that he wanted, among other things.

 

I know that if I were to write something like that on here people would say stuff immediately like "A REAL man doesn't ask for things from his gf" as if implying that a REAL man buys his own stuff.

 

Why are men held to a different standard than women? I find that by itself sexist. That's like indirectly saying that somehow men are more CAPABLE than women because they are EXPECTED to NATURALLY be able to provide for themselves while a woman isn't.

 

I find it like a reverse sexism thing. I have no problem with my bf asking me to buy him expensive things or to semi-support him. And if I feel like it I'll indulge him. Why would that make him "less of a man"?

 

When a woman is being supported by a man no one says anything. I don't see why people would say the same when it's reversed.

 

And I have to stress again, that I don't believe in traditional gender roles AT ALL, with the man being the provider and all.

 

In this day and age, I don't think it makes the man any less to depend on his gf. I think it's actually a step for empowerment for women.

[Poboy]

everything is related to Tradition... Traditionally , it is the man who earns for the house cause women were not allowed to work & considered just as home makers... around the world , men earn , women support & take care of home ... that is still the case in many places & therefore if a woman earns & the man doesnt earn that much or doesnt work , it is considered anti tradition & we all now how much importance tradition plays in society more for the outsiders than probably for the house members ... but since things change & its acceptance in society is slow , it will still take time to be an accepted practise. Also its a ego thing as men have always considered to be the more stronger sex than women , physically & socially cause we have grown with that mindset right from childhood.

[cutegirl]

everything is related to Tradition... Traditionally , it is the man who earns for the house cause women were not allowed to work & considered just as home makers... around the world , men earn , women support & take care of home ... that is still the case in many places & therefore if a woman earns & the man doesnt earn that much or doesnt work , it is considered anti tradition & we all now how much importance tradition plays in society more for the outsiders than probably for the house members ... but since things change & its acceptance in society is slow , it will still take time to be an accepted practise. Also its a ego thing as men have always considered to be the more stronger sex than women , physically & socially cause we have grown with that mindset right from childhood.

 

It's not an ego thing from what I have noticed with younger men in their mid twenties. From what I see most guys now have absolutely NO problem taking money/gifts from women and actually desire this. I just get this from observing lots of couples in general.

 

Anyways, I make over six figures, and my bf makes a few dollars over minimum, the tradition that "men traditionally should be making more than women" sickens me. I consider myself the head of household. I like to be in charge.

 

I don't think acceptance of this is slow in America at least. I mean, from what I can see it's mostly equal, not one hundred percent yet of course but pretty close.

 

I would not like to be with a man who earns more than me. I actually prefer being the breadwinner. I don't know why, but it makes me feel powerful and good.

[alphamale]

Why are men held to a different standard than women?

because thats the way it is CUTEGIRL....accept it. There are hunderds of reasons why...

[Pyro]

I'm a female btw. I've read in some threads here on Loveshack people saying things like "If he was a REAL man he wouldn't ask for a high ticket item from his girlfriend." or "A REAL man doesn't let his girlfriend support him", etc...

 

A REAL man wouldn't sit back and let his GF support him, while he just sits on his as$.

 

I don't agree with the high ticket item thing. Are you saying that a REAL man is not allowed to ask for something expensive for Christmas or for a birthday?

[ilmw]

A REAL man wouldn't sit back and let his GF support him, while he just sits on his as$.

 

I don't agree with the high ticket item thing. Are you saying that a REAL man is not allowed to ask for something expensive for Christmas or for a birthday?

 

I don't like the idea that the high ticket item was "asked for"... If OP's bf liked something... and mentioned it... then OP went and got it... that would be a nice jesture...etc...

 

The fact that it was "asked for" sounds like expectation.... and that is in my book.... NOT A GOOD SIGN..

 

Also... what motivates this fella... it was said he has a low paying job.. and OP has 6 figure income... cool...

 

I guess I have never known a woman who did not like a man with motivation.... and the desire to improve himself....

 

Ct... what is your Bf doing to improve himself... or is he riding your coat tails... because.. you are supporting his arse...?

 

(see the negative image this creates)

 

IMHO.. most men... need to feel like they are taking care of the SO's..... financialy is just one of those things.... Its a sign of caring... of protection... against the dangers of the world (hard wired to do so)..

 

A "man" who does not... or more like does not even try to.... is NOT a MAN... but a little boy... wanting another mommy..

 

Merry Christmas...

[cutegirl]

I don't like the idea that the high ticket item was "asked for"... If OP's bf liked something... and mentioned it... then OP went and got it... that would be a nice jesture...etc...

 

The fact that it was "asked for" sounds like expectation.... and that is in my book.... NOT A GOOD SIGN..

 

Also... what motivates this fella... it was said he has a low paying job.. and OP has 6 figure income... cool...

 

I guess I have never known a woman who did not like a man with motivation.... and the desire to improve himself....

 

Ct... what is your Bf doing to improve himself... or is he riding your coat tails... because.. you are supporting his arse...?

 

(see the negative image this creates)

 

IMHO.. most men... need to feel like they are taking care of the SO's..... financialy is just one of those things.... Its a sign of caring... of protection... against the dangers of the world (hard wired to do so)..

 

A "man" who does not... or more like does not even try to.... is NOT a MAN... but a little boy... wanting another mommy..

 

Merry Christmas...

 

I do not like the idea of any man "taking care of me". I'm perfectly fine taking care of myself. I don't like the thought or the idea of it. I think I'm more capable than a lot of men out there, I don't need someone to "protect" or "shield me of the dangers of the world.". Please.

 

Men should be afraid of me, because I could be a danger... lol I'm not a little girl that can't take care of myself. I just find the train of thought that women need to be "protected" and "shielded" extremely sexist.

 

I don't need to be protected or shielded from anything.

 

I also prefer being with a man who makes less, because I don't NEED a man for financial dependence, ONLY for companionship. I don't NEED a man to provide for me because I'm capable of providing for myself.

[cutegirl]

A REAL man wouldn't sit back and let his GF support him, while he just sits on his as$.

 

I don't agree with the high ticket item thing. Are you saying that a REAL man is not allowed to ask for something expensive for Christmas or for a birthday?

 

No, I didn't say that. I am saying I've read people on this forum say that and I'm questioning why that is. I have no problem buying high ticket items for my boyfriend.

[alphamale]

I do not like the idea of any man "taking care of me". I'm perfectly fine taking care of myself. I don't like the thought or the idea of it. I think I'm more capable than a lot of men out there, I don't need someone to "protect" or "shield me of the dangers of the world.". Please.

women are always saying they are "independent"....in reality very few of them are. and these same so-called "independent" women have totally no respect for men who are "dependent"

[cutegirl]

This thread is not really about myself, it's just more of a general question. As to why people in general look down on men accepting money from a girlfriend. I see nothing wrong with it.

[cutegirl]

women are always saying they are "independent"....in reality very few of them are. and these same so-called "independent" women have totally no respect for men who are "dependent"

 

My boyfriend is "dependent" on me. I respect him. If I wanted a man who was wealthy I surely would not be with my boyfriend. I CHOSE to be with him.

 

I purposely avoid dating men who are "rich" or "wealthy", simply because I have my own, and have no need for a man who thinks he can "control" me because he has money.

 

Men always complain that a lot of women are gold diggers. So why do they make suck a big deal when a female WILLING pays for her boyfriend, buys him gifts and/or supports him, and then say things like he's not a "real man" for accepting the gifts/money? Seems rather hypocritical to me.

[ilmw]

This thread is not really about myself, it's just more of a general question. As to why people in general look down on men accepting money from a girlfriend. I see nothing wrong with it.

 

Have not kinda seen some answers to your question..

 

BTW... the idea of man taking care of his SO is more regarding his self worth... and not necessarily how it makes you feel... (as you seem to say you need no man for that)

[cutegirl]

women are always saying they are "independent"....in reality very few of them are. and these same so-called "independent" women have totally no respect for men who are "dependent"

 

Also, men always complain that a lot of women are gold diggers. So why do they make suck a big deal when a female WILLING pays for her boyfriend, buys him gifts and/or supports him, and then say things like he's not a "real man" for accepting the gifts/money?

 

Seems rather hypocritical to me. Seems like men are going to bitch regardless.

 

If a woman accepts gifts/money from a man etc she's a gold diggin' ho. If she makes a lot more than her boyfriend and buys him gifts than he's "less of a man."

 

Guess you can't have it either way.

[alphamale]

My boyfriend is "dependent" on me. I respect him. .

all the women i've met who have totally dependent b/f or husbands have little or no respect for them. say what you want CUTEGIRL but the real world is a lot different.

[cutegirl]

all the women i've met who have totally dependent b/f or husbands have little or no respect for them. say what you want CUTEGIRL but the real world is a lot different.

 

ALPHAMALE, why do you write my name in all caps when addressing me?

 

I'm not surprised with your enlightening answer of "because thats the way it is" to my original post considering you think of yourself as an alpha male.

[cutegirl]

ALPHAMALE, why do you write my name in all caps when addressing me?

 

I'm not surprised with your enlightening answer of "because thats the way it is" to my original post considering you think of yourself as an alpha male.

 

Ok, never mind. I just did a search on your posts and it appears as if it's just a habit of yours to captialize names since you capitalize other people's nicks as well when responding to them.

 

For a second I thought you were being sarcastic or patronizing me.

[Lights]

Also, men always complain that a lot of women are gold diggers. So why do they make suck a big deal when a female WILLING pays for her boyfriend, buys him gifts and/or supports him, and then say things like he's not a "real man" for accepting the gifts/money?

 

Seems rather hypocritical to me. Seems like men are going to bitch regardless.

 

If a woman accepts gifts/money from a man etc she's a gold diggin' ho. If she makes a lot more than her boyfriend and buys him gifts than he's "less of a man."

 

Guess you can't have it either way.

 

Cutegirl, many people in this world just plain have dysfunctional relationships with money. I'm not sure how much you or a man in your life can do about it (unless it's your own relationships with money).

 

As far as men accepting a gift or money and being held to a separate and unequal standard, I'd say that a good chunk of our society still is stuck in the previous millennium and continues to exert such sexist social pressure on men (qui vide alimony settlements for male divorcees; people often are known to act as if something is wrong with such a man).

 

As far as men or women being financially dependent, that's another matter. Such dependence may come within a healthy or unhealthy relationship, and within a just or unjust one. (Deadbeats and gold-diggers, as you point out, can come in both genders.)

[My Fair Katie]

I am not a man, but as an *adult* I would feel very uncomfortable recieving a lot of money from a boyfriend, friend, parent, etc. I would never ask for $1k for a car. If I can't afford the car myself, I don't buy it. I figure it's no different for men.

 

We are adults, part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for yourself and living within your means without having to rely on the generosity of others. Self-sufficiency is an important trait to people, male or female.

 

Now that I'm married it's a bit different what with joint checking accounts. But I still wouldn't ask for $1k for myself, maybe for a joint family purchase like putting in a patio... but if I wanted $1k for something I'd start putting money aside for it.

[cutegirl]

Cutegirl, many people in this world just plain have dysfunctional relationships with money. I'm not sure how much you or a man in your life can do about it (unless it's your own relationships with money).

 

As far as men accepting a gift or money and being held to a separate and unequal standard, I'd say that a good chunk of our society still is stuck in the previous millennium and continues to exert such social pressure on men (qui vide alimony settlements for male divorcees; people often are known to act as if something is wrong with such a man).

 

As far as men or women being financially dependent, that's another matter. Such dependence may come within a healthy or unhealthy relationship, and within a just or unjust one. (Deadbeats and gold-diggers, as you point out, can come in both genders.)

 

Yes I agree with everything you said. Supposedly, both sexes are equal and now on par with each other, but I suppose subconsciously gender roles are still ingrained in our brains somehow. I don't necessarily like it though. I feel like people "assume" things too much, or perhaps it's my imagination and I just "think" people are assuming things even when they aren't.

 

I always have a fear like people automatically assume that my boyfriend earns more because he's the guy, or that he's in charge of decisions regarding purchasing expensive items when I'm buying so I just prefer going by myself.

 

For example, when I bought my car, I was paranoid because I was afraid that if I went in with my bf they would ASSUME that HE is the one buying it, when actually I was the one buying it for myself and he had nothing to do with it. So we kind of went separately and he waited outside because I didn't want the salespeople to ASSUME anything, and if they did, I would have gotten offended and walked out for sure.

 

As for men receiving alimony, I don't find anything wrong with that all! If women want equal rights than we have to be able to pay alimony to the guy if we happen to outearn him, like in the case with Nick & Jessica Simpson. I know he's asking for alimony. Nothing wrong with that!

 

I feel like if you're looking down on guys for doing the same things that women do, than it's like saying that women are somehow the "weaker sex" and need to be "protected" and that really pisses me off! I don't need to be protected from anything!

[cutegirl]

I am not a man, but as an *adult* I would feel very uncomfortable recieving a lot of money from a boyfriend, friend, parent, etc. I would never ask for $1k for a car. If I can't afford the car myself, I don't buy it. I figure it's no different for men.

 

We are adults, part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for yourself and living within your means without having to rely on the generosity of others. Self-sufficiency is an important trait to people, male or female.

 

Now that I'm married it's a bit different what with joint checking accounts. But I still wouldn't ask for $1k for myself, maybe for a joint family purchase like putting in a patio... but if I wanted $1k for something I'd start putting money aside for it.

 

I like the way that you phrased it, that it's no different for men and that all adults should accept full responsibility for their own purchases.

 

I just don't like it when some people will say something like "he's less of a man for accepting blah blah." It makes me think... why is it necessary to even say that? Why not just say "I think all adults should take responsibility for their own finances etc..."

 

I guess I should ask the people who said this directly, it's just that I see people saying things like that a lot and kinda bugs me.

[ilmw]

Yes I agree with everything you said. Supposedly, both sexes are equal and now on par with each other, but I suppose subconsciously gender roles are still ingrained in our brains somehow. I don't necessarily like it though. I feel like people "assume" things too much, or perhaps it's my imagination and I just "think" people are assuming things even when they aren't.

 

I always have a fear like people automatically assume that my boyfriend earns more because he's the guy, or that he's in charge of decisions regarding purchasing expensive items when I'm buying so I just prefer going by myself.

 

For example, when I bought my car, I was paranoid because I was afraid that if I went in with my bf they would ASSUME that HE is the one buying it, when actually I was the one buying it for myself and he had nothing to do with it. So we kind of went separately and he waited outside because I didn't want the salespeople to ASSUME anything, and if they did, I would have gotten offended and walked out for sure.

 

As for men receiving alimony, I don't find anything wrong with that all! If women want equal rights than we have to be able to pay alimony to the guy if we happen to outearn him, like in the case with Nick & Jessica Simpson. I know he's asking for alimony. Nothing wrong with that!

 

I feel like if you're looking down on guys for doing the same things that women do, than it's like saying that women are somehow the "weaker sex" and need to be "protected" and that really pisses me off! I don't need to be protected from anything!

 

Just out of curiosity...

 

if you are as strong and independant as you are projecting on here... why do you even care what others think...

 

Why would you be paranoid...

 

Also.... are you a control freak... ... need to in control of everything...?

 

Relationships should be a balance.. of many things... right? What balance to you have in your relationship... .. (?)

 

BTW... when I read your first post on this thread... I imagined you as a High Priced lawyer.. and your Bf working at Burger King... How close am I.. or way of the mark.

 

Oh.. also... this is not meant to be anyform of attack on you... k.. just curious:)

[lindya]

There's a certain type of guy I've encountered in life - been out with one of them myself, and seen friends hook up with them now and again too - who is what I'd term an amateur conman. The type of person who cheesily and cheerfully hustles for whatever he can get....whether it's in his personal life or his professional life. From what I've seen, far from drawing the line at taking that attitude with girlfriends, hustlers can be particularly cynical in the way they use the women they're romantically involved with.

 

I've heard men like that rationalise their behaviour in a way that involves sneering at the stupidity or gullibility of the people they use. I've had to represent them now and again and I'm just not a fan of that type. Not suggesting that every person who needs a bit of financial help now and again, or who is a little bit cheeky in the kind of presents they demand, falls into that category, but....I'd just be wary, that's all.

[ilmw]

There's a certain type of guy I've encountered in life - been out with one of them myself, and seen friends hook up with them now and again too - who is what I'd term an amateur conman. The type of person who cheesily and cheerfully hustles for whatever he can get....whether it's in his personal life or his professional life. From what I've seen, far from drawing the line at taking that attitude with girlfriends, hustlers can be particularly cynical in the way they use the women they're romantically involved with.

 

I've heard men like that rationalise their behaviour in a way that involves sneering at the stupidity or gullibility of the people they use. I've had to represent them now and again and I'm just not a fan of that type. Not suggesting that every person who needs a bit of financial help now and again, or who is a little bit cheeky in the kind of presents they demand, falls into that category, but....I'd just be wary, that's all.

 

Good post... and what I realy wanted to say was "i love your signature" :lmao: ...

[cutegirl]

Just out of curiosity...

 

if you are as strong and independant as you are projecting on here... why do you even care what others think...

 

Why would you be paranoid...

 

Also.... are you a control freak... ... need to in control of everything...?

 

Relationships should be a balance.. of many things... right? What balance to you have in your relationship... .. (?)

 

BTW... when I read your first post on this thread... I imagined you as a High Priced lawyer.. and your Bf working at Burger King... How close am I.. or way of the mark.

 

Oh.. also... this is not meant to be anyform of attack on you... k.. just curious:)

 

Well, I'm only strong in the sense that I don't need to be "protected" or "shielded" from the big bad dangerous world out there. And only independent in the sense that I like to pay for myself, but as in regards to caring about what people think, I'll admit I'm a bit wacky and care a lot about what people think and how I'm perceived. I don't know why but I just DO.

 

I wouldn't say I was paranoid maybe, but I worry a lot about how others perceive me. I would have gotten offended if a salesman assumed my boyfriend was purchasing the car and not me and I would have walked out of there and have to go through the trouble of going somewhere else. I would have taken it as disrespectful. I may be a bit difficult, but I like to be treated with a lot of respect whenever I'm buying something so expensive.

 

And no, I'm not a lawyer, unfortunately I'm not smart nor dedicated enough for that much schooling. I'm only a webmaster. I'm really lazy but I'm lucky that I work in a very lucrative field on-line where the money rolls in rather easily even when I'm not working due to rebills from old sales. It's basically a business that runs itself and money comes in now even when I don't do anything.. hehe

 

My bf doesn't work for Burger King.. hehe.. He used to work as a "lobby ambassador" or security guard. When I said that I made more than him I was comparing it to that job. He's not working at the moment... lol but I don't really want to talk about my personal life but more about gender roles in general I guess.

[ilmw]

Well, I'm only strong in the sense that I don't need to be "protected" or "shielded" from the big bad dangerous world out there. And only independent in the sense that I like to pay for myself, but as in regards to caring about what people think, I'll admit I'm a bit wacky and care a lot about what people think and how I'm perceived. I don't know why but I just DO.

 

I wouldn't say I was paranoid maybe, but I worry a lot about how others perceive me. I would have gotten offended if a salesman assumed my boyfriend was purchasing the car and not me and I would have walked out of there and have to go through the trouble of going somewhere else. I would have taken it as disrespectful. I may be a bit difficult, but I like to be treated with a lot of respect whenever I'm buying something so expensive.

 

And no, I'm not a lawyer, unfortunately I'm not smart nor dedicated enough for that much schooling. I'm only a webmaster. I'm really lazy but I'm lucky that I work in a very lucrative field on-line where the money rolls in rather easily even when I'm not working due to rebills from old sales. It's basically a business that runs itself and money comes in now even when I don't do anything.. hehe

 

My bf doesn't work for Burger King.. hehe.. He used to work as a "lobby ambassador" or security guard. When I said that I made more than him I was comparing it to that job. He's not working at the moment... lol but I don't really want to talk about my personal life but more about gender roles in general I guess.

 

Thats cool... and can respect that..