kellyp1 Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 So, we crossed the line and kissed. Deep, passionate kisses that were better than I could have imagined and more painful. I looked and saw the pain in my MM eyes and knew I could not continue on another second like this. It has to end, if I love him I really have to let go. There are no other solutions. He would have to give up too much and go through way too much pain for us to even have a chance at success. And I don't want to lose him forever. But I will never forget that kiss... I think I love him more than I did before and want to see him feel an ounce of pain even less. I will probably send him a quick text on Xmas wishing him a merry one but give him a lot of space right now to heal. I am not sure if my love for him will ever fade but the space will do me some good too.
pureinheart Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 My heart goes out to you Kelly1 ..((((((((((huggggs)))))))))))
kymberann Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 I don't want to lose him forever. You don't want to turn this situation that could be potentially long and drawn out and with a lot of drama that could be worse for you. the space will do me some good too. You are making a wise decision. You are taking care of your self! That is what matters here most. Let him deal with his own emotions on his own terms, in his own way. He has to decide whether the pain of changing is worth it or not. I wish I would have done this with my MM. I basically had to let MM emotionall degrade me before I would "let him go". Shame on me! NEVER AGAIN! Frannie in another post said it best, "If you find yourself feeling needy of his approval or presence take a huge step back and ask yourself what is happening". Not that i am pointing out that you are needy, BUT, you are certainly not allowing yourself to get further caught up in the situation before it gets any more convoluted. Good on you! We will be here! Be kind to your self, you deserve it. Best
GreenEyedLady Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 K: So sorry girl, that must be so HARD...be strong...
Author kellyp1 Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 I will be strong. Being able to look in someone's eyes and see that they love you but can't do anything about it was very humbling for me. I can say at that moment, I never felt more loved and more sure of what I needed to do at the same time. If we were ever really meant to be together anyway, life will come back around at a time when we can be together and offer us that chance. And if not, over time, we will have shared wonderful moments as being friends. I am way more ok with this then I thought I would be, especially being that it is Christmas eve today. I wish others to be able to feel the same things that he made me feel the other night.
sadbuttrue Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 i know what you mean kelly, but you are much stronger than i could be, or maybe i am too selfish. i know the pain that will result from our affair, but i continue. he tells me he feels bad because he knows that i deserve better than what he can give me. i tell him i am ok with what he can give me when i really am not. you are very noble for stepping back and letting things go like that. lucky for you, you are getting out early.
Author kellyp1 Posted December 27, 2006 Author Posted December 27, 2006 You know, I am not sure why it has been so easy. I can look at him and know my heart is bursting for love for him. I will also never forget the look of sadness in his eyes after we kissed when we talked about how it could never be. I know my own sadness was mirrored in his eyes also. We realized we are both hurting ourselves and each other and that over time, the connection we feel can be something that makes us incredible friends for our entire lives. It is accepting that the love we have for each other can withstand never being able to be together. And for some reason, that is more acceptable to me then us having a physical affair. The physical connection we have is amazing but the emotional connection that bonds us as friends is even greater.
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