Mollyanna Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 What is so wrong with monogamy? Why are some men so against it? He said he "did his time" in his relationship of 12 years and now he wants some free time. Doesn't want to answer to anyone. But tells me that he loves me and cares for me and only wants me to be happy. Says I am the most important person in his life and would like to keep it that way. He said we never know what might happen down the road once we each have our issues worked out. WTF is going on here?
Teacher's Pet Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 My lovely DS... From what you have told me, I think he really DOES love you and care for you. I don't doubt that for a moment. It just sounds like he has a lot of things in life he has to work out, and perhaps he needs some of that much-cliche'd "space" we all talk about on here. He needs to really step back and re-evaluate things. Things that are meant to be usually do happen in the end, so keep the faith. Sometimes it's hard, but I'm trying to, also. You know I love you and I'm rooting for you..... -tp go team go!
Author Mollyanna Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 Thanks TP. I wish I could be as optomistic as you are. I hurt so much tonight. Don't even want to have Christmas. Wish I could just go away for a few days and be by myself. I have heard from his friend that he is lying in his room today in a drunken stupor trying not to think of Christmas either. (because of his Mom's passing). I am so angry and hurt that he dumped me again, yet I want to help him and I don't know how. Last night he even took a stranger home with him from the bar... why can't I just let him go?
Teacher's Pet Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 It's hard to let go, no matter what the circumstance. We create a picture in my mind of how we want our partner's to be, and even when they fall short of expectations, we tend to hold on to that "perfect person" we think may eventually come around. You know my story. My ex dumped me every chance she got, and I still loved her, and "knew" that things would be better one day. I'm here, right? So I think we know how THAT turned out. lol I know you want to help him, and it's so good of you to want to be there for him, especially with everything he's going through, but at the same time, there comes a time when you have to put your own needs first. It's not fair to you to put so much of yourself into another's well-being, just to be slapped in the face, whether they do it intentionally, or because of emotional/artificial influences. Maybe it's Mollyanna time now. I know you want to be there for him, but at what cost to yourself? *hugs his DS tight* I may be Jewish, but I believe in Christmas miracles, and I pray that D finds some strength to work through his problems, or at least finds more productive ways to cope than alcohol and random "hookups". You are probably the best thing that's ever happened to him, and perhaps somehow, that will truly sink in, and he'll begin to heal. In the meantime, you need to take a little more care of yourself. You've had a rough year, you need some "me" time. And some SB/FW time. You. NJ. Now. (One day I'll beg enough, and you'll come) Love ya! -tp like dr. phil, but better looking
Author Mollyanna Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 what is so confusing to me is I don't even know how to feel. I am going through these huge mood swings. One minute I hate him and think who the hell does he think he is - that he could think that I am not good enough for HIM! And I text him and call him and yell at him and call him a whore and tell him he is wasting his life away with all the alcohol and drugs and womanizing. And then the next minute I love him so much and want to help him and think if I just be patient and stop all contact with him, he will realize what a f--k up he has been and he will come running back to me. and then there is the runner in me, the one who wants to say to hell with him and everyone else in my life and just be a loner so I dont' get hurt - because I can't trust anyone right now. All three scenerios bring pain, lots of crying, and way too much sleeping.
Author Mollyanna Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 His ex-girlfriend called me today and we talked for an hour. She said she knows how much he cares about me, because he tells her so. He is afraid if he doesn't get his life sorted out, he will only bring me down. He wants us to be best friends. She even told him that is not possible at this time, that it took them several years before they could be on that level after their breakup. She told him he was making one of the biggest mistakes of his life letting me go. He said he isn't letting me go, he just needs us to be friends right now because he isn't ready to be in a relationship with anyone. D told me he wasn't ready for a relationship all the way back in March. Why didn't I listen? Why did I think if I was a good enough person, attentive, sexy, fun, endearing, that I could win him over? Why did I make it a contest? Now I have lost and it hurts so bad mostly because now I feel like I am not good enough. I gave it my all. I tried my best and it wasn't good enough. Torturing myself today. And for no reason. He said he wasn't ready, he proved he wasn't ready, and I really can't be angry at him, right?
Guest Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 sorry that;s a dealbreaker for me - i can give her everything else she's asking for but i'm not interested in playing the field and if that the big thing that she wants - then theres nothing i can do i can managed everything else - but if u take away exclusivity - that's a receipe for disaster so, if a woman told me that - i would tell her - ok sorry - i can't do that so that would be it honestly - that is the only dealbreaker for me
chryssy83 Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Sure you can be angry!!! I don't really have any advice, but don't feel bad for being angry with him, it's how you feel and it's completely fine.
Author Mollyanna Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 getting drunk and telling your ex via text message that you can't be friends because you still want to ____ him.... That's not such a good thing to do, right?
Teacher's Pet Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 getting drunk and telling your ex via text message that you can't be friends because you still want to ____ him.... That's not such a good thing to do, right? I've FANTASIZED about B doing that to me. She used to LOVE to seduce me (rather graphically) via text. Of course, we all know what her last text message was for.... -tp not bitter. i swear.
Island Girl Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 Sounds like he is stringing you along. He doesn't want you to meet anyone else really - he knows you won't as long as you are stuck with him because you are the type of girl who has let him know you are going to be 'understanding' which to him means doormat. It may seem blunt and I am sorry - I don't mean it to hurt. But you are wasting your time. He is not going to snap out of it and realize he is hurting the greatest person in the world. Why? Because he like everyone on the planet thinks in the recesses of their mind that the greatest person in the world wouldn't let anyone treat them so badly. If he has to do his thing and be single - good riddance. You can find a million guys to treat you like crap. When you think about it, he is NOT special in any way shape or form. You deserve someone who treats you well. That's the one to hang on to. The only thing a bad guy does well is keep the good ones away. Quit wasting your time. Stay away from him, calling him, and get your self-esteem back on track. You deserve someone who values you and sees what a loss it would be to be without you. Not someone who says 'wait around for me to have my own fun, etc. and then - whenever that is - we may have a commitment.' You are watching you life go by when you could be participating. Go get one of the good guys there are a lot more out there than you think.
shoesies05 Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 based on your first post here: sounds like he's just not ready for a commitment. best thing to do is to leave. He seems to be sending the message loud and clear that he just wants to have his fun ( natural, yet selfish) even though he cares for you. It's hard but you have to let go, you can't change who a guy is.
Author Mollyanna Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 Thanks to everyone for your responses. You are right. I do need to let go. Last night in my drunken stupor, I may have accidentally pushed him out of my life anyway. I kept calling and texting (knowing he was on a date). About 3AM and 4 tequilla shots later, the messages got pretty vicious. Then I called and left him a voicemail at 4:30 AM crying and all I said was this "I can't do this anymore, I just can't." My favorite message of the night? "R U f-ing ghetto girl yet? What a shame... you know I do it better than that!" My last message? "Go to Hell. i loved you - which is not something I am easily accustomed to. just pay the bill and we have nothing else to say to one another. i wasted my ****ing heart on you."
Teacher's Pet Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hey DS... At least no one left a drunken slobbering text message on your phone..... -tp oops:eek:
Author Mollyanna Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 TP? Huh, i vaguely remember something now that you remind me of it. What did it say? there is nothing in my inbox anymore. I had to delete the evidence of my own drunk text messaging.
AriaIncognito Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I msged you that night too DS but never heard from you Booo. I wasn't drunk though lol
Teacher's Pet Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I was. :) -tp druckin' funk! (DS.... let's just say it was a cry for help, of sorts.. lol I still have it on my phone, maybe I'll save it for the next time I see you...whenever the hell that'll be!)
Author Mollyanna Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 Jen I definitely don't remember getting a message from you! I only slightly remember one from Ev, saying he was drunk. i think that was after I was already home?
AriaIncognito Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I sent one around 1245am or so I think. I dont know. I could check my log i guess hehe Ok i checked..i sent it at 1246am and it say "happy new year, ev is wasted" lol :-)
Teacher's Pet Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 lol.... "Wish u were here. I am sdo drvnk and i feel like sh*t rite now. Im not 7upposed to feel thismway but i do" There. I think this was shortly before my emotional breakdown in front of Jenn, who happens to have very soft shoulders, I must say. lol -tp ashamed, but amused.
AriaIncognito Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 lol.... "Wish u were here. I am sdo drvnk and i feel like sh*t rite now. Im not 7upposed to feel thismway but i do" There. I think this was shortly before my emotional breakdown in front of Jenn, who happens to have very soft shoulders, I must say. lol -tp ashamed, but amused. My shoulders are merely soft from all the fat... lol
Teacher's Pet Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I have a feeling the 3 of us should spend the next NYE together. I don't know why, but I think it might be a good thing. (Guys, get your minds out of my gutter) -tp reunited, and it feels so good
Teacher's Pet Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 My shoulders are merely soft from all the fat... lol Why did I KNOW you were gonna say that? Stop it! You are GORGEOUS. And DS will attest to that as well. -tp knows a hot chick when he cries on one
Author Mollyanna Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 OK that is just too funny. The message from Jen is the one I remember!! But I thought that was Ev talking in the third person. The one actually from you, Ev... I don't have ANY memory of that one. Poor guy! Sorry you were so sad.
Teacher's Pet Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 OK that is just too funny. The message from Jen is the one I remember!! But I thought that was Ev talking in the third person. The one actually from you, Ev... I don't have ANY memory of that one. Poor guy! Sorry you were so sad. Doing some quick math..... broken engagement + celibacy + lots of alcohol = really bad text messages -tp oh wait, she was a math teacher. ho bag.
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