Nerves

[MuffinMan]

Wow. 6, 12, 13, & 16. You should have an entertaining household. Congrats, everything is going to be great. If MW and I ever end up together, we'll have kids that are 2, 3, 4, & 5 ( 2 girls and 2 boys).

[bonehead]

That what we are going to be. I have 2 boys.

 

Youngest is a little upset because his late night playing will have to stop atleast until they get adjusted a bit.

 

Hey GEL, Hes actually got most of that song down.

[GreenEyedLady]

That what we are going to be. I have 2 boys.

 

Youngest is a little upset because his late night playing will have to stop atleast until they get adjusted a bit.

 

Hey GEL, Hes actually got most of that song down.

 

Awesome...I'd love to hear it...

[pureinheart]

It's scary Bonehead....and the challenges you both will face....my thoughts and prayers are with you in all things....

[GreenEyedLady]

Damn, maybe I need to revisit this issue. surroundings.

 

You should...it'll be a pain if you want to later...it can be done, but it will take time and money...circumstances change...don't give in to every little demand because you feel bad...make sure the settlement is fair...

[bonehead]

It's scary Bonehead....and the challenges you both will face....my thoughts and prayers are with you in all things....

 

Its VERY scary.

 

Im a little more worried about how SHE is going to take it though. I really think she will feel more pressure as far as the kids go.

 

Its a long story, but in the 4 years we have been friends she has truly been more like a mom to my kids then their own mother has. From a distance she has been there for them alot. she has been the one they turn to when they have needed motherly advice.

 

But now that they will be dealing with her every day they will see a side of her they havent seen I dont think. They may realize shes a great mom but not supermom.

[NoIDidn't]

NID: You can't tell me you have walked into the bathroom in the middle of the night and not gotten a wet surprise?

 

Or am I the only toilet-seat challenged one here?

 

GEL:

When I first got married, yes. And I got upset too. But then I realized I wasn't being fair. If he had to put it up, why couldn't I put it down?

 

I love to hear stories from young, newly weds about "bathroom habits". Funny stuff.

 

Bonehead will be posting stories about the funny things going on between the kids soon, I'm sure.

[frannie]

The 'rule' we use is that everyone puts the lid (not just the seat) down when they've finished.

 

That way, everyone knows exactly how the situation will be when they approach the toilet! Then you just pick up which bits you don't need: ladies pick up (and put down) just the lid: men pick up either just the lid, or lid + seat, depending on the nature of their visit (*ahem*).

 

That way no sex feels unduly discriminated against, no one gets a wet bum, and we're all happy happy happy.

 

Now... who actually CLEANS it..? That's the real question

[bonehead]

The 'rule' we use is that everyone puts the lid (not just the seat) down when they've finished.

 

Actually thats what I prefer.

[Meaplus3]

One week till move in day. Starting to get a little nervous.

 

Going to be a huge change for everyone. She called alittle while ago and told me she was droping of the bikes. Got a knot in my stomach. How can I be so excited and worried at the same time?

 

I think part of it is people know her divorce isnt final yet. Most people who know us both say go ahead. Yet others say we are doing wrong by the kids.

 

Hi Bonehead,

 

You have every right to feel nervous and excited at the same time. Change is change period. From what I read from the post's in this thread, it sound's to me like you an MW will work hard together to do the best by the children. I think their ages will blend well. It sounds like they get along very well, which is half the battle right there. I happen to know several blended familes and they are some of the most fun and well adjusted familes I know. Everything will be just fine. I am excited for you. It will all work out.

 

AP:)

 

P.S. Don't worry about the toliet seat thing. So, the girls fall in a couple of time's, LOL!! Trust me, they weill learn to look quickly!

[bonehead]

Hi Bonehead,

 

You have every right to feel nervous and excited at the same time. Change is change period. From what I read from the post's in this thread, it sound's to me like you an MW will work hard together to do the best by the children. I think their ages will blend well. It sounds like they get along very well, which is half the battle right there. I happen to know several blended familes and they are some of the most fun and well adjusted familes I know. Everything will be just fine. I am excited for you. It will all work out.

 

AP:)

 

I cant even begin to list all the feelings Im having.

 

For starters its been two years since I shared my home with anyone but my kids. The three of us know our routine. We know our boundaries, rules and expectations.

 

It is very structured, but it has to be.

 

Ok, call me a bad dad, but the days I work a 24 hour shift my kids do not have a babysitter. When their mom and I separated they did for about six months then we agreed to try it without a babysitter. Yeah I get to stop by the house once in a while during work if we are not busy, but its not a given.

 

So they have known that certain things are required to continue this routine. And so far its worked pretty well.

 

But on the other hand they do have a lot of freedom. If they don't have school the next day they don't have a bed time. Its not uncommon to be able to hear music from OUTSIDE the house. ( I'm also guilty of listening to it loud )

 

So now we are bringing three people in that are going to change things a little. Her kids are total opposite of mine.

 

There had been issues in her marriage for a long time, and her mechanism for dealing with that was to get very close to her children. Her children are very dependent on her. And god forbid their mom be busy at work and not able to answer her phone. I had lunch with her one day after she had a bad run and when I met up with her she was getting chewed out by her oldest because she had a homework problem that she just had to have her help with. Never mind that dad was home, it HAD to be mom.

 

Its also hit me that now I am responsible for the well being of three more people.

 

And on top of that, we have discussed the situation of trying to show all 4 kids what a relationship should be like. All the four of them have know have been bad relationships.

 

I think thats the one that scares me the most. I have seen the effects of my staying in my marraige longer then I should in my oldest. I dont want them exposed to an unhealthy relationship. I want them to see a happy couple.

[Meaplus3]

I cant even begin to list all the feelings Im having.

 

For starters its been two years since I shared my home with anyone but my kids. The three of us know our routine. We know our boundaries, rules and expectations.

 

It is very structured, but it has to be.

 

Ok, call me a bad dad, but the days I work a 24 hour shift my kids do not have a babysitter. When their mom and I separated they did for about six months then we agreed to try it without a babysitter. Yeah I get to stop by the house once in a while during work if we are not busy, but its not a given.

 

So they have known that certain things are required to continue this routine. And so far its worked pretty well.

 

But on the other hand they do have a lot of freedom. If they don't have school the next day they don't have a bed time. Its not uncommon to be able to hear music from OUTSIDE the house. ( I'm also guilty of listening to it loud )

 

So now we are bringing three people in that are going to change things a little. Her kids are total opposite of mine.

 

There had been issues in her marriage for a long time, and her mechanism for dealing with that was to get very close to her children. Her children are very dependent on her. And god forbid their mom be busy at work and not able to answer her phone. I had lunch with her one day after she had a bad run and when I met up with her she was getting chewed out by her oldest because she had a homework problem that she just had to have her help with. Never mind that dad was home, it HAD to be mom.

 

Its also hit me that now I am responsible for the well being of three more people.

 

And on top of that, we have discussed the situation of trying to show all 4 kids what a relationship should be like. All the four of them have know have been bad relationships.

 

I think thats the one that scares me the most. I have seen the effects of my staying in my marraige longer then I should in my oldest. I dont want them exposed to an unhealthy relationship. I want them to see a happy couple.

 

Bonehead, And they will see a happy couple you and MW! This adjustment will take time for everyone. Everything you are feeling is so normal. As for 3 more people to be resposible for, that is a big one. But time, patience and working together as a team will get you there! Hold you head high, and breathe deep, you can get thru this my friend! Hugs!

 

AP:) :)

[bonehead]

But time, patience and working together as a team will get you there! Hold you head high, and breathe deep, you can get thru this my friend! Hugs!

 

I have no doubts we will do well, maybe even great.

 

I think its going to drive the kids NUTS!!!!!!

 

when my oldest called me last night after the bikes got dropped off he actually swore at me, but got away with it, even got me to laugh.

 

He could tell I was a little nervous. Said he could hear a little self doubt in my voice. I told him I did have a fear of how all the kids would adjust.

 

His reply?

 

" Dad, we all know how you two feel about us. We are going to be the luckest kids on earth, oh and by the way FU bonehead!!!! "

[kymberann]

Why am I humming to t he tune of "the brady bunch...." as I read these posts!!!

 

As for the toilet lid, all girls in my house and we have a padded seat. Nothing better than stumbling in the middle of the nite for a quick whiz and landing on a cushiony seat!

Nothing worse than hitting your bum on cold porcelean and that feeling of falling into even colder water! Forget about getting back to sleep! The night is ruined!

[bonehead]

Had a WONDERFUL day at my mothers.

 

Counting kids, grand kids and great grand kids close to 30 people.

 

All I told MW was that the boys and I were going to my moms, and that she was more then welcomed to come. she didn't want to get up as early as what we went down so I didn't think she would make the 80 mile drive by herself.

 

I was wrong. She pulled in the drive, saw all the cars and about flipped.

 

She has met my mother and one of my brothers, that's it UNTIL TODAY!!!! Her girls about dove out of the car when they saw the horses, they had never been that close to a horse, let alone a Clydesdale. you would have thought they had been members of the family for years.

 

I left about 830 since I have to work tomorrow. She left about 10.

 

The boys and I had already made plans with a bunch of friends for a NYE paintball game ( at night ) guess where she and her girls are going NYE? My mom invited them to her place, and they are going.

[kymberann]

Aww, sounds like things are on the up and up! Here's to you and the brood!

Best with the pending transition!

[bonehead]

Aww, sounds like things are on the up and up! Here's to you and the brood!

Best with the pending transition!

 

Thank you.

 

If they could survive today then I think everything will be ok.

[pureinheart]

I have no doubts we will do well, maybe even great.

 

I think its going to drive the kids NUTS!!!!!!

 

when my oldest called me last night after the bikes got dropped off he actually swore at me, but got away with it, even got me to laugh.

 

He could tell I was a little nervous. Said he could hear a little self doubt in my voice. I told him I did have a fear of how all the kids would adjust.

 

His reply?

 

" Dad, we all know how you two feel about us. We are going to be the luckest kids on earth, oh and by the way FU bonehead!!!! "

 

 

Bonehead....you really are one of the good guys! I think what kids like is "real"....kids do best in that type of atmosphere....I don't lie to my kids and they don't lie to me.

 

I think being too "stiff necked" with kids can cause them to go in the wrong direction....it's hard to explain, but I was tough and lienient at the same time....for Gods sake we can't monitor our kids 24/7....they have to be given freedom....to make mistakes while they are still at home.

 

My kids know all of my past, if parents never tell them about their mistakes, then kids grow up with mix signals and actually are taught to "hide" things.

 

My parents NEVER talked to me about their mistakes....so I am thinking I am horrible and think I have to hide it so that I won't loose their respect....

 

Bonehead, I wish you 6 all of the very, very, very best!

[bonehead]

Bonehead....you really are one of the good guys! I think what kids like is "real"....kids do best in that type of atmosphere....I don't lie to my kids and they don't lie to me.

 

I think being too "stiff necked" with kids can cause them to go in the wrong direction....it's hard to explain, but I was tough and lienient at the same time....for Gods sake we can't monitor our kids 24/7....they have to be given freedom....to make mistakes while they are still at home.

 

My kids know all of my past, if parents never tell them about their mistakes, then kids grow up with mix signals and actually are taught to "hide" things.

 

My parents NEVER talked to me about their mistakes....so I am thinking I am horrible and think I have to hide it so that I won't loose their respect....

 

Bonehead, I wish you 6 all of the very, very, very best!

 

I wouldnt say Im one of the good guys. There is nothing special about me.

 

If we have to watch our children 24/7 then we will have failed as parents.

 

As far as knowing ALL my mistakes, no they dont and never will, but thats a different story.

[Okeydokey]

Hi Bonehead - I hope that I'm not jumping in on an intimate thread amongst old friends, but I read through the whole thing and I have to say I found it really touching and many congratulations on this new development.

 

It sounds like you and your SO have gone about taking this step in a very healthy way - ensuring that your children are comfortable w/each other and w/ the new SO in their lives. Im guessing that the first 3-6 weeks will probably be tough getting used to new 'roomates' (for lack of a better word), but after that it will be worth it. I think the two of you are teaching your children a very good lesson about adult relationships: 1. when a relationship is no longer health - you have to get out and 2. when an adult has the opportunity for a new happy relationship it should be pursued even if it requires other people in their lives to adjust a bit. So, I support you all the way. Try not to worry too much - this thread alone shows that you have put a lot of thought into how to go about making this work. Congratulations!

[kymberann]

Pure,

 

So true about child rearing. I don't hide things from my kids. They knew about the A. Of course I didn't give them details, but they were and are there with me every step of the way. They have seen my pain. I haven't told them "don't get messed up with a MM" but just from my experience and the hard long cries, I think they get the idea!

 

I don't force feed my kids with issues, but I certainly do not want them naive either. We have open discussions about many things.

 

I don't go into detail about mistakes but I certainly don't like keeping secrets. I just keep reminding myself that if we do then we are just as sick as our secrets!

[kymberann]

BH can we clone you????

[oyster]

The 'rule' we use is that everyone puts the lid (not just the seat) down when they've finished.

 

no one is thinking outside the box here. I always leave it down and use it like a woman, sit down to urinate so I don't ever need to raise and lower the seat.

 

Simple change in habits.

[kymberann]

I don't have to think outside the box on this one! That's the way I already do it! WHy change when it works for me!!

 

Besides I think some guys would be a bit intimidated or freaked if they heard us girls using the toilet in guy fasion! Right!!

[bonehead]

BH can we clone you????

 

Trust me, you wouldnt want to do that.