A letter to my ex shall I give her it?

[theplastickid]

I was planning on giving this to her and just saying, read it when your ready and not before.

 

To Lilli,

 

I did not want to call you or meet you because I know all that would have done was piss you off and got on your nerves. So I thought I would just write you this (gay I know but probably the best way for us both) and this would not fit in a text message [FONT=Wingdings]J[/FONT]. I did not want to ruin or impose on your Christmas that is why I will tell you to open and read this when you are ready and hopefully you have done so after Christmas.

 

I know you do not want to be with me… I know you feel I am a threat to your independence. I am unsure if you love me or are attracted to me or if maybe you are bored of what I have to offer you.

 

All I have ever done is love you with all of my heart Lilli you were and still are absolutely everything to me and no matter what you do to me or what I try to think about you I can not hate you and never will.

 

We both have done badly at times in our relationship and we are both aware of it. There is absolutely nothing I can do to erase the past, if I could I would! I have been controlling in ways on more than one occasion and never took your independence as seriously as I should have and I think immediately built a foundation of distrust and hate towards me within your mind. There is nothing else I can say about that but sorry. I have been a hypocrite and when I look at myself from the outside in I am disgusted with some of the things I have done and how I have treated you, I will never make the same mistake again and some of the things I will never personally be able to live down. You are my first real love and I don’t have exactly tons of experience with relationships but that still does not excuse how I treated you.

 

We are not mind readers and everyone makes mistakes, we can not interpret everyone completely as much as we’d like to think we can. There has been a lot of thought in my head this past week trying to understand what caused you to leave me for good and what I can do to fix it, but I can not fix a broken heart especially one as fragile as yours. I try understanding our problems we had and I try to understand completely why you took the course of action you did, I can never completely understand everything but I can give it my all. Maybe I gave you too much in the form of material possession in an attempt to somehow buy your love or maybe I just let my guard down and was too submissive giving up my confidence and attraction that bought you to me the moment we met or maybe I just became too god damn boring, lol.

 

All the time we were together I tried to pass blame to you, almost demanding you change for me with the thought in mind that “I would change for you”. Although I never did. I said I would stop training for you and I would do this and that… but the real things you wanted me to change I didn’t. I blatantly refused to go out and have fun with you depriving you of what you need from a boyfriend and even worse I insulted you (be it directly or indirectly) for the fun that you had. It was never the clubs, the people, the music (to be honest I actually don’t mind club music) or even the drink I hated it was only myself… I lied to myself so much I actually started believing myself, this week has made me realise that and if we never had time apart I would have never of realised, so thank you.

 

I hated having to work 5 days a week and train Lilli I absolutely hated it. But I felt I had no other choice, I got trapped in the system if you will and it pulled me down… I built an obsession with seeing you due to my lack of time which inevitably led to me becoming controlling.

 

All I wanted deep down was for us to go back to how we were at the start, those moments with you were beautiful and amazing and I can remember and I cherish every one of them. The night at Leannes, the 3am and sometimes 5am nights [FONT=Wingdings]J[/FONT], the night we lay on the beach together the night of our first kiss, the drive in the car to McDonalds to get you that shake… everyone of them. You fell in love with someone fun, confident and exciting Lilli and all I ever want is to try and be that person for you again. When we met I truly believe that in your heart you let yourself go and I know I did too…

 

I would love to just let go of the past and forget it all and to be completely, honest I know I could. I know you don’t believe that love conquers all but I love you and it will conquer any piece of **** past that steps in front of it if you let it… they say opposites attract and it is so true because believe me when I say I wouldn’t have you any differently! It is your difference that I love; it is your fiery personality that turns me on. If two people are the same they might as well be alone.

 

I will be in my house until the 8th after that I will be in the flat. If you would like to see me you know where it is (number 10 I think). If you want to see me, do not think about how I will act, and hesitate. Just trust me walk out of that door and come.

 

I know what you need is time and as much as my heart is breaking I will give it to you, as much as you need. Everyone has second thoughts about life and love and general things if we didn’t we would not be normal, so I completely understand why you question and why you need your own space.

 

Nothing I say will change how you feel this is not what this letter was intended to do. All I want is for you to remember the good times we had, I want you to know that I love you with every single bit of mind body and soul that I have and that I would do absolutely ANYTHING for you even if you would not for me.

 

Love you always and forever my sexy bum,

-Brett.

Cause you're beautiful and everyone knows it

And you're everything I want you to be

I got sunshine on my face

My smile shows it

Well it can't be wrong

Cause you're so right for me

[Guest]

punching bag. This I tolerated because I was his wife and that was what a wife did. Exactly 10 months from the date we got married he left me, that date being October 22, I try ever year to not let the memory of that day and all that

[theplastickid]

bump ^^^^^

[Guest]

In my view, these kinds of letters are more an act of desperation than they are a real means of finding closure with an ex. So no, don't give it to her, although most people can't and won't follow this advice, blindly thinking they are doing the right thing.

 

Don't kid yourself. Nothing magical that you say or write will prevent a woman from breaking up with you. In fact, saying things you will always love her with all of your heart and you would do anything for her will more likely push her away. I know you THINK that writing those things may make her change her mind, but most likely they won't.

 

When you're happy, secure, and confident again on your own, THAT's when you're most appealing to those who have broken up with you. Give her silence and try to move on. Then, if and when she comes back, you can start over with her or say sorry, you had your chance to love me as I am and you didn't, so See Ya. I mean, sure, people most grow together in a relationship, but how much of yourself are you expected to change in order for a person to love you??

[shawn_68]

Nothing I say will change how you feel this is not what this letter was intended to do. All I want is for you to remember the good times we had ...

 

You are right. Nothing you say will change anything. She might feel pity, but that's hardly what you want to leave her with.

 

I wouldn't send the letter. If you REALLY just want her to remember the good then walk away and never look back. Let her remember a strong person that is moving on with his life. It's not what you wanted, but there is nothing you can do about it. So you take it like a man.

 

Walk off into the sunset.

[notmakingsense]

Are you saying anything in the letter that she hasn't already heard from you in person at the time of the break-up? Any new revelations or admissions here?

 

If not, don't send the letter -- just let it go and move on. She's probably already heard you say you are sorry. Now go and give her the chance to miss you. She'll reach out and contact you if she has a change of heart.

 

In the mean-time, conduct yourself as if she won't come back. Work on yourself, spend time with friends and family, relfect on your experience and think of a way that you won't repeat history with the next girl.

[Lowcountryman]

I wouldn't send the letter. There's been a couple of instances where I've sent a long letter to a couple girls I had feelings for and it got me no where. You won't get any response to it. I would wait until she is ready to listen and then tell her how you feel. Words mean more when you can tell someone face to face, there's more emotion in it. Save the letter but don't send it.

[Lowcountryman]

Oh and I meant to add I sent my ex gf a christmas card last week and I've gotten no response to it, its just a bad idea.

[D-Lish]

If you're going to send the letter, you have to be alright with the fact that you may not get a response- or at least not the response you're hoping for.

 

If you are at peace with that possibility, there's no harm in sending the e-mail.

 

I too have sent a lengthy expression of my feelings and "I'm sorry's" to my ex... 2 of them actually. He did not respond to either of them. That just made me feel worse- mostly because I was hoping for a response.

 

So, if you have no expectations, if it helps to give you closure to send it, then go ahead. But if you do so with the hopes of a reconciliation or positive response... you may be setting yourself up for rejection.

 

So think about your expectations before sending it.

D

[shawn_68]

If you're going to send the letter, you have to be alright with the fact that you may not get a response- or at least not the response you're hoping for.

 

This is very true. But from the dumper's perspective, they will generally lose respect for someone that sends mushy letters after a breakup -- especially if the male is sending the mushy stuff!! Not good.

 

Things ARE a bit different for us men, D.

[Rooster_DAR]

The only letter I will be sending to my EX will have Anthrax in it.

[uksteve]

The only letter I will be sending to my EX will have Anthrax in it.

 

That made me laugh!!

 

 

With regard to the letter, dont send it, it will do no good.

[theplastickid]

thanks for the reply's i will not be sending it. my ex i dont think wants to leave me for good, she just needs space and wants that spark that we had in the beginning. she said she still wants to be friends and stuff and she says if it is ment to be it is ment to be. I said to her "can i just get over you please" and she said "ummmmmmm maybe... oh i dunno, can we not talk about it" so i think she just needs a little space and thinking time. in a couple of weeks i will be in my new place maybe she can come on round and see how we are then...

[Diver012]

Good decision on not sending the letter. I would also be careful with the hope that she just needs space. At this point I would have no expectations on what she is going to do with her life. I would concenrate on your own life and just let the rest go.

 

Breaking up is hard enough, getting back together and staying together after such an experience is even harder to do... JMHO

[theplastickid]

yeah thanks diver i understand. although the letter looks like i am the bad guy really i contributed to about 1% of the bad in the relationship. She dosn't blame me at all she says she only blames herself. She says she ****ed it up and she knows it and basically she dosn't want to put me through the hell anymore.

 

She really does hate herself for some reason, she is always calling herself a bitch and his some real self issues, deep down, i think this is why i have hung on for so long in kind of a desperate attempt to save her.

 

She has said to me and her friend "who knows in a month i will probably realise i have made the biggest mistake in my life". I thinks she knows for certain this is how she will feel but she can not just predict it she has to live it to truly realise it.

 

I am giving the silent treatment for the next few weeks, i am moving into my own flat on the 8th of jan (she was supposed to be living with me). I will settle there for a bit, continue with my bodybuilding like i was when we first met and maybe mid way through january i will have our friend invite her round to come and check the place out or maybe even wait for her to ask to come round.

 

If she contacts within that time period i will act very casual still contact back but keep it breif.

[theplastickid]

i want her back so badly this silence business is well hard!

[Guest]

You sound like a nice enough guy, so please try your best to stop pining for her.

 

You're already playing psychological games with yourself planning for future contact with her and inviting her over, etc.

 

The best advice anyone ever gave me was to move on when a woman says she wants space. That makes them come back the fastest if they are going to and if they don't, it helps you move on the fastest.

 

Focus on your life right now and stop trying to "save" other people. They must make their own mistakes and can't be coddled during these times. Only consequences, not verbose emotional letters or pleadings, opens their eyes.

[theplastickid]

yeah i understand, besides the phoning her up drunk last night that is it... i am gone and gone for good.

 

I dont know how she could do this to me though. She has seen me everyday for 10 months and then the day before my birthday just says, i dont want to be with you anymore. I fully acknowlage every single problem i have and said i will iradicate them if she gave me a 2nd chance she says no I just dont want it right now.

 

She kissed another guy once and i forgave her for it immediatly and brushed it off as a drunken mistake...

 

this girl is my entire world, she is what i live for the biggest emotion i have more than anything is shock, just the pure shock that someone could do this to another human being.

 

She has been such a nice girl to me as well. HOW CAN SHE JUST TURN LIKE INTO SATAN ON ME OVER NIGHT????!!!! I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!

[theplastickid]

i am going NC but it is so hard so my sister has taken my phone off me and is now going to read her messages should i get one from her... and wont let me contact her first lol. I feel like someone trying to come off heroin.

[Grrlish]

The only letter I will be sending to my EX will have Anthrax in it.

 

 

At the moment, all I can say is: Ditto.

 

Brett:

 

After almost 6 months of magic, my boyfriend sent me an email last week that I think was ending our relationship.

 

I'm certain that a typical response is for the recipient of such an email to respond with detailed specifics to each of his comments.

 

There's no way that I'm going to put anything in writing at this point. If he wants to talk about things, then I am open to it.

 

Sensitive conversations should be had in person. Emails...text messages...much too impersonal.

 

And the feeling that accompanies putting your innermost thoughts and feelings down on paper, having a person read it, and then ignore it or, worse, feel pity for you...well, that feeling sucks. You usually just wind up wishing that you could go back in time and NOT send the note.

 

I don't really subscribe to the idea of closure through interaction. Or, more specifically, by trying to resolve things in conjunction with someone. The only closure that I've ever found is through acceptance - of the situation and the person as they are. In other words, acknowledging the facts, the reality.

 

And Brett, I can relate to wondering how someone can change, seemingly, overnight. I'm floored by my boyfriend's behavior. He has been the most compassionate, patient, open man I've dated in a very long time. He told me that he loved me, he said 'forever' to me countless times, he even mentioned us possibly moving out of the area together (he's been thinking about moving to be closer to his elderly mother).

 

I don't understand, either.

 

But I'm not so sure that these things actually do happen 'over night'. Still, I'm not going to try and analyze the crap out of it. I've done that in the past and almost drove myself nuts one time.

 

Try to pull back and see how things go. See if she comes back on her own. If not, well, you sound like a good guy and someone else who appreciates your qualities will come along when you're heart is ready to be open again.

[theplastickid]

thank you. i really hope that she does. she just needs time i think. the whole arguement is that she wants to go out and party and stuff and i am very mature and well you could say boring for my age. she knows everytime shes does it even if i say im fine that deep down she is hurting me and he feels guilt for everything she does. i have told her this is not the case and it truly isn't, but there is no reasoning. I will just have to proceed with NC and like you say she will have to come back on her own. i can not force her back into my life.