accurized Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about two months now. We had the most wonderful first date and for the first month and a half we were together all the time. She has made comments of a future many times but in the past week and a half she's totally pushed me away and I haven't seen her in a week now. She told me that she and I weren't at the same point in the relationship. I've told her that I loved her and the most she said was that she was very much in like with me. She said that she thought we needed to just let it be what it is and live day to day now. She thinks she's damaged goods and that she doesn't know know how to love again right now. She calls me every day but she's been rude and short with me the past week. The past two days we've had better conversations and she wants me to go with her to her parents as we planned for Christmas eve tomorrow. She's made excuses all week why we couldn't see each other and for next week (the week were were supposed to spend together since her kids will be with their father) now is filled with spending time with friends she's neglected and a new girlfriend from college that she's met then she said (me last) that she has to make time for me too. I really care for her and her children and I want to do what's right to make the relationship work. I need to know what I can do if anything to not lose her. Does she want me to chase her? She's said that in the beginning. How do you do that? What's the rules on that and how do you go after someone to knock down those barriers she's thrown up to set me up for the fall. Thanks for reading and I appreciate any response...
brickaney Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Sounds like a drama queen to me. If she's got kids she's going to be stressed out. Showing your stronger attachment may scare her away. It's only been two months...Honestly I think you're better off without her. She's showing she isn't interested by being rude & short with you. She seems resentful & it's probly not anything you did but she's taking it out on you by neglecting you. I urge you to stay away from her. She's an unhappy person & she's looking for a punching bag. YOU sir, are that punching bag & things are not going to change. Especially since it's only bee two months and she's already abusing you in the relationship. Please leave her. You deserve better.
Author accurized Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 Thank you so much for your response. This is what my friends have been telling me. The thing is she keeps me hanging. She called me earlier and was all happy and talking about tomorrow at her parents. I'm going to go and see if she puts on a face for them and after we leave if she acts differently like she did the last time we left. I just don't see how someone can get close to a person being intimate and staying with you for a month every night then just turn on you like this. Thanks again
brickaney Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 I just don't see how someone can get close to a person being intimate and staying with you for a month every night then just turn on you like this. Because she's nuts hahahaha. Sometimes crazy people are really good actors & can convince people they're normal. You're the victim & you've already been through too much abuse. It's polite of you to go to her parents with her but I honestly think she's going to attempt to make you think she's normal. She could act nice & loving for weeks but her habbits show she'll turn on you again.
Author accurized Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 Another thing. We've been intimate twice and now she has a problem with me seeing her naked. She says she's just not comfortable with me seeing her like that yet. One of her quotes is " I'm just not there yet." She keeps telling me that I need to give her time to get where I am in this relationship. And when I mention anything about "us" and where we are she gets arguementative and says I'm pushing her away.. when she was "getting closer to me."
brickaney Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Hahaha yeah she's upset because she's realized she can't control you. She's trying to drag you in letting out her "insecurities" so you'll feel guilty thinking about leaving her. She's making up a lot of excuses. Seriously just leave her. There are soooooooo many other women out there that don't play mind games like this. She's got too many issues & she think she needs to place all her burdens on someone (you). Dump her before she figures out how to make you feel bad enough to stay with her. You deserve love not guilt hahaha.
brickaney Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 She keeps telling me that I need to give her time to get where I am in this relationship. And when I mention anything about "us" and where we are she gets arguementative and says I'm pushing her away.. when she was "getting closer to me." Another thing: she seems to blame you a lot. Please recognize this because she's not going to change. She's got you convinced you're not good enough/ you're not doing things right. She's convinced she's in charge of the relationship & she's convinced she's doing nothing wrong. She's also a mother & is always going to feel authoritative. She needs a reality check. You are an adult. You deserve to be treated like one. You have value. You deserve to be valued. She sounds very self-centered, controlling, obviously manipulative, & oblivious. Stop letting her control you & treat you like you're one of her children. She is completely undermining you with her words & actions. She's making you think she's the victim so you will open up enough for her to take control of you. I understand it would be difficult to get rid of someone like this seeing as she knows how to hurt you now. She's like that thing in the box in that Harry Potter movie: I forget which one it is, I think it's the second most recent one. Prisoner of Azcaban? i dunno anyways, analogy: There's this creature in this box & when they open the box it transforms into whatever the person in front of the box fears most. Basically she's like the thing in the box. HAHAHAHA this is probably the worst analogy ever but I hope you get my point. She's going to keep manipulating you & scaring you into staying with her until she sucks the life out of you. Dump her before she learns any new tricks.
Author accurized Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 Hehe yeah thanks Brick. I've got a lot of issues with how she treats me. It's not been a cake walk this girl and our relationship. She tells me how she wants me to answer her on the phone. "Hey" to her is to abrupt she wants "Hello". This has been happening for about three weeks now. At first she said I had this entire balance thing going on that she liked so much. Then she starts telling me I don't "get her" and she wants me to be able to communicate with her and understand her sarcasm. I've been pretty tore up the past week about all this. I've had that "gut feeling" like someone punched you in the stomach all week. Another example. Last week when most of this started she had told me she wants me to be able to tell her everything. So on the way home she tells me in a roundabout way that after I carry the presents in and she puts the kids to bed before I leave.. well I was wanting to stay with her that night, hell she'd teased me with sex talk part of the day and I was thinking I was staying. So I tell her I wanted to stay with her tonight and then the arguement starts. She was getting closer to me and now I'm pushing her away. I'm mentally fed up with it. I'm going to her parents with her tomorrow and this will more than likely be our last hurrah if she doesn't do some major changing. I want this to work if she can get over all this crap she's dishing out and let it go back to the way it was our first month together. (which was wonderful) Thanks again Brick
Author accurized Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 Well it ended today. She said that she just wasn't ready for a relationship. That if she had to pick a perfect man that I'd be the one. But she's not ready. She gets very defensive when I mention anything in my defense. She gets loud and tells me "see this is what I'm talking about" So it's over now... thanks
Island Girl Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 No contact no contact no contact. Don't be surprised if, as long as you don't call her or talk to her, she resurfaces. It sounds like one of the women with that M.O. If she does and you have ANY inkling of getting back with her, memorize the first post of Compilation of How to Win Someone Back here on LS. You can't get sucked back in to the "I'm just not there yet" crrrrrap.
Author accurized Posted December 31, 2006 Author Posted December 31, 2006 Where is that post? I've looked everywhere. Thanks for the response. Yes I would like to get back what we had at the start of the relationship. It was great. But I'm worried that it might have been her being happy with the chase.
Island Girl Posted January 1, 2007 Posted January 1, 2007 Here is the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t96092/ It turned into a debate -- however - having been one of these girls (what you described could have been a scenario from my past), it all rings true and I believe it wholeheartedly. Just remember the mind games she was playing at the end caused some damage to you and you need to regain that and your perspective before talking to her, etc. so you won't be manipulated again.
Author accurized Posted January 1, 2007 Author Posted January 1, 2007 Thanks Island Girl. I'm not going to contact her. I'm moving on with my life. If she calls I'll try my best to do what I read in the post you suggested. I'm pretty much indifferent to the entire situation right now. Yes I'm hurt. But I'll be ok. I still have to return a coupla things I have of hers. What's the best way to go about this without getting into a conversation with her about us or letting her suck me into that. I don't think she will but if she does I want to say and act the proper way. I'll update as things occor. Thanks again you all have been a great help.
Author accurized Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Well the no contact is going ok. I still miss her. She moved me off her myspace top people and deleted all the comments I and my friends had made on her page. She hasn't deleted me from her friends though so at least I know she's hanging on to something. I'm keeping the NC faith.!! it sucks but I'm doing it.
ls3360 Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 She might have been truthful when she said she is damaged goods. What you describe fits this to a T. She might truly be having the trouble she says she has. Short story: If she was emotionally damaged, something like this can take years to resolve and it is likely you're going to be heavily damaged in the process if you stick around. Your presence might even slow or prevent her recovery. I'm working of limited information about your situation, but it sounds like you should amicably go your separate ways and hope the best for her.
Author accurized Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 Yep she contacted me about 30 minutes ago and we chatted online on an IM for about 30 minutes. She said her family had a hard time understanding why she let me go after she had told them that I was so good for her. She's not saying that one day we might be able to be together but she doesn't want me to wait around for her. I did the NC hardcore and didn't contact her or anythingl. She tried to IM me three days ago but I didn't respond. I have to go over and pick something up from her on Monday and need some advice in what to do. Thanks
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