fotttoday Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 This is a tough one. My gf of almost 3 1/2 years split up about a month ago. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I have been struggling with depression from a heart problem for about 8 months and we had grown apart.(I have changed medication and am alot better) I didn't help around the house or with our baby very much and she felt all alone, at least this is why she says she kissed a guy at a bar about 1 month ago. She says it had nothing to do with the guy just that he was showing her attention. She said she didn't want to tell me she was hurting because I was going through so much. About a week after it happened I got on my new meds and my depression went away, I explained to her she had to make the choice to cheat but that I was willing to forgive her and work this out. We made love a few times that week and then I catch her texting this guy, they both say they are just friends and he turns out to be an ass send me mean txt msg's and she quits being his friend but now she said she wants her space. She said she wanted to go to counseling so we started that. After the first week we had sex a couple times but then nothing, she just quit saying I love or giving me hugs. Now she says she wants to re build our friendship and become friends again before we get back into a relationship. She had invited me to her family's for xmas eve, x mas day, and she wants to go to my relative tomorrow. She'll sometimes say she loves me but at the last counselor session she said she said she dosn't want to have sex or even kiss anymore. I told her if she just wants to be friends let me know but she says that's not what she wants. She says she wants space and to not talk about it until after the holidays but today she told me she loved me 3 times but when I left after seeing our kid no hug, kiss, goodbye, anything. It's always off/on and it hard to deal with. What does space mean? We have a kid and have been together for over three years why can't she talk to me?
JLO22 Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 You have to stay strong for your child 1st! Maybe she is going through some trying times in her life and cannot express to you or anyone how she is feeling. She sounds like she might have split personality>>><<<< SPACE means that she want to be left alone for awhile, she need to do some thinking, regroup herself. Even if it mean to put the relationship on hold for a while and be SINGLE...... She might be having second thoughts on the relationship, not happy with the realationship....... Space can mean alot of things.. but most of the time SPACE mean "Lets call this realationship a done deal" In some cases space can go on for weeks, months, years, and move on to new relationship. Have you tired talking to her and asking her what exaclty is wrong with her? Do you guys live together?
Rooster_DAR Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 This is a tough one. My gf of almost 3 1/2 years split up about a month ago. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I have been struggling with depression from a heart problem for about 8 months and we had grown apart.(I have changed medication and am alot better) I didn't help around the house or with our baby very much and she felt all alone, at least this is why she says she kissed a guy at a bar about 1 month ago. She says it had nothing to do with the guy just that he was showing her attention. She said she didn't want to tell me she was hurting because I was going through so much. About a week after it happened I got on my new meds and my depression went away, I explained to her she had to make the choice to cheat but that I was willing to forgive her and work this out. We made love a few times that week and then I catch her texting this guy, they both say they are just friends and he turns out to be an ass send me mean txt msg's and she quits being his friend but now she said she wants her space. She said she wanted to go to counseling so we started that. After the first week we had sex a couple times but then nothing, she just quit saying I love or giving me hugs. Now she says she wants to re build our friendship and become friends again before we get back into a relationship. She had invited me to her family's for xmas eve, x mas day, and she wants to go to my relative tomorrow. She'll sometimes say she loves me but at the last counselor session she said she said she dosn't want to have sex or even kiss anymore. I told her if she just wants to be friends let me know but she says that's not what she wants. She says she wants space and to not talk about it until after the holidays but today she told me she loved me 3 times but when I left after seeing our kid no hug, kiss, goodbye, anything. It's always off/on and it hard to deal with. What does space mean? We have a kid and have been together for over three years why can't she talk to me? I'll tell you what's happening. She is seeing someone else and you are now being use as the fall guy. I want to give you some optimistic answers, but I don't have any. She'll sometimes say she loves me but at the last counselor session she said she said she dosn't want to have sex or even kiss anymore. This is because she is now exclusive with her new partner, and she more than likely has promised her fidelity to him. I get so tired of this crap as I see it day in and day out, and people like you being destroyed by it. Look, you probably are going to have to go through a long emotional ordeal with this, but please understand you deserve better than this. All this is predictable behaviour of a cheating spouse, as you will learn by researching all the other relationships that have endured this same fate. They all have the same predictable pattern. I'm a bit tired, I'll try to offer you some more support tommorow. Other LS members can help you undertand this as well. Sorry for the crap, good luck!
Author fotttoday Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 I am trying to stay strong for my child but don't know how long I can last. The emotional rollercoaster is just to much. We used to live together but now I stay there off/on mostly off for the last week 1/2. She did have a # I ddnt recognize on her phone today, but she called me more times today then ever? I don't know how she would be seeing someone else she has been home every weekend and many times I have been there. If she is seeing someone else why would she continue to go to the couples counseling? Why would she ask me to go to her family's house for Christmas. Why does she want to do something for new years? Someone mentioned to me before about her having split personalities? When I try to talk to her most of the time she gets upset. But the other day she called up out of the blue and said she called to tell me she loved me? Hopefully I can get some good questions to ask her from here and gt this figured out after our "no talking about us over the holidays" rule. So please, any questions I should ask or advice on how to handle this situation will help. I am at my end and need all the help possible!
Guest Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 "She'll sometimes say she loves me but at the last counselor session she said she said she dosn't want to have sex or even kiss anymore. I told her if she just wants to be friends let me know but she says that's not what she wants. She says she wants space and to not talk about it until after the holidays but today she told me she loved me 3 times but when I left after seeing our kid no hug, kiss, goodbye, anything. It's always off/on and it hard to deal with. What does space mean? We have a kid and have been together for over three years why can't she talk to me?" If I may add a few calming words regarding things such as this - i believe the longer any thing like this stays in the shadows, the chances are each person will not heal and become better. i have no problem discussing these issues and i place a BIG PROIRITY on us talking about this as soon as possible and then figuring out what comes next. When some tells u that they have a problem seeing u in an intimate way, then there is no real reason to think we could be together. But I would appreciate knowing why this is. I have my msn im logged on and you know the addy. thank u
JLO22 Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Well please dont stress out about it... I know it's hard but you have a depression problem and dont want that to go SOUTH! So for you I would ask her is she cheating? Do she want to call this realationship quits? How do she really feel for you? Tell her to pour it all out hold nothing back...... Let her know if it sounds harsh so be it you need to know what her dang problem is! OR show her and break the relationship OFF, move on to someone who cares and will appericate your love! I bet she will realize what she had.... You never know what you got until it's gone!
Guest Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Well, To Be Honest The First Thing I Would Like Is For Us To Talk About This Not On Here, And I Think Msn Im Would Be A Good Way To Start Instead Of Face To Face - Get The Tough Stuff Out There - As I Have Things As Well - This Is Not One Sided Now, The Priority Is Her Health. I Need To Know Exaxctly What Is Going On Becuase If I Am To Be Able To Support And Love Her In Any Way, I Can Do So Blind - I Need Information - And That Will Alwyas Stay Between Us. The Other Questions Are Really Secondary - Health First If Thats Ok As For The Other Stuff, There Only Like 2 Or 3 Questions - I Don't Want Or Need To Make This Something Hurtful - The Opposite In Fact I Guess The Big One Is Single Or Dating? I Am Single I Guess The Other Thing Is Does She Want To Met Saturday? That Wouild Be Today [lol] And Would She Like To Do Anything Over The Holidays - I Am Flexible So If She Is Busy That Is Fine
Rooster_DAR Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I am trying to stay strong for my child but don't know how long I can last. The emotional rollercoaster is just to much. We used to live together but now I stay there off/on mostly off for the last week 1/2. She did have a # I ddnt recognize on her phone today, but she called me more times today then ever? I don't know how she would be seeing someone else she has been home every weekend and many times I have been there. If she is seeing someone else why would she continue to go to the couples counseling? Why would she ask me to go to her family's house for Christmas. Why does she want to do something for new years? Someone mentioned to me before about her having split personalities? When I try to talk to her most of the time she gets upset. But the other day she called up out of the blue and said she called to tell me she loved me? Hopefully I can get some good questions to ask her from here and gt this figured out after our "no talking about us over the holidays" rule. So please, any questions I should ask or advice on how to handle this situation will help. I am at my end and need all the help possible! My EX fiance did the same exact things, and I was confused as well. She had me come back to the house and finally told me about her affair but she said I was her true love and she would do anything to gain my trust back. We went to her moms and spent the whole weekend together. A couple of days later she changed her mind again, and had the nerve to say that her affair partner called her and wanted to work things out. When they are cheating they are in a battle between wheter they want to be with the new lover, or the comfort of being with you. It's also a matter of wanting both of you, but they are leaning toward the romance side with the new partner. This is how I interpret the whole roller coaster anyway. Regards,
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