BenThereDunThat Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 The service for my boss was today. The exMM was there and he gave me a hug, asked me if I needed something to hold onto. He wanted so much to be a comfort to me. I wouldn't let him. He's been very nice and I appreciate it. Has been emailing me messages about my boss from our intranet that I can't access from my home computer, told me that if I needed anything at all to let him know. That he's there for me and always has been. I'm not going to lie to you - I wanted nothing more than for him to sit by my side during the eulogies and hold my hand. I really did. I never would have told him (or anyone else) that, though. But, alas, he couldn't stay anyway. I'm sure it was so he could get to the airport to go home for the holidays. It was good to be reminded of that at a time when I was extremely vulnerable. They ALWAYS have to say good-bye...we deserve better than that. My girl friend was with me and sat by my side the entire time. She didn't say good-bye. Please, please, please - my wish for you all who are suffering through an a, the ending of an a, NC, whatever. Please walk away and leave your heart open for that special someone who can hold you during times like these, that special someone who will not have to say good-bye... My boss and his wife had been together since they were both in the 6th grade. There was so much love there. He was a special, special, unique man. I cannot begin to describe to you the hole that he leaves. That is the kind of love I wish for all of us.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I am so glad that your friend was able to support you...my heart goes out to you...
movinon05 Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Quite a jolt when you have a different perspective, isn't it? I hope you're okay and remember this day as another day of freedom for yourself and another eye opener. They just keep adding up, don't they? I was always afraid of this kind of day if my MM couldn't be there for me if I ever needed him at times like this. Now I don't have to worry anymore. And neither do you. You're doing so well BTDT.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 Thanks, friends. You know, I ushered in 2006 in tears, and I'm going to say goodbye to it in tears. I am a better person for having known my boss (I hate having to call him that, but know I have to here...). I am a changed person. All of us who knew him are. Those are the things that are important in this life. I'll carry his "atta girl"s with me forever. And remember him if I'm feeling weak toward the MM...I'll hold out for better, thank you.
movinon05 Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 It sounds like he thought very highly of you. Next time you're feeling weak, think about what he might say to you.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 One day very recently, I was arguing on the phone with my satellite tv provider over a billing error. I was getting no where. He overheard me, came out of his office, told me to put the person on hold. He told me to take a deep breath and then told me exactly what to say and how to say it. I did as he said. Do you know, I not only got the entire thing credited, but I also got $10 off a month for the next year. Who is going to yell at me now about his calendar? Who's going to say, BTDT, are you drinking on the job again?! I would always answer yes and he'd say 'atta girl.' Everyone loved our constant back and forth banter. We gave each other sh*t relentlessly. I'd say, MAN when are you going back out of town? That always cracked him up. Who's going to eat all the candy off my desk? Sorry, I'm jacking my own thread here...
movinon05 Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Its all good. Sometimes we just need to talk about other things too.
kymberann Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Ben there, I am so sorry. Tell us more. This is your thread, you do what you need to do. Sometimes in life when we have a loss such as this, it reminds us of our other losses that we have gone through or are going through. We are here for you!
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 Thanks... You know, I am positive that each of us, as we left that service, knew we wanted to strive to be a better person. That is the impact that he had on you. He made you want to work harder. Someone said "he was the kind of man you would willingly work your butt off for." It was seemingly effortless for him. He always made you feel that he cared about you. As a person. He was that rare individual you don't come across everyday. Our CEO called him a hero in a time when we seem to be lacking in heroes. I feel awful that I could not pay my respects to his wife. I was shaking terribly, couldn't even finish my name in the guest book. I was afraid I was going to start hyperventilating again, like I did when we got the news. I didn't want to do that to her. So I just sat down, out of the way, and watched her and her son and her daughter. They were all so strong. A beautiful family. Even the rabbi broke down during his opening talk. The service ended with a beautiful, traditional Jewish prayer. I can't remember what it's called now. But it is said at every important get together. He first said it in Aramaic, then English.
puddleofmud Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Ancient prayers are truly a comfort even when one does not understand the words. He must have so loved his life and his family to have passed on such every day goodness to others. I come from very ancient People and English is not my first language. You are such a lovely kind soul to have felt his Spirit through the faith of that language. I am so sad for you that this year has been so difficult. So many finalities. So much to bear. You derserve love and kindness and I wish that for you with all my heart.
whichwayisup Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I am sorry for your loss. You boss seemed like the type of man who affected anybody he came across in such a positive way. You're lucky to have had him in your life.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 You boss seemed like the type of man who affected anybody he came across in such a positive way. That he was for sure, WWIU. And I am SO fortunate to have known him and worked with him daily. My outlook on a lot of things has changed - all for the good. And that's really all we can hope for in this world. To be a good influence, to be happy, to be appreciative of what we have. And if we feel that we lack, then to gain the strength and wisdom to recognize and then work towards what it is we need. Being in a negative relationship, no matter the circumstances, will not get us there. (can you tell I've been feeling extremely introspective lately?)
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