Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 txrsyjHi guys, I've been reading the forum here and you all give such good advice, I thought I'd post about my problem. I just don't know what else to do. Sorry for the insanely long post For the past 5 months, I've been with this wonderful guy (A). He is just...everything I ever thought I would want or need in a boyfriend. He's caring and sweet, and beautiful, and funny and smart and very cool, and really quirky, and respectful and so affectionate, and the one thing that stands out the most is that he would never EVER do so much as LOOK at another girl while he has a girlfriend, let alone cheat. He's one of the decent ones. And he adores me, the way he looks at me, it's just really safe. The only problem is that he doesn't open up. We could never have serious deep talks because he's just not like that, he claims to have no problems to speak of. So that element was always missing. We got together after I had liked him for about 3 years, just as a silly crush though. We'd hooked up a few times but the timing was never right before. Then I went away, we kept in touch and once I got home, we finally got it right and got together. And it was intense. We saw each other pretty much every day, and when I didn't see him, it felt like my whole world was out of whack. I've been hurt pretty badly before so I tend to be careful when showing guys how much I like them. The problem is, I fell in love with him really quickly. It was just this feeling, I can't explain it. I still get nervous and excited when I know I'm going to see him. And the only thing I wanted to do was tell him, but I couldn't because I was terrified of pushing him away or scaring him off. So I kept it all in. And this is where the problems began. I started keeping a lot of my feelings in. I became insecure about whether I like him more than he likes me, whether he'll ever love me etc etc. On the surface, I was fun and chilled out and easy going, but on the inside, I was just torn up, and really not happy. But at the same time, I was so happy to be WITH him. Thing is, because I liked him for so long, I always had this mentality that he's too good for me, and like I was just helping him pass time, and that he could do so much better. Again, never showed that to him though. Last week he broke up with me. In the weirdest way possible. We went out the night before, I stayed over, he fell asleep hugging me and kissing my back, woke up, sat in bed awake and stroked my arm for ages, then gave me an early Xmas present because he wasn't going to see me after Xmas, because he didnt think we should see each other anymore. I was just shocked. I couldn't even cry at first because my heart just broke. The worst thing that could happen had happened. He said he's breaking up with me because he doesn't think what we have will last forever, and he can't see himself marrying me. He said he decided this a few days ago. So I asked him whether he knew the night before that he was going to do this, and he said yes, but that he wanted me there one more night, to sleep next to me one last time. I'm just...really completely utterly sad That day, after he broke up with me, we sat there for 3 hours talking. It all came out. All the things I wanted to tell him the past 5 months but have been terrified to because I thought I'd lose him...now I didn't have anything to lose. As soon as I told him I love him, he started crying, and said that for weeks, he's been trying to tell me the same thing but didn't think he would get it back, so he just didn't. I told him that he just completely broke my heart and I don't even hate him, I'm not even angry. Which prompted him to cry his heart out again. He said the thought of breaking up with me made him feel so sick, that he threw up that mornign when he woke up. it also came out that he's been feeling insecure about how many guy friends I have and worries about when I will break up with him, and realise he's not good enough for me.So I just bawled and asked him whether he knows just how crazy I am about him. So this made HIM start crying again. After hours, I finally realised I couldn't stall anymore and I just had to leave. So I looked at him, and said I'm going to leave in a minute but could I just kiss him one more time. He just nodded his head and tears welled up in his eyes again and I kissed him, and he kissed me back and hugged me really really hard and wouldn't let me go. And then I left. COmpletely confused as to what just happened. It felt like I had more I had to say so I decided to write a letter. Not asking for him back or trying to change his mind, just telling him everything he deserves to know that I've been too scared to admit while we were together. And that I miss him already. I dropped it off when he was at work and went home. The next day he went away with his best friend, who also happens to be my good friend (its how we met ). Him and said friend never talk about problems, ever. And I spoke to my friend and he said when he picked him up, he just got in the car and spilled everything that happened and was clearly miserable about it. That night, I got home to find a letter in my post from him, no address, hand delivered. He said he couldnt remember how many years its been since he cried, that's how upsetting it was for him to do what he did. He also thanked me for the most wonderful things anyone had ever said to him. He went on to explain that he too has from the start wanted to tell me he loves me but lacked the courage, and that he won't just stop loving me. But that he realised just days ago that what we have won't last forever and he couldn't go on with that cloud hanging over. He said that he misses me like hell already, and that his favourite thing in the world is having me to wake up next to, and that his rooms feels so empty without me. And then at the end, he just said that often he's asked me to trust him, and has never let me down or lied to me. So I need to believe him when he says that if he were to die tomorrow, he'd want me there holding his hand as he went. What. The. Hell. Why did he end it? I love him and I want to be with him and I want to tell him thing and I want to grow with him and work through problems, and he's just given up It would be hell, but I would understand if he just told me he didn't like me anymore or didn't want to be with anyone. But to love someone, and be so affected by your decision to end it (so much that you are physically ill and clearly distraught), and still go ahead and do it, that I don't understand. I don't know what to do. I miss him more than I need to breathe right now, I've seen him pretty much every day the past 5 months and now nothing. I just can't understand it. He hasn't called or anything, and neither have I. I really want to though. But I can't. Is this just our relationship all over again? Me wanting so badly to do something but being too scared to do it because I don't know what his reaction would be. And him also potentially doing the same? He says he's been an open book with me, but he obviously hasn't. He never told me about his insecurities, and worse yet, he never told me he loved me What do you guys think
Double D Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 WOW! That is pretty intense. I feel like coming over to you and cry together. It sounds like you'vge said all you need to say. You have told him about your insecurites, told him how much he means to you and also told him how much the realtionship means to. Im wondering, did he say why he didnt think what you had would last forever? I sure sounds like the two of you had some mighty strong bond going on. Also thought opening up the way the two of you did may have made your relationship stronger. If you really love him and he really means so much to you. Fight for him but remember you have self-respect, so give yourself a limit of what you are willing to do and see if his reaction is of you liking. Please keep us up to date. Wish you well! X
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 WOW! That is pretty intense. I feel like coming over to you and cry together. It sounds like you'vge said all you need to say. You have told him about your insecurites, told him how much he means to you and also told him how much the realtionship means to. Im wondering, did he say why he didnt think what you had would last forever? I sure sounds like the two of you had some mighty strong bond going on. Also thought opening up the way the two of you did may have made your relationship stronger. If you really love him and he really means so much to you. Fight for him but remember you have self-respect, so give yourself a limit of what you are willing to do and see if his reaction is of you liking. Please keep us up to date. Wish you well! X Aw thanks for your reply He didn't really say why he didn't think we'd work out in future, no. He mentioned something about us not being as compatible as he thought but couldn't really give examples, just said that some things you can't put into words. All that I'd understanding if this was something that was brewing over the past 5 months. But he swears to me he realised this just days ago. Which leads me to think that I did something to make him just change his mind like that, and yeah. I don't know. I know I'll get over it, and it gets easier with time, but I don't care about that. I just want to be with him
Guest Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I'm going completely crazy. Now that I've had time to think about it,I'm starting to wonder if he meant anything he said. the type of person that he is, I'm inclined to think that yes he did, but if he was having problems with us, shouldn't he have tried discussing them with me first? I think I know the answer, he just didn't see it working out in the future, and I need to start to let it go. I just can't. All I want to do is call him and see him, and cry to him, and I hate that he might be sitting at home and not be missing me too
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