booker Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 i've been hanging out lately with this girl and am now pressuring myself to make a move on her, or at least to push things to show her that i'm not just calling her to go out just because i'm bored. but--naturally--i'm hesitant to do so because i've seen no clear signals telling me to get with the program. or have i, and i've simply been too timid to notice? everytime i call her to see if she wants to go out she says that she does; i was at her house until 5 am the other night, chatting and watching a cheesy movie; she seems to be implying that she's single (she's brought up some guy before, but quickly said that he's an ass and that she doesn't much care for him. my last girlfriend said the same thing when we were first getting to know each other....). now, methinks that this is, at least, her way of saying that she's not not interested in my pursuit. or, i tell myself, is it that she is, in fact, just bored.... i've been keeping my hands to myself, so to speak, not wanting to push anything too fast and trying to let things happen naturally; but if i wait too long--if i wait for that special sunset, or whatever--i think i'll miss the chance to be in a nice relationship with this girl (the type of relationship my last girlfriend--who i ranted and raved about in a few posts--wouldn't give me). i thought about a swift show of affection...the problem with that, though, is that she's about 8 inches taller than me. so sneaking in a kiss--unless she's sitting on the floor--seems out of the question...... i would appreciate a bit of advice. i've never been good at relationships (or at least getting them started.....), so anything anyone could offer would be great.
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 i feel the same way about a certain woman - but in my situation my hands are truly tied. everything about moving forward really rests with her and she knows that - and sometimes having such control can make u either indecisive, unsure or anxious and sometimes it can make u play games that u know you would hate if done to you. the way i see things is pretty simple - we only have one life and so much time to live it. i would rather spend it with someone i love than to spend it in too much thinking. i did that in the past and all it got me was nowhere. i don't do that anymore. i reveal my intent and tell them my feelings and then let that be there and nothing more one can do.
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 for example-every night i log into to yahoo im and i leave it open and she knows my addy - if she doesn';t feel like chatting that's fine but also telling and not a biggie in the big picture anyway
Author booker Posted December 22, 2006 Author Posted December 22, 2006 i reveal my intent and tell them my feelings and then let that be there and nothing more one can do. is that effective? i imagine it is since, well, it's a matter of stating the obvious, no? with my last girlfriend--when i was first courting her i asked her to go to the amusement park with me under the pretense that i had wanted to ride a rollercoaster. until i won a big stuffed bear for her, she told me latter, she thought it was just because i had seriously wanted to ride a rollercoaster. nothing could be further from the truth; i hate those things.....but the point is , is it better to be up front with things soon? or does that send them girls running? indeed.
brickaney Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 i've been hanging out lately with this girl and am now pressuring myself to make a move on her, or at least to push things to show her that i'm not just calling her to go out just because i'm bored. but--naturally--i'm hesitant to do so because i've seen no clear signals telling me to get with the program. or have i, and i've simply been too timid to notice? everytime i call her to see if she wants to go out she says that she does; i was at her house until 5 am the other night, chatting and watching a cheesy movie; she seems to be implying that she's single (she's brought up some guy before, but quickly said that he's an ass and that she doesn't much care for him. my last girlfriend said the same thing when we were first getting to know each other....). now, methinks that this is, at least, her way of saying that she's not not interested in my pursuit. or, i tell myself, is it that she is, in fact, just bored.... i've been keeping my hands to myself, so to speak, not wanting to push anything too fast and trying to let things happen naturally; but if i wait too long--if i wait for that special sunset, or whatever--i think i'll miss the chance to be in a nice relationship with this girl (the type of relationship my last girlfriend--who i ranted and raved about in a few posts--wouldn't give me). i thought about a swift show of affection...the problem with that, though, is that she's about 8 inches taller than me. so sneaking in a kiss--unless she's sitting on the floor--seems out of the question...... i would appreciate a bit of advice. i've never been good at relationships (or at least getting them started.....), so anything anyone could offer would be great. I don't know many girls who would hang out with a guy till 5am talking & such & not have a thing for them. If she had a bf she'd make it clear. The best way to find out if she's interested is to be blunt & just ask. Tell her you like her. This gives her the chance to respond any way she pleases. Do not ask her "do you like me?". This limits her ways of responding to you & puts more pressure on her to enter into some kind of relationship. By just telling her you like her & at least pretending you don't expect an answer back, she won't feel pressured. Do not tell her "I just wanted to let you know that I like you & don't feel pressured to answer back/ anything" because this will make her think she DOES need to answer back. Just say "I really enjoy spending time with you & I have feelings for you. Goodnight! " Say it as you're leaving her house or ending a phone conversation. Give her the night to think about it. If she doesn't have feelings for you, she will very likely flat out tell you before the two of you hang up/ leave. Almost make it seem as though you aren't interested in hearing her reply. The less pressure she feels to reply to you, the more likely she will reply later that she is interested. Just do it soon & quickly. Don't drag it out or anything. Be quick & simple with your words & leave so she can think on her own without you on her shoulder waiting for an answer. Do this as soon as you can. Stop torturing yourself with the suspense.
Recommended Posts