chill chic Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 I've posted threads about this particular guy that I'd been seeing for over a year and he had just moved back to his hometown in September for a job. He told me he wanted to keep in touch, but the last time I talked to him was in October. So...since November, about a month now, I hadn't contacted him at all...now he just called me, 2 months later.... Uh..I don't know whether to be sad or happy...He told me that he was driving home from a bar and put in a cd to that was one that we always listened to. He said it reminded him of me. So we got to talking, he wondered how I was doing and everything. Then he started telling me that he met a girl after he sold her a system (ADT) and they've been going together for a few months. HUH? Why would he say that to me? Was he expecting me to be happy about that? I didn't understand that, especially after I haven't heard from him in 2 months. Was he trying to rub it in my face or something? Why would he be calling me then? Just to keep me in the picture...just in case? I held back, and pretty much changed the subject. Then he asked if I had talked to my uncle about Colorado, and I told him I'd be seeing him for the holidays, and that we might go this April. He sounded excited, but asked about deer around his property. So I said, isn't there a season for that? And he said yah it's from August-November. And then I said they have good fishing out there. So he told me to keep him up to date with it. So..why would he want to go on vacation with me & my parents for that matter, if he thought he was going to still be with this girl? He said he hooked up, so I don't know if that means it's just for sexual purposes or what. I didn't want to ask though. Anyway, we were ending the conversation and he was telling me that he was thinking of me so he decided to give me a call, and I told him thanks for calling and it was nice to hear from him, and he said the same. Then I said, well I wish we could talk more because I miss ya, and he said yah, but it is what it is. UHHHH why, why does he say that? Then he said, keep your chin up, good luck with your job, and call me if you need something. So what's up with that? I don't understand, I just don't. And it breaks my heart at the same time. What does he honestly want from me? Like I said, after I don't contact him for awhile, he always comes back. And it happened again, this time. I'm glad that I told him that I missed talking to him, but I wasn't really expecting that response. He also said, after he said it is what it is, that we live apart now. Well no kidding, but that shouldn't stop you from keeping in contact. Is he pretty much telling me that there is no chance because we live apart now? I hope after he talked to me, he thinks long and hard about me. It's actually just bringing more memories of me by calling me tonight. Well at least I know that email about my pill addiction didn't seem to phase him. But I'm not going to email him that letter now, because I just talked to him. And again, I'll leave it be for awhile. I don't know how I should approach things now...=( Does he still have feelings for me? What is going on?
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 sounds to me like he is telling u that he is interested in you and that he is giving u space and time to see if u do as well. its a subtle way, of letting u know he wants u back in his life without making u think his world will end if that doesn't happen i think you both are handling things the right way kewl
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 my situation is similiar and the worse part is how unequal and unfair it is between me and my ex. i find this confusing because she is all about equality and thinks that anyone that uses power and control and manipulation on another, is someone she doesn't want in her life - yet this is EXACTLY what she is doing and has done to me for a very long time and it make me wonder if she is simply playing a game? I refuse to believe that this woman I know would do that, because it is just not part of who she is or who she wants to be. I also know that if she was dating someone else she would not have time for me, because her life is busy enuff - so my question is this - at what point does someone [both people] realize what they are doing and actually make a decision to step out of the shadows and get on with their lives [together or not]? for me i would like to know what she wants, not to add pressure to her, but i honest know what it is she wants? is that a request too much to ask?
Author chill chic Posted December 22, 2006 Author Posted December 22, 2006 those are good replies, thanks but I need more feedback if anyone else could help please.
daphne Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 It is what it is, is a total copout. It's arrogant, imo. The fact that he's calling you to tell you about another girl (that's what he did) wasn't accidental. He feels like he's got you either way. Honestly, he just sounds like an ass. If he was feeling you out, he wouldn't have mentioned the other girl. Unless he's 17 years old.
Author chill chic Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 It is what it is, is a total copout. It's arrogant, imo. The fact that he's calling you to tell you about another girl (that's what he did) wasn't accidental. He feels like he's got you either way. Honestly, he just sounds like an ass. If he was feeling you out, he wouldn't have mentioned the other girl. Unless he's 17 years old. why would he even bother to call me? is he trying to get revenge or something? I never did anything to him, just played his lil game back. the fact that he got some girl right away, I'm he obviously could tell I'm fine by myself, and not jumping at the chance with another guy, will he realize that? am I being the mature one here? the thing I don't get, & maybe I'm thick-headed, but why would he call me late at night, after he heard a song we used to listen to together, but then he comes out & says that he has a girl that he's hooked up with? then at the end he says he still wants to go on vacation w/me? what the hell? is this all a front?
WoWaddict Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 It sounds like he might have feelings for you still, but he's trying to be careful with his actions. He probably wants to earn your trust before he jumps right into wanting to date you. A lot of my boyfriends started off as friends. He probably wants to spend some time with you, which there isn't anything wrong with. A lot of the stuff that went on in the conversation you guys had seems just like hes just trying to talk about things you guys both have in common. He likes fishing and hunting, so he talks to you about your uncle in colorado, where its popular for things like that. Mentioning the girl was probably his way of trying to not sound desperate, or like he's calling you just for a hookup. In any case, keep an eye on it. Try to make some casual plans with him, and see what happens. If he turns on the sleeze, you'll know what his intentions are. But he might be waiting for you to make the first move when you're comfortable with him being back in the area, so he might actually have good intentions, just an awkward way of expressing them. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because it sounds like he's trying to be the good guy. Just be cautious, cause sometimes people put up a good front.
Author chill chic Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 It sounds like he might have feelings for you still, but he's trying to be careful with his actions. He probably wants to earn your trust before he jumps right into wanting to date you. A lot of my boyfriends started off as friends. He probably wants to spend some time with you, which there isn't anything wrong with. A lot of the stuff that went on in the conversation you guys had seems just like hes just trying to talk about things you guys both have in common. He likes fishing and hunting, so he talks to you about your uncle in colorado, where its popular for things like that. Mentioning the girl was probably his way of trying to not sound desperate, or like he's calling you just for a hookup. In any case, keep an eye on it. Try to make some casual plans with him, and see what happens. If he turns on the sleeze, you'll know what his intentions are. But he might be waiting for you to make the first move when you're comfortable with him being back in the area, so he might actually have good intentions, just an awkward way of expressing them. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because it sounds like he's trying to be the good guy. Just be cautious, cause sometimes people put up a good front. I think it's his ego showing, he's always had that tough ego shell, where he doesn't want to appear weak. When I told him that I missed him, and wished we talked more, isn't that a hint? he does have an awkward way of expressing himself, he's kinda a newbie at this I think. Not much dating experience, because he was always involved in baseball, to play pro all the way up until his late 20's. So I highly doubt he's had a significant relationship before. I think he might be realizing what he had at this point, and is still trying to keep in touch, so we're both on each other's minds. So you don't think he's trying to make me jealous right? How is he trying to earn my trust? That confuses me if he mentioned that girl ya know? Just curious..please reply back thanks
WoWaddict Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 lol sometimes people will do that to create a little bit of jealousy and interest. not necessarily a bad thing. he just doesn't want you to think that he's desperate and that he's doing well. especially if he's got the tough guy thing going on. Like i said, just keep an eye on it, try to see where it's going, but watch out for yourself. He's probably waiting to see if you're interested.
Kamille Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I've posted threads about this particular guy that I'd been seeing for over a year and he had just moved back to his hometown in September for a job. He told me he wanted to keep in touch, but the last time I talked to him was in October. So...since November, about a month now, I hadn't contacted him at all...now he just called me, 2 months later.... Uh..I don't know whether to be sad or happy...He told me that he was driving home from a bar and put in a cd to that was one that we always listened to. He said it reminded him of me. So we got to talking, he wondered how I was doing and everything. Then he started telling me that he met a girl after he sold her a system (ADT) and they've been going together for a few months. HUH? Why would he say that to me? Was he expecting me to be happy about that? I didn't understand that, especially after I haven't heard from him in 2 months. Was he trying to rub it in my face or something? Why would he be calling me then? Just to keep me in the picture...just in case? I held back, and pretty much changed the subject. Then he asked if I had talked to my uncle about Colorado, and I told him I'd be seeing him for the holidays, and that we might go this April. He sounded excited, but asked about deer around his property. So I said, isn't there a season for that? And he said yah it's from August-November. And then I said they have good fishing out there. So he told me to keep him up to date with it. So..why would he want to go on vacation with me & my parents for that matter, if he thought he was going to still be with this girl? He said he hooked up, so I don't know if that means it's just for sexual purposes or what. I didn't want to ask though. Anyway, we were ending the conversation and he was telling me that he was thinking of me so he decided to give me a call, and I told him thanks for calling and it was nice to hear from him, and he said the same. Then I said, well I wish we could talk more because I miss ya, and he said yah, but it is what it is. UHHHH why, why does he say that? Then he said, keep your chin up, good luck with your job, and call me if you need something. So what's up with that? I don't understand, I just don't. And it breaks my heart at the same time. What does he honestly want from me? Like I said, after I don't contact him for awhile, he always comes back. And it happened again, this time. I'm glad that I told him that I missed talking to him, but I wasn't really expecting that response. He also said, after he said it is what it is, that we live apart now. Well no kidding, but that shouldn't stop you from keeping in contact. Is he pretty much telling me that there is no chance because we live apart now? I hope after he talked to me, he thinks long and hard about me. It's actually just bringing more memories of me by calling me tonight. Well at least I know that email about my pill addiction didn't seem to phase him. But I'm not going to email him that letter now, because I just talked to him. And again, I'll leave it be for awhile. I don't know how I should approach things now...=( Does he still have feelings for me? What is going on? It sounds like you handled this call really well since he is sending you mixed messages. But mixed messages are best taken as what they are: a fear of commitment. Or rather, in his case, a rejection of it. It sounds like he is having as much of a hard time commiting to this new girl as he did to you. It bothers me that he did not bring up the email you sent him about your addiction. I can't help but think he seems self-centered. You really sound sweet V I P, to a point where you might not dare to ask -or even wish- for what it is that you truly deserve: a man who will love you, heart and soul.
Author chill chic Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 lol sometimes people will do that to create a little bit of jealousy and interest. not necessarily a bad thing. he just doesn't want you to think that he's desperate and that he's doing well. especially if he's got the tough guy thing going on. Like i said, just keep an eye on it, try to see where it's going, but watch out for yourself. He's probably waiting to see if you're interested. but thing is I've showed him that I've been interested, you mean if I'm still interested? Especially if I haven't called him in a month? Ya see, he starts to suspect something when I mysteriously stop contacting him. And I really think that's why he called, and to mention something that wouldn't make him seem desperate of calling me at that time of night. Or calling me at all. So I think you're right, thanks for elaborating
Author chill chic Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 It sounds like you handled this call really well since he is sending you mixed messages. But mixed messages are best taken as what they are: a fear of commitment. Or rather, in his case, a rejection of it. It sounds like he is having as much of a hard time commiting to this new girl as he did to you. It bothers me that he did not bring up the email you sent him about your addiction. I can't help but think he seems self-centered. You really sound sweet V I P, to a point where you might not dare to ask -or even wish- for what it is that you truly deserve: a man who will love you, heart and soul. Why is he still rejecting commitment? He certainly is sending mixed signals, especially with what he was saying. But you think I handled it well? I didn't once say anything about a guy (there isn't another guy) but at least I didn't backlash after he said that about a girl. He was probably shocked that I didn't volunteer any information on that subject. I just kept things simple, and at the end saying I missed him...etc. Although, I think he's opening up a little more, slightly, because he'd never admit that a song reminded me of him and call me right up. For him that was probably a challenge. Thank you for the nice words Kamille I'm learning through experiences, some good, some bad, but it's the way I learn unfortunately. You are sweet, thanks again
Gala Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 One move he made that I don't like was telling you to keep your chin up. Sounds presumptuous and patronizing -- as though you're the one who has to be bumming and not him...nope, he doesn't sound like commitment material. And it has nothing to do with you!
Author chill chic Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 One move he made that I don't like was telling you to keep your chin up. Sounds presumptuous and patronizing -- as though you're the one who has to be bumming and not him...nope, he doesn't sound like commitment material. And it has nothing to do with you! yah I didn't know why he said that, I know he's the one with more problems, emotional anyway, so it was kinda contradicting when he said that. why else would he say that? he also said if I ever need someone to talk to that I could call him? is he trying indirectly to open up to me? I honestly don't know why he said that. I know he knows I miss him though. anyway, like I said, is he trying to tell me that he's the one with his chin down?
Gala Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 "anyway, like I said, is he trying to tell me that he's the one with his chin down?" Not necessarily, although by deflecting attention from his own emotions he is - ironically - calling attention to them. I do think that by telling you to call him if you're down he's trying to get you to invest more in him, put more skin in the game (if you will). NC might be a good direction here!
Author chill chic Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 "anyway, like I said, is he trying to tell me that he's the one with his chin down?" Not necessarily, although by deflecting attention from his own emotions he is - ironically - calling attention to them. I do think that by telling you to call him if you're down he's trying to get you to invest more in him, put more skin in the game (if you will). NC might be a good direction here! well if he really did have feelings for me, and wanted me to invest in him more, regarding my feelings, would that change anything? by initiating no contact, what will that do? just curious.
shiver Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Hi , i know what you are talking about. Unfortunately i dont really have a solution for you as im going thru something similar. The worst thing about this is the fact that you feel manipulated and you get angry because of that and stupid at the same time for letting him and because your heart wont let him go even though your head knows it should. i wish he would just be straight with you and stop hurting you by telling half truths and letting things lingure for his satisfaction. I think maybe next he contacts you , you should let him know he's not invited to go away with you and your family and that maybe he should concentrate on making his new relationship work and you'll concentrate on putting your life together without him. Goodluck, let me know how it goes. Shiver.
Recommended Posts