Endless cycle..

[QuestionReality]

My Bf and I have been living together almost two years. He moved in my place and usually once a month we argue.

Now an argument isnt a bad thing totally. Except when i bring up something, he gets defensive,yells,and raises his voice. He cant communicate his feelings,and ends up spazzing out and then leaving until i call him or try to get him to speak.

 

This last time I was really upset because he refused to admit he broke something. Stupid i know, but I dont like the lying. theres only him and I in this house;and I'm a neurotic housekeeper;so I noticed it right away.

He wouldnt own up, yelled and stormed out of the house. This was 2 days ago.

I'm standing my ground on this one. Im not calling him,I'm not going to try to get him to communicate. I'm at a point now where I realize I cant continue to live this cycle. Each time it happens I try to be caring ,and supportive to try to get him to talk. He'll talk after I apologize first,etc.

Its gay.

My question is;although he doesnt have much here;when he stormed out,he didnt take anything.. so I'm sure he will be back.

I need advise on how to handle the conversation.

Usually when he Does come back,he mopes until I start talking to him, or will gather things slowly etc in an attempt to get me to talk.

Im stubborn too; but Ive worked hard to create a home;and I cant live every month wondering when another fiasco is going to take place.

Thanks!

[BlueEyedSarah]

Hmm...maybe stay round a friends house for the night without telling him, make him wonder where you are so that he will have to call you to see where you are...there for he will be comunicating with you first...

Just a thought.

[Love Hurts]

Communication problems become mountainous issues between couples.

 

Not able to talk about something broken and running off is childish behavior.

His frame of mind is….. I do not want confrontation on a negative line.

He will avoid it ……..as he did by running away.

If he stays away long enough and avoids contact with you.

You will realize you hurt him… you wounded him.

Now you are being taught not to approach him on negative issues ………or anything he chooses not to discuss.

Or else………he’ll leave.

 

Naturally when he returns to you……….you cannot recall the same topic that caused him to run off in the first place….As far as he is concerned its water over the dam……..let it go….That was yesterday and this is a new day……

Just drop it……..Otherwise you will force him to run away again

 

So in essence its your loss…you caused him to leave.

You'll learn not to address certain issues with him.

 

*You’re in his training camp!

 

You need to turn it around and put him in your traing camp.

One of two optional tactics to work with him.

 

 

One……. Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself.

I mean if he does not want to talk about it……..DON’T TALK AT ALL,

 

Now it’s your game don’t talk about anything… virtually live in silence towards him… learn to point and nod your head.

 

When and if you decide to break the silence……Vomit up that same question that sent him running off …and hit him with it again…

Did you break this?

 

Option Two…. When you see him again or speak to him on the phone…….Do not say im sorry or are you ok?

 

No, instead……… Immediately ask him why he didn’t admit to breaking it?

 

Go into over dramatization with it……..Talk about from sun up till dark. Beat this horse dead with the same redundant question …….until he talks about it.

Wake up the next morning and ask him again. Just nag nag nag nag nag about that broken thing.. Remember this is that God awful question that he had to run away from. This is torture to him. You are crushing him with that weapon ......its that horrible same question.......

 

Sounds insane doesn’t it? Well it’s no more insane than the training camp he has you in.

 

Hey…………if you cannot break this man from clamming up and running away. This is the way your communication will always be. Consider how trivial this topic is…Something broke? This isn’t like um… Are you cheating on me?

How can you ever know each other really when he flies the coup?

 

Give him all the rope he needs or nag him to death…..

If he wants to keep running away this could send him hiding out for weeks and perhaps he may never return.

 

Take it or Break it.

 

 

Good Luck

[QuestionReality]

Thanks For the replies.

I feel exactly like he's manipulating me. It really sucks. Most people in my life I do not tolerate this corny behavior from;so since he left- and I get to think clearly; I'm not going to tolerate it any longer. As love hurts suggested I'm going to not say anything,go about my business and let him deal with it.

I cant keep chasing my Tail here. The worst thing about it is, he tries the mind trick of" you are crazy"etc when I stated the obvious that only two people live here,and i know i didnt break it.

Its amazing what people will lie about. If he owned up inthe first place,this wouldve been no big deal.

I feel like hes just manipulating the situation and he leaves to push the point home; I think i've been pushed too far now,lol.

[pennyjosix]

Stubborn can be good in this situation. I think you should stand your ground. When you give into him you show him that you will, and all he has to do is mope a little or disapear to get you to make the effort to make things better. Either he'll change or he won't. Either you'll stay with him or you won't. He's probably very prideful and dominant if he can't own up to something as small as breaking something.

[QuestionReality]

Its really getting annoying. Im the type of person who likes to address things head on. This Evasive behavior annoys the hell out of me.

Problems never solve themselves;and they don't disapear just because he does for a few days. Ill Keep this thread updated,let yall know how it goes..

Thanks for the replies

[pennyjosix]

Please do. I hate that everything seems to resort to going to counseling these days, but it might be a good idea for him to have an outsiders opinion on the situation.

[QuestionReality]

Welp- The more everything is quiet around here- the more I'm enjoying it.

Small Update i know,lol.

[QuestionReality]

So he came by ... i basically ignored him, he said "I'm sorry" but didnt elaborate. I told him I didnt care that he was sorry,and if he didnt want to communicate and he wanted to run away everytime he heard something he didnt like,to feel free to find someone else to put up with it. His reply?" well call me when you want to talk" . This pissed me off...I told him he had time to talk right before he took off...

Guys,what the hell does this mean? I know hes trying to manipulate me into guilt,,but anyone got a good take on this?

Thanks!