Ugh, I am sooooo disappointed in my BF!!!!

[Guest]

i think you're reading too much into this. You told him he can go!

 

 

I dont understand why men are expected to have esp about what their s/o is thinking. Also, isn't putting the other person's needs before your own, kind of a 50/50 thing? Shouldn't you put his needs before yours as well?

 

If it's a very special and rare opportunity for him, shouldnt you just be happy for him and let him go without all this extra drama? Especially when you said he could go. He could make it up to you by celebrating on another day and having a special night out. Thats compromise.

 

People need to bend a little and meet in the middle in relationships. But for future reference, if you don't want him to go, tell him that. Don't be so misleading.

 

I'm guilty of it too sometimes, so don't think im being overtly critical. Hindside is 20/20.

 

I usually say "i'm fine" when I'm actually not. Absolutely notorious for it. He has to ask me 50 times if i'm really alright before I finally come out with it. lol

 

Why would he need to read my mind to know that would upset me? There was no mind reading necessary. We had plans to spend NYE together, he knew it was a special night, and he canceled because he got a better offer and he did it in such a way that I wouldn't refuse him at my expense. Why would I want to refuse anyway, knowing that he'd rather be at the concert than with me?

 

You know who goes to a concert alone on NYE? Guys without girlfriends. Guys with girlfriends actually want to be with them

 

It's not a special and very rare opportunity. He's been to lots of concerts over the years. And this is just a concert by some guys that used to be in other bands and I doubt it's a band most people have even heard of. It's not a Beatles reunion, for Pete's sake.

 

We're in our late 30's and all my friends are married or couples and already have plans together. I can't intrude and tag along. So my options are to go out alone amongst the revelers (woohoo), or stay home by myself. BF knows that, too.

 

He can't make it up to me by celebrating on another day. It's not just another day. It's one of only 2 days a year that are important to me. What's he doing to bend and meet me in the middle?

[norajane]

That's my problem right now. I don't want to talk to him or see him because I don't know what to say and I'm angry and hurt and disappointed and upset and anything I say is not going to be calm or in anyone's best interests. And it's really hard to focus on what's best for our relationship when it would appear he's not focusing on that. Even after a night's sleep, I'm still mad.

 

I'm not going to break up with him over this, so I do have to talk to him because you're right. I think I'm going to resent him for this because he didn't put our relationship first.

 

I have no suggestions on compromise. I don't know what could make me feel better at this point. I compromise for him all the time, and I know for damn sure I never would have chosen to do something without him had I been in his shoes. How can he make up for that?

 

Good for you for having the presence of mind to realize that you aren't in a state where you can have a productive conversation about this rather than one leading to an argument.

 

You probably don't need to tell him he's being an ass. He knows. That's why he asked how to make it up to you. And frankly, I agree it is up to him to figure out how to make it up to you, or to at least keep trying until he does.

 

Don't make any decisions about your relationship until he has had a chance to try. If he doesn't try to make it up to you in some way, then you will know his true character.

[norajane]

Why would he need to read my mind to know that would upset me? There was no mind reading necessary. We had plans to spend NYE together, he knew it was a special night, and he canceled because he got a better offer and he did it in such a way that I wouldn't refuse him at my expense. Why would I want to refuse anyway, knowing that he'd rather be at the concert than with me?

 

Somewhere in his lizard brain, I'm sure he appreciates that you did this for him...

 

He will go to that concert and be thinking of you. I suspect he'll even feel bad that you aren't there with him, and he'll wish he'd made a different choice but it will be too late. When everyone else is kissing their girlfriends and toasting the new year, he'll be calling you.

[bab]

Okay, so you told him he can go but you seemed to leave out that if he goes you think you might break up with him. Doesn't this seem like a confusing message?

 

Maybe he knew it was important to you, but I bet he didn't know HOW important it was. It's important to him to get to go to the concert. Him asking you to go was his way of asking you how important it was to you that the two of you be together. Your answer told him that it was probably more important for him to go to the concert than it was for the two of you to be together.

 

Call him and tell him that while it is his decision, you will be very upset and hurt if the two of ou don't get to spend NYE together. You haven't given him all the facts, and that isn't exactly fair.

 

It's okay to have wants and needs, but it isn't okay to not express them and then get mad at your SO for not understanding what they are. Think about the convo he'd have with his friends if you broke up with him.

 

"I asked her if I could go, she said yes, then broke up with me."

[Guest]

Okay, so you told him he can go but you seemed to leave out that if he goes you think you might break up with him. Doesn't this seem like a confusing message?

 

Maybe he knew it was important to you, but I bet he didn't know HOW important it was. It's important to him to get to go to the concert. Him asking you to go was his way of asking you how important it was to you that the two of you be together. Your answer told him that it was probably more important for him to go to the concert than it was for the two of you to be together.

 

Call him and tell him that while it is his decision, you will be very upset and hurt if the two of ou don't get to spend NYE together. You haven't given him all the facts, and that isn't exactly fair.

 

It's okay to have wants and needs, but it isn't okay to not express them and then get mad at your SO for not understanding what they are. Think about the convo he'd have with his friends if you broke up with him.

 

"I asked her if I could go, she said yes, then broke up with me."

 

Why do people keep saying he didn't know what he was doing? WE HAD PLANS TO SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER. He knew it was important. He knew he'd be disappointing me. He dumped the decision in my lap so he wouldn't have to feel guilty about leaving me alone on NYE. At the time he asked me, it was already over. By choosing to ask me, he had already made the decision that he'd rather be at the concert than spend the night with me. If he had wanted to be with me, he would have told his friend he couldn't go without me and wouldn't have even asked me about it. He chose to go even though he knew he would be disappointing me.

 

I don't want to call and tell him not to go to the concert. That's where he wants to be, so spending the night with him now wouldn't be special at all for me knowing he would rather be somewhere else. That ruins the whole specialness of it.

 

I don't care what he says to his friends. They'd probably tell him he was stupid to leave the woman in his life home alone on NYE while he goes out by himself. If they said anything different, it would explain why they're all still single and can't hold on to a relationship.

[che_jesse]

Yeah thats a pretty dick thing to do... let it go for now but afterwords cry or something, if hes worth his salt he will buy you something cool.

[Guest]

Somewhere in his lizard brain, I'm sure he appreciates that you did this for him...

 

He will go to that concert and be thinking of you. I suspect he'll even feel bad that you aren't there with him, and he'll wish he'd made a different choice but it will be too late. When everyone else is kissing their girlfriends and toasting the new year, he'll be calling you.

 

Thanks, norajane. I guess I have to believe that he appreciates me or I can't stay with him. I just don't feel very appreciated right now.

[Guest]

Yeah thats a pretty dick thing to do... let it go for now but afterwords cry or something, if hes worth his salt he will buy you something cool.

 

That made me laugh, but I'm not a cryer. Or a yeller. Or a demander. I'm pretty easy to be with, and I feel he's taking advantage of that.

 

Buying me something wouldn't make me feel better. Concerts come and go, but it's the people who love us that matter. It's the people in your life who should be most important and who you need to make an effort for. I need to know that I matter to him, that our relationship matters. You can't buy caring. And you can't buy something to make up for not caring.

[Walk]

I'm getting hung up on the fact that you two had plans for NYE.

 

Do you think he realizes you're pissed at him yet? Has he tried calling you, talking to you again?

 

This gives me flashbacks of my ex. He chose to go to the bar with his friends over spending valentines day with me. Never even got me a token gesture (card, or something) of appreciation. I was pissed for years about that. I never got over it. (He knew it was special to me, he knew what my expectations were. He ignored it.) WHen I talked to him afterward, he had a justification for every complaint I had. The best one was his explaination that we didn't have any money and that's why he couldn't do anything with me or for me that day. whatever. He had the money to go to the bar.. just not enough for us.

 

The year after that I "accidently" forgot his birthday. Wow, he was pissed and hurt. I told him now he knew what I felt like on valentines day. Probably not nice... but damn he was thick headed.

[Vertex]

If you two already had plans and he just bailed on you, that's one thing. But it seems like he did try to compromise by bringing you along -- it shows he did want to spend time with you at something he really wanted to go to. When he found out you couldn't go, you told him he could, and so he did. I would not get too hung up on this because he was torn between two decisions after trying other options, and your response pushed him over the fence one direction. Did you suggest alternate plans? I'd just talk with him and let him know how you feel about everything... that you felt as if you were put on the backburner, and now you're upset that you won't be able to spend NYE together like you'd hoped. Of course, if you say this, he'll just say "But you told me I could go!" I think this should be a good reason to communicate better in the future -- say what you mean, and don't be surprised if your words get taken for face value, especially if the underlying motives aren't being shown so clearly. Don't see this as a strong reason for breakup or some sign that he doesn't love you -- you could have just as easily said "I'd rather spend NYE with you" ad infinitum, but the fact that you faulted was on your own end. The situation would be a bit different if you kept strong with your desire and he went anyway. The fact that he still wants to make it up to you for being apart should show that he does indeed care. Again, this was something he really wanted and you did say it was ok. In the future, be more honest with what you feel.

 

To respond to a few earlier posts, guys are NOT meant to be mind readers. The idea that "the right guy should always know the right thing to do even if a girl says otherwise" is going to cause problems. Communicating is the best route -- if you're trying to find a guy that will know what you want without you saying anything... well, good luck.

 

Walk: That is a different situation though... in your case the dude sounds like a selfish man who acts that way consistently against your wishes.

[brickaney]

 

Why are you insulting her? Three times you called her immature. Further up in your post you said she was stupid for taking the path she did. Why? How is that helping? Are you hoping to threaten her into choosing your view? Maybe you can pressure her into adopting your view through intimidation?

 

First off, this site is meant to help people. In person I would very overly kind, agree with everything she said and try to ease her into seeing my point of view without an insults or "intimidation"<?. Since this site is anonymous I feel the need to be completely and utterly honest with people. I'm not trying to play the good guy or please anyone. If someone's right about something I'll tell them and encourage them. If someone's wrong I'll definitely tell them. This girl obviously thinks highly of herself (you'd see this if you evaluated her "tone" in explaining the problem originally) and frankly I think the only way to give her a reality check is by being flat out honest.

 

She obviously left out some information, which she should've said in the first place instead of waiting for us to ask her a million questions. So I replied to the exact information she presented, without questions since she seemed to think she gave enough information. I'm just defending my point of view which seems to be the minority in this discussion. I just can't understand why everyone's jumping the gun and blaming her bf right away. This story has two sides. She left one out. She gets a one-sided opinion.

 

Basically if you can't handle my honesty then don't read my posts. The point is for you to tell her your opinion, not argue about mine? I'm not the one posting this problem. I'm not questioning my views on this topic. I read it, I posted. The End.

[brickaney]

We have to understand what you (men) are doing sort of in a womans mind (if that makes sense at all) but that's not possible because well, we are woman.

...

Because we hope that you would rise to the occation and surprise us with your abilities. We hope and pray that you will be the man we see and the man we hope you can be.

 

I just had to answer that one remark cause I felt that brickaney wasn't getting the picture, I understand that you expected better of him.

 

Why are you talking about me like I'm a man? Here's more evidence for my case. Women can't even grasp the concept of one of their own understanding men. Wow. Hahaha my name is Bri-cka-ney. Sounds like another name.... not Break-a-knee or something manly? What the hell? I don't see how I even sounded like a man. I never said "we" when talking about men I said "they". I ignored most of your post because I'm not a man hahahahaha and I certainly don't want to be treated by one by any of the girls here, yikes.

[mental_traveller]

"So I told BF that I would love to spend NYE with him, but I didn't want him to miss the concert if he really wanted to go."

 

Your words clearly said you didn't want him to miss it if he really wanted to go. He realy wanted to go, therefore he assumed you didn't want him to miss it. I.e. not only did he want to go, but he genuinely believed YOU wanted him to go as well!

 

Sorry, but you are completely in the wrong here. You basically TOLD him you wanted him to go. You didn't leave it up to him, you said don't miss it if you really wanna see the concert. You are a fool if you think you have any right to be offended, since all he did was listen to you and follow your instructions to the letter.

 

Next time, if you don't want him to go, tell him "I know you want to go, but I really want to spend New Year together and it would make me much happier if you spent it with me". That's what you meant, so that is what you should have said. Instead, you told him something you absolutely didn't mean. You acted like a stupid idiot.

 

Tip to women - say what you mean. If you say something different to what you mean, don't act surprised if your man takes you literally.

[Arianna72]

Well.. I don't think the whole not saying what you mean and meaning what you say is striclty a female thing. Please... I have met plenty of men who are more than willing to say things they don't mean; either to get what they want or avoid an argument.

 

If we take what the OP is saying as the truth then it sounds to me like the boyfriend knew that she wanted to spend New Years with him, they had plans and he already knew it was important to her. If they didn't spend last New Years together I am sure the topic has come up plenty. He could have easily said, "Yeah I want to go but I also want to spend New Years with you". Instead he took the first out he could get to skip out on their plans and leave her home alone for New Years.. not cool at all and I would be pretty upset as well.

[WoWaddict]

Why would he need to read my mind to know that would upset me? There was no mind reading necessary. We had plans to spend NYE together, he knew it was a special night, and he canceled because he got a better offer and he did it in such a way that I wouldn't refuse him at my expense. Why would I want to refuse anyway, knowing that he'd rather be at the concert than with me?

 

You know who goes to a concert alone on NYE? Guys without girlfriends. Guys with girlfriends actually want to be with them

 

It's not a special and very rare opportunity. He's been to lots of concerts over the years. And this is just a concert by some guys that used to be in other bands and I doubt it's a band most people have even heard of. It's not a Beatles reunion, for Pete's sake.

 

We're in our late 30's and all my friends are married or couples and already have plans together. I can't intrude and tag along. So my options are to go out alone amongst the revelers (woohoo), or stay home by myself. BF knows that, too.

 

He can't make it up to me by celebrating on another day. It's not just another day. It's one of only 2 days a year that are important to me. What's he doing to bend and meet me in the middle?

 

 

You are really avoiding the issue here. You aren't listening to anyone's point of view other than the people who are agreeing with you. You can't post something and expect everyone to agree with you, and get angry and defensive when they don't. Especially in a situation where your situation can easily be interpreted as you being in the wrong.

 

You can't tell someone they can do something then turn around and be pissed off for it. He tried to get you in on the concert, but it wasn't possible. Then you told him he could go.

I think it just came back to bite you in the ass when you realized that you didn't tell him how you really felt.

And just because the concert isn't important to you, doesn't mean it's not important to him. It may not be a Beatles reunion, or his first, but does it have to fall into those guidelines for him to care about it?

 

My boyfriend does a lot of things that I think are stupid, and I'm sure it goes both ways. But I encourage him to do things that make him happy, because a little kindness goes a lot way. He does the same for me.

I certainly never tell him that I think what he's doing is stupid, unless it could physically harm him, because seeing him happy makes me happy. Being happy radiates outwards. Being nice about something you're not necessarily happy about will come back in a positive way.

 

My boyfriend is involved with pro-wrestling. Right now he's one step below professional federations. Sometimes I think it's silly, but I still go and cheer louder than anyone when I'm able to go. The only time he'll hear anything negative from me about his wrestling, is when I'm concerned about his safety.

Wrestling practice and the shows take away from the time we could be spending together, but he's doing something he loves, and he's responding in a very positive way to my support.

 

You should also stop looking at the situation as a whole so negatively. Go out and do something nice after the concert with him. Have a girls night. Go out and do something that you love doing that you dont get to do very often. Better yet, go to the spa or something and then rent some movies lol.

There is easily room for a compromise.

 

I think you need to cut the guy some slack and not create so much drama out of nothing. You say you're an easy person to get along with, but from your posts, it seems like you're more concerned with what you want to do over anything else.

[Vertex]

It seems like you are not heeding the advice of the people who are disagreeing with you but rather latching onto the views that coincide with your own in order to justify your anger and accusations of his lack of love. I urge you to reconsider and entertain alternate perspectives, here.

 

Technically it's hard to "meet in the middle" when the situation in question is mutually exclusive within itself. Either he goes to the DJ thing or he doesn't -- you can't "kinda go" and I don't know if it would be feasible to go for half the time and come back. He did try to "meet in the middle" by inviting you to come along -- it just didn't work out as planned, and so he asked you what you thought. You told him "he should go if he really didn't want to miss it." So, not only did he try to invite you, but you gave him the greenlight... and on top of this, he replied back to you with every intent to make up for lost time. If anything, I would say that he did a good job of trying to compromise.

 

"Why would I want to refuse anyway, knowing that he'd rather be at the concert than with me? " -If you dislike a decision, say something. If you let him know how you felt and then he completely disregarded your feelings, or didn't even give your wishes consideration, then it'd be a different story.

 

The idea of compromise isn't "he should know when to sacrifice his external desires for the sake of my own even if I don't say anything." It's a matter of talking things out and letting each other know what your needs and wishes are in order to come to a reasonable conclusion that won't leave either side unpleasantly surprised or feeling unfairly upset. Does this make sense?

[rainfall]

It wasn't a secret test. I was upset that he even asked me what he should do - he wouldn't have asked if he hadn't wanted to go. He knew I wasn't going to say no - I'm not mean mommy and I've never told him he couldn't go out and play with his friends. He just asked me what to do so he could feel less guilty about going.

 

It IS a romantic night, we weren't able to be together last year, and he knows I never fuss about any holiday - even Valentine's Day! - or any day except for birthday and NYE. He knew this would upset me, yet he couldn't bring himself to miss out on a concert.

 

I haven't said anything to him and I don't know if I will. Not sure I want to see him at all at this point.

 

Well when he asked you what he should do you should of said stay home with you. You told him to go if he wanted to go and it looks like he wanted to go. Women expect guys to read into what they say and then get mad when they don't get what they want.

 

Sorry, but if you want to be mad at someone be mad at yourself for not telling him you did not in anyway want him to go.

[Walk]

From my view, these are the facts:

 

• He [bf] asked me what he should do.
   
   
  
• I told BF that I would love to spend NYE with him, but I didn't want him to miss the concert if he really wanted to go.
   
   
  
• We weren't able to be together last year.
   
   
  
• He knew this would upset me.
   
   
  
• When he first asked.., it sounded like one option for what we could do on NYE. And if his friend couldn't add me to the list, we'd do something else.
   
   
  
• We had plans to spend NYE together, he knew it was a special night.
   
   
  
• It's [the concert] not a special and very rare opportunity.
   
   
  
• My options are to go out alone amongst the revelers (woohoo), or stay home by myself. BF knows that.
   
   
  
• [bf] asking how to make it up to me.
  

 

From my point of view it's pretty simple. They had plans. He chose to go have a great time knowing she would be stuck home alone doing nothing, and it would upset her. He asked if he could go. She said she would prefer he stayed home but that she wanted him to be happy. He decided to go.

 

So yes. She told him exactly what she wanted from him. He still chose to go.

 

So basically, my only advice is to figure out if your bf is a person you want in your life? This would be a huge problem for me. It might not be a problem for some. Our opinions are based on our personal experiences, and I don't feel there is a right or wrong answer here. If to you, this is a problem, then don't allow others to tell you your wrong. You have a great mind, use it. Take in ALL the advice given with an open mind, give every piece the same amount of weight, and then make your own decision. You know what you want in your life, and what's important to you.

 

Don't be sheep and go along because you feel ganged up aginst, but also don't fight someones ideas just so you won't have to admit your wrong. But you have to make up your own mind on this. It's not a right or wrong decision. This is about personal preferences. About what we want and need in our life. About how we want to be treated, and how we treat others. You're smart, you seem pretty level headed, you have a grasp of the situation.

 

Make your own decision.

 

In the meantime, be angry if you want. Go running, or beat something inanimate til you feel better. Get some of your hostility out. Then when you're calmer re-address the problem and see if you still feel the same way.

 

And try talking to your bf again.

[Walk]

Since this site is anonymous I feel the need to be completely and utterly honest with people. I'm not trying to play the good guy or please anyone.

 

Sseemed like your version of "honest" is to hammer her "lack of maturity" down her throat. If you feel honesty can only be approached through a negative way, then that's your choice. I'm just saying that if you wanted to get a point across to the OP, then putting her on the defensive is NOT the best way to do it.

 

I think you're just as guilty of not finding a way to communicate your thoughts appropriately as the OP is. You feel you're being crystal clear and the OP is obtuse for not listening. Yet you aren't giving a very compelling argument or she would be thinking harder on what you're saying. I'm not convinced by what you wrote, and I have no vested emotions into this... so to me that speaks that you have NOT made your point.

 

I'm being critical of your posts, and I'm being honest. I haven't yet had to write anythign that attacks your level of maturity though. I know it won't allow us to have an open discussion about our view points if I were to do that.

 

Why couldn't you pose to the OP something she might understand better? Possibly that there might be hidden problems? He might feel he's been giving a great deal lately and only asked for this one thing? Perhaps the bf is not attempting to manipulate, but he would honestly feel happy if she scheduled something else to do on a special day. It seems to me, that there could've been a better way to approach your dissent, then to insult her maturity level, and tell her that this was "something stupid" that she was reacting so strongly to.

 

She obviously left out some information, which she should've said in the first place instead of waiting for us to ask her a million questions. ........ I just can't understand why everyone's jumping the gun and blaming her bf right away. This story has two sides. She left one out. She gets a one-sided opinion.

 

Every poster who posts on these forums leaves out information. If they didn't then the posts would be pages long. That's why people NEED to ask quesitons about the problem. Most people who start a thread do so knowing all the facts, and some things appear so obvious to them that they don't mention it in their first post. It's normal. 99% of the post I read on here are exactly that way.

 

Basically if you can't handle my honesty then don't read my posts. The point is for you to tell her your opinion, not argue about mine?

Your "honesty" is combative. You're defensive, why? It's my opinion. I'm not arguing with you, by the way. I was trying to figure out if you understood that your post was insulting or not. I'll take that as a no. And the POINT as I understood was to share view points and thoughts. Not wander around with blinders on.

[Walk]

Well when he asked you what he should do you should of said stay home with you.

 

How many people would you say would honestly do that? (I'm not being sarcastic. Wondering your view point)

 

I don't believe that a majority of people (male of female) would tell their SO, "You have to stay home and be with me so that you can show me you love me" Honestly, I just don't believe most people would've said "You can't go, stay home".

 

You really would've if you were in her situaiton? I just know I wouldn't have. I couldn't ask someone to spend the evening with me, no matter how important it was to me, if they truely did not want to.

[Vertex]

All I am saying is, it doesn't matter if he "asked her while sounding as if he was forcing her into making one choice" -- she should have spoken her mind. I don't know the exact words that were used during the conversation, but if she gave him the go, there isn't much to fight over. If she told him she really wanted him to stay and he went anyway, then it's something worth getting upset over pertaining to wishes for a good night once foregone.

[WoWaddict]

How many people would you say would honestly do that? (I'm not being sarcastic. Wondering your view point)

 

I don't believe that a majority of people (male of female) would tell their SO, "You have to stay home and be with me so that you can show me you love me" Honestly, I just don't believe most people would've said "You can't go, stay home".

 

You really would've if you were in her situaiton? I just know I wouldn't have. I couldn't ask someone to spend the evening with me, no matter how important it was to me, if they truely did not want to.

 

 

There is a much nicer way to say this, but without meaning anything less.

 

how about 'honey, i know you want to go to the concert, but would it be alright if we did something together instead?'

 

or 'NYE is really important to me, would it be ok if maybe we did something together instead?'

 

But she told him she didn't want him to miss the concert. That's what everyone is talking about. She said she wanted him to go. Everyone is going on and on about what a horrible guy he is, when she should have said how she really felt from the get-go. People are a lot better off just being honest about how they feel.

[rainfall]

How many people would you say would honestly do that? (I'm not being sarcastic. Wondering your view point)

 

I don't believe that a majority of people (male of female) would tell their SO, "You have to stay home and be with me so that you can show me you love me" Honestly, I just don't believe most people would've said "You can't go, stay home".

 

You really would've if you were in her situaiton? I just know I wouldn't have. I couldn't ask someone to spend the evening with me, no matter how important it was to me, if they truely did not want to.

 

Well if I was in her situation I could not see myself getting upset with my bf for wanting to go to a concert. Even if it was on New Year's. I would just go hang out with my friends. However, my boyfriend has asked me before my opinion on him going to places and I if I didn't want him to go I told him.I'm not going to expect him to read my mind.

 

However I think most women would probably answer the same way as the OP did.

[WoWaddict]

Well if I was in her situation I could not see myself getting upset with my bf for wanting to go to a concert. Even if it was on New Year's. I would just go hang out with my friends. However, my boyfriend has asked me before my opinion on him going to places and I if I didn't want him to go I told him.I'm not going to expect him to read my mind.

 

However I think most women would probably answer the same way as the OP did.

 

 

im with you on that one. i'm big on spending time with him on holidays.... but like i've said in previous posts, i tell him how i really feel.

 

he pretty much knows that we're gonna be together on holidays. he's not big on going out and neither am i. we just sit at home and watch movies. We both think its too dangerous to be out, especially on NYE with all the drunks and their tendancy to want to drive. If he asked to go out, I would tell him how I felt. I would be more concerned about his safety than whether or not he still loved me. If it was something he really wanted to do, then we could do something afterwards. I would TiVo the ball drop, and when he came back we could pretend like it was midnight (if he wasn't home before then).

 

 

But something similar to this situation came up recently. He always goes to the casino on his birthday (except for last year). Most casinos are 21 plus cause they hand out free alcohol. His whole family goes, but I don't drink and neither do they. I'm about to turn 20, which means I can't go to a regular casino. I told him straight out I would be really, really upset if I couldn't be there for his birthday. I didn't make him try to guess how I would feel about it. So he's looking into the riverboat casinos now, because they're 18+.

 

That's clear communication and compromise. Everyone comes out a winner.

[My Fair Katie]

Instead of saying basically, "I could only get one ticket for myself. But I won't go if you don't want me to," what should've happened is, "Friend could only get me one ticket, so I told him no and that I'd catch them next time they're in town since we have plans to be together for the holiday."

 

Do NOT tell me that men cannot be passive aggressive, I live with one and he can take the cake when he wants to. Your BF knew that by asking/saying something along the lines of "but I won't go if you don't want me to" it'd be an easy way to guilt or manipulate you into agreeing to let him go. If you say no you're the unreasonable girlfriend that gets to deal with his sulking NYE and let it ruin the holiday.

 

I'm not as kind as you are Guest, if my husband had pulled that I would've just said, "Sucks, looks like neither of us is going." Well that's not entirely true, I don't like NYE and would've been fine with a concert that night, but if it were a holiday I cared about, like halloween, you'd better believe I'd speak my mind.

 

Sorry he was an ass.