Ugh, I am sooooo disappointed in my BF!!!!

[Guest]

He has a friend who's a DJ, and his friend told him he could put his name on the list to go to a sold-out New Year's Eve rock concert. BF asked if I wanted to go and asked his friend to put my name on the list, too. Turns out his friend can't do that because he only had one spot left.

 

So I told BF that I would love to spend NYE with him, but I didn't want him to miss the concert if he really wanted to go. I wanted him to make the decision, and damn him, he decided to go to the stupid concert. So much for two years of luuuuv.

 

Now BF wants to know how to make it up to me. Huh. Sorry, but I don't know if he can make it up to me!! If he'd rather spend NYE with his DJ friend at a concert instead of having midnight sex with me, maybe he should just spend the rest of the year without me too.

[norajane]

Expensive jewelry? That might help make it up to you.

 

I'm sorry. That does sound like a loser move on his part.

[Guest]

Am I right to be mad at him? Or should I just accept this as a "guys just don't get it" kind of thing?

[Spinderella]

I think being romantic on nye, is a very female thing mostly. He probably just was thinking of the best night out. So as far as that goes, I wouldn't take it too personally.

I would be upset too, but, that doesn't mean it is any more rational.

[brickaney]

He has a friend who's a DJ, and his friend told him he could put his name on the list to go to a sold-out New Year's Eve rock concert. BF asked if I wanted to go and asked his friend to put my name on the list, too. Turns out his friend can't do that because he only had one spot left.

 

So I told BF that I would love to spend NYE with him, but I didn't want him to miss the concert if he really wanted to go. I wanted him to make the decision, and damn him, he decided to go to the stupid concert. So much for two years of luuuuv.

 

Now BF wants to know how to make it up to me. Huh. Sorry, but I don't know if he can make it up to me!! If he'd rather spend NYE with his DJ friend at a concert instead of having midnight sex with me, maybe he should just spend the rest of the year without me too.

 

Wow. You took that way too personally. If you told him to go he's going to. He's not psychic. He doesn't knwo that that was a secret test you made to see how much he cares about you. He's been with you for TWO YEARS. Why are you questioning his committment? A guy would NOT stay with a girl he didn't love for two years.

 

He is a man and men generally say what they mean and mean what they say. When you speak to him he takes the information in the same way he does when talking with anyone else.

 

You obviously didn't mean it when you said you wanted him to go if he really wanted to. Why does midnight sex HAVE to happen on NY? You are overexagerating and I hope to god you haven't told him how you're feeling since it's very irrational and you're going to push him away.

 

It's very selfish of you to expect him to pass up a special concert, especially since you told him to go! At the least you could've been rational and said "I would rather you not go because I don't want you to have fun without me". Though you'd sound like an idiot, you'd be speaking the truth. If you can't understand what YOU did wrong, and are still blaming it on HIM after you've read this then you may as well end the relationship and save him the trouble. You have too high of expectations for him. He needs to be psychic, irrational, and make you the center of his life.

 

I'll end this the way I started. Wow.

[Guest]

Wow. You took that way too personally. If you told him to go he's going to. He's not psychic. He doesn't knwo that that was a secret test you made to see how much he cares about you. He's been with you for TWO YEARS. Why are you questioning his committment? A guy would NOT stay with a girl he didn't love for two years.

 

He is a man and men generally say what they mean and mean what they say. When you speak to him he takes the information in the same way he does when talking with anyone else.

 

You obviously didn't mean it when you said you wanted him to go if he really wanted to. Why does midnight sex HAVE to happen on NY? You are overexagerating and I hope to god you haven't told him how you're feeling since it's very irrational and you're going to push him away.

 

It's very selfish of you to expect him to pass up a special concert, especially since you told him to go! At the least you could've been rational and said "I would rather you not go because I don't want you to have fun without me". Though you'd sound like an idiot, you'd be speaking the truth. If you can't understand what YOU did wrong, and are still blaming it on HIM after you've read this then you may as well end the relationship and save him the trouble. You have too high of expectations for him. He needs to be psychic, irrational, and make you the center of his life.

 

I'll end this the way I started. Wow.

 

It wasn't a secret test. I was upset that he even asked me what he should do - he wouldn't have asked if he hadn't wanted to go. He knew I wasn't going to say no - I'm not mean mommy and I've never told him he couldn't go out and play with his friends. He just asked me what to do so he could feel less guilty about going.

 

It IS a romantic night, we weren't able to be together last year, and he knows I never fuss about any holiday - even Valentine's Day! - or any day except for birthday and NYE. He knew this would upset me, yet he couldn't bring himself to miss out on a concert.

 

I haven't said anything to him and I don't know if I will. Not sure I want to see him at all at this point.

[TheDC]

Ugh, fricking typical. He isn't a mind reader, if you wanted to spend NYE with him then you should have simply told him. Instead you lay a trap and then you get pissed off when he walks into it.

 

Why do women do this sort of thing all the time.

 

You told him that if he wanted to go then he should go and you are suprised when that's exactly what he does.

[JLO22]

I CAN SEE WHY YOU ARE UPSET I WOULD BE TOO! BUT SOMETIMES YOUR bf NEEDS TIME TO HANG OUT WITH THE HOMMIES.

 

On the other hand if he does this all the time choose is guys over you then you might have a problem!! If not then he sounds like a good guy I would not break it off with him.

 

But I would let him know how I feel and it was a test.

 

So just talk to him and let him know that you and him NEW YEARS DAY.........

[Guest]

This sounds like you are way overthinking. Men just don't do that, think :-). Yes, it sounds like he wants to go to this show. So did you. Only room for one. Dilemma, so he asks you, maybe even hoping you say he can go. It works, now you are mad? You said he could go, don't be silly.

 

He then asks you how he can make it up to you....well, give him some ideas.

 

Sometimes you have to let your guy do stuff, especially when you say it is okay.

 

When does the concert let out? Can you two meet after? Can he have a preplanned super duper romantic date all ready to go after the show lets out? Perhaps you two could celebrate January 2, or January the 7 (weekend). No one else celebrates those days, it could be your special NYE date from here on out. There are ways to make it okay, you two just need to talk and work it out. Sounds like he loves you, he just had an opportunity and you said it was okay, but he felt conflicted and wants to make you happy too.....Let him and tell him how, then hug and make up.

 

One thing, if you work this out before the show, he will be at this show thinking how awesome his girlfriend is, instead of .....feeling pangs of guilt (later resentment) for going, or if he doesn't go...regret/submission also later leading to resentment.

 

Good luck, ahhh. I wish I had a boyfriend to fight with...

[Guest]

Ugh, fricking typical. He isn't a mind reader, if you wanted to spend NYE with him then you should have simply told him. Instead you lay a trap and then you get pissed off when he walks into it.

 

Why do women do this sort of thing all the time.

 

You told him that if he wanted to go then he should go and you are suprised when that's exactly what he does.

 

I'm not at all surprised that he's going. I knew he would as soon as he brought it up.

 

When he found out there was only one spot, he could have told his friend thanks, but no thanks. Why didn't he? Because he wanted to go. He had already made the choice. So what's the point of my saying no?

 

Is it really too much to ask that he want to spend a special night of the year with his gf and want to make it special for her? Is it too much to ask that a guy come up with that thought on his own?

[Walk]

It's more than just the fact that he didn't choose to spend the occasion with you though (at least in my view). I see it as selfish on his part too. He wanted something, and without regard to how you would feel, he just went ahead and did it. It's that whole philosophy of act first, ask forgiveness later. That's what he's doing. He set it all up, decided to go, and then asked your forgiveness in going ahead with what he wanted.

 

I think that's what would piss me off. The rest of it, I'd be a little hurt he didn't want to spend the evening with me.. but it wouldn't be a major thing. There's always next year. And it would've been completely different if he'd approached me prior to getting the ticket, or while on the list, and explained fully that it might be just 1 ticket and asked for my input on it. He had the opportunity to discuss the possibility of him going without her long before he found out he could. You two could've worked it all out, and reached a happy comprimise.. maybe he would've had your honest blessing to go, if he'd put some effort into talking to you, finding a comprimise, and reaching a mutual decision on this.

 

But in my opinion.. what he did was selfish. A two year relationship is supposed to involve comprimise and communication. If he planned on going all along even if she couldn't, then he owed it to her to tell her that. Not spring it on her the last minute, and then ask her to forgive him. That's bogus man.

 

I'd be pissed.

[Guest]

It's more than just the fact that he didn't choose to spend the occasion with you though (at least in my view). I see it as selfish on his part too. He wanted something, and without regard to how you would feel, he just went ahead and did it. It's that whole philosophy of act first, ask forgiveness later. That's what he's doing. He set it all up, decided to go, and then asked your forgiveness in going ahead with what he wanted.

 

I think that's what would piss me off. The rest of it, I'd be a little hurt he didn't want to spend the evening with me.. but it wouldn't be a major thing. There's always next year. And it would've been completely different if he'd approached me prior to getting the ticket, or while on the list, and explained fully that it might be just 1 ticket and asked for my input on it. He had the opportunity to discuss the possibility of him going without her long before he found out he could. You two could've worked it all out, and reached a happy comprimise.. maybe he would've had your honest blessing to go, if he'd put some effort into talking to you, finding a comprimise, and reaching a mutual decision on this.

 

But in my opinion.. what he did was selfish. A two year relationship is supposed to involve comprimise and communication. If he planned on going all along even if she couldn't, then he owed it to her to tell her that. Not spring it on her the last minute, and then ask her to forgive him. That's bogus man.

 

I'd be pissed.

 

 

Yes, exactly!! Thank you for understanding!!!

 

When he first asked me about the show, it sounded like one option for what we could do on NYE. And if his friend couldn't add me to the list, we'd do something else. But then suddenly it was there's only one spot and isn't this awkward.

[brickaney]

It's more than just the fact that he didn't choose to spend the occasion with you though (at least in my view). I see it as selfish on his part too. He wanted something, and without regard to how you would feel, he just went ahead and did it.

<accept for the fact that there's no evidence of him making the decision until after she approved.

 

He had the opportunity to discuss the possibility of him going without her long before he found out he could. <how do you know? I think it's the DJ's fault for being unreliable.

 

A two year relationship is supposed to involve comprimise and communication. If he planned on going all along even if she couldn't, then he owed it to her to tell her that. Not spring it on her the last minute, and then ask her to forgive him. That's bogus man.

 

I'd be pissed.

 

I'm in a two year relationship and we avoid drama by not playing mind games. I would not blame this on her boyfriend. Neither of you people who agree with her seem to understand how men think. Men are basic. They say what they mean and mean what they say. She approved of his going without her. She signed the deal. End of story. She feels dumb, realizing that she could've just said no and now she's threatening him with ending the relationship. All over somethign stupid she did. This is why men are afraid of committment. Because most women in this world don't take the time to understand the way they think & communicate.

 

Threatening to end your two year relationship over something this stupid is a huge sign of immaturity. Using any threat to get your way shows immaturity. Obviously she isn't mature enough to even be in the relationship since she's still playing games with him, after two years!

 

I think TheDC said it best:

"Ugh, fricking typical. He isn't a mind reader, if you wanted to spend NYE with him then you should have simply told him. Instead you lay a trap and then you get pissed off when he walks into it.

 

Why do women do this sort of thing all the time.

 

You told him that if he wanted to go then he should go and you are suprised when that's exactly what he does."

[Guest]

He then asks you how he can make it up to you....well, give him some ideas.

 

I have to give him ideas on how to make it up to me? He can't be bothered to think about it for himself and make some effort?

[Parmalat]

Ok I have to give my 2cents here:

 

Neither of you people who agree with her seem to understand how men think.

 

Naturally, this trend was started by a girl, and because we are so different in our way of thinking sometimes we just need a little bit of input to help us see how the other side opperates. Men and women are always going to think different and I don't think we will ever understand each other completely.

 

Men are basic.

 

Perhaps they are, but women are not! WE ARE COMPLICATED, we over analyse, over think, exaggerate and blow things way out of proportion. We have to understand what you (men) are doing sort of in a womans mind (if that makes sense at all) but that's not possible because well, we are woman.

 

They say what they mean and mean what they say.

 

Not always sure about this one. If he knew her well enough, he could well have known what to do to avoid confrontation and get what he wanted in the long run. Depending on what he wanted I think he will say what he needs to get what he wants.

 

And the fact that he couldn't be bothered to make it up to her makes me think he did just that. Communicated in such a way that he could get what he whanted.

 

I think she has reason to be very mad at him.

 

She feels dumb, realizing that she could've just said no and now she's threatening him with ending the relationship.

 

I don't think she feels dumb for not saying yes. She loves him and wants what is best for him.

 

She's also not threatening to end the relationship with him, I didn't read that anywhere in this trend. I might be wrong, but I got the impression that she's just disappointed that he didn't think of her and them before himself.

 

This is why men are afraid of committment. Because most women in this world don't take the time to understand the way they think & communicate.

 

I'm not sure it's jut the women, I think it goes both ways.

 

I think TheDC said it best:

"Ugh, fricking typical. He isn't a mind reader, if you wanted to spend NYE with him then you should have simply told him. Instead you lay a trap and then you get pissed off when he walks into it.

 

But after 2 years he should know more or less what she would prefer, and he could have made the effort to accomodate her rather than just think of himself.

 

Why do women do this sort of thing all the time.

 

You told him that if he wanted to go then he should go and you are suprised when that's exactly what he does."

 

Because we hope that you would rise to the occation and surprise us with your abilities. We hope and pray that you will be the man we see and the man we hope you can be.

 

Only to find out that we were so very wrong.

 

 

I just had to answer that one remark cause I felt that brickaney wasn't getting the picture, I understand that you expected better of him. I understand that you are upset that he didn't think as far as it would be nice to go into 2007 with my girl by my side. Sex aside it doesn't matter its the principal of the matter that is at stake.

 

He chose himself before them, and that hurts.

 

I'm sorry that he didn't think this through. Be mad for a while, it is good to get it out of the system. Don't take it out on him, he's a man afterall he won't remember why he's being punished and you'll have to explain it to him again.

 

Organize yourself a wonderful evening and go into a brand new year with hope and joy!

[Guest]

I'm in a two year relationship and we avoid drama by not playing mind games. I would not blame this on her boyfriend. Neither of you people who agree with her seem to understand how men think. Men are basic. They say what they mean and mean what they say. She approved of his going without her. She signed the deal. End of story. She feels dumb, realizing that she could've just said no and now she's threatening him with ending the relationship. All over somethign stupid she did. This is why men are afraid of committment. Because most women in this world don't take the time to understand the way they think & communicate.

 

Threatening to end your two year relationship over something this stupid is a huge sign of immaturity. Using any threat to get your way shows immaturity. Obviously she isn't mature enough to even be in the relationship since she's still playing games with him, after two years!

 

You don't pay attention very well. Or you ignore what you're reading.

 

I never threatened him with anything. I have yet to reply to his message about telling his friend he'd go and asking how to make it up to me. He is asking how to make it up to me because he knows NYE was supposed to be a special night for us. I haven't said anything that would ruin his enjoyment of the concert, much less am I using anything as a threat.

 

I haven't decided yet what to say to him. But you bet I'm considering whether he's the kind of guy I want to be with.

[ash519]

That stinks! I would be upset as well. I understand men are basic but men are not dumb, they know that something like this is bound to hurt there gf's feelings. My bf wouldnt be this blind.

 

Make so kick ass plans for NYE!!! Go out with the girls, or maybe if you mention how much you really want to be with him NYE he will change his plans.

 

Maybe you shouldnt have told him to go, but that doesnt mean he shouldnt take your feelings into consideration.

[milvushina]

I agree. I think most of the time people are not straightforward enough when they communicate with their SO. But, in this case he didn't have to be a mind reader to know that was rude.

 

He knew it would be disappointing so he asked you about it, making your options become a) say No and be the bad guy or b) say yes and then he could frame it like "Well you told me to go." How annoying.

[Walk]

Neither of you people who agree with her seem to understand how men think

 

Wow.. Insulting us now? Aweseome.

 

Men are basic. They say what they mean and mean what they say.

 

I believe her bf said exactly what he meant. He wanted to go, and the only way he wouldn't is if she flat out denied him. Is that our new definition of "discussion and comprimise" now?

 

She approved of his going without her. She signed the deal. End of story. She feels dumb, realizing that she could've just said no and now she's threatening him with ending the relationship. All over somethign stupid she did. This is why men are afraid of committment. Because most women in this world don't take the time to understand the way they think & communicate.

She was coherced into giving an answer she wasn't comfortable giving. There was pressure for her to give him the answer he wanted. Otherwise, she would be forced to deny him, and then have to make it up to him for taking it away.

 

Threatening to end your two year relationship over something this stupid is a huge sign of immaturity. Using any threat to get your way shows immaturity. Obviously she isn't mature enough to even be in the relationship since she's still playing games with him, after two years!

There is no threat. You've jumped the gun. Her bf is not aware that she is currently entertaining thoughts of ending the relationship. She's not using a "threat" to get her way. She's contemplating the ideals she's held regarding a life partner. She's trying to work through whether her bf has the qualities she wants in a partner, or if this is a deal breaker for her.

 

Why are you insulting her? Three times you called her immature. Further up in your post you said she was stupid for taking the path she did. Why? How is that helping? Are you hoping to threaten her into choosing your view? Maybe you can pressure her into adopting your view through intimidation?

 

 

 

 

All I know is my bf would never pull this kind of crap on me. He refuses to take anything for himself that he can't share with me, and vice versa. It's about taking your partners desires and putting them on level with your own. If he won some kind of all paid vacation and couldn't take me, he wouldnt' go. End of story. He wouldn't come to me and demand I make the choice for him. He'd make it. With MY best interest high in his thoughts. And vice versa if situaitons were reversed. It's about talking indepth with your partner about their expectations, wants, and needs, and finding comprimise with the situation. Finding ways to satisfy both partners happiness together.

 

My ex would've done the same thing her bf is doing. In fact he did do a similiar thing to me in the past. But when I told him "no". He threw a fit. Acted like a child. Sulked and acted like an ass until he finally wore me down enough that he got his way.

 

Her bf said what he meant. He wanted to go, and the only way he wouldn't is if she flat out denied him. How fair is that? Getting your own way by forcing your partner to be the bad guy.

[Walk]

To the original poster, Guest. (side note: you should register and stay. )

 

Assuming you want to try to work this out, and this isn't a deal breaker for you... I'd suggest that you try to discuss this indepth with him soon. Try to organize your thoughts and figure out what the important points are, and then discuss all this with him.

 

He might not be at a point in his life where he's knowledgable enough to know a better way to approach this. Potentially, you could show him how these types of situations should be handled in the future. This doesn't have to be a deal breaker. If he's willing to work with you, and you express to him that you have the best interest of the relationship at the forefront of your mind, then he should be willing to listen and help. Show him a better way to communicate. At least give him one last chance.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd state the facts. That you felt pressured into saying he could go. That you aren't comfortable with it. That you feel that your needs are pushed to the back burner for his. That he needed to discuss what he wanted in a different way (not the "yes or no" way he chose).

 

Tell him you understand how important it is to him, but NYE is very important to you too. Ask him if he has suggestions on how to comprimise. (you should have a couple ideas too). Depending on his reaction, you could offer a comprimise and attempt to get the ball rolling. See if he'll pick it up and help you. But if he can't, or won't... I'm not sure what a good way to deal with that might be. I think I'd get pissed at that point and probably tell him to get out. haha But that might not be in either of your best interest.

 

Overall though, focus on what's best for the relationship. Keep your feelings of anger out of the discussion as much as possible. Ask him questions to help him express his thoughts and feelings. (not loaded questions, but open ended ones.) Show him a better way to approach you with things he wants, and show him that you're going to take his thoughts and feelings at the utmost priority, but that he has to do the same with you. Don't settle for less. Otherwise, you're going to harbor resentment, and ultimately its going ot ruin the relationship anyway. So fight for what you believe in. Fight for the relationship. But do it for the right reasons.. because you want the both of you to be happy.

[Guest]

To the original poster, Guest. (side note: you should register and stay. )

 

Assuming you want to try to work this out, and this isn't a deal breaker for you... I'd suggest that you try to discuss this indepth with him soon. Try to organize your thoughts and figure out what the important points are, and then discuss all this with him.

 

He might not be at a point in his life where he's knowledgable enough to know a better way to approach this. Potentially, you could show him how these types of situations should be handled in the future. This doesn't have to be a deal breaker. If he's willing to work with you, and you express to him that you have the best interest of the relationship at the forefront of your mind, then he should be willing to listen and help. Show him a better way to communicate. At least give him one last chance.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd state the facts. That you felt pressured into saying he could go. That you aren't comfortable with it. That you feel that your needs are pushed to the back burner for his. That he needed to discuss what he wanted in a different way (not the "yes or no" way he chose).

 

Tell him you understand how important it is to him, but NYE is very important to you too. Ask him if he has suggestions on how to comprimise. (you should have a couple ideas too). Depending on his reaction, you could offer a comprimise and attempt to get the ball rolling. See if he'll pick it up and help you. But if he can't, or won't... I'm not sure what a good way to deal with that might be. I think I'd get pissed at that point and probably tell him to get out. haha But that might not be in either of your best interest.

 

Overall though, focus on what's best for the relationship. Keep your feelings of anger out of the discussion as much as possible. Ask him questions to help him express his thoughts and feelings. (not loaded questions, but open ended ones.) Show him a better way to approach you with things he wants, and show him that you're going to take his thoughts and feelings at the utmost priority, but that he has to do the same with you. Don't settle for less. Otherwise, you're going to harbor resentment, and ultimately its going ot ruin the relationship anyway. So fight for what you believe in. Fight for the relationship. But do it for the right reasons.. because you want the both of you to be happy.

 

FROM A MAN'S POINT OF VIEW, AND WITH MY MIND NOW OUT OF MY BOTTOM - THERE IS NO WAY IN THE WORLD THAT I WOULD EVER THINK OF DOING SOMETHING WITHOUT MY BABE ON A SPECIAL DAY OR FOR THAT MATTER, PUT ANYONE AHEAD OF HER WHEN IT COMES TO TIME TOGETHER BECAUSE WHEN U THINK ABOUT IT, BETWEEN WORKING AND SLEEPING AND EATING AND KIDS, BETWEEN DRIVING AND CRAPPING AND DOING WORK OUTSIDE, BETWEEN SHOWERS AND SHOPPING AND BRUSHING YER TEETH, THERE'S NOT ALOT OF TIME LEFT OVER SO SPEND WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE AND NO WITH ANYONE ELSE

[AgentD]

FROM A MAN'S POINT OF VIEW, AND WITH MY MIND NOW OUT OF MY BOTTOM - THERE IS NO WAY IN THE WORLD THAT I WOULD EVER THINK OF DOING SOMETHING WITHOUT MY BABE ON A SPECIAL DAY OR FOR THAT MATTER, PUT ANYONE AHEAD OF HER WHEN IT COMES TO TIME TOGETHER BECAUSE WHEN U THINK ABOUT IT, BETWEEN WORKING AND SLEEPING AND EATING AND KIDS, BETWEEN DRIVING AND CRAPPING AND DOING WORK OUTSIDE, BETWEEN SHOWERS AND SHOPPING AND BRUSHING YER TEETH, THERE'S NOT ALOT OF TIME LEFT OVER SO SPEND WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE AND NO WITH ANYONE ELSE

Please stop posting in all CAPS. This is hard for some to read. Thanks!

[WoWaddict]

i think you're reading too much into this. You told him he can go!

 

 

I dont understand why men are expected to have esp about what their s/o is thinking. Also, isn't putting the other person's needs before your own, kind of a 50/50 thing? Shouldn't you put his needs before yours as well?

 

If it's a very special and rare opportunity for him, shouldnt you just be happy for him and let him go without all this extra drama? Especially when you said he could go. He could make it up to you by celebrating on another day and having a special night out. Thats compromise.

 

People need to bend a little and meet in the middle in relationships. But for future reference, if you don't want him to go, tell him that. Don't be so misleading.

 

I'm guilty of it too sometimes, so don't think im being overtly critical. Hindside is 20/20.

 

I usually say "i'm fine" when I'm actually not. Absolutely notorious for it. He has to ask me 50 times if i'm really alright before I finally come out with it. lol

[Guest]

To the original poster, Guest. (side note: you should register and stay. )

 

Assuming you want to try to work this out, and this isn't a deal breaker for you... I'd suggest that you try to discuss this indepth with him soon. Try to organize your thoughts and figure out what the important points are, and then discuss all this with him.

 

He might not be at a point in his life where he's knowledgable enough to know a better way to approach this. Potentially, you could show him how these types of situations should be handled in the future. This doesn't have to be a deal breaker. If he's willing to work with you, and you express to him that you have the best interest of the relationship at the forefront of your mind, then he should be willing to listen and help. Show him a better way to communicate. At least give him one last chance.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd state the facts. That you felt pressured into saying he could go. That you aren't comfortable with it. That you feel that your needs are pushed to the back burner for his. That he needed to discuss what he wanted in a different way (not the "yes or no" way he chose).

 

Tell him you understand how important it is to him, but NYE is very important to you too. Ask him if he has suggestions on how to comprimise. (you should have a couple ideas too). Depending on his reaction, you could offer a comprimise and attempt to get the ball rolling. See if he'll pick it up and help you. But if he can't, or won't... I'm not sure what a good way to deal with that might be. I think I'd get pissed at that point and probably tell him to get out. haha But that might not be in either of your best interest.

 

Overall though, focus on what's best for the relationship. Keep your feelings of anger out of the discussion as much as possible. Ask him questions to help him express his thoughts and feelings. (not loaded questions, but open ended ones.) Show him a better way to approach you with things he wants, and show him that you're going to take his thoughts and feelings at the utmost priority, but that he has to do the same with you. Don't settle for less. Otherwise, you're going to harbor resentment, and ultimately its going ot ruin the relationship anyway. So fight for what you believe in. Fight for the relationship. But do it for the right reasons.. because you want the both of you to be happy.

 

That's my problem right now. I don't want to talk to him or see him because I don't know what to say and I'm angry and hurt and disappointed and upset and anything I say is not going to be calm or in anyone's best interests. And it's really hard to focus on what's best for our relationship when it would appear he's not focusing on that. Even after a night's sleep, I'm still mad.

 

I'm not going to break up with him over this, so I do have to talk to him because you're right. I think I'm going to resent him for this because he didn't put our relationship first.

 

I have no suggestions on compromise. I don't know what could make me feel better at this point. I compromise for him all the time, and I know for damn sure I never would have chosen to do something without him had I been in his shoes. How can he make up for that?

[Aloros]

I see both sides here. On one hand, you really should speak your mind if you seek to get what you want. You can't expect him to be a mind-reader, but on the other hand, that was a waaaay dumb move on his part. I'd say he's either really thick, taking you for granted, or both.

 

My ex was like that. He had a thing called "Thought Club" he'd do every Wednesday evening, where him and some friends would get together and have philosophical debates. Of course...one of those Wednesdays fell on Valentine's day. He said he still wanted to do his club, and I told him I wasn't pleased, but to make his own decision. HE CHOSE THE CLUB. So here I was, following him to some dingy apartment where there were only two other people because, hell, it was Valentine's day. No one had anything interesting to say, the talk sputtered out fast, and we ended up wandering around the apartment complex. I was pissed. I wanted him to WANT to spend that time with me.

 

Lesson learned: you can't make people want what you want. They either want to spend that time with you, or they'd rather do something else - in which case: 1. you tell them what you want in clear terms and they yield or don't, or 2. you let them do what they really want to.

 

I'd say he's taking you for granted. You can either live with it, or you can't. He may see the error of his ways, but you can't wait around expecting a person to change. I waited around for five and a half years. WAY too long. Now I'm with a guy who puts me first, and let me tell you, it is such a relief! He won't break plans with me because something else comes along, even if I give him the option. He tells me how much he looks forward to spending that time with me. I don't have to feel like a bitch anymore.

 

Good luck, and I hope you have a great New Year's regardless! I'd suggest hooking up with some of your gal pals, having a nice dinner, and then a wild night out.

 

No greater revenge than having an awesome time without him.