WTF is going on here?

[Lostgurl]

I didn't know whether to post this in the LDR section or here.... Because i am seriously thinking of leaving... I just wish he wasn't so selfish.

 

I am sooo tired of fighting with him...

 

One of the reasons he left me and moved away was because he couldn't stand this place i live in. It's my home, i've never left here, and i was planning on moving to be with him in April. But the more we fight the less i save... the more frequent i question moving.

 

Two nights ago he told me he'd move back here if i found him a decent job. Needless to say i was extatic. Things haven't been going to well for him over there. So i mention this to my boss. We've become friends and she doesn't want me to go either and she asked her husband to look around for me.

 

Then he said that it wasn't set in stone, and that he needed to speak to his friend about it.. Well i know my bf, and i questioned him about moving back here and told him that i thought he'd change his mind and it wouldn't happen. He blew up on me for doubting him.. I held myself together, and tried to explain. He just kept going off and eventually started swearing at me. Saying "f*ck you, F*ck You!!!" From there i signed out of messenger. I had enough by that point. He called me at least 13 times before i finally answered. He started to ask me things like "well if you can't find me a good job will you still want to move down here?" and i seriously don't know if he was hoping i would say no. At this point he has me soo mixed up that i don't even know what his motives are anymore. Anyway, we worked things out.. and it was all good. UNTIL yesterday.

 

I had my X-mas party lastnight and didn't get on messenger until 10, he was ornery to begin with, i could tell that he was upset about me getting in late. I was in a great mood, i had a great time with my boss and co-workers, and told him about how crazy my next few days are, he still says nothing... I confront him about his mood and he starts asking me if there will be men at the next 2 parties i have to go too, and says that he's scared i'll cheat. We get into another huge fight. I can't believe after the night before i got soooooooo much **** for doubting that he'd move here, now he's openly doubting my feelings for him. He basically called me a slut by thinking that i'll go to a party and then into a mans bed! :mad: I was steaming! I have never cheated on him! I hung up on him, because i was soo sick of fighting and being angry.

 

Then his morning i get an IM :

 

I'm sorry about tonight. I want you and need you over here. I don't want to move there. I just don't feel important.

 

I don't understand anything anymore!!! Can anyone decipher him? Please?

[WTF]

If he's in his mid 20's then yon could have a quarter life crisis problem.

 

I know the signsall too well.............so is he?

 

It's a hard time for a guy at that time in his life, trying to establish himself, dating and building a life with you, hoildays, maybe a little insecurity. ALL ON THE SAME PERSON PLATE.

 

But that is no reason to speak to you that way. Ypu need to have a serious disscussion. IN PERSON. You you can read his eyes and listen to his voice.

[Lostgurl]

Hi WTF, thanks for your reponse.

 

He's 36, and i'm 26... I just don't get him... I mean he got sooo freakin mad at me for doubting that he'd move back here 2 nights ago. Telling me he was a man of his word. That i need to believe in everything that comes from his mouth..

 

Then lastnight after our fight about me not making him feel important enough because i am busy (its Christmas) and can't spend every waking moment while not at work on the computer with him like usual. He actually voiced that he was scared that i'd cheat at these Christmas parties! He's doubting my love, the worst thing he could possibly doubt...... Then he proved that my doubt about him moving back here was right!

 

I don't know what is up here. I know that he's insecure because i am having fun here with out him. I lost touch with my friends while he was living here with me, because we'd always just stay in together. Now since he's left, my phone rings non-stop, i am constantly getting invites on weekends to outings. He doesn't like this.

 

I also know that he's having a hard time there, right now. He isn't getting along with his friends wife. She sounds like a complete b*tch. and he speaks his mind. He has a hard time not.... wether it be good or bad. His slacker nephew does nothing at work, this drives him nuts. But still. I have been a shoulder and an ear for him through all this. He doesn't have to lash out at me...

[ilmw]

Nobody deserves verbal abuse like that..

 

From what you have written... I am still ... what would have sparked the outbursts from him... particulariy.. when you are not speaking in person..... Im''ng... or txt'ing.. there is a chance to think about what you are going to write... not just spout off as can happen in person....

 

You say he is 36... WTF.... he does not sound like it.... by that age.. you would hope someone would have some control.. (you would hope)

 

Also... I have never heard of a 'man'.... asking his 'girlfriend' to find him a good job... is he unable to get of his arse... and make some phone calls or go on the internet... and look for himself...? Plus... if he realy valued you.... would he not make the effort...?

 

(he did say he would come to where you are if he had a good job)

 

What else is there to say.... ...

 

I am also not impressed that he moved away.... particularily if he could have stayed... Was he forced to move.... (does not sound like it)

 

Take care of you

ilmw

[blind_otter]

Personally, I would find it hard to take that kind of abuse in person, MUCH less in the context of a LDR. It's like he's having the temper tantrums of an infant. You give him no consequences for his bad behavior, so he continues to dump on you.

 

If you give him concrete consequences, maybe he'll stop swearing at you?

[WTF]

If you say he's 36 and acting like this, I'm sorry, but I think he might be trying to end it. Or "get the ball rolling". on ending it.

[Lostgurl]

Hi ilmw

 

Nobody deserves verbal abuse like that..

 

From what you have written... I am still ... what would have sparked the outbursts from him... particulariy.. when you are not speaking in person..... Im''ng... or txt'ing.. there is a chance to think about what you are going to write... not just spout off as can happen in person....

 

I know, that's why i don't get this mess... I have tried to hold my composure, but he'd keep pushing and pushing until i'd loose it and start arguing right back... It was like our last fight before these too. I think i posted about it. He wrote "It seems that i don't own my life, I can't tell you what this means, but just know that i love you." I told him that i wasn't ok with him hiding something from me that sounded so important and huge, but i wasn't mad. He called me "bullsh*t" and i kept asking him nicely not to call me that... he wouldn't let me get offline because i "wasn't ok with it" kept telling me i was mad... until i couldn't hold it anymore, and started arguiing with him also.

 

You say he is 36... WTF.... he does not sound like it.... by that age.. you would hope someone would have some control.. (you would hope)

 

Also... I have never heard of a 'man'.... asking his 'girlfriend' to find him a good job... is he unable to get of his arse... and make some phone calls or go on the internet... and look for himself...? Plus... if he realy valued you.... would he not make the effort...?

 

Well the thing about this is, my father had his own business until just recently he retired. He know's everyone in town, all the big wigs and could probably talk to them. My bf's exact words were "well i figure if you have some f*re under your ass, you and your dad will be able to set me up with something."

 

 

(he did say he would come to where you are if he had a good job)

 

What else is there to say.... ...

 

I am also not impressed that he moved away.... particularily if he could have stayed... Was he forced to move.... (does not sound like it)

 

I did kick him out because of an ex-girlfriend issue that was going on for 6 months.... He moved into his BIL's house and we got back together not long after. He was going to continue to live there until we worked out our differences then move back in. But things kept happening. i.e He came over, we had reconciled and he asked me to get his lighter out of his pocket. I pulled out a condom instead.... another time, he said he never talked to his ex in a month.... He accidently called my house and asked for her!

 

Take care of you

ilmw

 

I just don't know what to do. I know he's having a hard time. But it seems that everything is about him. And it's like, when i said that i knew he'd change his mind about moving here. I sincerely knew he would. I wasn't trying to start a fight.... but he freaked because i doubted him, and i was right. Then he thinks he can basically tell me that he think's i'm going to cheat, and expect me not to get upset?????? I have been faithful, and i've treated him like gold. Now that he's so far away and STILL trying to control me i want to say f*ck it. But I am looking for advice on how i can save this relationship hopefully understand him more.

 

Thanks for you reply ilmw

[Lostgurl]

Personally, I would find it hard to take that kind of abuse in person, MUCH less in the context of a LDR. It's like he's having the temper tantrums of an infant. You give him no consequences for his bad behavior, so he continues to dump on you.

 

If you give him concrete consequences, maybe he'll stop swearing at you?

 

Hi B_O

 

I signed off as soon as he started swearing at me. Isn't that consequence? I haven't been taking his shyte since he moved. When he was here with me and we'd argue about me "doubting" him (whole other issue about his ex), i was always the one to give in and tell him i'm sorry and "fix" things. Even though he was the one continuing a friendship with the ex that he left me for in the beggining of the relationship:mad: against my wishes.

 

Now i am doing what i want... if he had told me to quit having people over or he didn't like me going out with friends while he was here, i would have said.. OK! But now i am making time for him, but having fun with friends also... Its like he wants me on the computer EVERYSINGLE minute i'm not working or sleeping. Last weekend we were on Friday night 3 hours, Saturday 6 hours, and Sunday 10 hours. Now he's mad that i'm busy and can only call him on Christmas Eve, that tonight and Saturday i have parties to go to.... Ugh.. I can't believe he doesn't trust me, i haven't ever cheated on him.

[ilmw]

Hi ilmw

 

 

 

I just don't know what to do. I know he's having a hard time. But it seems that everything is about him. And it's like, when i said that i knew he'd change his mind about moving here. I sincerely knew he would. I wasn't trying to start a fight.... but he freaked because i doubted him, and i was right. Then he thinks he can basically tell me that he think's i'm going to cheat, and expect me not to get upset?????? I have been faithful, and i've treated him like gold. Now that he's so far away and STILL trying to control me i want to say f*ck it. But I am looking for advice on how i can save this relationship hopefully understand him more.

 

Thanks for you reply ilmw

 

I tell you straight away.... I don't condone break up's without good reason...

 

But from just reading a few lines you have written.... I have to think... why... Why...WHY would you put yourself through this.... He has disrespected you in the past... you reconcile... and he disrespects you again... he moves away.... and is still doing it....

 

I understand you have strong feelings for this guy... (or you would not be asking for advise)

 

But stop and think.. (as I'm sure you have done) Why put up with this crap.... what do you get out of this.... Nada... but disrespect... and an attempt at control...Long distance...

 

Have or do you know... the core of this fellas problem... why does he have these control issues.... why does he want to maintain a LDR with you.... after his issues broke you up in the past..? What does he realy want... does he know what he wants in his life...

 

What are his life goals.. and how do you fit in them...

 

(or more important.. what are your goals in life... and how do you see him fitting in yours)

 

What is his relationship history...

 

Also... I still don't see what either of you get out of this relationship... cause you are both pissed at each other... and that is no way to have a day to day relationship.... never mind... a LDR..

 

[karlesa]

Move on honey. Life is too short for all of the BS. Find a man that will treat you like you need to be treated, with respect, dignity, and honor.

This guy sounds like the way my wife is treating me now. Mean people suck!

Anyways, i wih you the best of luck in whatever your decision may be.

[blind_otter]

Hi B_O

 

I signed off as soon as he started swearing at me. Isn't that consequence? I haven't been taking his shyte since he moved. When he was here with me and we'd argue about me "doubting" him (whole other issue about his ex), i was always the one to give in and tell him i'm sorry and "fix" things. Even though he was the one continuing a friendship with the ex that he left me for in the beggining of the relationship:mad: against my wishes.

 

Now i am doing what i want... if he had told me to quit having people over or he didn't like me going out with friends while he was here, i would have said.. OK! But now i am making time for him, but having fun with friends also... Its like he wants me on the computer EVERYSINGLE minute i'm not working or sleeping. Last weekend we were on Friday night 3 hours, Saturday 6 hours, and Sunday 10 hours. Now he's mad that i'm busy and can only call him on Christmas Eve, that tonight and Saturday i have parties to go to.... Ugh.. I can't believe he doesn't trust me, i haven't ever cheated on him.

 

Well, hon, the only advice I have for you comes from "Sex and the City"....Samantha says to one of the girls, I can't remember which, that the difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship is simple. How much time do you spend like this or .....and how much time do you spend like this (in relation to the relationship)....

[ilmw]

Well, hon, the only advice I have for you comes from "Sex and the City"....Samantha says to one of the girls, I can't remember which, that the difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship is simple. How much time do you spend like this or .....and how much time do you spend like this (in relation to the relationship)....

 

That was surprisingly simple and insightful... ....

Thx...

[Lostgurl]

Well, hon, the only advice I have for you comes from "Sex and the City"....Samantha says to one of the girls, I can't remember which, that the difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship is simple. How much time do you spend like this or .....and how much time do you spend like this (in relation to the relationship)....

 

Hi B_O Great post BTW. It really put's things into perspective.

 

When things are going like this : We are lost in eachother. Every single moment is bliss... This is one of the bigger reasons why i continue to stay and put up with the BS. We get along beautifully. Up until lately, there was alot of this , and in the past, after we got back together, up until he decided he wanted his friendship with the ex he betrayed me with... there was nothing but :)

 

Then since April when this friendship started there alot of :( Until i kicked him out and we had a wonderful patch until all of this other crap with him feeling unimportant because i am having fun with other people than him... and his jealousy issues, which he was no right to feel. I haven't given him any reason to be.

 

He tells me i'm the one, that i'm his wife, and we are going to get married... If he loves me so much i just don't understand this. Sometimes i feel like i'm just not good enough for him.. Like nothing i say or do is good enough. Im growing VERY tired of feeling this way .

 

I can SEE that he loves me, i just don't know what to say or do to kick his *ss into gear, i get defensive when we fight, because i hate that me makes me feel soo small and then stick up for myself and he just keeps on me.... ugh....

[Art_Critic]

Personally, I would find it hard to take that kind of abuse in person, MUCH less in the context of a LDR. It's like he's having the temper tantrums of an infant. You give him no consequences for his bad behavior, so he continues to dump on you.

 

If you give him concrete consequences, maybe he'll stop swearing at you?

 

Well, hon, the only advice I have for you comes from "Sex and the City"....Samantha says to one of the girls, I can't remember which, that the difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship is simple. How much time do you spend like this or .....and how much time do you spend like this (in relation to the relationship)....

 

 

WORD ...... Good posts B_O

 

I would add that the concrete consequences need to be more than something he can be upset at you over and swing the blame on you..ie: you stopped talking to him on IM by hanging up on him.. he can twist that to say you were being a biotch..

 

Make the Concrete Concrete

[Lostgurl]

I tell you straight away.... I don't condone break up's without good reason...

 

But from just reading a few lines you have written.... I have to think... why... Why...WHY would you put yourself through this.... He has disrespected you in the past... you reconcile... and he disrespects you again... he moves away.... and is still doing it....

 

Because when things are good, no one has ever made me happier. When things are good, they seriously can't get any better... We get a high off eachother.

But when things are bad, they are BAD... He once said to me, "Our relationship is tumultous, but good" for some reason this has stuck with me Also he's the father (not biological, but he is Daddy) of my 2 girls and they love and respect him to pieces.

I understand you have strong feelings for this guy... (or you would not be asking for advise)

Yes, believe that eachother is "the one"

 

But stop and think.. (as I'm sure you have done) Why put up with this crap.... what do you get out of this.... Nada... but disrespect... and an attempt at control...Long distance...

 

I know... I have seen what life is like since he's left. It makes me (and everyone else) angry that he is attempting to control me from 3000 miles away.

Have or do you know... the core of this fellas problem... why does he have these control issues.... why does he want to maintain a LDR with you.... after his issues broke you up in the past..? What does he realy want... does he know what he wants in his life...

 

I know that he wrestles with alot. He's a very hard thinker.. I think that he doesn't trust me, that he thinks i'll cheat. Since we've gotten serious, Him and our girls have always been the center of my world, now he sees that i can have a life without him and it scares him that i will change my mind about moving there.

 

What are his life goals.. and how do you fit in them...

 

He had a career, which he quit. He's struggling to find something that he feels good about. He wants to find what he was meant to do, and marry me, and legally adopt my girls.

 

(or more important.. what are your goals in life... and how do you see him fitting in yours)

I want what he wants, but with out the Shyte....

What is his relationship history...

 

He has had 2 serious rels before me. His last was of 8 years. and it was a terrible mess. She finally ended it for good by attempting to sleep with his best friend of 18 years. He loved her deeply, but never even tought of marriage with her. In between breakups, he'd see other people (one night stands etc.)

 

Also... I still don't see what either of you get out of this relationship... cause you are both pissed at each other... and that is no way to have a day to day relationship.... never mind... a LDR..

 

I know I am wondering the same thing at this point....

 

 

Thank you for your support ilmw

[Lostgurl]

WORD ...... Good posts B_O

 

I would add that the concrete consequences need to be more than something he can be upset at you over and swing the blame on you..ie: you stopped talking to him on IM by hanging up on him.. he can twist that to say you were being a biotch..

 

Make the Concrete Concrete

 

Good point Art.. I have tried to hold my anger, but i kept being pushed and pushed.. And when i'd try to go, with out just signing out he'd always reply with "oh, so your going to leave things like this?" or "if you go now......."

 

I've even said i was tired and needed sleep he'd call me Bullshyte. Is there any other way i can get around just hanging up or signing out, so i don't make myself look like a Biotch?

[blind_otter]

I think as long as you frame signing off in terms of concrete consequences it's ok, as in letting him know that you will not speak to him until he is able to communicate to you without profanity or name calling, or until he can be calm and you can communicate like adults.

[Lostgurl]

I think as long as you frame signing off in terms of concrete consequences it's ok, as in letting him know that you will not speak to him until he is able to communicate to you without profanity or name calling, or until he can be calm and you can communicate like adults.

 

Yes B_O your right.. I don't like that it has to be that way, i don'tl like just signing out, but when we argue, it's pretty hard to reason with him,, He always has to win no matter what, and needs to be right. I guess i am the same way. But to a degree. It's usually me that always gives in... But i guess it's signing out something that i need to do. I mean if nothing else works right?

 

I won't put up with his ways anymore, especially if he's going to swear at me... I can't handle his controlling ways anymore. It makes me think, Gee if i move there, away from my family... How will he react there?

 

I'm supposed to fly down to visit him in 6 days. I am not sure if i want to do that at this point

[norajane]

Maybe it would help if you laid it out on the line when he starts calling you names. Before signing off, calmly tell him that it is unacceptable to you that he calls you names so you are signing off until he cools down and can speak to you without attacking you. Then, you sign off.

[Pyro]

I didn't know whether to post this in the LDR section or here.... Because i am seriously thinking of leaving... I just wish he wasn't so selfish.

 

I am sooo tired of fighting with him...

 

One of the reasons he left me and moved away was because he couldn't stand this place i live in. It's my home, i've never left here, and i was planning on moving to be with him in April. But the more we fight the less i save... the more frequent i question moving.

 

Two nights ago he told me he'd move back here if i found him a decent job. Needless to say i was extatic. Things haven't been going to well for him over there. So i mention this to my boss. We've become friends and she doesn't want me to go either and she asked her husband to look around for me.

 

Then he said that it wasn't set in stone, and that he needed to speak to his friend about it.. Well i know my bf, and i questioned him about moving back here and told him that i thought he'd change his mind and it wouldn't happen. He blew up on me for doubting him.. I held myself together, and tried to explain. He just kept going off and eventually started swearing at me. Saying "f*ck you, F*ck You!!!" From there i signed out of messenger. I had enough by that point. He called me at least 13 times before i finally answered. He started to ask me things like "well if you can't find me a good job will you still want to move down here?" and i seriously don't know if he was hoping i would say no. At this point he has me soo mixed up that i don't even know what his motives are anymore. Anyway, we worked things out.. and it was all good. UNTIL yesterday.

 

I had my X-mas party lastnight and didn't get on messenger until 10, he was ornery to begin with, i could tell that he was upset about me getting in late. I was in a great mood, i had a great time with my boss and co-workers, and told him about how crazy my next few days are, he still says nothing... I confront him about his mood and he starts asking me if there will be men at the next 2 parties i have to go too, and says that he's scared i'll cheat. We get into another huge fight. I can't believe after the night before i got soooooooo much **** for doubting that he'd move here, now he's openly doubting my feelings for him. He basically called me a slut by thinking that i'll go to a party and then into a mans bed! :mad: I was steaming! I have never cheated on him! I hung up on him, because i was soo sick of fighting and being angry.

 

Then his morning i get an IM :

 

I'm sorry about tonight. I want you and need you over here. I don't want to move there. I just don't feel important.

 

I don't understand anything anymore!!! Can anyone decipher him? Please?

 

He is acting like this in an LDR, just imagine how he would act if the two of you were living together.........

 

It seems ike that you two are able to work things out, but than he will turn around and get mad all over again. He gets mad at you for coming on IM later than normal, for interacting with other guys at a party. LG, this guy has insecurity issues as well as communication and anger issues. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

[Lostgurl]

He is acting like this in an LDR, just imagine how he would act if the two of you were living together.........

 

It seems ike that you two are able to work things out, but than he will turn around and get mad all over again. He gets mad at you for coming on IM later than normal, for interacting with other guys at a party. LG, this guy has insecurity issues as well as communication and anger issues. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

 

Thanks Riddler . I know that i don't deserve to be treated this way. I have treated this man very well. I can't take it for very much longer. But i'm not going to let him control me either. I guess that only leaves one option... It will kill me to break up with him. But i am starting to see that i dont have any other choice.

 

I know how it will go tonight... He'll say he's sorry and i'll forgive him like nothing happened... Then in a few days he'll be mad again.

 

Where as if i'm the one to f*ck up and he get's mad at me. Sorry isn't good enough.... He grills and grills it into me.... Then he's cold for a period, depending on how badly i pissed him off... ugh. I have 6 days until i'm supposed to fly down there to visit him for a week... What on earth should i do?

[Pyro]

I know how it will go tonight... He'll say he's sorry and i'll forgive him like nothing happened... Then in a few days he'll be mad again.

 

Where as if i'm the one to f*ck up and he get's mad at me. Sorry isn't good enough.... He grills and grills it into me.... Then he's cold for a period, depending on how badly i pissed him off... ugh. I have 6 days until i'm supposed to fly down there to visit him for a week... What on earth should i do?

 

You just described the typical abuser.

 

Read the other thing I wrote. You don't have to break up with him, if he is willing to work out his problems.

[ilmw]

You just described the typical abuser.

 

Read the other thing I wrote. You don't have to break up with him, if he is willing to work out his problems.

 

You got me thinking... so I found this...

 

Not to freak you out...but does any of this sound familiar....Lg ...??

*******************************************************

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]The goal of an abuser is control. They want you to behave only in the ways in which they want you to behave. They achieve this control with abuse.[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

The cycle of abuse is a huge part of your answer to How did this happen to me? For years, you have very likely been feeling that you have been going around in circles... not getting anywhere. Your feelings are correct.

You have likely kept on trying and trying your best to resolve issues and doing everything in your power to try to stop your partner's abusive behavior... and nothing has worked.

Nothing has worked because your partner doesn't want to stop controlling you

and abuse is his method of doing it.

Look what has happened to you! Your "failure" to stop the abuse and "failure" to resolve issues, has very likely set up feelings of helplessness within you because you can't seem to make anything better no matter how hard you try. As you keep trying, and failing, these feelings of helplessness grow. Your self-esteem is driven down and your sense of self-worth is shattered. You lose confidence in yourself and your abilities.

The abuse and your failed efforts to stop it, erode your self-confidence, devastate your self-esteem and destroy your sense of self-worth. You become fearful, insecure and dependent. Everything in your life eventually revolves around your abuser, their moods and their needs. You become a non-person, and as such, you are reduced to existing as your abuser's "possession."

You can't change your partner no matter how hard you try. You can't love him enough to make him stop abusing you. Only he can change himself or make the decision to stop being abusive.

The Cycle of Abuse keeps you fearful and off balance both emotionally and psychologically. Look at the diagram of the cycle shown below... you will most certainly recognize this vicious and devastating wheel spinning within your abusive relationship.

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#336600]Phase 4 - Calm:[/COLOR]

Incident is "forgotten", no abuse is taking place. The "Honeymoon" phase.

[/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#ffb900]Phase 1 - Tension Building:[/COLOR]

Tension increases, breakdown of communication, victim becomes fearful and feels the need to placate the abuser.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[COLOR=#ff3399]Phase 3 - Reconciliation:[/COLOR] Abuser apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim, denies the abuse occurred, or says it wasn't as bad as the victim claims.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#9e0e0e]Phase 2 - Incident:[/COLOR] Verbal, emotional, physical abuse. Anger, blaming, arguing. Threats. Intimidation.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3][COLOR=#9e0e0e]Understand how this cycle efficiently and completely destroys you:[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

The saddest thing of all: This insidious repetitious cycle will break you so smoothly, there's an excellent chance you won't even realize you've lost yourself. For some people it may take years... but it will break you.

[FONT=ARIAL][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Each time you take a spin on the Cycle of Abuse you lose a little piece of yourself. You never quite make it back up to your top again. Oh I know, you may think and believe you have... but you haven't. Every cycle of abuse takes you lower and lower and lower until one day, there is nothing left of you. You just don't recover. Look closely at yourself and your life... feel your feelings... listen to your own heart... reach into your spirit. I now ask you...

Are you really the same person you were before you began riding The Cycle of Abuse?[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

The heavy weight of abuse crushes you a little bit more each time you travel around the cycle. Down, down, down you go... until you are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually annihilated.

[FONT=ARIAL][sIZE=1][COLOR=#006600]You begin whole and complete.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=ARIAL][sIZE=1][COLOR=#787878]You finish depressed and broken.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3][COLOR=#9e0e0e]Destructive Effects of The Cycle of Abuse[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

 

This is how the relentless action of the Cycle of Abuse can and does affect you:

Isolation from others, withdrawal from family and friends, avoid the public

Spending more and more time at work, not wanting to come home

Low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness

Depression, thoughts of suicide

Emotional problems, shame, emotional highs and lows, emotional numbness

Illness - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually

Increased alcohol or drug use, addictions Withdrawal from real life into an alternative reality - perhaps the Internet