ohmy3 Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 hi all! i am new to this site & looking for views from other men & women, my hubby is 35 an out of the blue 6 -8 weeks ago he starting going to the gym 5days a week, we have had a good marrigae both been Not Cheaters as far as i know, he always comes home every eve, aprox. 2-3 hrs. after he gets off here on weekends isn't ever out late,i just feel like WHOM he trying to impress? he's always had a bit of a belly from the day i meet him at 19 but that never mattered to me! and hasn't even if it grew a bit over the yrs., beliveme after 2 kids i am not the same eaither, (but not far off) lol...... i am just so worried that he' s up to something, yes i have found that he has hidden $ from me has before but this has been and issue for a long time, i just do not know what to do? i am no man so i just wondered if for no reason does a man just start going to workout 5 days a week after i 've known him 11-- 11 1/2 yrs. for whom he is and loved him that way? i just feel threated & me being a women (well at least me) need a reason i can understand for all the sudden changed behavior as far as gym 5 days a week? i have asked him several times and he says i just do not want to be fat anymore! i have asked is there a reason like something bad happen that made you scared about your health (as he has no health issues) just a belly that is now down some and he insists there no other reason than I DO NOT WANT TO BE FAT! i have never told him he was fat and he has never seem to have a complex about it but he is a rather quite person and don't share alot of his thought's w/me till i bugg and bugg him to please help any views will be great my heart breaks as for some stupid reason i keep having this feleing something isn't right , we have a great sex life well i think thats becuase of me i am finding myslef wanting to do things i would never have done in my 20's (but only between us no other parties involved) that i want to do now but more so for him he don't ask for them but i guess they are things he want to do? i mean he dose seem to enjoy them even if it may not feel real great to me i think of nothing more than hoping i am meeting on his needs...........
bab Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 If your H hasn't given you any other reason to suspect he is cheating, then I'd say trust him. Maybe he is just tired of being overweight. Maybe it has always bothered him, but he never talked about it. Maybe he watched that Biggest Loser show and got inspired. I'm just saying that give him the benefit of the doubt. Why not join him at the gym, or learn to cook some healthy meals? Be apart of the getting fit with him. Make it a bonding experience.
littlekitty Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Great advice from bab. I agree with her completely! You never know, perhaps he wants to improve for you?!
lasan Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I just started working out 5 days a week myself. I am not cheating on anyone. I just decided that I don't want this excess weight anymore. There is a great post on the separation forum that is about 11 pages back. It is by a woman who was so sure there was another woman. Turns out her husband just went through a religious changes, and made major changes in his life. Point is, he wasn't cheating. Sometimes people change.
Author ohmy3 Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 well yes that be wonderful to go to the gym w/ him, however 1 of 2 things i know i asked that and well he looked less than thrilled & having 2 kids not old enough to stay alone and NO 1 to watch them that we trust leaves me w/ no option! when he gets off work and can go there off school, i cook good meal for him belive me i have tried to involve myself everyway poss., i have a treadmill i bought 2 yrs. ago and made myself loes that 40 lbs of baby weight and i did but at that time he was no where as far as wanting to be in the weightloss thing at all but now 2 yrs later allthe sudden is? we bought a exp. weight machine thing 2yr ago but he wouldn't use it then ,now it's home is in the shed out back but after him going threw this phase or whatever it is i started walking on my treadmill again wanting to do the same as he is but it just seems weird i can do it at home but he has to go to a gym to do it he has no trainner he just gose just seems really weird and the weight machine is still out in the shed........... i asked him why not use our traedmill as i burned alot of miles on it and it works fine but he tells me he thinks he to heavy for it? he just has a belly that is it!
lasan Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 You know your hubby best. If you think something is up, watch and listen. Sometimes though, it's not another woman.
jmargel Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Good chance that he just gets inspiration by going to the gym. By working out at home, it's not the same. If he hasn't done anything to you in the past then I highly doubt he is cheating. There would be other red flags as well. Strange cell phone numbers, loss of sex, mood swings (either getting very upset with you for no reason, or buying you things, treating you better than you ever were before). Other signs are new colgne, new clothes, can't account for time when he wasn't with you, etc.. It would take a couple of these red flags to happen before you can think he might be cheating. Why not encourage him more with his weight reduction? Why not goto the gym with him? What he is doing right now is actually a good thing. Try not to be so paranoid.
yousaveme Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Most gyms have a day care for the kids. They play and really enjoy themselves. And you can workout. When I have my niece and younger nephew with me. Thats what I do. I can see them while I'm working out and they can see me. Both me and my BF workout alot. And love it. So it workouts great for us. We can still be together and the kids are having a blast. Check with the gym. Im sure they have some daycare for the kiddies....
loggrad98 Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I agree with Bab on this one. Trust is easily destroyed, and painfully rebuilt. You said he is 35. That is a prime age for the beginnings of the mid-life crisis stuff. It is an age where he realizes he is not 19 anymore. It is easy to kid yourself into your early 30's, but then reality sets in. Maybe he went for a coffee and the cute 18-year old girl at the register called him "sir". Things like that can set you off. I am 36 and my wife is 38 and we have experienced a renassaince so to speak. We both joined weight watchers and a gym and she has lost 70 pounds, me 40. We kind of hit that wall together. She was getting ready for her 20 year high school reunion and I did not want her to find some old flame who looked better than her husband! (j/k....I just wanted to be her "arm-candy") The most important thing is to TALK ABOUT THINGS. It is funny how many people post on here to ask total strangers to help them figure out what their own spouse is thinking (myself included...it happens to the best of us) and the best advice I ever see on here is almost always the same. Billy Joel said it best...."Tell her(him) about it..."
Author ohmy3 Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 thank you so much for the replies!!!!!! oh belive me i am a talker and tell him how i feel and it may take a bit for him to reply as like i said he is QUITE and easy going nature (not as I) outgoing! but he replies i just wanted to see what others thuoght, i have had men hit on me and i have always made it clear I LOVEMY HUBBY! and i always have told him not that he ever says much about it but i still tell him........... but it is hard sometimes to try to figure out what on earth he is thinking when he doesn't say much unlike me! i just love my hubby so much and even after 10 1/2 yrs. of marriage i can proudly say that and i guess his sudden changes threw me off and made me wondered, i mean i am still as 1 other above this reply said keeping watch and just paying a bit more att. to things that do seem to be on a different level for him and just want to reassure myself he is being faithful as i have for the entire marriage belive me when i made myself lose the 40 lbs i piled on after our last child he to at 1 point felt threated and wondered if he was enough for me (i myself was shocked) he thoguht that but a sudden change is kinda scarey for the other person and if the 1 making the change is so quite nature it can make the mind of the other wonder....... love is a crazy thing!
Mr. Lucky Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 i guess his sudden changes threw me off and made me wondered, i mean i am still as 1 other above this reply said keeping watch and just paying a bit more att. to things that do seem to be on a different level for him and just want to reassure myself he is being faithful Wow, you women are a tough crowd! When we do somthing bad for our relationship, for example hang out at a bar every day after work, you question our motives. When we do something good for our relationshp, for example start a gym routine that is good for our health and appearance, you...question our motives? Why not just be happy that he's on the right track ? Mr. Lucky
vanessabg Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Wow, you women are a tough crowd! When we do somthing bad for our relationship, for example hang out at a bar every day after work, you question our motives. When we do something good for our relationshp, for example start a gym routine that is good for our health and appearance, you...question our motives? Why not just be happy that he's on the right track ? Mr. Lucky I am not agree with you,as you said women are a tough crowd,if husband take a wrong decision then here is duty of wife to stop him for doing this.It's never mean that they are over reacted and always question to your motives.
BeenAround_N_Back Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I am and I still would be cautious just because when my H was starting his A or the initial attraction was happening, he started to try to lose his weight (after I told him to do it many many years, for health reasons and for physical appearance). Anyway, I did not clue in why he was losing the weight - but now looking back, it was to try and catch someone else's eyes. All his hours were accounted for (everything was done during work time, lunchtime, he was always home on time, never away from home, his cell phone never had strange calls because they were all from workplace. The only thing that seemed off was that he was never in his office but he was helping his coworkers. Needless to say a female team member ended up being the OW. Looking back, I should have seen the signs - new cologne, new clothes (changing and checking himself twice before he goes to work), eating less that usual. I never suspected or questioned because I gave unconditional trust then. He even told me all her secrets she told him except he failed to tell me the signs that the A was beginning and was happening. I know I sound jaded which I probably am. Just be careful.
Author ohmy3 Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 comming back to say WOW! poster gosh r u right! read all post all...... I agree with Bab on this one. Trust is easily destroyed, and painfully rebuilt. You said he is 35. That is a prime age for the beginnings of the mid-life crisis stuff. It is an age where he realizes he is not 19 anymore. It is easy to kid yourself into your early 30's, but then reality sets in. Maybe he went for a coffee and the cute 18-year old girl at the register called him "sir". Things like that can set you off. I am 36 and my wife is 38 and we have experienced a renassaince so to speak. We both joined weight watchers and a gym and she has lost 70 pounds, me 40. We kind of hit that wall together. She was getting ready for her 20 year high school reunion and I did not want her to find some old flame who looked better than her husband! (j/k....I just wanted to be her "arm-candy") The most important thing is to TALK ABOUT THINGS. It is funny how many people post on here to ask total strangers to help them figure out what their own spouse is thinking (myself included...it happens to the best of us) and the best advice I ever see on here is almost always the same. Billy Joel said it best...."Tell her(him) about it..."
LakesideDream Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Hey this is LS.... you've been around long enough to do what you need to do. Check his cell phone daily. Get all the past printouts of his cell bills. Go through all his posessions, find evidence if it's there. Put a voice activated recorder in his car. A keylogger on the computer, and oh.. A GPS under the fender of his car. If you don't find anything out, start refusing sex. If that doesent work, have an affair yourself and get even ahead of time. These are all tried and true methods often reccomended on LS for finding cheaters. If you try all the above without success, you won't have to worry about it anyway, you'll be single by then. Of course, you could just choose to believe him.
2sure Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Hey this is LS.... you've been around long enough to do what you need to do. Check his cell phone daily. Get all the past printouts of his cell bills. Go through all his posessions, find evidence if it's there. Put a voice activated recorder in his car. A keylogger on the computer, and oh.. A GPS under the fender of his car. If you don't find anything out, start refusing sex. If that doesent work, have an affair yourself and get even ahead of time. These are all tried and true methods often reccomended on LS for finding cheaters. If you try all the above without success, you won't have to worry about it anyway, you'll be single by then. Of course, you could just choose to believe him. I hope this was meant to be funny, because it cracked me up! Still, all TRUE.
Owl Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 LOL...you gotta love gallows humor. Actually tho...I WOULD consider checking his cell phone usage. (Knew you'd love that, LSD). Affairs of any kind require communication. And today, the cell phone seems to be the primary method of maintaining that outside of actual time spent together. See if he's texting or calling a specific number a LOT. It'll be your most likely indicator of trouble. If Lakeside Dream's MW's H were to check up on his wife's communications, he might have the chance of heading off LD's plan to resume their affair. Its probably the main way that most affairs get caught anymore.
Recommended Posts