coco_milkshake Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Its amazing how fast time flies. Next month on the 5th it would have been a year since me and my ex had been dating. Just thinking about that brings me down. He broke my heart 2 days after my 21st birthday and left no stone unturned to humiliate me and hurt me afterwards with his mind games. I know I am better off without him but we still had some good times which will be difficult for me to forget. I am just angry with myself for choosing such an idiot for my very first boyfriend. He lied so much, he said one thing to me and another thing behind my back. After the split I had to endure 3 months of the bitter truth about him. His lies were getting exposed, one after the other. Those 3 months were torture. Not only because of that but also due to my family's behaviour towards me too. He contacted me 10 times - I only contacted him once to ask him about his friends emailing me. Not long after the split I went into his hotmail account to find that he still kept my emails. I dont know what to think and I dont want to get into that confusion again. He broke my heart so badly and I loved him more than anything. I am praying that this plan for me to get out does not backfire on me. I hope I will find someone who will love me and respect me. I dont think I could cope with another heartbreak like that. He just tore me to shreds. I am a lot better now though. His birthday past but I was strong, but now I feel so sad. Never thought I would feel so many emotions for one person at the same time. I dont love him anymore thats for sure, but I cant seem to totally forget him either.
Krying Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 coco, I'm sad to read your words. I cannot give you any advice just yet. I'm trying to mend my own crushed heart. It's been 2 months for me and it's been very rough. I don't think of her as much, but I do hurt just as bad when I do. I want her back so bad despite the dishonesty and callousness she should towards me. But my path seems to be taking a different direction. If I could do anything to change my life and get her back I would have done it already. But it's out of my hands now. I think you made a nice point in that you do not love your ex anymore. I do love my ex just as strongly and pasionately as I did when I was with her. That is what is hurting me I feel. So if you don't love him anymore, then those feelings of the good times you had hopefully will fade soon for you. You are a lot closer to be healed than you know.
Author coco_milkshake Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 Thanks hon and I hope the same happens for you. 2 months is still very raw. I was still in love with my ex despite what he did 2 months after the split too, even when his reality was coming out in front of me. It has now been 8 months and as time has gone by I have become stronger mentally and I have had a lot of great friends who have helped me get over him. It took me 3 months after the split to realise that I need to start putting myself first. Krying, do what is right for you now. Do the things that make you happy to get your mind off her. I looked at my relationship and realised that I was starting to forget other things that mattered in my life. I am focusing on me and my happiness now. I think you should do the same. I know you miss her hon but things can only get better from here. They are "ex" for a reason.
Teacher's Pet Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I'm trying to mend my own crushed heart. It's been 2 months for me and it's been very rough. I don't think of her as much, but I do hurt just as bad when I do. I want her back so bad despite the dishonesty and callousness she should towards me. But my path seems to be taking a different direction. If I could do anything to change my life and get her back I would have done it already. But it's out of my hands now. Krying... And as time goes by, your NEW path will prove to be the RIGHT one. I, too, lost someone this year, and I thought she was just perfect, despite her "dishonesty and callousness" which was apparent to everyone except me, it seems. For the first couple of months following our breakup (June), I thought of every possible way to get her back, but I did nothing. If I really wanted her back, I would have done it already, as you said. You need to accept that you really DON'T want her back (which is obvious now - good for you!), and what you WANT is to sit down and figure out the type of person that IS right for you, and is WORTHY of being WITH you. Over the last few months, I've learned to be more "critical" of women I meet, so I don't fall into the same trap again. It does make it harder to meet women that way, but you'll wind up meeting less of the WRONG ones, and more of the RIGHT ones that way. When you meet someone new, you HAVE to put YOURSELF on a pedestal, not her. Ask yourself "Is she good enough for ME?" Remember, you are worth it. Fight the good fight! -tp definately worth the trip.
silentcharon Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 My ex broke up a few days after my birthday in February. It'll be nearly a year for me now too. I have made great strides in healing, with some bumps along the road. I'm A LOT better than I was. It's nice to read about posts like yours and know that I'm not alone. My ex will always have a special place in my heart, but I've moved on. I'm dating a new guy- he's so sweet and understanding :love:
Krying Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Krying... And as time goes by, your NEW path will prove to be the RIGHT one. I, too, lost someone this year, and I thought she was just perfect, despite her "dishonesty and callousness" which was apparent to everyone except me, it seems. For the first couple of months following our breakup (June), I thought of every possible way to get her back, but I did nothing. If I really wanted her back, I would have done it already, as you said. You need to accept that you really DON'T want her back (which is obvious now - good for you!), and what you WANT is to sit down and figure out the type of person that IS right for you, and is WORTHY of being WITH you. Over the last few months, I've learned to be more "critical" of women I meet, so I don't fall into the same trap again. It does make it harder to meet women that way, but you'll wind up meeting less of the WRONG ones, and more of the RIGHT ones that way. When you meet someone new, you HAVE to put YOURSELF on a pedestal, not her. Ask yourself "Is she good enough for ME?" Remember, you are worth it. Fight the good fight! -tp definately worth the trip. I'm not as strong as you think Teach lol. When I said "If I could do anything to change my life and get her back I would have done it already. But it's out of my hands now." I meant, that I tried to get her back. I didn't come to the realization that she was no good for me, and thus could have got her back only if I tried. I did try, but it was obvious she wasn't in a space to listen to reason. She was so blinded by what she thought she had to do, that it became clear to me to stop fighting for her. Her life may turn out to be ok in the end. But virtually no one that knows both of us, gives her a chance at lasting happiness with this guy. Only then at that point, when she experiences the pain of that relationship turning to crap and ending will she truly know what she did to me and what she lost. An older mutual friend of ours, call them a mentor if you will, hinted at just this, that she had confided or admitted to this person that she would possibly regret or at least know in time that what she did to me was wrong. How badly she hurt me and so on. But she's in the "honeymoon" stage right now. Only when that ends will she be confronted with the true nature of her marriage to this jerk. Anyway, I just wanted to point out that no, I was not strong at all. I did try and get her back. In the end only her marriage caused me to give up. Otherwise I would still be trying to get her back most probably. Even in my mind, I want her back. If there was a chance now, I'd take her back. So really, I'm not anymore healed than when she first left me. coco, in some ways yes and "ex" is an ex for a reason. But also know that you could have had the most perfect relationship ever in your life and one person messed it up. To then say fate intervened and "it wasn't meant to happen", "ex for a reason" denies the cause of why the relationship ended. Just as quickly as it can end, it can also be mended. An "ex" is only and ex until they are back in your life again. Of course that is if you want to reconcile and try to fix whatever happened previously.
Author coco_milkshake Posted December 22, 2006 Author Posted December 22, 2006 I dont think there is a chance I would take him back. I dont think I could. Too much has happened to even consider friendship forget getting back together again. He tried the friends thing after doing a disappearing act for 5 months but only sending me stupid emails and text messages which were "accidentally" sent to me. I had enough by then - I was sick of him and his games. Even if I did decide to take him back my family would chuck me out and disown me as this is not the norm of our culture. *sigh* I dont know lol.
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