erhan_j Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I was in a serious relationship with this girl for a year until we had our first major argument. She decided to break things off becuase the last two weeks of our relationship were rocky, especially with our hectic work schedules. The sad thing is, she never "broke-up" with me. I called her a week after our argument because I wanted to give her space, I never thought the argument would have ended our relationship (it was over something small, I don't even remember). The irony is, when I called her she told me she had a new boyfriend. This was a guy she met a day before I called her, they have never been friends, they didn't even date, and she was already in a relationship with him (rebound?). I immedietly went into NC. A month later, she calls me up telling me she still loves me and that she was so confused with her life and didn't know what she was doing. She was scared and missed me. Keep in mind, she was still with that other guy. Anyways, we talked from midnight until 4am. and she started to cry so I soothed her and told her she should get some rest for work tommrow. After the phone call, I thought we can friends now, right? Wrong. I call her the next day and she tells me I was the last thing on her "list" and that she didn't want to think about me. So I go back into NC thinking I should just move on...then I see her dad at a car dealership and we just casually say hi and exchange christmas wishes. Later that night, she IM's me intiating contact again. This time I ignored her. She is still with the other man and I don't know what to do. From an inside friend, I know she still loves me and her new relationship isn't serious, but I am so confused right now. It's been almost two months, I still love her but I don't know if I can trust her again because she gave up on us so easily. Not only that, but the amount of pain I went through when I found out what happened...was just unreal. Do you guys/gals think I should contact her back? I think it would be akward since she is currently in a relationship...but at the same time I know if I had a chance to talk to her we could work things out, or is she just using me to ease her concience becuase she may have regreted her actions?
EllieBear Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 No I do not think you should contact her! You have contacted her before and she cried and said she missed you but yet she changed her mind and told you "you were the LAST thing on her list and she didn't want to think of you." Now right there tells you where she stands...I say stay in NC right now and try to move on...It's nice she still talks to you when you call...My ex won't even talk to me so that's a plus but at the sametime she knows how to play you and you my man are being played by a girl who knows what she is doing...Why would you want somebody's sloppy seconds...MOVE ON...do yourself a favor! Good luck!
Author erhan_j Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 As much as it hurts, I know your right. Thanks for the reply.
EllieBear Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I know it does hurt...going through a broken heart right now but in the long run it is best to just stop talking to her...when you talk to her it brings you right back to where you begain...so by not talking to her or playing her games each day it gets better...and trust me it will get better...I didn't think it would but it does...like they say...Time Heals all and if you can make it through each day OK in a few days, week or months you will be ok again...moving on without her and maybe with someone WAY better then her. Good luck!
Author erhan_j Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 The thing is, it's been two months, my feelings havn't changed. Since the two months, we only talked twice, once a month ago and once yesterday... But I remember when I talked to her last month, it was like all my healing just went away and I started all over Most days are generally good for me, but sometimes I break down at the thought of her having sex with somone else. Today for example, I lifted weights for 4 hours. Ran a mile in 5 min and 10 seconds. Best shape of my life. The thing that makes me really angry, is even though I can't stand the thought of her having sex with somone else, I know that if she really wanted me back and put in an effort I'm afraid I would forgive her (isn't that horrible?) . I'm hopless
DuRaS27 Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 "But I remember when I talked to her last month, it was like all my healing just went away and I started all over :(" That's why you DO NOT want to reinitiate contact. You should probably ignore her phone calls as well. If she calls, let her leave a message. I think that if you two are destined to be together it's going to take years. Don't worry about what happens in the near future--don't even think about it. If she tries to get back with you sometime soon it'll be out of desperation--not because she loves you again. People get emotional and they make irrational decisions where they'll pretend to like you again just because they miss you. Don't let that trick you.
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 my 2 cents i like to think of things in a positive way. i believe u two really love each other and will be together again at some point. as long as u have told her that, then thats all u need to do. just give her space, and time, and don't fuss that she is dating - she has her own life and u should be happy that she is happy with someone. just make sure that went thoughts pop into yer head about her and this guy together that u shake it off and do something good - like go to the gym or to club or something where other people are. don't isolate yerself and dwell in sorrow - that does nothing for ya. and maybe someday u and her will get together again
demilde Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 The thing that makes me really angry, is even though I can't stand the thought of her having sex with somone else, I know that if she really wanted me back and put in an effort I'm afraid I would forgive her (isn't that horrible?) Forgiveness is a great thing to be able to give, makes you a good person.
pennyjosix Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 Ultimately, it's up to you. It's probably best if you keep nc, but if you want to contact her then do it. Do you want to regret months from now the fact you didn't contact her and try to make it work? Or are you okay with forgetting about her and moving on? It's all about you figuring out what you want and what you can deal with. It's your life; no one elses.
Author erhan_j Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 Well she called me after I ignored her IM the following day. I decided to take the phone call because at this point I'm not expecting to get back together with her. She's the type to do things logically without considering her feelings at all (which in my opinion leads to regret). I do not think she has the courage to acknowlege the pain she put me through, let alone to act on her OWN feelings. None the less, we had a pleasant conversation. She admited to me on the phone (willingly) that she didn't love her boyfriend, she didn't have sex with him, and that she still loves me. Then she informed me she would be in town for a couple of days. I took this as a hint that she wanted to hang out with me. I took the hint and asked her if she wanted to hang out and she replied "that would be nice". So my evaluation of the situation: Plus: + She admitted she still loves me + She intiated contact. + She didn't have sex with this other guy. + She wants to see me. + She dosn't love her current boyfriend. Negative: - Still with the person "she dosn't love". - She made it sound like she was the "victim" - Expects she can easily have me back at anytime. - It is obvious she is still confused about how to handle the situation. What really gets me is the fact that she thinks I will take her back. I confronted this to her on the phone asking "What makes you so sure I would take you back" (it was done jokingly) and she laughed and replied "becuase I know you really love me". I don't think it's fair for her to make that judgment without considering the pain I went through. The trust in a committed relationship has been destroyed and she acts as though she can just fall right back into my arms as if nothing ever happened. The thing that really pisses me off is that she is right for the most part, I can't deny my reaction to how I feel. All and all, I think it went well. I am confident that no matter what the outcome is I will be satisfied with moving on, being her friend, getting back together, being single, etc. I just have a 'hands-off' kind of attitude about the whole thing now. I've been through so much pain, it really dosn't matter what happens because the storm has passed. With that said, I decided to IM her the next day before she went to sleep. Just asked how she was and what she did then I ended up going to sleep before her. My friends all think I should blow her off and not let her expect me to "always take her back". I tend to disagree, I think it's a good thing that she can expect that from me. That means she feels she can depend on me to always be there. I do not want to throw that away, plus I think it will help rebuild a friendship. What do you guys think? To see her or not to see her
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