Proper Spanking as an Effective Parenting Tool

[tinktronik]

I do not spank . I use other means of discipline , and it seems to work as long as I am consistent with it . I have 3 kids.

[Plungebob]

Not trying to piss anyone of here... but to all who have posted .. how many actually have kids...?

 

Just curious if your opinions are based on your own parenting experience... or just what you believe?..

Fair question. I have had five... and there are seven more on the drawing board. ( @ <3)

[Mz. Pixie]

so what? parents have to wear a lot of hats and one hat is being the boss and doling out punishment when needed. many of todays parents have no idea how to discipline their kids and try to be friends with their kids which in the long term is detrimental to them.

 

Word!

 

I do believe in spanking, not slapping, punching or beating.

[blind_otter]

Not trying to piss anyone of here... but to all who have posted .. how many actually have kids...?

 

Just curious if your opinions are based on your own parenting experience... or just what you believe?..

 

I don't have any children. I grew up with physical abuse, though.

[che_jesse]

I believe in communication and I plan to use my cousin's method when I have children.

 

Children do NOT fully understand long term consequences, their brains have not fully developed that portion, hell at the age of 14 and 15 that portion of the brain is not fully developed.

 

"Communication" is not always going to work when they simply do not regester what you are saying to them.

 

The "naughty step" or whatever you called it is fine for a 5 year old but when that kid gets old enough to understand how stupid it is what are you going to do?

 

IMO your child needs to grow up knowing that he will be punished, spanking is a very effective means to do this.

 

My son is a baby right now so we don't really have disciplinary problems yet but I'm sure as soon he starts crawling I'm going to have to discipline him, discipline at 1.5 years old is different then that at 5 which is different then that at 10. The kid needs to know whats coming and why.

 

Your not gonna stick a 11 year old on the "Naughty step".

 

By the way, when my cousen and I were kids, hes a year younger then me, I used to think it absolutly hilarious to make him shock himself in different ways, the electrical outlet was an altime favorite of mine, now I was like 7 at the time and he was 6, but I gotta tell ya, that kid probably had 7 or 8 good runins with the outlet... Hes fine. But, he was also to stupid to learn not to touch it after the first time, if getting shocked was not enough to deter him from doing it again I dont know what could of. Some people are just born dense I guess. To relive the good ol' days I made him do it again a month ago... he did...

[samsungxoxo]

Pass the age 13 would defiantely be an embarrassing spanking age and I can imagine it woudl be way more embarassing at 15, LOL. Now at that now if you still haven't been taught the rules in the house or didn't learn them so whatever reason, then either your parents are stupid sticking to the same old routine or you're a careless loser rebel, plain simple.

 

[coco_milkshake]

Che jesse - obviously the "naughty step" will be effective at a young age, of course it is, and it will look ridiculous if I tell my child who is a teenager to go and sit on the naughty step to think about what they have done lol.

 

I am 21 years of age. I am helpless in terms of trying to move out and being punished for having a bf. My mum still threatens to smash my face to a pulp and she has grabbed my jaw a few months ago. I hate her for it and I am resenting her presence each and every day.

 

There are other ways to discipline a child without having to raise your hand. Threatening your child is verbal abuse and it may cause your child to distance himself from you - I know I have distanced myself from my mum cos of this. I think that spanking should be used as a last resort - I hope to God I never have to raise my hand on my child, I dont think I could live with myself if I did.

[che_jesse]

I am 21 years of age. I am helpless in terms of trying to move out and being punished for having a bf. My mum still threatens to smash my face to a pulp and she has grabbed my jaw a few months ago. I hate her for it and I am resenting her presence each and every day.

 

I read your posts and I'm familiar with your cituation. What you are going through is abuse. It is a far and distant thing from discipline.

 

Nobody here is comparing smashing there childs face to a pulp with spanking. Aslo, we are speaking about small children, not 21 year old adults. Spanking is what you do when the kid deliberately disobeys you and harms himself in ways far greater then he understands after he has been explained the repercussions of his actions and other less hands on methods of discipline have not worked. Abuse is what you do for control or just because your a piece of **** of a parent.

 

Please try to remember that your mother is NOT an example of proper parental skills.

 

I wish you the best in your cituation but until you have kids its really easy to sit there and point fingers. Your not around other peoples children 24/7, they are, they know what they have and have not tried, its imposable to base your entire opinion of what parental discipline is based on a few hours of observation.

[Okeydokey]

I think spanking is an acceptable tool to use as a parent if it is done in the right way. Parents should never strike a child because the parent is out of control and at their wits end. For example, if you see a five year old run out into the street or grab a lit candle then a firm spanking is definitely an appropriate way of communicating to the kid that that is especially bad behavior that must not be repeated and spanking is a good way of expressing that this is much more serious in a very memorable way. However, if you are hitting the kid because you are at your wits end, you have lost control, and are just completely pissed off then you need to step back and not deal with the problem in that way.

[hopeto]

yeah well TBF for your info most of those people on death row were NOT beaten as kids and therefore had no boundaries set for their behaviour.

 

WELL SAID...... I agree and if you look at the teens now that are in school it is because the law trys to tell us how to raise our children and that spanking is abuse well let me tell ya. I have a five year old that is top in her class and is the teachers pet and she is a very loving child. however I will make the seat red and she is well adjusted. I can take her anywhere, restraunts, church, toy store etc and she is nothing like the banchie kids that are raised with now johnny lets talk it over or your going to the naughty corner. PLEASE, if more parents steped up and took control of there kids and put a foot up there butt then we might have a fighting chance.

 

if you look back in day when we did wrong we were taken behind the old woodshed as the old saying goes. well hell they mowed all of the down and gave books to every body and that is when it went to pot.

[CardPlay3r]

You're proud of making your daughter's ass red? that's sick...let's see, uhmm 5 year olds are supposed to act up sometimes, it's part of being a kid, she's only quiet because she fears you, you want your child to fear you more than love you...how sad, she'll probably grow up emotionally challenged or worse.

 

Let me tell you, frequent spankings lead to spanking fetishes, or worse...do you want your daughter to grow up being a submissive in a dom/sub relationship? that's not much of an individual...or, she could grow up to be withdrawn and with bad social anxiety, but of course you'll blame society for it too if that happens, or you'll think you hadn't spanked her enough...

 

che_jesse : there are plenty of people that have never been spanked and turned out quite well...so it can work. Plus, there are big risks with spankings, read above...

 

A point I'd like to make is that every kid reacts differently to spanking, while to some it may not have bad consequences, it can really mess up others even for the rest of their lives...WHY would you take that chance??

 

Another point is this : take 10 spankers and asks them what a proper spanking is and when does it become abusive..and you'll get 10 different answers! [take alphamale here, he thinks hits on the head/beatings are ok too, he used to get them and he "turned out fine" (his opinion)]

 

What does that tell you? If there is no consensus not even between spankers what proper and too much/abusive is, nor there is a consensus between psychologists about the effects it induces, isn't it way too risky to use this method based solely on your opinion?

[dropdeadlegs]

I rarely spank my children, but admit that I used to do it more. I recognized that I was doing it, more often than not, due to my own frustration with them and have made a conscious effort to use other alternatives. I will not condemn those who spank because I do believe that it can be an acceptable punishment and affective tool. I just don't think it is for me.

 

When my oldest son was 16 (just 5 years ago) he told me that when I would say "Oh, Adam, I'm gonna kill you one day" that he actually thought I meant that I was going to murder him. I had no intention of doing so and was using it as a figure of speech. I also had no idea of how that had affected him emotionally so I never say that anymore. The mistakes I made with the first one...I could probably write a book. Better yet, he could: "Mommie not so Dearest." I know I hit him in anger, there were two occasions that I would absolutely call abusive, and all because I didn't feel like he was under my control. None of that worked and I know I hurt my own child by my ignorance and lack of experience. This is not a point of pride. I am trying every day to be a much better parent. Acknowledging I had an anger management problem was the first step.

 

I was spanked as a child with both the hand and the belt. I was yelled at on hundreds or thousands of occasions. When I experienced "grounding" I could not go anywhere, have anyone over, talk on the phone, watch TV, NOTHING. And my groundings were usually for periods lasting around 6 weeks. It was not effective at all and as a young teen if I felt I was facing that, I chose not to go home at all rather than face that. I think the worst I ever felt was the time my father sat me down and calmly told me how disappointed he was in something I had done. I was 14-15 at the time and don't think that would have had the same impact at 5-6.

 

I would say that in my own experience, and I have 4 kids, that spanking hasn't worked for me in general as a parenting tool. I can't remember the last time I used spanking. I try not to yell, but catch myself doing it occasionally. I try to only raise my voice when the noise level reaches a state where I have to say "Hey, hey, hey. Please listen to me." I don't think that my children are out of control banshees like I, too, have seen in stores. I don't think they fear me now, but have respect for me instead. What I have learned is that consistency has been the biggest answer to improving my parenting skills. We have well understood rewards for good behavior, such as watching a favorite program or getting an hour of computer time. The punishment for bad behavior is not getting those rewards. In the event of really bad behavior, such as breaking the law, I would have to impose something more punishing, but that would depend on which child it involved. Different things are important to each.

 

These are my warts. I'm not proud of their ugliness, but have to own them.

[hotgurl]

I have a five year old that is top in her class and is the teachers pet and she is a very loving child. however I will make the seat red and she is well adjusted. I can take her anywhere, restraunts, church, toy store etc and she is nothing like the banchie kids that are raised with now johnny lets talk it over or your going to the naughty corner. PLEASE, if more parents steped up and took control of there kids and put a foot up there butt then we might have a fighting chance.

 

My daughter is as well behaved as yours.She can be taken anywhere and not act up. And I have never spanked her.

[samsungxoxo]

Right on CardPlay3r how can anyone (esp. Alphamale who wrote that you have to give your kids a beatings for them to be well behave) assume that the child is going to react the same. Every child has different temperament, what might work for some children (beatings/spanking) might not work for others.

 

And how is it possible to assume that those put on death rows weren't spank. Some who were beaten as kids turned out worst. So Alphamale if you were my father, then as a result you woudl already have a real mess up girl who would probably end up resenting you for life.

[CardPlay3r]

That thing with the death row people being there because they weren't spanked is a total joke.

 

Countries where corporal punishment is illegal like Norway, Sweden...maybe others but those I know for sure, have one of the lowest crime rates in the world, and US where it is common practice one of the highest.

 

So, check your facts before making statements like these...yes lack of discipline isn't good, but discipline does not = beatings

[Moose]

If I'm going through Wally World, and my kids start acting up being spoiled brats, and totally ignores mine asking them to settled down and straighten up until I pop their behinds....what would you do?

 

(Hint, I've been through this.....)

[norajane]

If I'm going through Wally World, and my kids start acting up being spoiled brats, and totally ignores mine asking them to settled down and straighten up until I pop their behinds....what would you do?

 

(Hint, I've been through this.....)

 

Tell them you will be leaving Wally World immediately unless they calm down...and then do so at the next sign of brattiness.

[Moose]

Tell them you will be leaving Wally World immediately unless they calm down...and then do so at the next sign of brattiness.

I didn't ask what I should've done.....I'm asking what you would do as a 3rd part witnessing it?

[JamesM]

And how is it possible to assume that those put on death rows weren't spank. Some who were beaten as kids turned out worst.

 

The key difference in your statement is probably the truth. If they were "beaten," I can see why they went down the wrong path. However, I think the discussion here is using spanking as an effective tool. I would never beat my children. This is done totally out of anger and is not proportionate to the misdeed. Spanking when done effectively is not a beating. And it should never be done in anger.

 

That thing with the death row people being there because they weren't spanked is a total joke.

 

Agreed. Proper parenting is much more than spanking. It requires love and patience. It requires involvement and training. Simply to say that eliminating spanking sends people to death row is false. However, lax parenting is definitely one of the factors that result in juvenile delinquency. Being involved with your children and proper training is the key.

 

Countries where corporal punishment is illegal like Norway, Sweden...maybe others but those I know for sure, have one of the lowest crime rates in the world, and US where it is common practice one of the highest.

 

Actually when I googled crimes statistics, Sweden has an average crime rate along with most European countries. And in those countries, the crime is rising. Norway, Finland, Denmark, France, Austria, Finland, and a couple of others are considered low risk/safe countries. The Netherlands and Poland are high risk. But these websites also pointed out that many of these countries considered low risk have different ways of measuring crime as compared to the other countries. So, it isn't always "apples to apples." Of all of the factors I found that are given as a reason for one country being safer than another, corporal punishment was not listed. Do you have a place which states this as a reason?

 

Not meaning to support your case , but one can easily make the argument that spanking when used ineffectively leads to child abuse. But it is easily counterargued that this is a misuse. Just become something is abused does not mean that when properly used it is wrong.

 

If I'm going through Wally World, and my kids start acting up being spoiled brats, and totally ignores mine asking them to settled down and straighten up until I pop their behinds....what would you do?

 

Sorry, Moose. This is where preventative parenting comes into play. Yes, I have been there. A spanking under those circumstance will not be so effective. My theory has always been that if they go in public with me, then I had better have them prepared on how to act. And when I am angry at their behavior, much of my anger is caused by the embarassment that the boys have caused ME. Then spanking becomes less effective.

 

This is where withholding something desirable comes in use. And the next time, I am more prepared as to how they should act. I tell them what I expect and what will happen if they do not obey. I don't necessarily offer rewards for their behavior, but occasionally, one IS given for good behavior. But this reward is never used at the store (like I have heard): "Jimmy, don't do that or you won't get a new bike for your birthday." And this is repeated many times. Of course, Jimmy is too young to think about the future bike. And he has also learned that he probably WILL get the bike anyhow.

 

There are argument for both sides. I think the proper response lies somewhere in between.

[Moose]

Sorry, Moose. This is where preventative parenting comes into play. Yes, I have been there. A spanking under those circumstance will not be so effective. My theory has always been that if they go in public with me, then I had better have them prepared on how to act. And when I am angry at their behavior, much of my anger is caused by the embarassment that the boys have caused ME. Then spanking becomes less effective.

 

This is where withholding something desirable comes in use. And the next time, I am more prepared as to how they should act. I tell them what I expect and what will happen if they do not obey.

No need to apologize.....for the record preventive parenting is always in place around here.

 

They know how to act before hand. And they know that I won't hesitate to swat their back side in the middle of the store regardless the circumstances.

 

I posted that to see what kind of response I would get, and since you're the one that I wasn't anticipating answering me, I'm kinda caught in trying to make my point.

 

I was turned into social services for swatting my son on the back side, (by , "concerned citizen").

 

They came out, talked to each of my kids, made them write stories about their daily activities, draw pictures, interviewed each of them seperately, yada, yada yackity......

 

I finally went to court, (after they found an impartial Justice), they even brought my son and wife in, the social services worker was an underpaid lawyer volunteering her time, and a huge child advocate to boot.

 

When the dust all settled, the Justice told me to keep up the good work.....

 

I didn't hire a lawyer, I didn't take any other action, I stuck up for my rights as a parent and even the courts felt my methods were well rounded enough to literally throw the State out on their toochie.....

 

Spanking is not abuse, and IF you love your kids, you would include it with their rearing.......

[CardPlay3r]

Spanking is not abuse, and IF you love your kids, you would include it with their rearing.......

 

 

So now, if someone doesn't spank their kids means they don't love them...you are too funny :lmao:

 

Interesting you would put "spanking is not abuse" there as a general statement...so, no spanking is abuse, you could do it every day with the belt hairbrush whatever it still wouldn't be abuse?

[JamesM]

So now, if someone doesn't spank their kids means they don't love them...you are too funny :lmao:

 

Interesting you would put "spanking is not abuse" there as a general statement...so, no spanking is abuse, you could do it every day with the belt hairbrush whatever it still wouldn't be abuse?

 

I wouldn't go so far as to say that no spanking is abuse, but when you use beating and spanking in the same sentence, cardplayer, then I am afraid you have the two confused. Spanking should be done with love and correction not out of anger and frustration. Beatings are done out of anger and never with a loving intention.

 

Spanking is not with hairbrushes and instruments that are used to inflict damage. In fact a good spanking should not inflict any physical damage. Never have I seen my children in any sort of pain from a spanking. Initially, they felt the spanking, but that lasted all of a minute.

 

When spanking becomes beating, then we are no longer speaking of spanking. At that point we should start a new thread regarding beatings and our feelings on that.

[lindya]

So now, if someone doesn't spank their kids means they don't love them...you are too funny :lmao:

 

Interesting you would put "spanking is not abuse" there as a general statement...so, no spanking is abuse, you could do it every day with the belt hairbrush whatever it still wouldn't be abuse?

 

My general feeling is that there are better ways of disciplining a child, but I wouldn't class a smack on the bum as being abuse that merits a social work child protection investigation.

 

That said, in some households "smack on the bum" could be code for a severe beating that most definitely does fall into the category of physical abuse. Presumably this is why a lot of posters here are taking pains to specify exactly where they draw the line...ie because they want to avoid inadvertently validating any parents who do seriously beat the crap out of their kids but describe it as "a smack".

 

You took issue with someone who talked about giving her child a "red seat"...and I absolutely agree with you for doing so. If the child is as intelligent and well behaved as the mother describes, that suggests a sensitive and "keen to please" temperament...which begs the question of why she needs to be smacked so hard that it's leaving red marks.

 

There seems to be an element, on this thread, of one or two people feeling that smacking their kids makes them courageous rebels who are standing up to and "beating" an overly politically correct system.