JamesM Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Do you believe spanking should be used for parenting or do you believe it leads to violence? Can we compare the training of children to animals? Since we shouldn't hit a dog (IMHO) can we then say that we shouldn't spank a child? Here are my opinions...feel free to post your own. Spanking should NOT be used for when your child disappoints you or when your child makes a mistake or when you are angry. Spanking should mainly be used for willful disobedience of authority with some exceptions. That is why I think more than one spank can lead to uncontrollable violence. However, if your child makes the mistake of touching an electric cord and he or she is under five years old, a simple explanation will not resonate as well as a spanking to the behind. This is one of those situations where you want the impression left that this is NOT a good thing. I have tried to explain that this could kill you, but I have learned that a four year old cannot truly comprehend death. A young child needs to associate some sort of pain with an action that could result in injury or death without him having to experience that result. And older child can be reasoned with. (I know, the house should be childproofed...we are assuming here). There are many times where children need to learn that the world is not all a bed of roses. Life is not all about everyone being winners and positives rewards. Humans are not animals. (So often, I read of dogs as "furbabies" and children as "skinbabies" on Dog Forums. This irks me...we do a disservice to our children). Much as I love dogs...and cats, birds and fishes, we cannot assume that training methods for children should be the same as dogs. I have never seen someone train their child to shake hands by repearedly doing the steps over and over...with no other words used. That is because we can communicate differently with humans than with dogs. Dogs do not learn by hitting...true, but some negative punishment is good...in certain situations. For instance, my boxer had the habit of jumping on the boys while they were swinging this summer. I gave one son a squirt bottle to use. When the dog jumped, he would say "No!" firmly...as firmly as a boy can do...and squirt. After a short time, she learned. He now has to say no, and she backs off. A simple no by itself did not work, because the dog and boy were both moving. This is why I believe that spanking gets thrown out completely when it has its place. Sometimes children need that negative reward to make an impression. When spanking is abused, then the result can be no memory of why the punishment was used but rather only a memory of the spanking/hitting. And when ever it is done in anger, it will never be effective. Instead it will show children that anger equals violence. But when done properly, spanking is a tool that can teach young children how to behave.
ilmw Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I have no problem with spanking... as long as it is appropriate... well pretty much what you posted... which was quite good.. Does spanking lead to violence... Hmmm I got thumped by my father... and threatened to be punched.. (long time ago) My mother spanked me with a wooden spoon on more than one occassion... and her hand too on more occassions... ... (well I was a very stubourn willful child) When I was 16 and joined the army (UK) I was punched... or "slapped around"...or even kicked in the head... on more than one occassion.... (now I don't condone this),,, but damn it got my attention... and I usually did not screw up the same way twice.... Those are extreme.. examples... but... physical discipline can have a place... Now... I do not feel abused in any way.. and I do know some people who were.. and that is a shame... because noone deserves any form of abuse (particularily children) I am also not a violent person by nature.... and have no desire to spank my own kids.. but I do... when they need it... (which thankfully is not often... cause it hurts me more than it does them) ilmw
Guest Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 You are just opening a can of worms aren't you. LOL Some kids won't get the picture unless they get wacked on the behind. Personally I would never raise my hand to a child. However I have had friends who said if their parents never gave them a swift wack to the behind they would never have woken up to see what was going on. Some parents go over board with the hiting some parents don't believe in it. Its all about the parenting style. However I don't believe beating the living crap out of someone is called punishment. Good luck
Guest Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Having worked in the corrections dept, violent kids ususally come from extreme backgrounds -- the ones who were never punished at all, particularly by parents who made excuses for their children's behavior, grew up thinking that they could do anything without consequence including shooting other people and ended up in prison, and then there were those who were so abused that to them this was normal, and they saw nothing wrong with being violent to others.
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I'm 100% anti-corporal punishment for children. It's not necessary. There are far more effective ways to ensure non-repeat behaviour. Now corporal punishment, as in the death penalty for adults, well bring it on. The less repeat offenders on the street, the better for society.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I'm 100% anti-corporal punishment for children. It's not necessary. There are far more effective ways to ensure non-repeat behaviour. Now corporal punishment, as in the death penalty for adults, well bring it on. The less repeat offenders on the street, the better for society. yeah well TBF for your info most of those people on death row were NOT beaten as kids and therefore had no boundaries set for their behaviour.
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 yeah well TBF for your info most of those people on death row were NOT beaten as kids and therefore had no boundaries set for their behaviour. Boundaries don't have to be physical in child-rearing. Having said that, I don't believe that the vast majority of death row adults became psychotic because they were raised in a loose household...
alphamale Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Boundaries don't have to be physical in child-rearing. ... part of the boundaries do have to be physical (when necessary)....especially for boys
ilmw Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Having worked in the corrections dept, violent kids ususally come from extreme backgrounds -- the ones who were never punished at all, particularly by parents who made excuses for their children's behavior, grew up thinking that they could do anything without consequence including shooting other people and ended up in prison, and then there were those who were so abused that to them this was normal, and they saw nothing wrong with being violent to others. I agree.. I see it all the time.. with "young offenders" as we call them up here in Canada.. I am continuiously asked by parents to talk to their kids... or "scare their kids"... Drives me nuts.. particularily when those who are asking are older than me... and their kids are older than mine.. Some people just have no control of their kids... Yelling at their kids... getting no results.. they then give up... don't believe in spanking... what else is there.... Alot of these kids... get into trouble... cause they have not learned any boundaries.... There are not that realy many bad kids out there.... but one hell a lot of bad parents... But you breaks the law... you gotta pay the piper... (its called consequencies) I got spanked as a kid... more than once... I learned consequences...
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 part of the boundaries do have to be physical (when necessary)....especially for boys When you're raised to believe that, of course you will. I've seen many boys raised without being spanked, who have turned into outstanding citizens. Otherwise no penal system could afford to support all the boys and girls that haven't been spanked or smacked around.
Pyro Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I use to get spanked but it only made me resent my Dad. I like to believe that I have turned out alright, but I can tell you that spanking had nothing to do with it.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I use to get spanked but it only made me resent my Dad. so what? parents have to wear a lot of hats and one hat is being the boss and doling out punishment when needed. many of todays parents have no idea how to discipline their kids and try to be friends with their kids which in the long term is detrimental to them.
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I use to get spanked but it only made me resent my Dad. I like to believe that I have turned out alright, but I can tell you that spanking had nothing to do with it. I have a story that goes with that. I was over at a friend's place who has a 1.5 year-old. The little boy kept wanting to touch the electrical outlet. His dad immediately yelled at him and spanked him. The little boy went back to the outlet almost immediately after his cry. His mom took the little boy aside and talked to him for a minute. The little boy didn't go back to the outlet. I asked her what she said and she told me that she explained how the outlet would seriously give him a big owie and possibly make him go to heaven and never see Mommy and Daddy again. This little incident will always stay in my mind.
Pyro Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 so what? parents have to wear a lot of hats and one hat is being the boss and doling out punishment when needed. many of todays parents have no idea how to discipline their kids and try to be friends with their kids which in the long term is detrimental to them. so what? My point is that being spanked (mostly by my dad) did not have a positive effect on me. It made me resent him more, which lead me to be more trouble while growing up, which I guess is part to blame why I don't have much of a relationship with my parents.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 His dad immediately yelled at him and spanked him. The little boy went back to the outlet almost immediately after his cry. His mom took the little boy aside and talked to him for a minute. The little boy didn't go back to the outlet. . it was what BOTH parents did in unison that did the trick...
Pyro Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 it was what BOTH parents did in unison that did the trick... So how did the dad help? The spanking had no effect.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 So how did the dad help? The spanking had no effect. it was the dad's physical punishement followed immediately by the mom's verbal explanation that cause the child to change its behaviour. this is textbook
Pyro Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 it was the dad's physical punishement followed immediately by the mom's verbal explanation that cause the child to change its behaviour. this is textbook Read the post again. After the spanking, the baby immediately went back to the outlet.
ilmw Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I have a story that goes with that. I was over at a friend's place who has a 1.5 year-old. The little boy kept wanting to touch the electrical outlet. His dad immediately yelled at him and spanked him. The little boy went back to the outlet almost immediately after his cry. His mom took the little boy aside and talked to him for a minute. The little boy didn't go back to the outlet. I asked her what she said and she told me that she explained how the outlet would seriously give him a big owie and possibly make him go to heaven and never see Mommy and Daddy again. This little incident will always stay in my mind. I have never been one for the idea of yelling at toddlers... and not to big on hitting them either... but I have been through that senario myself... and the little talk did not work until my son had his hand slapped (lightly).. he was then explained why he was punished.... But I do find that time outs became more effective the older he got... make that boy sit on the stairs or in a corner... I think he would rather take a beating.. than have to sit there... drives him nuts... ... and it works... There is a difference ... some parents.... do their best to be there for their kids... including discipline.... some parents... give up to easy... and let it slide... hence... why I have to deal with so many "young offenders"... you arrest a 14 yr old for assault or some other minor.. incident... you then get to meet the parents... and many times... I do an internal "Wow".... no wonder this kids is like this....
alphamale Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 There is a difference ... some parents.... do their best to be there for their kids... including discipline.... some parents... give up to easy... and let it slide... yea well ILMW in the past more parents were there for their kids but now a days more parents let things slide...
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 But I do find that time outs became more effective the older he got... make that boy sit on the stairs or in a corner... I think he would rather take a beating.. than have to sit there... drives him nuts... ... and it works... There is a difference ... some parents.... do their best to be there for their kids... including discipline.... some parents... give up to easy... and let it slide... hence... why I have to deal with so many "young offenders"... you arrest a 14 yr old for assault or some other minor.. incident... you then get to meet the parents... and many times... I do an internal "Wow".... no wonder this kids is like this.... lol, boys can't stand sitting still. Perfect punishment for the crime.
alphamale Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 lol, boys can't stand sitting still. Perfect punishment for the crime. so whats the "perfect" punishment for girls?? not letting them speak for 3 hours?
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 it was what BOTH parents did in unison that did the trick... No it wasn't. That was the last time anyone spanked that particular little boy because the mother also had a little chat with the father after that incident. Both males have been much better since.
Pyro Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 lol, boys can't stand sitting still. Perfect punishment for the crime. I know. All the young boys that I see now are so full of energy and sitting still would be the perfect punishment.
Trialbyfire Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 so whats the "perfect" punishment for girls?? not letting them speak for 3 hours? If it works, why not?
Recommended Posts