KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I am a MW. I have often fantasized about having my OM live with my H and I, sort of like a bigamy. If you are an OM involved with an MW, would you consider this option or would you that disgust you? Thanks for your help in helping me sort this out.
oyster Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy for those who are unsure of what is discussed here. Polygamy From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Close Relationships v • d • e The term polygamy (many marriages in late Greek) is used in related ways in social anthropology and sociobiology and sociology. Polygamy can be most succinctly defined as a "form of marriage in which a person [has] more than one spouse."[6] In social anthropology, polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one spouse simultaneously. Historically, polygamy has been practiced as polygyny (one man having more than one wife), or as polyandry (one woman having more than one husband), or, less commonly as "polygamy" (having many wives and many husbands at one time). (See "Forms of Polygamy" below.) In contrast monogamy is the practice each person having only one spouse at a time. Like monogamy, the term is often used in a de facto sense, applying regardless of whether the relationships are recognized by the state (see marriage for a discussion on the extent to which states can and do recognize potentially and actually polygamous forms as valid). In sociobiology, polygamy is used in a broad sense to mean any form of multiple mating. In a narrower sense, used by zoologists, polygamy includes a pair bond, perhaps temporary.
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 I know what polygamy is. Rather, I am interested in knowing if ANY man would choose to have half a marriage over none at all. I know that I am not all that wonderful that I deserve to have 2 "husbands". But for the sake of love, would any of you consider getting half of a person, legitimately? Does it make me sound shallow for wondering about this?
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Well what if they wanted another woman in the picture? So two men and another woman and you? Could you live with that and share as well?
ratingsguy Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Well what if they wanted another woman in the picture? So two men and another woman and you? Could you live with that and share as well? That thought crossed my mind as well. KHLF - The short answer to your question is no way. I'd be very disappointed in any man (or woman) who had such low self-esteem that he'd even entertain this proposition. How could all three parties peacefully co-exist anyway, especially the H and OM? No offense, but that is the ultimate cake eating question!
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 No offense, but that is the ultimate cake eating question! You think so? I am having a weak moment today. My H went on a trip without me. (I couldn't go - too much work.) And I am feeling quite lonely right now. Sometimes, I don't know where things stand between my H and I. He's so dense and predictable. After 10 years of marriage, is this it??? Ugh.. I sound so shallow, don't I?
GreenEyedLady Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 You think so? I am having a weak moment today. I am feeling lonely right now. Sometimes, I don't know where things stand between my H and I. He's so dense and predictable. After 10 years of marriage, is this it??? You're being honest with yourself...you're admitting your weakness and reflecting...there's nothing wrong with that...
MuffinMan Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I am a MW. I have often fantasized about having my OM live with my H and I, sort of like a bigamy. If you are an OM involved with an MW, would you consider this option or would you that disgust you? Thanks for your help in helping me sort this out. I've never thought about this, but I have thought about putting things on a level field. I wish my MW could try to work it out with her husband over the next few months, then come live with me for a few months. There are so many unknowns in our equation, it would be nice to be able to make them knowns. It sucks because he has her ear everyday. For those of you who think I'm crazy, I would never be serious about this. The thought crossed my mind and I thought I would share it.
lasan Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 This made me chuckle. Before my spouse died we were talking about this topic. I told him he could get another woman and start a mini-harem. He said " What makes you think I want another woman around the house? I barely know how to deal with one hormonal woman much less two!" I don't think I could have two men. Too many sets of emotions, and quirks and drawls on the floor and not enough televisions in my house!
ratingsguy Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Sometimes, I don't know where things stand between my H and I. He's so dense and predictable. After 10 years of marriage, is this it??? Have you talked to him about it? Do you have an OM in your life?
oyster Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I know what polygamy is. Rather, I am interested in knowing if ANY man would choose to have half a marriage over none at all. I know that I am not all that wonderful that I deserve to have 2 "husbands". But for the sake of love, would any of you consider getting half of a person, legitimately? Does it make me sound shallow for wondering about this? I know you know but other might not know, I did not know till recently The positive things are #1 - you would have 2 sexual partners so minimize STD #2 - always fullfil The negative things are #1 - what if the 2 husband are bored, not away for business, how do you find time for both? #2 - if the 2 husbands are not Bi-sexual, you can't fullfil your fantasy of 2 man. #3 - less variety then swinger lifestyle
bonehead Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Before my spouse died we were talking about this topic. I told him he could get another woman and start a mini-harem. He said " What makes you think I want another woman around the house? I barely know how to deal with one hormonal woman much less two!" :lmao: :lmao: There is no way I would have EVEN thought of doing this with MW
lasan Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Bonehead- We were joking around that day He had a good sense of humor.
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 You think so? I am having a weak moment today. My H went on a trip without me. (I couldn't go - too much work.) And I am feeling quite lonely right now. Sometimes, I don't know where things stand between my H and I. He's so dense and predictable. After 10 years of marriage, is this it??? Ugh.. I sound so shallow, don't I? I don't mean to sound mean, but do you not have female friends, family, neighbours you can hang out with your husband is away? How lonely are you? For conversation in general, or lonely for intimacy? You better talk to your husband, you have issues if you think he's dense. Predictable is kind of good because that way you know him well... Yes to be honest, you do sound shallow. Figure it out, go talk to a therapist if you need to, because I have a strong feeling you're going to do something stupid and regret it big time.
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 Thank you every one for responding to this ridiculous question! I am lonely in the HEART, so even when H is around, I would still feel this way. I have plenty of sympathetic friends and family who love me dearly. I guess, I'm kind of spoiled. In my heart, I know that it is very selfish of me to even want to keep two men. The logical person would just divorce their H. I do want to do this, however, I KNOW that my H would not let me go easily... and subconsciously I am sabatogeing my M. What I really want is to be around the OM. But he is unreliable as a H. More importantly, I am afraid to depend on any ONE man. Having 2 spouses would be just perfect, in that sense. The real problem is that both of the men will put tremendous demands on me, as my H is doing to me now. I can barely handle his demands! Ok, so I am shallow and selfish.
oyster Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Thank you every one for responding to this ridiculous question! I am lonely in the HEART, so even when H is around, I would still feel this way. I have plenty of sympathetic friends and family who love me dearly. I guess, I'm kind of spoiled. In my heart, I know that it is very selfish of me to even want to keep two men. The logical person would just divorce their H. I do want to do this, however, I KNOW that my H would not let me go easily... and subconsciously I am sabatogeing my M. What I really want is to be around the OM. But he is unreliable as a H. More importantly, I am afraid to depend on any ONE man. Having 2 spouses would be just perfect, in that sense. The real problem is that both of the men will put tremendous demands on me, as my H is doing to me now. I can barely handle his demands! Ok, so I am shallow and selfish. I say trade in the 2 mens for 1 younger man, you will experience happiness like there is no tomorrow.
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 22, 2006 Author Posted December 22, 2006 I say trade in the 2 mens for 1 younger man, you will experience happiness like there is no tomorrow. Both my H and his best friend are younger than I am!! Ok, I am confused. The H is responsible but is not very attractive. (He can lose 30 lbs.) The OM is very, very sexy looking. But he's not very responsible and he is evasive and non-confrontational. I just want the good in each of them. Does that make me shallow?
oyster Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 Both my H and his best friend are younger than I am!! Ok, I am confused. The H is responsible but is not very attractive. (He can lose 30 lbs.) The OM is very, very sexy looking. But he's not very responsible and he is evasive and non-confrontational. I just want the good in each of them. Does that make me shallow? like what are the age gaps? (me, I am 32, OW is 39, so OW is 7year older) Responsible, non confrontational = get along well Fat (30lbs) = more security for you because it makes him less attractive to other woman. Not sexy = you settle for a provider but since I guess you are established in life, you are looking for your white knight
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 22, 2006 Author Posted December 22, 2006 I am 33. H and OM are 31. H would be quite handsome if he'd just lose that weight AND brush his teeth regularly among other things. OM is just delicious. Like a model: tall, toned, and always clean. I do have a comfortable life. You are probably right about my wanting to find my white knight. Sometimes, I think, "why not? why do I have to settle?" This is my selfish gene speaking, of course. I don't actually act on my selfish thoughts. I have some sense left, thank god. Hey Oyster. I'm thinking that your MW is probably in the same boat as I am.
Meaplus3 Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 Thank you every one for responding to this ridiculous question! I am lonely in the HEART, so even when H is around, I would still feel this way. I have plenty of sympathetic friends and family who love me dearly. I guess, I'm kind of spoiled. In my heart, I know that it is very selfish of me to even want to keep two men. The logical person would just divorce their H. I do want to do this, however, I KNOW that my H would not let me go easily... and subconsciously I am sabatogeing my M. What I really want is to be around the OM. But he is unreliable as a H. More importantly, I am afraid to depend on any ONE man. Having 2 spouses would be just perfect, in that sense. The real problem is that both of the men will put tremendous demands on me, as my H is doing to me now. I can barely handle his demands! Ok, so I am shallow and selfish. Just want to let you know I can relate to the lonely at heart feeling. My H travels alot and I feel relief when he leaves. When he is home I am still lonely because so much of our emotional connection is gone. I do hate to feel this way and Know that I should leave. The problem is, my children and I have it made in our lifestyle and it would kill me to give that up. So do I stay unhappy in my marriage and seek yet another outside affair so it's bearable for me to stay? Or leave and lose a heck of alot. AP
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 22, 2006 Author Posted December 22, 2006 AP, thanks for sharing that. I feel RELIEF when my H travels, too! He annoys me when he's home.
puddleofmud Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 Fantasy is one thing but in reality most men are just too competitive for this kind of scenario! It seems that the vast majority of sexually straight men fantasize about female, male, female sitch but rarely the male, female, male. Boys don't share well...they always want to possess the ball! Interesting: I have had several male friends that were over joyed about having a FMF thing, but it always ended up with the women being the more dedicated to each other. They were completely slayed that the female partners gave them the boot...and continued to live happily ever after!
Meaplus3 Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 AP, thanks for sharing that. I feel RELIEF when my H travels, too! He annoys me when he's home. Just glad to know I am not alone!
oyster Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 I am 33. H and OM are 31. H would be quite handsome if he'd just lose that weight AND brush his teeth regularly among other things. OM is just delicious. Like a model: tall, toned, and always clean. I do have a comfortable life. You are probably right about my wanting to find my white knight. Sometimes, I think, "why not? why do I have to settle?" This is my selfish gene speaking, of course. I don't actually act on my selfish thoughts. I have some sense left, thank god. Hey Oyster. I'm thinking that your MW is probably in the same boat as I am. age gap not that big, go way younger., ya, you and my MW are in the same boat. at the end of the day, you prefer your confortable misery rather than leaving for the exciting unknown with the OW.
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 The problem is, my children and I have it made in our lifestyle and it would kill me to give that up. So do I stay unhappy in my marriage and seek yet another outside affair so it's bearable for me to stay? Or leave and lose a heck of alot. Happiness in the heart feels better then loneliness in a mansion.
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