iceblued Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 hi, im a 26 year old guy, i was dating a girl for the last four years.we met thru mates at uni,we both had the intensions of being serious and hopfuly lead somewere in the future. i lived out at uni for my time there and my ex comutied.we were really happy for the first two years. we would talk all night when o was at home and on weekends.i would fall asleep with the phone in my hand at times but she knew i was tired from work and understood.she did find it funny at times.i always said i wanted a big fam.one day my ex periods were not on time at all.went to hospital after tests and stuff, i got a call from her, she was crying and saying to me that she cant have kids and to make a disions on what i wanted.i told her not to be silly as i loved her and aint going to leave her nomatter what.i wanted us to stick together nomatter what. i met her mum at hospital a few times, we got on well, she started calling me her son and i met her baby sister who was 1year old at the time.me and her baby sis really got on well.i knew her up untill she was 4. i was introduced to her dad after about three years and he accpeted me aswell.basicaly the whole fam of four girls and mum and dad got on with me and we were close. me and my ex had many arguments and breaks during the last two years. we wernt seeing each other as used to as, i went back home after my degree.and during work experiance. we spoke less on the phone and when we did we kind of argued over nothing she would cry and i would be an idoit on the phone.when face to face we were happy and when argued we would always kiss and make up.we both lost our vaginty to each other.we both also were each others true love. we broke up for three months and one day out of the blue she rang me and proposed to me.i said yes met her a few day after.i asked her why she changed her mind, she said she released after her fam were sorting out a arrnage marrgwe for her and meeting a guy, that she cant live with me or without me and four years is alot to throw away.we never really talked about us we never really sorted out our past probs.during two weeks her fam and my fam were calling each other relunctantly and arranging to meet and makes us offical. my ex was on about getting engaged straght away after she proposed. i was saying to her to relax but i did love this girl was commited and was deffinently the one i want to be with. over two weeks we only met once, we started arguing as her sis was get married to her boyfriend of two years and they were runing smootly and me and her were not.our fams in two weeks could not get a set date to meet and talk. we were arguning on the phone and in a argument i called her a cancer.couple hours later she rang and called it all of.i asked why, she told me to move on and thats it.couple day later i rang and asked why.she said i wanted to marry you and you think im a deasee.i told her that over the years you know i sometimes say things that dont mean in argument.i drove up so many times,left rose on her car and post hru door, wrote sorry card and explained that i didint meant it and hoped she would understand.ten months went by.we both met and talked,everytime i went away to holiday i asked her to tell me what she wanted, she always stated she wanted to beleave me and sort things out but needs to talk to her mum first. the thing is during the ten months, her gran got cancer!.her sister father in law passed away!.i was there for her as much as i could be.i wrnt invited to her sis wedding but still was there for her texting or telling her that hope it all goes well. her fam said after sis wedding we would all sit down and see what happens.that day never came.i called her fam and asked to sit us down to make a final dission.i stated that when two kids mess up or dont understand its up to the grown up to step in and show us a away or at least try. i used to drink,and smoke canabis, over the years igave up as it was really hurting my ex and was making me down at times.when gave up i did feel depressed at times and problay led to most my arguments. well after ten months of go,stay,move on i dont love you, maybe, this and that. i asked her many times to jus tell me to go if she dont want it as its not fair. i said she needs to be more mature about things,you cant tell me that you would leave your husband and get devorced over agument. i wrote to her, i called her, i text her. all the things i shouldnt of dun.(lol).even her baby sis who i aint met in 11months, still remebers me an asks were i am and did once say that me and her older sister are going to get married. my ex would say she would call or text but never did.sometimes she would. she told me to go and move on.i left it for couple days and asked if she was sure, she said she was confused as hell and it wrnt my prob. also stated to her mum thatshe would regret this one day,and that she aint going to be happy with anybody else.so i was so confused as to why she didnt just tell me waht she wanted.recently she rang me, saying something wrong wioth her car, i stated im not her door mat and to sirt her own mess out.she aplogised for ringing.but i did tell her what to do to sort car out.she said she would call me when got home. i loughed and said you know you aint going to call so why say it.supprising enough, she did call.she said she would meet me,as i asked her time and time again to meet one last time before we decide, she said no. when she rang and said shewould meet, she said she had half a day coming up soon and would meet then. i then asked for a full day or weekend atleast. she stated i had to compromiuse and give and take. i loughed and asked her to say it again.she said why, i said in four years thats first time you ever said those words. anyway she promised to meet and asked me not to hassle were when to meet, i asked her to text me know and then at least.start talking and communicating. whole week went by,nothing,i left voice mail. no reply. couple day later i rang and texted asking whats happening as i aint heard anything from her and she was the one who said would meet and try to c what happens.no reply.couple days later she texted and told me she was moving out from home from january and she knew that it wrnt something the i wanted for her but it was something she needed to do. i replyed and asked y telling me for.basically she turned around and stated iwas the same angry guy as before. i left message couple day later saying that my parentswant me to meet sum1 and what she wanted i stated i didnt want to jus walk away.she texted that evening and said not to waste anymore time on her and that i should meet the other girl.and asked if the turando that it london effected me.i didnt reply.week later i wrote a letter basically saying that all she had to do was talk.i had no prob walking away, i jus wanted o this an adult and like a man.after everything we been thru to jus end it by text or phone was perfetic. i put in some of her old cards and messages she wrote to me over the years in the envolpe. i drove down.didnt tell her i was there and asked when whe would be home and that i want ten mins to talk to her on the phone she said whats wrong. i said id rather you call when get home.she rang back after couple mins and said she in traffic and whats wrong. she said your getting married and thats y i rang, y else would u ring. i said does it bother you. she said well yeah but i never actualy said i was getting married. she said she would ring when get outside home.but i sat in car and watching dvd, and when looked up noticed she had already gon inside the house. i waited for call.i called and asked if home.she stated her gran over in text and could talk and what was wrong. i texted and asked y didnt she ring before went in. no reply.so i called again left voice mail, stating that im not a angry person and that i was upset by all this not angry as she keeps saying. i said that she had led me along for the 11months for nothing. and that we had basicaly wasted four years all because couldnt talk. i wrote on back of the letter i wrote to her and said basically same thing and thanked her for the four years and that she was to stuburn for her own good and that she would ever release what she lost until she got maried and reminensed on the whole thing. told her i wouldnt text or ring her again. i posted thru door and drove off. its been a week know and aint heard anything. i dont really understand how a girl can ask a man to marry her and then turn and walk away and used a argument as a excuse.i feel that she is scared and imature to think of marrige and because if that she walked away. she said she was scared of commitment and things not working out in the future.she cant cook and i did say to her we both need to give and take and do things together if we were ever going to work.im not sure if i pushed her away by coming across as desprate, over loving and not giving her space. or was all this just a game for her. i know we never really storted this out as instead of moving on and doing something different we kept talking about this and asking what we wanted.i now understand we needed to actualy do something fun and different to bring back the atraction and feelings.im in two minds im considering just meeting a girl thru fam and getting married. or giving myself month and half to sort myself out and get over her and meet other girls and then on her bday call her.thats over a month and half away. and just talk.by then i would have got over her and been a better person and sorted out what ever i needed to.and ask if she would meet.if no then i just go or yes then hopfuly relite a flame in due time. in that time im hoping that all the pulling and pushing we been doing over the months will be put aside and in her mind when moved out she will learn about reponsibilities.and not to just give up all the time. im confused as weather i should just meet sum1 else and get married or wait a little bit longger to see if she understands that she is to blame for this aswel and it is down to the both of us to sort this out not just me. if anybody is still awake after reading that im supprised,thanks and hope you can give an out side oppion on what to do or maybe its happend to you or someone you know.
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Do not get married. You two both have issues you need to deal with, and IF there ever is to be a wedding, you two should head to couples therapy before walking down the isle. Learn how to communicate and listen. Not argue and disrespect eachother. What is the point about arguing? What is it solving?
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