Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Is it enough to love someone a lot, or is love only a feeling drifting away...? My boyfriend broke up with me, I still love him and he still loves me a lot. But we live 2000 miles apart. I can't commit (as in moving or living together), he is my first boyfriend and I still want to explore things by myself. He just couldnt see it going anywhere and couldnt bare the pain of seeing each other so little so he broke it off. It's just weird, because when we speak on the phone we talk about how long it would take to get over each other. Isn't this weird? It makes love so meaningless and such a little part of a relationship. He calls our relationship (that lasted 2 years):"whatever it was, we had". It hurts me a lot. What is more important in the end? loving each other or "fitting" together (having the same futureplan etc.)? How important is love in a relationship? X
hrtbroken99 Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 hmm did we go out with the same guy? Your story sounds exactly like mine its kind of scary. My bf also broke up with me because we are SO far apart more than 3000miles and were together for about 2.5 yrs. He was also my first bf and first love. At least your gave a reason mine was so cheap he broke up with a random unexpected phone call. He didnt even have anything to back up his answers with. I can totally relate to what you are saying. When he broke up with me I could not believe how meaningless and cheap he was to do it over the phone. After bringing me into his life, spending holidays together, meeting his family, etc. he said some BS like "we shouldnt have done this" and it hurt me like CRAZY. He is the most immature and self centered person I have ever met. He also said the same BS to me about how much he loves me and crap. What difference does that make to a person that you are saying "GOOD BYE" to? Shoot at least your man even talks to you over the phone about what you guys had, my loser hasn't even called me and I havent called him (but thats because I feel that he does not deserve to hear from me) he did say some crap like how we could be friends and hang out..anyways going to your question, it is really hard and I am also VERY hurt. I investeD in him SO much emotionally and physically...oh yeah and FINANCIALLY.. I would ALWAYS pay for everything buying him presents and ****, never even looked at another man, always took care and catered to him. He would always tell me how he has never met anyone like me blah blah and I would always tell him he will never meet anyone like me (and I know he knows it deep down inside) NOW, I have no interest in wasting my time and giving another man my heart and investing so much into? For what? I'll fall in love and he'll run off? nO thanks, I dont need that..I have so much anger inside of me right now for men who are so immature and selfish..anyway as far as love I do AGREE with you...LOVE is very important in a relationship, having a bond, closeness, someone you can confide in, trust, care for etc. all those things are essential. Of course LOVE takes time to grow between two people and does not just happen over night. But it's the greatest feeling ever and the worst feeling when you lose it As far as future plans together, all of that fits in depending on how strong your feelings are for the person, since you were also so far away from this guy, the distance can make things hard. However, I still see it like no matter the distance if you really truly LOVE someone there is some potential..your guy sounds a lot like mine another immature inconsiderate selfish loser (not wanting to commit) and its probably because he still wants to "have his fun" and not admit it and moving in will prevent him from doing that. Sorry I wrote so much email me if you have any other questions our situations are so similar its crazy! [COLOR=#990000][email protected][/COLOR]
norajane Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Love is very important. But sometimes it's just not enough to overcome all circumstances, and sometimes the timing isn't right.
jusified Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 some times you have to choose to love and stay comitted. My story is very similar to you girls (except i am the guy). All in all my ex left me cause another guy was keen on her and they clicked. I'm happy with who I am and do belive the next girlfriend I will have is going to be a lucky girl (and I do believe you girls should feel the same way).
RecordProducer Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 What is more important in the end? loving each other or "fitting" together (having the same futureplan etc.)? How important is love in a relationship?Love is extremely important in a relationship - it's the power that conncets two people and keeps them together forever, whether it's a child -parent love or lover-lover or another type. However the love between a man and a woman is not unconditional. It is a sdubject to change if people don't fit in. Compatibility keeps the love burning.
Guest Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Love is extremely important in a relationship - it's the power that conncets two people and keeps them together forever, whether it's a child -parent love or lover-lover or another type. However the love between a man and a woman is not unconditional. It is a sdubject to change if people don't fit in. Compatibility keeps the love burning. LOVE allows you to say stuff to your ex like whatever was done during the time shared, i don't need to know - you do not have to answer to me - you are your own monitor and guide. whatever happened during the time shared is in the past - and from here - a clean slate is provide to both to choose what each one wishes to write and draw on it. and what you what, what you are is more important than an us. and the same for me because while i was driving i was thinking about how poorly i treated you and said out loud "g, what the hell happened to you?' and it hit me - nothing happened to me - THAT'S WHO I WAS THEN. that's when u know you've changed.
Spinderella Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 You are talking about the difference between loving someone, and making a commitment to someone. Making a commitment is a lifestyle choice, but it doesn't ,mean that if you don't make that choice, the love is meaningless. However, commitment, is also how the majority of people measure love, and it sounds that your ex was hurt that you didn't love enough to take that step. It doesn't mean that you didn't love him enough, but, it is probably how it seemed to him. I think most people would feel the same, since, commitment is how we define romantic love usually. It may also be why he calls it "that thing", because maybe he doesn't know what to call it. It simply sounds as though he is confused. I suppose we expect things from love and relationships and marriage, and if things don't go the way that we expect is natural, then it makes it difficult to define for some people.
ddnnee Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 love is how much money the guy has. the more he has, the more love he gets. plain and simple and the universal law of the universe.
dropdeadlegs Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 You are talking about the difference between loving someone, and making a commitment to someone. Making a commitment is a lifestyle choice, but it doesn't ,mean that if you don't make that choice, the love is meaningless. However, commitment, is also how the majority of people measure love, and it sounds that your ex was hurt that you didn't love enough to take that step. It doesn't mean that you didn't love him enough, but, it is probably how it seemed to him. I think most people would feel the same, since, commitment is how we define romantic love usually. It may also be why he calls it "that thing", because maybe he doesn't know what to call it. It simply sounds as though he is confused. I suppose we expect things from love and relationships and marriage, and if things don't go the way that we expect is natural, then it makes it difficult to define for some people. I'm with Spinderella.
pennyjosix Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 I'm going to quote John Mayer. "All you need is love is a lie." There are so many other aspects that go into a relationship. Someone could treat you like crap, yet you still love them. Should you stay in that relationship because you still love them? No. I am in a LDR right, and I had broken up with my bf because of lack of communcation. His nosy younger sister sent me a message going on about how if I really loved him I wouldn't have let him go. We got back together because we both made some changes, but I needed to feel like I was in a relationship with this guy. Me being in love with him was just one fact, a big factor, but just one.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 I'm going to quote John Mayer. "All you need is love is a lie." There are so many other aspects that go into a relationship. Someone could treat you like crap, yet you still love them. Should you stay in that relationship because you still love them? No. I am in a LDR right, and I had broken up with my bf because of lack of communcation. His nosy younger sister sent me a message going on about how if I really loved him I wouldn't have let him go. We got back together because we both made some changes, but I needed to feel like I was in a relationship with this guy. Me being in love with him was just one fact, a big factor, but just one. We finally agree on something... Well stated!
pennyjosix Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 Yay for us It's true. Many marriages and relationships have love, but there has to be other factors that go into making it work. That's why people say that love is work...meaning there's more to in that the feeling of love.
daphne Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I would say the wise person knows that love is everything. A strong connection and compatibility are very tough to find. However, the majority of people aren't that wise and they go with the timing thing. They will settle for the person that has the same goals and is going in the same direction at the same time. And they may still be happy. But it's more of a convenience thing.
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