forbidenlove Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 first of all I just wanted to say that I am SO GLAD that i found this site/forum.. support (NOT critism/judging!) Is what I need right now.I feel very ashamed,emberrased,dirty because of what i am doing..I never thought id be with a MM ,and I sure in HELL wouldn't have my man messing around with me on someone else..so WHY am I DOING THIS?!?!? I am so disgusted,mad at myself..Ive been seeing a MM for about 4 months now...When we met he told me he was living with a "friend" (RIGHT..) I of course expected/knew different,because not long after we met (a few days) he told me he was indeed married.,me out of "despration" or being lonely I guess ,decided to "be with him" anyway..we had a very strong physical attraction in the beging ,and the sex was/is GREAT..We would talk once a day,(now it's more like 3-4 times a day),and we would see each other itleast 3 or 4 times a week..about a month into are "fling/relationship" he started getting jealouse/possisive/controlling .. Said he didn't want any other man touching me,wanted me to his self,would get mad if i missed his call/didn't get to the phone in time, ETC.. So AGAIN WHY would i still continue this relationship?? He has always been very affectionate/holds me/ and we talk all the time! It's not just about sex either.. there have been PLENTY of times were we have been together and just enjoyed each others company/talked/cuddled.. insted of having sex..so i never once thought he was just "using me"... BUT there are times were he acts shady//(like us making plans,and him backing out at the last minute) as if he was seeing someone else "besides his wife" I have confronted him about this,and he has told me that i am the ONLY one he is seeing/wants to be with,blah blah blah..How can i be with him ,if i can't trust him?? he is lying to his wife so I can't think he wouldn't lie to me know what i mean??? Just recently he has told me that he "loves me",that im his heart ..,and that he dosn't want me to hurt him,and so on..I asked him what made him think he "loved me" and he said the way he feels when he is with me..I told him that it's hard for me to belive anything he says because he dosn't make as much EFFORT to see me anymore.. im lucky if i even get to see him twice a week now.. He works constantly so really he has no other choice..and that he his married (DUH) I just don't know anymore.. I know what im doing is WRONG in more ways then one.. I am developing STRONG feelings for him,so it's SO HARD to distance myself/LET HIM GO.. but i know that in the long run it would be the BEST Thing to do..i hate myself for letting this go on for as long as it's been.. sometimes I wonder if he would ever leave his wife and maybe we could start a "life" together..I know that will never happen though.. he has been with his wife for sometime and they have kids... I have a child aswell,so i know it would be hard on his kids if he ever left .. not that i think he ever would..I know i can find a decent man,who is going to treat me right.. hell ive dated a few other men while i was with him,to try and get my mind off of him..see if i could be with someone esle.. BUT all i though about was the MM, he makes me feel sooooo goood,then there are days were i feel like he is playing mindgames.. we have only known each other for 4 months.. and he says he "loves me"?!?!?! I need advice from anyone who has NC with their MM .. how did you do it??????????
movinon05 Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 You do it because it is a necessity. And its the only way to find peace and the right kind of love. My exMM was jealous like yours. I was not supposed to go anywhere. He wondered if I was out looking for someone else, while all I felt was devotion to him. Ask yourself how long can you go on this road of turmoil. Is it worth it? My exMM promised me we'd be together. Yours has not. The thing that killed us was the time wasted, the drama, the paranoia, the hurt, the constant unhappiness. There's a whole world out there. Give yourself the gift of freedom to go out and find what makes YOU happy.
ratingsguy Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 ...WHY am I DOING THIS?!?!? That's a good question with no good answer. I found myself in a similar situation, as have most of the people on this board. Just getting to know everyone's stories it seems that the MM/MW fall into one of two catergories. The first catergory are MM/MW that are truly unhappy with their marriage and feels so trapped that they have decided to have an A, something they never thought they could do after many years of marriage. The second catergory are very selfish MM/MW who screw around because they know that they can, with little regard for the feelings of the "screwee". It sounds to me that descibes the MM you're currently with. Being involved in an A is a terrible thing. I used to be of the opinion that there is no excuse for having an A... period. None. But as I get older and meet more and more people (my MW in particular), I can understand why some people get involved in these situations. It's easy for me to judge since I'm 31 and have never been married. But my MW has been married for 21 years in a completely loveless marriage. She has a much greater life experience than I do. She felt very trapped and clearly fits in the first category. As for your situation, perhaps you saw someone in your MM who also had that trapped feeling and you felt bad for him. But as time progressed, you started to see his true colors, and you're no longer impressed. I got lucky with my MW as she will be separating soon and we'll be starting a life together. Sadly, most people on here don't have the luck, as most of the MM/MW involved with OW/OM are only looking out for themselves. Good luck to you!
Seen_It_All Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 ...When we met he told me he was living with a "friend" (RIGHT..) I of course expected/knew different,because not long after we met (a few days) he told me he was indeed married I can't possibly offer support when the guy is a clear-cut manipulative lying LOSER that you should dump YESTERDAY. Why are you even QUESTIONING whether he might be lying to you? He started OUT lying to you. I wouldn't trust this scum if he told me the sky were blue - I'd have to hang my head out the window and look myself.
puddleofmud Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 If it hasn't already; at some point the mind games will probably over-come the "good". Point is: which one of these two aspects would one choose in any relationship? A devoted lover filled with great goodness or a not so devoted lover filled with..."DUH". As to "how to do it?" It's not easy and I am truly sorry that you feel so badly--but, it is within YOUR power to control this (not HIS). That is what you need to embrace. Best wishes!
pureinheart Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 It sounds like he's got you priddy well hooked. For me, it was as if a spell was cast on me that clouded better judgement....your MM sounds much like my exMM...I fell for so many lies, manipulations....ect....all better, sound, sain judgement went right out the door.... I knew what the truth was, but was unable to receive or walk in it....the insanity was overwhelming, but I was hooked.... My suggestion is to keep posting and reading, sound actions will take over the more you hear others stories of the liers, ect....it will take some time....BE PATIENT AND KIND TO YOURSELF!!!!!!! Recite in your mind over and over the truth until you really believe it.... The miracle will come and you will be free....when you do decide to go NC make sure you cover all bases and be extremely firm in the NC....mine didn't want to let go easy....yours might not either..... Just keep seeing and reading the truth and let it move out all of the lies that are currently there.... GBU.....keep posting!
Guest Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 I Hate To Burst Everyone's Bubble About Thinking That Reading Posts On A Web Site, Without Any Atribution, Will Somehow Make Someone Come To A Decision About Something Or Someone In Real Life. How In The World Does Anyone Really Believe That Another Person Is So Magical In Nature That They Know Who These People Are Behind The Masks In Here. Just Because A Posting Of A Story Is Similiar To My Situation Does In No Way Mean I View It As My Own - That Is Faulty Reasoning And A Receice For Dellusion. Come On, People - We All Know The Only Way To Make These Decisions Is To Do In Real Life, With Real People, With Those That Are Connected And The Benefits Of Doing It Now Instead Of Later Are Obvious. Jebus, If I Believe Everything I Had Read In Here And Projected It To What My Ex Was Doing, She Would Have To Have 50 Clones Of Herself - So, Seriously, Can Anyone Honestly Say They Have Made A Life Altering Decision From Anonomous Posts They Have Read In Here?
Recommended Posts