What do I do?

[HopelessinSC]

My husband is very controlling and disrespectful of me. He has taken me off of the bank account and the car and house are in his name. He is very mean to me and constantly puts me down. We have two kids. He doesn't want me leaving the house to go next door and I work at home. He said if I divorce him that he will ruin me and turn my family, friends, and kids against me. He also said he will never leave this house. I don't have any money as I only work part time. He only pays for himself and the bills. He gives me a little money for groceries but otherwise none. I have to pay for all of the kids activities, clothes, etc. I'm starting to almost hate him. I don't know what to do. I can't continue living like this. He does what he wants, when he wants. He comes and goes as he pleases. I am not allowed to call him during the day or e-mail him ever. He only wants me for sex and to look after the kids and pick up after him. He treats me worse than a rat. He is charming, good looking, and popular with everyone else. He makes me feel worthless!! What do I do?

[Love Hurts]

You have to fight dirt with dirt…..you want to know how to win………….first…

You must be ready for war…………. If you’re afraid……..then stay in your prison and be his inmate.

 

Ready…. To fight dirty and win?

 

Go to the court house and get a PFA on him.

You tell them the truth………you’re a hostage……with no cash………and all he does to you……… he comes and goes and I’m under lock and key……… I am in a mentally abusive environment with two children……….he said if I try to leave him he gets the house.

He has you frightened to do anything……… you cant have him the house with the you and the children anymore…

Ok so he is out for a short term……….. then you two have a hearing together to see if it still stands.

Mental abuse is just the same as a fist in your face.

It is now recognized by the courts.

 

The bad news is you will need someone to float you some cash for a while…………….because… while you are at the court house you also file for total custody of the kids and child support…. Now he has to give you part of the money..

Next you get an attorney they have free ones for you if you cannot afford one. However………..those ones are weak when it comes to mental abuse cases. You may get lucky???

 

If you can find a good Jewish Bulldog Lawyer on your side.

He will rip they guy a new hole and you will stand to gain up to half of his paycheck………… you will get half of the house or he will have to give you a portion of its value..

 

You get spousal support for up to five years. Don’t forget a portion of his pension and medical.

You will be entitled to food stamps to help buy groceries and

Government assistance with your utilities until you can get on your feet if need be.

Watch your back ..women end up missing or dead when this stuff starts rolling.

 

But have you ever the country songs…. That’s my wife and my house and my kids and my car and who’s that guy in my house?

Get the picture………… a man that tells you ….. you get nothing and its all mine ……..is just stupid……… you have the law on your side mother… Utilize what’s out there for you.

 

Once the checks start rolling in you will have more cash then you probably see in a year from him in one month.

You will have more than enough to buy a car and make payments.

If he is a dead beat dad he goes to jail…..

Isn’t it nice to know guys can’t treat wives like animals….

Go get him tiger………grow fangs and tear him up…..

 

PS. Don’t forget to get a DIVORCE while you’re at it. Live and let live.

[norajane]

Do you have family? Friends? You need some support to help you through this.

 

I'd suggest that you find a good divorce lawyer who can tell you what to expect in a settlement and what your legal rights are. This man sounds like bad news and the sooner you are away from him, the better.

 

And his threat is just a threat - what can he possibly do to turn your family, friends and kids against you?

[HopelessinSC]

Thank you so much for the advice! It really gives me a certain amount of peace to know that I do have some legal rights and protection. I'm trying to get through Christmas at this point for the kids sake. I have an appointment next week with a counselor (marriage) just to know I'm not crazy. This isn't going to be fun for sure.

[karlesa]

Get rid of him! Any person who treats another like the way your husband treats you should be alone.

Life is too short honey. Get out of that relationship and find a man that will give you the love and respect you deserve.

Remember, no matter what he has said to you or how bad he has made you feel about yourself you can and will find another man. There are lot's of good men out there.

[PWSX3]

Holly Cow batman!!!!!

I know what I am about to write is a lot different then what everyone else has said, but believe it or not I came from that side of the fence your husband is on at this time.

 

There are a lot of things you can do such has been posted already, but part of it depends on if you still love your H and if you want to see if things can change.

 

My W moved out 4 months ago and it really woke me up. Without going into detail it got me thinking about myself and until your H looks at himself there is NOTHING you can do about how he treats you.

 

Believe it or not I would say some of the things your H does to you he doesn't even know he is hurting you, I have learned that myself, but only HE will be the one that will notice them if that time comes. You won't be able to tell him because he won't listen, it might take a 2X4 over the head a few times like it did me.

Here is the first thing I learned and the first thing he will need to learn or it will be a REALLY TUFF MOUNTAIN FOR HIM TO CLIMB!

He doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. PERIOD!!! It's your life and you aren't there to make him happy and that is what it sounds like to me. I could write a page about this but it all comes down to that.

 

You could suggest counsoling, but more then likely he will laugh at you and tell you it's all your fault, that there is nothing wrong with him. You can move out for a while and see if he wakes up and smells the roses.

 

The only person you have control over is yourself and you do have that. Sure he threatens you and it is VERY TUFF to stand on your own. I guess when my son was very young so over 15 years ago me & the W were having trouble and I told her if we ever got divorced I would take our boy and she would never leave him. It took her 15 years to finally get the nerve up to leave me. Sure we had good times and bad times in that 15 years but I could do 100 good things for the W but what she remembers is the bad thing I did.

 

When my W moved out people couldn't believe it because they saw how I was and they saw how she was, but they weren't around us at home where most of the controlling, miss treating, etc. happens.

 

I guess one of my questions is; have you ever told him how you feel or what he does bothers you?????

No I don't mean by yelling at him but setting down and just trying to discuss it calmly with him.

 

If so then I would maybe suggest doing like the other people have suggested and see what your options are of a separation. In yout case so he will have the chance to see what he is doing wrong and making the effort to do something about it and putting the effort into making himself a better person.

 

There are a few us guys & gals that are working hard to get our relationship back, but it starts with yourself. Like I read in a book; when you point at someone there are 3 other fingures pointing back and that says a lot.

 

Your H has a lot to learn about himself and how to treat a person and until that happens nothing will change. One of the things my W told me this week is I had to put an honest effort into making our marriage work and when I start counsoling on my own she said that was a good sign to her.

 

One other thing, don't expect this to happen overnight, even if you plan on moving out it will take time but keep at it and don't use other things or other people as excuses. Not to be mean or anything towards you, but people in general use other people for there excuse and don't use your H as an excuse to make yourself a better person.

 

I wish you the best because I know it's hard, but remember I'm from the same side of the fence as your H and I'm trying very hard to change how I treated my W and how I treat people in general.

There are many good books out there and for you two to make things work it will take a lot of work on his part.

[a4a]

He is pulling the wool over your eyes with his threats...... if you live in SC take a look at the divorce laws in that state...... google it. If you do not have a prenup ...... well he cannot get it all. The law is the law.

 

Document everything. Seek out help by contacting a Womens org in your area. They will help guide you through this with legal help and emotional support. If you feel that your family or yourself are in any danger do not hesitate to call the police immediatley.