Romeo Must Die Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I went to my daughters school play yesterday and having COMPLETELY forgotten about it, a piece of the affair came flying back at me like a 2x4 in the chest. Two years ago, my WS and I were seperated and he had visitation with the kids during the time of the school Christmas play. It was HIS job to get a white shirt and a ski cap for our daughter for her part in the play so they could all look the same. He said he would take care of it. He didn't call me and ask me to bring her a shirt. He didn't take her to Walmart and pick one out for her. He had OW "dress" her (and I didn't figure it out until the end of the play) but OW had dressed my little girl in OW's black ski cap and she gave her a white KITCHEN TRASH BAG to wear as a white shirt. I was sitting in the audience silently appaled by this. She was the only one wearing a garbage bag. After the play, I remember mentioning how STUPID it was to put a bag on our daughter and he got pissy with me and stomped away mad and DD told me OW gave it to her to wear. I was pissed off to infinity. Back to 2006, I took the kids out after the play and decided to go visit a girlfriend, chill, and I get back into my normal self and on the way home I stopped at the grocery store to buy dinner. I ran into an old friend (who knows everything about the affair) and we were talking and I learn that she changed bartending jobs over the last couple months and is now working at the same bar with the xOW. I told her, "I hope you don't expect me to come visit you there or support you." and she didn't say anything. And this just pisses me off because now I know they are "friendly" with each other. When I told FWS about bumping into Bonnie, he warned me they have been friends for a year or more and quote "Stay away from Bonnie. She is a back stabbing bitch, she is not your friend she just pretends to be so don't talk to her about anything." and FWS outted the friendship to me. Bonnie knows all the things xOW has done to me, how much pain I went through... BONNIE YOU FU*CKING BITCH!!!
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 an issue or set of issues and have your life on hold or would you be someone that wanted to wipe the slate clean and finally get on with life? sometimes, for me, it feels that somethings have gone on forever, and a while back i made the decision to stop letting my past hold me back from my future - i am glad i have. and i could only do this after i had worked on issues that related to other issues [honesty, anger, etc.] anyone else feel this way too?
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Romeo I hear ya...I stil get triggers everyday.....wish is was easy to dismiss them...but sometimes....it just pisses me off to no end. just last night....my wife went to a work party......had someone bring her home...I noticed casue the car stayed in the driveway for a few minutes...and it wasnt hers. well....it just brought back the thoughts of how she would get dropped off by her boss (OM) after a work party one time.....arrrggggg.....then she came in and said, oh he just gave me a ride home.....little did I know what was really going on.....**** I was sooo niave.....arrgg anyway...I hear ya....loud and clear i see your from Wisconsin too.....so am I....wear abouts?...PM if ya want...
Freedom Now Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Romeo, So your hubby's OW was not only a psycho crazy nut job, she was also tacky and classless? A garbage bag? What is THAT all about? Geez....don't give her one moment of your precious time. She is garbage. And as for her/your friend? Don't sweat it. Hold your head up high and do NOT let this "Bonnie" infect your thoughts. Stick with people whose loyalties run where they should be: with you.
NoIDidn't Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 RMD It is normal to still be having triggers now, especially with all that went down. I firmly believe that As and the results that follow them are meant to purge certain people from our lives. Your friend Bonnie probably IS friendly with the xOW. I totally get the anger and new sense of betrayal that you feel. Can you find a moment while the kids nap or play quietly to sit in a big, easy chair and sip some hot cocoa and forget about things for a moment? That might help. When I am experiencing triggers, I do that and it helps me alot. That, and I talk to my H about it. Hope you feel better sooner than later.
Author Romeo Must Die Posted December 20, 2006 Author Posted December 20, 2006 Guest: I appreciate the help, but when the affair involves my own kids it kind of triggers a mother lioness instinct inside me that makes me want to kill my own kind and eat them. I actually DID forget all about it. Thats the point of triggering, you are content as a kitten and it comes out of nowhere and bites you in the ass later. Freedom Now: I use trash bags everyday and the thought never occurred to me, "Gee Whiz! This would make a neat snowman costume for DD. Besides that, even a complete moron knows never put a bag over your child. It just goes to show how wack some people are. Thumbingmyway: Never accept rides from a man who doesn't have a car. I had a boss that was touchy/feely and over friendly with people and I hit the brakes on that when he started flirting with me. I called him unprofessional & I had to scold him. I avoided him like the plague. His ego was shattered and acted like a dick wad towards me from then on, just to make himself feel better. He could never handle the rejection. Too bad. NoIDidint: I already had bad vibes about Bonnie. I didn't seek her out to talk (as we don't see each other much anymore) and I said hello in the store and walked away, but she cornered me in the video section and started asking about how things were going. Fishing for gossip, I suppose. I kept it pretty general. I'm staining the kitchen cabinets. DS has the flu, etc. She told me about her new job and I told her point blank, don't expect me to support you. She is also an OW and had a LTA with the neighbor next door (more outing from FWS) so shes more into bars and unavailable men, more like OW than she is like me. She is a frizzy, middle aged train wreck slinging suds at a biker bar. It's not like I'm not missing out on anything. When we were checking out in line the clerks asked customers to sign a card for a cashier whose husband died suddenly and Bonnie says "Well thats the way it goes I suppose" what a callous hoe. I stepped in and took the card from her and said, "Thats terrible, to lose someone who you have had for that many years, and on Christmas too!" and the other cashiers responded to me in kind. "OMG Yes, we all feel so badly for her. It all happened so fast." When you lose someone or are hurting for someone, people need to feel like they are understood. Bonnie left the store with her tail between her legs. THATS THE WAY IT GOES.
Freedom Now Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 You know what Romeo? I like you. You have spunk and that is cool. I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday. You've got style, lady. All my very best. FN
Author Romeo Must Die Posted December 20, 2006 Author Posted December 20, 2006 Aww thanks FN... http://www.cloud9photography.us/zinger/C9PHP-AN001068_FemalelionsPJM.jpg
Ladyjane14 Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Hon, I've got an off-topic request but I couldn't PM it to you. Could you take a look at Mum2three in the Separation/Divorce forum? I think she could use some pointers on reconnaisance. Thanks in advance, doll.
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