ratingsguy Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 It looks like my MW is speeding up the process of her separation. Her and her H have already decided that now is the time to get this done (now actually meaning now!). MW and H saw a therapist today to help out with the separation arrangements, they're looking for a 2nd home this weekend (with the living arrangement mentioned in a different post), telling the kids next week after Christmas, and then they're telling family and friends after that. After all the stories on here of OWs and OMs being disappointed that their MM/MW say they'll leave their spouse but don't, I guess I feel pretty damn lucky. My MW still has a lot to go through, but I'm feeling pretty confident right now.
kymberann Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Good for oyu and your situation! I for one am always glad to hear that thse situations CAN lead to a happy ending! Keep us updated!!
MuffinMan Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 It looks like my MW is speeding up the process of her separation. Her and her H have already decided that now is the time to get this done (now actually meaning now!). MW and H saw a therapist today to help out with the separation arrangements, they're looking for a 2nd home this weekend (with the living arrangement mentioned in a different post), telling the kids next week after Christmas, and then they're telling family and friends after that. After all the stories on here of OWs and OMs being disappointed that their MM/MW say they'll leave their spouse but don't, I guess I feel pretty damn lucky. My MW still has a lot to go through, but I'm feeling pretty confident right now. Good luck to you. I'm a very jealous person right now.
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Not raining on your parade, but be prepared for her to back off with you a little. Infact, let her KNOW its ok for a while. Let everything sink in.
Author ratingsguy Posted December 20, 2006 Author Posted December 20, 2006 Not raining on your parade, but be prepared for her to back off with you a little. Point well taken. We've actually had that conversation. It's not easy to end a 21 year marriage, but they're making very positive progress. We know how we both feel, and she knows that I'm willing to go to extra mile for her, especially if the end result is a legitimate R. Don't be jealous yet... she's still a MW! This is just another step on the ladder.
noforgiveness Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I'm surprised they are looking at houses before talking to the kids. At the age of her kids I would think they would discuss the living arrangements with them before looking at houses. I'm not sure kids that age will like this. LOL How will they play mom against dad and live at whatever parents lets them stay out later? Seriously though shouldn't they speak to kids first? Kind of odd. Does the husband know about you?
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Seriously though shouldn't they speak to kids first? I dont find this odd. One, they dont want to ruin Christams for the kids. Why tell the kids until you know EXACTLY how your going to work things out?
noforgiveness Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I dont find this odd. One, they dont want to ruin Christams for the kids. Why tell the kids until you know EXACTLY how your going to work things out? Wait till after christmas I agree but I would check this house agreement thing with them first. I just don't see kids that age going for it. They are not 6 and 7 year olds. They're almost adults. The whole house thing may actually embarass them. I just think befoe they look for a house talk to kids. Maybe even make it a positive no more fighting help us find a home thing. I don't know. The arrangement sounds goofy for kids this age.
Author ratingsguy Posted December 20, 2006 Author Posted December 20, 2006 No, the H doesn't know about me. So I imagine that I will have to enter the picture a few months into this arrangement. Keep in mind that in terms of living arrangements, the kids are staying put in the house they're currently living in. What's changing is that a few days a week, MW will live with them while H is at the 2nd house. Then the next few days - the H returns home to the kids, while MW stays at the 2nd house. Each house will have seperate living quarters, but MW and H will never be at the same house at the same time... with the exception of Sunday for a family dinner. The kids don't have to go for it... they're kids! But independant of that, I think they will actually favor this because it requires zero effort on their part... the don't have to go anywhere... not even on the weekends. It's the PARENTS that will be in constant transition. Besides, in 2 years they'll theoretically be gone as they'll both be in college anyway. Hopefully!
Chapter2 Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Very happy for you rg and good for her. There is absolutely no reason that I can see for two people to stay in a marriage that's broken, but that's just one girl's opinion. I wish you the VERY best! No, the H doesn't know about me. So I imagine that I will have to enter the picture a few months into this arrangement. Keep in mind that in terms of living arrangements, the kids are staying put in the house they're currently living in. What's changing is that a few days a week, MW will live with them while H is at the 2nd house. Then the next few days - the H returns home to the kids, while MW stays at the 2nd house. Each house will have seperate living quarters, but MW and H will never be at the same house at the same time... with the exception of Sunday for a family dinner. The kids don't have to go for it... they're kids! But independant of that, I think they will actually favor this because it requires zero effort on their part... the don't have to go anywhere... not even on the weekends. It's the PARENTS that will be in constant transition. Besides, in 2 years they'll theoretically be gone as they'll both be in college anyway. Hopefully!
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 but I would check this house agreement thing with them first Check with them? As in ask their permission?
noforgiveness Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Oh come on they are not kids. Aren't they like 16? Do you remember being 16? They can drive or almost. Sorry I never heard of such a silly thing with kids this OLD. Again not being mean. I always have to say this since it's assumed i am since I'm not an OW but seriously. That's like an I can't let go arrangement and leave each other little notes about the house and the upkeep. IDK seems silly. If the kids were young I could see it. Are you sure she's not messing with you and he's not going to be out of town on business three days a week and he's not thinking she'll be out of town?
noforgiveness Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 or is she just telling you they are house hunting and all and then it will all fall through when the kids totally fall apart over this? Just seems suspect because of kids ages.
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 If the kids were young I could see it. Actually with their age the 2 house setup makes more sense. They have been in the house how many years? Why uproot them every other week or what ever the arrangement is. Let them keep their bedrooms, stay in a house they know and feel secure in.
Chapter2 Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Only you know what's going on in your particular situation RG...don't let anyone else plant seeds of doubt in your mind just for the sake of planting. Just try to use wisdom and guard your heart as best you can under the circumstances.
Author ratingsguy Posted December 20, 2006 Author Posted December 20, 2006 Only you know what's going on in your particular situation RG...don't let anyone else plant seeds of doubt in your mind just for the sake of planting. Just try to use wisdom and guard your heart as best you can under the circumstances. Thanks for the support. I think when it comes to parents separating, there will always be competing philosophies about how to handle the kid issue. I don't know what's best for them since they're not my kids, and I've obviously never met them. But if my MW and her H think it's a good plan, I'm all for it. Plus, like I said, the kids will be out of the house in a matter of 2 years or so, and they'll be starting their own lives and families eventually. As for the letting go issue, my MW has had panic attacks because of feeling trapped in her marriage that have landed her in the hospital. I think it's safe to say that she let go a long time ago. The H is finally coming around it seems in the interest of MW's health. I've thought out worst case scenerios in my head and prepare myself for the worst while hoping for the best. So far, I've been very pleasantly surprised.
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I've thought out worst case scenerios in my head and prepare myself for the worst while hoping for the best. So far, I've been very pleasantly surprised. That in and of itself is what will see you through this.
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I hope all goes well in the sense that the kids are able to handle this OK. Always give her soon to be ex husband respect, just because of those kids. Hopefully all of you will make it as easy on them as possible. I do have to say (unless it happens differently in the States than in Canada) but most people I know these days (like neighbours and closer friends) have kids, and they continued living at home while going to college, and two of them are now nearly 20 and STILL living at home. Take it all day by day, lower your expectations that way if things don't go exactly according to the plan, you're not too hurt or disappointed.
oyster Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Congratulation, patience and timing played in your favour, you changed the odds of these relationship. Keep us posted and just don't dissappear from this section:(
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 sounds like you have thought things through well good job
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 "Keep us posted and just don't dissappear from this section" why the sad yellow dude after such great stuff?
JamesM Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 As for the letting go issue, my MW has had panic attacks because of feeling trapped in her marriage that have landed her in the hospital. I think it's safe to say that she let go a long time ago. The H is finally coming around it seems in the interest of MW's health. I wonder whether the panic attacks stem from the fact that she is leading a double life. This is very hard on the body and emotions. A number of adulterous men have heart attacks as a result of affairs, because it takes so much energy to keep it a secret. How is her anxiety/panic attacks? Now that she appears to be separating...is she more relaxed and happy? Are you prepared to deal with her anxiety?
torranceshipman Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Sounds marvellous and I'm very happy for you...sounds like the couple have done something very unusual in facing up to their problems, and moving forward decsively! Shows it can happen. How long were you having an A before this happened?
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