Values Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 If you've read any of my occaisional posts recently and earlier this year you know I have had a terrible time dealing with finding out my ex gf was a pathological liar (not name calling, it's sadly true) and a cheater. My therapist says she's a narcissist and I know that to be true. From my intense research she's a textbook NPD'r. Without going into detail about being lied to everyday about almost everything from April 2003 to February 2006 (only after break-up in February did I find out everything), I went to her town today about 90 minutes south of me. I haven't been there since Jan.28th of this year, which was the last time we saw each other. She was at that point carrying on with a 10 month relationship with a guy who thought they were exclusive and starting a relationship with the guy she's now engaged to. So today, like I said, I went down to her town to determine what I was going to do about my life. I didn't plan to see her or call her while there. I just drove in front of her family business office a few times and contemplated my future existence. It was wierd being there, since the last time I was there 10.5 months ago was to be with her. What I can't get over, and I mean I REALLY can't get over is imagining her doing her sexual deeds with other guys while we were together. I know for a fact about a lot of the "relationships" she carried on behind my back, usually with good, honest guys. I talked to one of them and we were a mutual support group. Anyway the images of her performing sexually for guys while we were together waiting to be married just KILLS me. She would make me elaborate and cute cards and take my last name, saying she couldn't wait to be my wife. She was doing this while pursuing other guys, I guess to fill the hole where her heart should be. She knew in a general moral sense that she was doing wrong, but she wasted all of my 24th, 25th, and 26th, year on a life together that was never going to happen. Just empty promises, and lies. For how many guys did she spead her legs or get down on her knees? She has never admitting anything or apologized once. Even after I found out the facts from some of the people involved. She made up lies about me to make me go away. I don't even know why I'm typing this now. I'm so tired of going around in circles over the girl I loved more than anything. I just want her to feel that inner pain and anguish like I do, but I know she is incapable of feeling love due to her upbringing and mental condition. I want to make her feel what I feel, not by physically harming her or even seeing her ( I couldn't stand to have her look at me), I just want to have a life and feelings again, but her lies and cheating and draining of all I had to give her has left me unable to desire life.
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