funkify Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 You may remember my thread about this guy... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101106/ Basically 3 months ago I went on a great first date with this guy and over the next month I rarely spoke to him because he was in an extremely busy period because of work, trying to find a house, financial issues etc. Everytime I asked him he kept reassuring me he was still interested but just very occupied right now. I didn't believe him but went along with it anyway. So I did my thing and didn't hear from him for another two months, "Obviously," I thought, "that's the end of him". But then yesterday I get a 'Merry Christmas" text from him. In Christmas spirit I thanked him politely and he mentioned he sent me a text a while ago not sure if I received it. I never received anything from him. It was about asking to catch up again. Well, that was a shock, then he called me the same night and we had a long conversation about what we'd been up to etc. We were both very casual. I mentioned I didn't get the text and he said he specifically remembers when he sent it. Now, I don't know how to take this. Is it possible I didn't receive his text? SMS technology is pretty reliable nowadays isn't it. Or is he just trying to cover up the fact that he was an a-hole...but what does he want from me now? I'm very suspicious about him now. I don't know whether to blow him off or just give it another shot now that I'm not angry anymore and we never really were on bad terms anyway. Any thoughts?
monkey00 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 SMS should be realiable nowadays with more cell towers around nationwide...but who knows data can get lost every now and then. I recall in the early stages of dating my ex, late at night i received several duplicate messages from her. Anyway i never knew if it was her being paranoid sending several times or if it really was a network error. I asked the next day and she said it was probably a network problem. Well anyway, i think giving the person the benefit of the doubt in this scenario shouldnt be a problem. Since you're not angry go for it, see what he wants..who knows maybe he wants to date you again. if he wasnt interested he wouldnt have called.
Star Gazer Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 You may remember my thread about this guy... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101106/ Basically 3 months ago I went on a great first date with this guy and over the next month I rarely spoke to him because he was in an extremely busy period because of work, trying to find a house, financial issues etc. Everytime I asked him he kept reassuring me he was still interested but just very occupied right now. I didn't believe him but went along with it anyway. So I did my thing and didn't hear from him for another two months, "Obviously," I thought, "that's the end of him". But then yesterday I get a 'Merry Christmas" text from him. In Christmas spirit I thanked him politely and he mentioned he sent me a text a while ago not sure if I received it. I never received anything from him. It was about asking to catch up again. Well, that was a shock, then he called me the same night and we had a long conversation about what we'd been up to etc. We were both very casual. I mentioned I didn't get the text and he said he specifically remembers when he sent it. Now, I don't know how to take this. Is it possible I didn't receive his text? SMS technology is pretty reliable nowadays isn't it. Or is he just trying to cover up the fact that he was an a-hole...but what does he want from me now? I'm very suspicious about him now. I don't know whether to blow him off or just give it another shot now that I'm not angry anymore and we never really were on bad terms anyway. Any thoughts? Even if he DID send the text, is one text over a two to three month period of time acceptable to you? You didn't believe him THEN, what makes you want to believe him now? If a guy is interested, he will MAKE time to see you. His interest didn't just magically develop after not having seen you for two months, ya know? Also, I sent "Happy Thanksgiving" en masse to my entire address book in my phone. He likely could have done the same thing with his most recent text to you, assuming it wasn't obviously personally directed at JUST YOU. Your response to it prompted your conversation...otherwise, would he have called you? I doubt it. I don't know. I'm just not about to wait that long for a guy to decide he's interested. No one is THAT busy...
BlueEyedSarah Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 You may remember my thread about this guy... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101106/ Basically 3 months ago I went on a great first date with this guy and over the next month I rarely spoke to him because he was in an extremely busy period because of work, trying to find a house, financial issues etc. Everytime I asked him he kept reassuring me he was still interested but just very occupied right now. I didn't believe him but went along with it anyway. So I did my thing and didn't hear from him for another two months, "Obviously," I thought, "that's the end of him". But then yesterday I get a 'Merry Christmas" text from him. In Christmas spirit I thanked him politely and he mentioned he sent me a text a while ago not sure if I received it. I never received anything from him. It was about asking to catch up again. Well, that was a shock, then he called me the same night and we had a long conversation about what we'd been up to etc. We were both very casual. I mentioned I didn't get the text and he said he specifically remembers when he sent it. Now, I don't know how to take this. Is it possible I didn't receive his text? SMS technology is pretty reliable nowadays isn't it. Or is he just trying to cover up the fact that he was an a-hole...but what does he want from me now? I'm very suspicious about him now. I don't know whether to blow him off or just give it another shot now that I'm not angry anymore and we never really were on bad terms anyway. Any thoughts? I read your post and it seemed as though he made you feel very sad when he just didn't reply to your texts and he didn't phone you. If you got back into the groove with him again how would you know he wouldn't just disapear again? I think you should keep looking around and not get hopes up on this guy. Just keep the conversation casual, let him chase you and regret him not contacting you for those months. If he was that intrested in you the lest he could have done was call or text or email you or something like that, not just hear nothing from him for 2 or 3 months or whatever is was.
crazy_grl Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I agree with BlueEyedSarah. Give him the benefit of the doubt about the text message. After all, does it really make that much of a difference whether he sent one or not? It was one text. That doesn't really tell you how interested he is or if he's going to give you the time you deserve this time around. Keep talking to him and go out with him if you want but don't get your hopes up. Let him put the effort in this time. You tried last time and he flaked on you. Now you need to sit back and let him show you that he's not going to do it again. If he doesn't flake, great. If he does, oh well.
Greenfrog Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 You may remember my thread about this guy... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101106/ Basically 3 months ago I went on a great first date with this guy and over the next month I rarely spoke to him because he was in an extremely busy period because of work, trying to find a house, financial issues etc. If he really was wrapped up in finding a house and getting work, I would give him a pass. Right now I am moving and about to start a new job. Even if th emost incredible guy wanted to date me right now, I would have to wait a couple of months. I am so overwhelmed from exhaustion there is no way I can thinking about dating anyone.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 It's also possible that he intended to send a text and forgot to due to being insanely busy. I would keep it completely casual and let him work hard to get you again, if ever.
honda12345 Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 people make time when they are interested. so i m sorry but he is just not that into you. and feelings and interest grow as you spend more time with a person. they dont just magically grow after a couple months of no contact. sorry truth hurts.
Author funkify Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 people make time when they are interested. so i m sorry but he is just not that into you. and feelings and interest grow as you spend more time with a person. they dont just magically grow after a couple months of no contact. sorry truth hurts. I know...that's why I assumed I was never going to hear from him and I got over it. I'm puzzled as to why he contacted (and asked me out) again after such a long time. Also...is it possible that he was telling the truth the whole time and not using it as a excuse? I don't want to be naive but he mentioned that a few of his friends did get a bit annoyed at him during that period because they hadn't heard from him.
Star Gazer Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Also...is it possible that he was telling the truth the whole time and not using it as a excuse? I don't want to be naive but he mentioned that a few of his friends did get a bit annoyed at him during that period because they hadn't heard from him. Sure, it's absolutely possible that he was legitimately busy... but the truth of the matter is that if he had been truly interested in the first place, he wouldn't have been TOO busy. It's about his priorities. When he was busy, everything in the world but you came first. Now that those other things are out of the way, he thinks, "Hmm...I wonder what happened to her?" That's not the sort of interest you're hoping for... it's just plain old manipulative curiosity.
Greenfrog Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 people make time when they are interested. so i m sorry but he is just not that into you. and feelings and interest grow as you spend more time with a person. they dont just magically grow after a couple months of no contact. sorry truth hurts. No sometimes people are so busy and have big stuff going on in their lives. There is a new guy Im interested in but Im so wiped out that I can barely brush my teeth right now from lack of sleep and being overextended. And even when thigns are calm Im going to need a litlt eitme to catch my breathe.
crazy_grl Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Also...is it possible that he was telling the truth the whole time and not using it as a excuse? I don't want to be naive but he mentioned that a few of his friends did get a bit annoyed at him during that period because they hadn't heard from him. Anything's possible, but it's best that you remain skeptical until he proves through actions that he really wants to see you and will actually make time for you.
Guest Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I met this guy for the first date and all went well. He sent me several emails, but no phone calls. Ladies, let's ask these questions... 1. Is he alive? 2. Is his cell working? 3. Does he have 5 minutes to make a phone call a day? All should be "YES," right? Now, then why was he not calling me? 4. He does not feel like talking to me that much... Sadly, that's the truth with whatever the reasons behind. Wondering about his feeling, sending him a reminder (hey, I am here!), being grumpy when finally he calls me won't increase him wanting to call me... Anyway, did you have any specific topics that you wanted to talk to him? When we want guys to call us, we often do not have things to talk about (although we have tons to our GFs!). We just want to confirm his feeling by the fact that he gave us a call. In my case, I had to have the confirmation because I did something (or at least I feel I did) to decrease his feeling of calling me. It is a bad cycle. Because I asked for it, I wanted so bad. But, asking him made him not feel like calling. Have you ever ignored some guys' message left on your phone simply because you did not feel like calling? I have... I am dating multiple people right now. If I receive a call from the guy mentioned above, I will not ignore (although I won't jump in calling him right after he called me). But, when some others who I am not that into called me, I may not call if I have something else to do, work, TV, dinner, pets, you name it! It is very simple. I am sure that you know the answer. Otherwise, you are not here asking a question.... Having said that, people change their mind, from cold to hot, from hot to cold with or without a specific cause. He contacted you, right? He is interested in you, now. Why don't you go with the feeling and see what happens? If he again stops calling you, then let him go. It could be you or could be his issues of keeping interests in one woman. But, for now, if you are interested in him, I will go with it. But, please remember not make the mistakes I made! Good luck and Merry X'mas!
Walk Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Is the ball in his court now? I wouldn't try to set up a new date myself, I'd let him do it if he wanted it. You two had a nice conversation so he shouldn't be feeling like your upset with him or anything, and if he is honestly interested in going out with you again, then I think he should set it up. Times that I've been incredibly busy in my life, I realize that when things slow down, I have to make the effort to re-include myself back into peoples lives. People I've recently met but didn't have the time/energy to keep the contact going with, I had to make the first "show of faith" that I was really serious about hanging out with them.
Grrlish Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Even if he DID send the text, is one text over a two to three month period of time acceptable to you? ... If a guy is interested, he will MAKE time to see you. His interest didn't just magically develop after not having seen you for two months, ya know? ... I don't know. I'm just not about to wait that long for a guy to decide he's interested. No one is THAT busy... Uh, yeah, I agree. Also, men tend to start coming out of the woodwork when the holidays approach. (I'm sure women do the same thing but I'm a gal commenting from a gal's point of view.) Keep a cool head if you decide to hang out with him. He's already shown you who he is. Why would you think he's different a few months down the road? As for the text message: Sometimes, TMs are delayed or never arrive. Every once in a while, a TM will get 'lost' between me and my bf. Really, in your situation, it's a non-issue, isn't it?
Author funkify Posted December 30, 2006 Author Posted December 30, 2006 Is the ball in his court now? I wouldn't try to set up a new date myself, I'd let him do it if he wanted it. You two had a nice conversation so he shouldn't be feeling like your upset with him or anything, and if he is honestly interested in going out with you again, then I think he should set it up. Times that I've been incredibly busy in my life, I realize that when things slow down, I have to make the effort to re-include myself back into peoples lives. People I've recently met but didn't have the time/energy to keep the contact going with, I had to make the first "show of faith" that I was really serious about hanging out with them. Actually, to tell you the truth I'm a bit confused as to whose court the ball is in now. I made it evident on the phone that I was still interested in going out again. I also mentioned I have quite a few things on being xmas and I've got an international guest at the moment. In closing I think he tried to leave the ball in my court while I was trying to put it in his court. He casually mentioned we can wait until things quieten down for me before going out again (putting it in my court). I told him to just give me a call and we'll see how things are going at the time if I can fit it in or not (trying to put it back in his court). So now I'm the busy one except I told him to call me. Should I give him a call instead when things quieten down for me or just leave it up to him? Whose court is the ball in?
JLO22 Posted December 31, 2006 Posted December 31, 2006 I agree with I agree with BlueEyedSarah, Giiiiiiirl, I would give him the cold shoulder everytime he called me. As of today have he called you anymore? I would not be so ready for him....... I would give him a piece of his own meds. Maybe he wants to be My grandmother once told me I don't care how busy a person is if they like you they will find time for you! Even if you have to go to his job after work just to see him, go house hunting with him..... It's the time and getting to know him that counts now? So to cause you grief and getting hurt later on I would leave him alone. Or talk to others and keep as a firend? My NEW YEAR RESOLUTION is to not BRING 2006 DRAMA in 2007.
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