guin_girl Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Hi, I'm new to this forum, but reading through many of the threads I have found to be very helpful. I met a very nice guy through friends who thought we would be a good match. We like all the same things and actually have a great time together. He is currently going through a divorce, they were married for only 23 months before she packed up "her" kids and moved back home to be closer to their father. He immediately filed for divorce in June or July of this year. The mediation will be Mid January. We started dating at the end of October and got pretty close kind of quick. He admitted 2 weeks ago that he got scared of the feelings he was developing for me, however still loved his wife and her kids and needed to get past that before he could offer 100% of himself to a new relationship. (He said that getting back together is not an option for either of them.) He wants to remain friends and mentioned that most of his relationships have started from friendships and grown from there. But he cannot promise me anything and has no idea how long it may be before he's really ready. Although I was obviously disappointed, I do respect that he does have things that he needs to work through and appreciate his honesty. I wish he would have been more upfront in the beginning, but I don't think he even knew how he was feeling at that point. The holidays and upcoming mediation I think has a lot to do with the resurgence of emotions and reflection. Since this "breakup", he has called me every day, acting like all is well with the world. He still wants to continue with our Christmas Eve plans and other assorted “dates” that we had set up, through til March. (We hadn’t planned out past that.) I do like him and he’s a really nice guy, just going through a tough time. My question is am I wasting my time with him? Does this sound like a guy who’s “not that into me”? Or is he wrestling with emotions as well? How should I proceed? I don't want to "pressure" him, but I don't want to walk away from a possible relationship in the future with potential. Thanks for taking time to read my dissertation!
laRubiaBonita Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 he sounds like he is full of mixed/ conflicting emotions. he loves the (ex)wife, but he is most likely pretty upset. then he likes you too, but at the same time, i bet he feels guilty. i think it is a good sign that he has unlabled you and now seems to be drawing closer. if you do think there is a chance there, be patient, you are not exclusive, so you could still date other guys too......
Author guin_girl Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 he sounds like he is full of mixed/ conflicting emotions. he loves the (ex)wife, but he is most likely pretty upset. then he likes you too, but at the same time, i bet he feels guilty. i think it is a good sign that he has unlabled you and now seems to be drawing closer. if you do think there is a chance there, be patient, you are not exclusive, so you could still date other guys too...... He is one confused guy that's for sure... But interesting perspective about "guilt"... could be... he does have a strong religious background, could be a moral dilemma for him too. Thanks...
laRubiaBonita Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 He is one confused guy that's for sure... But interesting perspective about "guilt"... could be... he does have a strong religious background, could be a moral dilemma for him too. Thanks... actually i ahve just started "hanging out" witha guy, who is separated, and to be divorced by march. we were kinda dating, but he said he felt soo guilty... that we(he) have really kinda stopped seeing each other. he still is in love with her, but confused at the same time... she cheated on him. he says he feels guilty cause he is technically still married, and he does hold marriage as a sacred vow..... it's hard for me, cause i do like him, but he is being really flaky, so i am doing my thing.
Author guin_girl Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 actually i ahve just started "hanging out" witha guy, who is separated, and to be divorced by march...... I am right there in the same boat with you. He didn't mention guilty until recently and that it wasn't fair to me that he couldn't give me 100%. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one. He's very attentive as a "friend" and I'm not making any initial contact each time, so as to give him his time and space to "grieve". But talk about mixed signals though... it's crazy... good luck to you!!
laRubiaBonita Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 I am right there in the same boat with you. He didn't mention guilty until recently and that it wasn't fair to me that he couldn't give me 100%. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one. He's very attentive as a "friend" and I'm not making any initial contact each time, so as to give him his time and space to "grieve". But talk about mixed signals though... it's crazy... good luck to you!! good luck to you as well! but i think my guy will eventually phase himself out.... that is my feeling.
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