sadbuttrue Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Guest...I'm curious about your story. You seem to be the only person so far that understands where I'm coming from. Thank you for that. hey a2l, it is me, sbt. i can not see the purpose in NC if you want to continue seeing him and love him. i love my MM and could never purposefully go NC just to make him jump through some kind of hoops. my MM is not going to willingly leave his M either and he told me that from the beginning, but i still want what we have together as opposed to nothing at all. it may not be the happiest of situations, but i need him right now and i can not give up on him so easily.
frannie Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 i love my MM and could never purposefully go NC just to make him jump through some kind of hoops. I tried several months of NC for exactly this purpose... and it 'didn't work'. Surprise surprise. I came to a few conclusions about this: one of them was that if you have to go NC in order to force a choice, you're being manipulative... and if the MM does leave as a result of NC, then you've probably set a bad precident for future relations. I think that Meredith has a good attitude: you can be an OW and not accept any bad treatment, and not consider yourself second-best. It's hard, mainly because of negative stereotyping and the drubbing that OW get on boards like this. But just be realistic about the situation, and accept that you chose it... so deal with it. If you don't like what's happening, then end it with him, don't whine and attempt to force him or cajole him into leaving. It won't (or shouldn't work). People can take a very long time to end a marriage. All this 'if he doesn't leave in a couple of months he's not going to'... well, who says? And who would want a man who would jump ship so easily just because he met someone he likes the looks of..? Having said all that, NC was great for me in many ways. It gave me a good break from the affair and helped me to focus on what was important, what I did and didn't want... and made me realise that there is plenty out there for me IF he doesn't eventually leave. I know I'll be fine if it doesn't work out. I also know that I love him, I want to be with him, and that I am happy to go on seeing him for a while longer... because he's moving in the 'right' direction for me. NC taught me... patience... and gave me perspective.
ratingsguy Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 ATL, knowing no more about your situation than what you've told us, I say give it one last shot. I can see the benefits to NC or just leaving this guy entirely, BUT if he means that much to you, I say shoot him one last e-mail. Maybe you weren't clear in your last communication. I also dislike the ultimadum (sp?) feeling of NC, but sometimes it is necessary. So, what you need to do is explain to him that you've opened your heart to him, now it's his turn to do the same. If he can't extend to you that same courtesy, tell him as politely as you can that you're going to have to move on. He may see it as a bluff, you may intend it as a bluff, but if you go through with it, over time I think you will feel much better. 17 years is a long time to wait for someone, girl.
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