JLO22 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 I am confussed, My boyfirend of eight months got a one night stand pregnant. This did happen before we got together... we hooked up in April and in May the young lady calls him and tell him that she was 1 month pregnant..... At 1st it did not bother me until three days ago when the baby was born...... I don't know what to think, do, or feel! During our eight month realationship things started to get a little shady. I live in FL and my BF lives in NC. Who knows what he can be doing while Im in FL and he's in NC I don't have no reason to believe that he is cheating.... When I go home to visit FL he makes plans and never go through with them, that really fustrate me, we dont see each other for about two-three weeks at any given time and sometimes a month...... So when I come home I expect to spend time with him and he don't realize that...... EXAMPLE... I went home to visit in July and August everytime I went home he made his little plans and broke them!! In between that he would come to FL to visit me and spend the weekend with me but I think that he does it to keep the peace or trying to "make UP" After so many broken promises I would tell him a peace of my mind and he would apologize and the next time I come home he would go through with his plan! Then the broken promises started back up again and then I told him a peace of my mind Thanksgiving when he mad a plan and broke it.......... But this argument was horrible I made him cry, sorry, plead, and I guess come to his senses. I was back in FL visting once again The first week in December he made his plan and went through!!!!! I should not have to argue with him to be with me when I come home, and I never had this probably with any other BF! We had a little dis agreement the day before I left for FL and know he only calls me when he have to say something or need something... He dont call like he use to through out the day to say hello or to have small talk. So NOW THE BABY IS HERE he has been at the hospital all day with the baby and his baby mother. He even cancelled some very important meetings to sit at the hospital with the baby and the young lady..... By him doing this I am already thinking he will not be able to juggle a Realtionship/GF, baby, baby mother, job, nothing, and I will be on the back burner! So I am feeling really sad and I dont know if I should end the realationship he went two days without calling me and if he do call he need me to do something!!!! When he decide to call he talk three mins...... and say I will call you back and never do???? So I dont want my BF to be around his baby mother the way he is because one thing could lead to another.. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!! I dont know what to do PLEASE SUGGEST!!!
IpAncA Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 You know I could suggest a number of things to help you and your bf but you know what, personally I would drop him where he stands. Being in a long distant relationship is hard to do and it takes both people to want to do it and that is not happening if what you said it true. Seems like you've both lost that connection and he's just using you when he wants something right? Thats not how a relationship works as I'm sure you know. It's a two way not a one way. Your right you don't know what he's being doing. Your here he's there, and now he's a dad not to a one night stander. For all you know he could have slept with someone else since then too. You never know. I'm still wondering what your doing with him. You could do so much better and trust me you don't want to get involved with him and that other girl now. It's going to led to a lot of problems with you in the middle or on the side getting screwed somehow. So like I said I would lose him because to me it sounds like the relationship was over a long time ago and you both just trying to hang on to something that isn't there. IMO
Author JLO22 Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 He don't use me the way you think...... He would call me to do stupid things such as email a job for him or apply for jobs on monster for him. He never ask me for things!! But I been thinking I am going to leave him alone...
IpAncA Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 He don't use me the way you think...... He would call me to do stupid things such as email a job for him or apply for jobs on monster for him. He never ask me for things!! But I been thinking I am going to leave him alone... O ok, but still why are you with him?
Author JLO22 Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 Don't know I guess I want it to work out.... He have alot of what I look for in a man and I though he was the one at once upon a time!! I will over time give it up, I guess I want to see if things will get better. It might get worst because he cannot already juggle me when I come......Lost for words I dont know??? I am tired of dating, searching, getting to know other men, and I am ready to settle down. I not no dumb girl, that will stick around if I am not happy... But my feelings just got caught up and I not ready to give up on the relationship.... Like you stated b4 what kind of suggestion do you have>>? Before I call it quits.
littlekitty Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Firstly it sounds like you and your bf had problems before the birth of the baby. Constantly breaking promises and letting you down isn't a good sign. It seems as though you tried to address this with him several times, without much lasting success. The fact that he no longer calls you throughout the day (change of pattern) is also concerning. It seems as though you are not as important to him, as he is to you. With regards to the bm (baby mother), I'm afraid she is never going to go away. He has to be around her for the sake of his child. And that's the situation and the way it will be for the next 18 years +. So I don't want my BF to be around his baby mother the way he is because one thing could lead to another.. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!! If you can't even trust him to be around another women, then is there really any question as to whether you should be together? It takes a lot of trust to make a long distance relationship work. And a lot of effort. He may well not have what it takes to make that work right now. Especially with a new child. However, I met my Fiancé when his child was only about 6 months old. So it can work, but we aren't long distance. You can be involved with someone with a young child, but you need to be willing to except them as a package deal. And that includes the bm!! To me it doesn't seem as though he's putting in the effort in the first place into your relationship. I don't see that changing in the light of his new child. The only thing you can do, if you wish to make this work, is to lay all your cards on the table and have a calm, open discussion with him. Ask him what he really wants.
IpAncA Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 The only thing you can do, if you wish to make this work, is to lay all your cards on the table and have a calm, open discussion with him. Ask him what he really wants. Thats pretty much what I can suggest too. You have to talk to him and see where you both stand. But from the looks of things he really doesn't seem to be putting in the effort that couples who stay together do. If you both do decided to work this out, just realize what their are two other people who will be part of the relationship also. And those two will not be going away anytime soon. However, I still stand by what I said about breaking up with him. In the long run you would probably be better off and could find somone who is more decent, caring, and who won't go around cheating on you. In other words, someone you can trust fully and not wonder what he's doing by hind your back. I understand that your tired of looking around but please don't settle with this guy just because you don't want to keep looking. You won't be happy in the long run if you do this for that reason. Stay with him for the right reasons but he has to want to make the relationship work too. I don't know if this was any help or not but I do hope that things work out for you. Cheer up! . Good Luck!
Love Hurts Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Let go.......slip away. Your Mr. Wonderful is further on down the road. Recall; getting over the pain of lost love is never easy... Yet it is possible. Time is on your side. Just do the time... Grieve your loss, collect yourself... and move on. P.S. He is probably a good guy. He just got caught ...I give him credit for stepping up to the plate of fatherhood... not many men do that. I'm certain he himself is trying to figure his life out. He may really fall for the mother of the child and have a family. Let go......... Slip away..............
IpAncA Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 He may really fall for the mother of the child and have a family. I was thinking the same thing. Especally if he starts spending more time with her then his gf. It's been known to happen. Not saying that it will but you never know. Just a thought to keep in mind.
Author JLO22 Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 Thanks Guys I have made my mind up to protect my feelings amd heart. I AM LEAVING IN ALONE, I am TRYING HARD TO STICK BY MY PROMISE>>> THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN!!
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