amess79 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 well here is my situation and how I feel. I am married a little over a year now and I have been seperated for 4 months..here the history: Met my wife in college in a drunken and high state. Right after a hard break up..Next thing you know we are together, doing the physical and spending time together. she was cool and cute. it was all fun but i was neve "in love" with her. I messed around with others after 3 months of dating. 8 months into it her father dies suddenly. family crisis for her aand i was there for everything. did everything in my power to make her and her family happy. from taking out her littel brother to physical labor and upkeep on the house. at 10 months we were back at school and she wasnt sure if she wanted to be with me and i really didnt want it to be with her but i didnt have the heart to end it cuz 2 weeks before her grandma died also. I am a very caring person by nature..anwya through the next 6 months was ok. i kept my end up, but i still wanted other girls..it comes spring break time and she breaks up with me 2 days befoer she leaves..im pissed bc i felt like i put aside my life for hers..( this is my realization now by the way). she comes bac and we back together. but now i was acting out and cheated on her until i graduated. and then that stopped. she is very emotional and has some issues that i never realized until now bc of past situations even before her dad died..and she goes back to college and within 2 weeks we arent talking..I am telling you this honestly, i did everyting and anything for her and her family, i mean drving her 2 hours to see her friends and then picking her up cuz she was to scared to drive(so many of these type of things, i could go on for hours)..my only major flaw was the cheating of few times. i suspectd her of being with other guys and i was right even though she would never admit. she would tell people i broke up with her, when in fact it was the opposite..to make this story a little shorter, we got back together when she wanted me. after she graduated. when fall came again we got pretty tight for about 5 months, so i suggested vacatiion..at the time i booked it,,i became unhappy again with her, she was always so moody( her own mother called her Cybill, but even her mother has seriuos mental issues, pathological liar, etc) and did want to this or that and the sex life sucked and she gave so many excuses on why she didnt want but she promised eveything would be great on our vacation..Wrong..it was terrible for me at least. had sex 3 times twice was forced..fell asleep on me early 3 nights, would get mad at me if i wanted to sleep a little late..I wound up looking for other girls on vacation. and you know what funny, her and her whole family was expecting us to get engaged on this trip..thats all her family talked about is when are we gonna get married. by the end of that summer i had enough of her bitch self and moodiness and lack of physical affection and sex. we got ina huge fight and i used that to end it..it always when i want out that she will do everything i ask and makes me feel guilty..so i dated otehr girls for about 6 months but nobody was great..so i found myself bored and lonli and i went back to her. we were bak together 3.5 months and we found out she was pregnant for 3.5 months..i always suspected it but she would never go to the doctor..anyway she decided to abort it..i left the decsion totally up to her and i told her i would support her in either direction even though i wasnt ready for one( with her at least).. i felt guilty cuz she was upset and wanted to make her happy as always and i wanted to move on with mylife, her mother gave me a business opporttunity that i really wanted. and all my friends were getting married and i wanted to get seriuos and move on with my life and i got engaged..and for about 2 months i was really excited about my future prospects but then i was back to wanting other girls but looking for love way, not just the physical..make a long story short, i met some girls while i was enegaged but i was too scared to end it even though i had seriuos doubts that she was the one, bc by the time i told her to post pone it, the invites were sent out and i felt to guilty and scared and was worried about everytone else. so i got married, on our honey moon we got in a huge fight cuz i wanted to sleep in one morning. anyway i tried to make it work for me and did evertyhing inmy power to make her happy and not be so bitchy. got her a house, so many details are being left out but i always was looking for love and i met someone i really liked after 8 months and i was unhappy already after 4. so she was asked me what was wrong and i told her, thati didnt think she was the girl for me and that was it.. she loves me so bad and misses me and makes me feel guilty.. what it comes down to is that i feel that she cant be the one for me if i have doubts and if i have strong feelings for someone else..all the things that i was unhappy with her always and i always complained to her about, now she wants to change..and i feel if i stay it will be alright for a while and then it will be the same cycle.. i think it the right thing for me to end the maariage and move on even though she is devatsed and hurt as i am now. do you all agree with my descion?
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