Things we gain by NC with our MM...

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Let's do something uplifting.

 

Those of us who have kept NC and is determined to stay away from our MM, let's tell every one (and remind ourselves) what it is that we've gained so far with the NC.

 

Ok, I'll start.

 

I have not had any physical contact (ie any touching) with my MM for 13 months and counting. I have not talked or seen my MM for 4 months and counting.

 

I have been able to view my MM more objectively. He is as human as my H: not perfect, and certainly no knight in shining armour.

 

I have gained myself back. I have been stronger than I've ever been. I accept that I am my own savior.

 

I love myself more. (I used to hate myself before meeting him. Long story.)

 

I can entertain the idea of dating/falling in love with a man other than him. (No one in particular right now, however.)

 

I have already accepted that we would never marry each other. There are too many obstacles. ANd he has really missed the boat on us.

 

I can accept that I may never see him again. (This was a huge step for me.)

 

 

 

Maybe one day, I will be able to stop loving him. Maybe one day, I will be able to look into his eyes and feel nothing. But one thing that I am still unable to do is to hate him. I am actually scared that I'd feel hate for him one day. I don't want to go there, and that's why I am reminding myself to limit my exposure to him. I just want to love the memories of him.

[Guest]

My Turn.

 

I have gone thru 13 months of withdrawal from the amazing inimate contact we had while in the past i couldn't go more than one day - and it has actually made me stronger sexually.

 

I have been able to work on my crap in order to see what a great woman she is and view her in ways i did at the start. and be proud that she put herself and daughter first after trying everything and that that was a sign to me what i needed to do as well. i still see her as a goddess without the pedestall.

 

I have discovered who i really am and i love myself for reasons other than style - i have some substance, meat on my bones. I love her as i always did but can live without her and i am single and could be forever but i love being with someone special so i am looking again [sort of]

 

I honestly wanted to marry her and i will marry again. I can accept that I may never be a part of her life - but thats silly. i cherish our history and only have great thoughts and memories.

 

 

I will never stop loving her and u know what i mean. hate is not an opinion.

she could be dating now and ask for help and i would be there. i am a strange one.

[pureinheart]

This is a really cool post....

 

Well, broke NC yesterday after 3+ mo for good reasons, and feel it needed to happen....feeling like I was running, and needed to do that to gain strength....I did and hit him head on...am done for good.

 

I got "me" back, hadn't realized how much I had changed...sure have compromised before, but this was too much. It's going to take time to get back the self worth...but it will come.

 

This taught me a lot and am on a really good road now, and will not look back.

 

I have no love for this individual and maybe someday will not dispice him as much.

 

Am learning to love me, and not be so quick to jump into relationships....we all have an alotted amount of time on this earth, and choose to spend the rest of it wisely.

 

The worst part of this whole thing is the fact that this ridiculous relationship hindered my relationship with God....God is everything to me, but I sure didn't act like it....instead of listening to Him, like usual I got into trouble....I'm the big know it all....I don't know jack.

 

This horrible thing will be turned into good for the purpose of helping others, though it is so embarrassing to me, will cope if it can help....

 

I'm real angry right now, but that will pass in a couple of days...I tell you, there is nothing like the little arms of my grandchildren around my neck yelling gramma, gramma....ya I'm ok:D

[Freedom Now]

I have not seen my MM in 10 months and haven't spoken to him in six weeks.

 

I, too, have been able to see my MM more objectively and, more so, been able to see our SITUATION more objectively.

 

What I had was not a fairytale as I had once thought. It was a nightmare. I look back and wonder how I made it through.

 

I had many, many dark, dark days and nights but they are gone now.

 

I think about him but not on a daily basis. I never thought I would get to this point for this man was who I thought was my "soulmate."

 

When I ran away from him for good, I got my self respect back.

 

I feel more empowered today than I have ever felt in my life because I left loving him but knowing that I deserved better than he could offer me.

 

I have the hope of loving another someday and I have started dating a man who has many of the positive attributes of my MM and, in many ways, is a better version of my MM. And I didn't think that was possible for I thought my MM was simply the best. Hands down.

 

I have accepted that I will never see my MM again and I am fine with that.

 

I have come far and am continuing on this path away from him and I will never look back or go back.

 

I am free finally and will never go back to that bondage again.

 

I have my Freedom Now.

[movinon05]

Well, you KNOW I'm going to post here!!!!!!!! Good idea, KHLF!

 

I gained happiness! Finally!

 

I just got back from the most romantic weekend at a cabin with my BF, celebrating his birthday. Beautiful weather (70 - very unseasonable), canoeing on a lake, walks in the woods, sitting by the fire at night in the pitch darkness with the stars shining bright, music. (and yes, the freedom to have sex whenever and wherever we wanted without having to worry about kids being in the next room)!!

 

This is something I have always dreamed of doing, and I met someone who loves it as much as I do... and WE DID IT!!!! And it won't be the last time either! No promises of "someday, we'll do this, that or the other thing when we're together, when I leave my W, when I get financially sound, when the kids graduate, when the holidays are over." YADA YADA YADA!!

 

So yes, NC is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Only then can you open yourself up for something, someone like this to come along!! It ain't gonna happen while you're pining away waiting for the ball that is not going to drop!

 

Do I sound like a broken record yet???????

[Meaplus3]

I was glad for this thread tonight because I needed to see and believe the plus's of NC. The longest I went with NC was over the summer almost 9 week's. I did see him around cause he lives so close by, but we did not speak. It was the hardest time in my life, then I broke it and we were right back where we started. So glad that many of you are able to do this, even though I no how much it hurts.

 

AP

[movinon05]

I was glad for this thread tonight because I needed to see and believe the plus's of NC. The longest I went with NC was over the summer almost 9 week's. I did see him around cause he lives so close by, but we did not speak. It was the hardest time in my life, then I broke it and we were right back where we started. So glad that many of you are able to do this, even though I no how much it hurts.

 

AP

 

Guess what? The hurt does stop too. And I live near my exMM as well. You need to give yourself a chance at happiness for yourself. And NC is the only way to do it.

[Guest]

i am confused by all this truly - i am torn between the reality of what i know and do and see and the back and forth comments that speak to both sides of the issue

 

one moment it is poistive, the next it is finality, then wait just a second and another point of view comes along

 

i really do not wish to put much stock in such things and have them impact what my feelings are when it comes to matters which i hold as important

 

i don't want confrontation to obtain answers

but i don't want to walk away when there was something just waiting

so, does anyone have an answer to such a tough situation

 

and think hard and don't just give pat answers that are4 black and white

i take matters of love and forever very serious as most should

because this is my life

and others to

 

any suggestions or guidance?

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Thank you every one for posting.

 

The importance of NC is easy to overlook - or talk ourselves out of! However, if we keep NC with an agenda and with friends and family, we will surely reap the rewards of NC.

 

I have been in the fog for so long. Would you believe that I was even planning/strategetizing on how to arrage real union between my H, my lover (H's bestfriend), and me? It didn't occur to me how twisted and naive my thought process was! Since the NC, I've been gaining myself back.

 

And it is good to be back. Keep up the good pace, folks!

[Guest]

there are so many negative posts and comments in here. no-one seems to value trying. its like a negative world where nothing can be undone and concrete. i have searched in here for a glimmmer, a sparkle of light, and i read about so many people hurting and i wish i could heal everyone and would give my life if i could. it reminds me of the chat rooms i lurched into in my daze where the outter surface was just protection from the inside. i see so many people day after day encourging others to make the best of what is offered and yet the very same people are the firmest in their belief that change is not possible for them. and i contrast with strangers out walking in the street and they don't seen as unbrained with suffering and i believe it is caused by motion. see, in here, it is quicksand, and dwelling and resentment, and at times i feel so full of sorrow for what hurt us all in time. these things are not shackles - they are not the control. i know this because i was under sand and sea and could think but never move.

 

a woman i love, her and i took a journey together - a wild ride to places some never will go. that's a great thing. its a benefit. it is music that is new. its not what is in here, a chain attached to your voice, but its a vibration of body that puts us in motion and lets US write the next chapter - not traits from a tattered past. i hope this helps someone, just one person, to move upwards and resist the temptation to think all the treasure is lost for there's a noah and a garden and a love that we all carry inside us - from fairies to leprachans, to clouds and stars and forests - open your eyes, put it in drive and just go.

[Freedom Now]

But if anyone had told me a year ago that I would be here today, alive and breathing quite fine without my MM, I would have laughed in their face.

 

I thought the sun rose and set on him.

 

Cheers to us. We made it through the rain.

[Guest]

I thought I would make an appearance on this thread too.

 

Since I think it is pretty certain that my MM isn't looking for me here on LS any longer, I will post.

 

Perhaps some of you will remember me as Walking Away.

 

I have been in months and months of NC with my xMM. At first it was a struggle. I loved him, but he was toxic to me and my head knew it. My heart, however took some time to catch up. But, it eventually did. So, I had no choice but to run away from him. He tried many, many times to bring me back into the affair until I finally slammed the door on him forever.

 

When I walked away for good, it hurt, I will not lie. He was my true love. Or so I thought back then. Today, I am confident he was not. Just a speck in my ocean.....

 

Unfortunately, I have suffered the ripple effect of his presence in my life. I am vulnerable. I am unsure of men now.

 

In all other areas of my life I am confident, but with men, I am simply afraid. I would liken it to being like a turtle without its shell. Very vulnerable.

 

But, I see this as a growing experience. Movinon and many of my dear friends from LS have walked beside me in my quest to find myself again. And I am on the home stretch.

 

It has been a long, weary walk but I am glad I made it.

 

I am almost back to myself again. Not quite, but close.

 

And without NC, I wouldn't be here today.

 

It is the only way to go. Stay strong....all of you. It gets better.

 

I am better. And I am happy. Finally.

 

Hugs to all of you....

 

WA

[BenThereDunThat]

Well, you KNOW I'm going to post here!!!!!!!! Good idea, KHLF!

 

I gained happiness! Finally!

 

I just got back from the most romantic weekend at a cabin with my BF, celebrating his birthday. Beautiful weather (70 - very unseasonable), canoeing on a lake, walks in the woods, sitting by the fire at night in the pitch darkness with the stars shining bright, music. (and yes, the freedom to have sex whenever and wherever we wanted without having to worry about kids being in the next room)!!

 

This is something I have always dreamed of doing, and I met someone who loves it as much as I do... and WE DID IT!!!! And it won't be the last time either! No promises of "someday, we'll do this, that or the other thing when we're together, when I leave my W, when I get financially sound, when the kids graduate, when the holidays are over." YADA YADA YADA!!

 

So yes, NC is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Only then can you open yourself up for something, someone like this to come along!! It ain't gonna happen while you're pining away waiting for the ball that is not going to drop!

 

Do I sound like a broken record yet???????

 

NO!! You DON'T sound like a broken record!!! Some of us need to be reminded of this time and time again!

 

Woo Hoo, MO! That's just wonderful. Sounds like a beautiful, idyllic, weekend.

 

Before I read your post, I was going to say just this: that I now have a clear vision of what it is I really want out of life - not just with a man - but the life I want to live. This is huge for me because I always thought I knew that, but in my ignorance, I realized that I did not know at all. I hope that makes sense.

 

I think that the mark of intelligence is knowing that there's so much you DON'T know...know what I mean?

 

As far as the rest of what NC has done for me - I think you guys all know the answer to that (assuming in my own self-involved way that you've read my posts - )

[Guest]

Does NC do any good for EA not involving sex?

 

-

oh how annoying! the image verification is too tricky! the letters are very hard to decode!!!!! I had to try many times before I get it right!

[frannie]

And it won't be the last time either! No promises of "someday, we'll do this, that or the other thing when we're together, when I leave my W, when I get financially sound, when the kids graduate, when the holidays are over." YADA YADA YADA!!

 

Thanks for this post, movinon05... you certainly know how to make something look extremely attractive... Great words.

[Guest]

Should NC include not letting him see any of your picture? You know, sometimes men can be comforted by seeing your picture when they can't see you.

[Freedom Now]

That's the most exciting thing about NC. You have the opportunity to heal and find someone who is worthy of your love!

 

Someone with NO EXCUSES.

[anatus]

I admire strength... something I wished I had. It makes me happy to read that there is life after MM and NC is possible.

[Guest]

there is no need or want on my part to broadcast anything to the world - someone's private life is just that

 

u must feel free to lead a life that ensures your health

 

never think that confrontation, anger or anything negative will come from me

 

its time for kindness and understanding

 

i must go now

 

and pay for my new home

 

i have been asking for a phone number and address - it is not necessary

 

i hope everything works out for you

 

stay kewl